Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Just curious what you ladies think. We were at a petting zoo. There were birds in cages behind a fence and then one bird in the petting area where you could go right up to the cage. My son was looking at that one and had his fingertips kind of stuck in the cage holding on. This random woman says to him, "don't put your fingers in the cage- that bird is gonna bite you". I was annoyed because I was right next to him watching him. I felt like she was implying that my parental judgment was poor. I turned to my son and said , "Don't worry, when you're with mommy you listen to mommy and not strangers". She then said to me something along the lines that she was trying to be helpful and I replied something like thanks but I consider myself a competent mother so we don't need your help. I should have said that I don't want want to teach him to take instructions from random strangers but of course I didn't think of that until I was reiterating to my DH who was waiting outside the gate with the baby. Now if there was some danger I didn't see, like maybe a hole in the ground right in front of where we were headed or something along those lines, I would have been thankful- but I didn't see it as that type of situation. I was very annoyed. Maybe I over reacted?

ETA the woman was not a part of the zoo or anything- just a mom walking by. She doesn't know the bird's disposition bc it's a traveling carnival type deal.

Also, the bird wasn't even near my ds- it was a huge cage and it was towards the back and ds wasn't trying to bother it or touch it- he just had his hand up on it leaning in to look and his fingers were slightly through the cage.

Message edited 8/26/2012 9:52:50 PM.

Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

IDK, I think my first response would have been thank you. Maybe she knew that bird pecks at you occasionally? IDK. I agree that children should learn not to talk to strangers, but IMO if moms at your side its o.k.

Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I probably would have just said thanks and left it at that.

Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I think you jumped to conclusions...I think she was trying to he helpful...I didn't hear her tone but that sentence didn't seem harmful, just trying to tell him...I would have thanked her...I don't think she said enough to pass judgement

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

If I'm being honest, your response to the woman is why posts on LIF blow up. I dont see anything wrong with what she said. You took it that she was criticizing you when actually she was alerting you to the fact that there was a danger that you were unaware of. Obviously if you knew that the bird could bite your child's fingers then you wouldnt have been standing there letting him do it, no? If I had been the stranger I probably would have and posted on here about the over reaction some lady had at the petting zoo

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Do I think she should have minded her business? YES, if it was clear you were the mother of the child AND the child was being gentle and not scaring or being rough with the bird.

But do I agree your DCs fingers should NOT have been in the cage, well, yes if I am being honest.

Could it have been your DC was scaring the bird somehow and the lady was trying to protect the bird (vs your DC)?If that may have been the case, I would have done the same as her and said something too to get your DSs fingers out of the cage. I have seen people allow their children to scream, poke, bang on cages, etc of petting zoo animals (or birds in cages entirely). And I might say the same too, to protect the bird that is.

Message edited 8/26/2012 9:41:14 PM.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I think you overreacted.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Posted by Domino

If I'm being honest, your response to the woman is why posts on LIF blow up. I dont see anything wrong with what she said. You took it that she was criticizing you when actually she was alerting you to the fact that there was a danger that you were unaware of. Obviously if you knew that the bird could bite your child's fingers then you wouldnt have been standing there letting him do it, no? If I had been the stranger I probably would have and posted on here about the over reaction some lady had at the petting zoo

Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I think you overreacted. Sounds like the woman was just trying to be helpful out of concern. I see no harm in it.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I appreciate the responses-

Just to clear one thing up- she didn't know anything about the bird- she was just another mom at the petting zoo which was part of a traveling carnival.

Also, the bird wasn't even near my ds- it was a huge cage and it was towards the back and ds wasn't trying to bother it or touch it- he just had his hand up on it leaning in to look and his fingers were slightly through the cage.

I guess from what you're saying I did over react though. It just seemed so demeaning to me. Like, there I was WITH my ds- not watching from afar or anything so that she was aware of a danger I was unaware of.

I guess I felt like she said it in a way like trying to tell me that I should have said it.

Also, I'm not sure how this likens to why there's always drama on LIF. I actually didn't say anything back to her- but to my ds, so she could have chosen also to just keep moving instead of answering me.

Maybe I did over react- maybe also though you had to sort of hear how she said it- not like some sweet old woman or something, haha. IDK.

Message edited 8/26/2012 9:49:38 PM.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I think based on your above response, yes, she should have minded her own business if it happened the way you said. And I agree, your DC should follow your directions over some random stranger.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I was just thinking maybe she's just a very nervous type person and it almost just flew out of her mouth as if she was talking to her own kid.

Or maybe I'm totally off base and it was a normal thing.

I guess I just mind my own business. I mean, I judge all the time- and I am the first to admit that on here b/c that's life, but I keep my mouth shut and judge later on in the car to DH!

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I think that the other mom's choice of words was nasty sounding. She could have said, something like "be careful in case he bites." Some kids would immediately cry at the way she said it.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Honestly, I'm afraid of birds. Silly, I know. But I would never let my kids put their fingers in a bird cage, even of the bird wasn't near them. I highly doubt the mom meant to come across as rude or judgmental. She saw something and said something. Maybe I'm giving her too much credit. But I don't think she said it to offend you. I think you're reaction was off base.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I have had a few situations where i had these comments from strangers. Once i was shopping and dd, about 7mo at the time, she got a hold of a tag on a shirt that we passed by in the stroller and was chewing on it and i didnt see. An older woman made a comment about it in a sweet way directed at dd and i thanked her.

Something similar happened recently when she ripped her bow out of her hair and was playing with it and another mother noticed before i did. i was gracious for the observation. Maybe a little embarassed but still gracious.

In your situation your ds wasnt in danger but maybe the lady didnt realize and maternal instinct is quite strong and reactive sometimes even if out of place.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I think you were rude in how you responded. It wasn't necessary. Regardless of where the bird was In relation to your child's fingers she was just concerned.

Message edited 8/26/2012 10:33:32 PM.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

It would have bothered me too. I would have kept my mouth shut though.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

IDK, I come from the belief of "it takes a village...". I dont think she thought your parental judgement was poor, you may be over analyzing. I think she was just trying to be helpful. If it were me I probably would have thanked her.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

I don't think there was anything wrong with what you said. Who is she to parent your child? I could see if you weren't standing right next to him and she was trying to be helpful, but you were right there.

Message edited 8/27/2012 8:09:36 AM.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

Message edited 8/27/2012 9:27:58 AM.

Re: Random mom's interaction with Ds and my response, just curious for opinions.

If that happened to me, I would have thought absolutely nothing of it. Things like that have happened to me before, not a big deal