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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1068 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
When I was single, I read a lot of "self help" books. One of them said that women shouldn't directly ask a man out. They should tell them that they want to be asked out. Basically, a woman should give a man her number or email or other way of contacting her so that HE can actually ask her out.
I hate advice like this. First of all, it's not 1956. Second, if you are the type of woman that wants to ask a guy out, you want to be with a man who wants to be with a woman who is willing to ask the guy out. Basically, I think the best way to find the right person for yourself is to be yourself. I hate these things that are basically teaching you how to play games in order to land the right guy. If you can't be yourself from day one, it's not the right guy for you.
I agree that you need to be yourself. I guess what I was trying to say is that the woman shouldn't do all the work. Let him do something too.
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Posted 10/22/17 10:38 PM  |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by StaceyWill
You go girl!! That took guts. Good for you!
This!!!! You are amazing
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| Posted 10/22/17 10:59 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 8012 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by nycbuslady
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
When I was single, I read a lot of "self help" books. One of them said that women shouldn't directly ask a man out. They should tell them that they want to be asked out. Basically, a woman should give a man her number or email or other way of contacting her so that HE can actually ask her out.
I hate advice like this. First of all, it's not 1956. Second, if you are the type of woman that wants to ask a guy out, you want to be with a man who wants to be with a woman who is willing to ask the guy out. Basically, I think the best way to find the right person for yourself is to be yourself. I hate these things that are basically teaching you how to play games in order to land the right guy. If you can't be yourself from day one, it's not the right guy for you.
I agree that you need to be yourself. I guess what I was trying to say is that the woman shouldn't do all the work. Let him do something too.
I get what you're saying. I disagree and dont think it has anything to do with being oneself. It would be nice if men would do the asking, but, its ok to feel a guy out and ask. Many times I find they cant even figure out where to take a date out for dinner or plan a date night. They dress like slobs most of the time imo and exp
Message edited 10/22/2017 11:16:35 PM.
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| Posted 10/22/17 11:15 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by hmm
I get what you're saying. I disagree and dont think it has anything to do with being oneself. It would be nice if men would do the asking, but, its ok to feel a guy out and ask. Many times I find they cant even figure out where to take a date out for dinner or plan a date night. They dress like slobs most of the time imo and exp
I also feel like men are clueless sometimes. In this case, the guy was a stranger that I'd only seen a few times so I wasn't even on his radar - similar if I had just gone up to him in a bar.
I usually prefer the guy to ask me out (which is why I'm not a fan of Bumble), but if I feel the opportunity is fleeting, I guess I go for it. 
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| Posted 10/23/17 6:12 AM |
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Tulip9
LIF Adolescent
Member since 2/14 597 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
good for you!!!!
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| Posted 10/23/17 9:18 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Dating questions
Ok - new dating question!
I had coffee with someone last night and he talked about how he moved around a lot b/c of work. I was talking about how I also moved around a lot (as a kid my dad was in the military then after I got married we moved across the country 5 times). It felt weird to refer to my past as "we" b/c it reminds the guy that I was married (and not yet divorced), but then it also feels weird to not say "we" b/c it makes it seem like I was by myself for all of these trips or random decisions that happened in various stories.
Is it ok to say "we" or should I just say "me"?
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| Posted 10/26/17 8:09 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
I would say we. You could also be referring to you and your son.
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| Posted 10/27/17 8:23 AM |
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Re: Dating questions
I don't think it matters, but I'd say we.
You don't need to hide your past, and you don't want to worry about 'reminding' someone of your past. You have a child, that is a literal human reminder. lol.
If you talked lovingly about your ex the entire time maybe he'd be creeped out, but just talking about moving around during your marriage, nah, no biggie
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| Posted 10/27/17 10:41 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Dating questions
Cool - thanks!
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| Posted 10/27/17 10:45 AM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 8012 total posts
Name:
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Dating questions
you have a past in marriage. I actually think you should not question what you say, however, talking about your ex all the time can be a turn off, it would turn me off if a guy did that. IMO, just go out and enjoy. Dont over think or edit yourself, just be in the moment.
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| Posted 10/27/17 10:54 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Dating questions
Another question - there have been a few times that I matched with someone on Tinder or Bumble. We text for a few weeks and things seem ok. Then when it comes down to meeting, the texts slow down, then they contact me the day of to say that they can't meet at the prearranged time - how about later that evening (they're usually 4pm meetings, they say they're stuck at work, and meet later in the evening). I usually say I have plans later and suggest meeting another day. Then they completely stop texting.
I haven't been bummed out by the cancelled dates so I'm not worried about it. I'm just wondering why that's a "thing".
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| Posted 12/7/17 6:59 AM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
Member since 8/08 2860 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Funkybutt
Another question - there have been a few times that I matched with someone on Tinder or Bumble. We text for a few weeks and things seem ok. Then when it comes down to meeting, the texts slow down, then they contact me the day of to say that they can't meet at the prearranged time - how about later that evening (they're usually 4pm meetings, they say they're stuck at work, and meet later in the evening). I usually say I have plans later and suggest meeting another day. Then they completely stop texting.
I haven't been bummed out by the cancelled dates so I'm not worried about it. I'm just wondering why that's a "thing".
I don't know but my friend is going through the SAME thing right now! Its so odd... The guys are so texty then when it come down to meeting - they have every excuse in the book
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| Posted 12/7/17 8:45 AM |
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Tulips915
................
Member since 8/08 6851 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Funkybutt
Another question - there have been a few times that I matched with someone on Tinder or Bumble. We text for a few weeks and things seem ok. Then when it comes down to meeting, the texts slow down, then they contact me the day of to say that they can't meet at the prearranged time - how about later that evening (they're usually 4pm meetings, they say they're stuck at work, and meet later in the evening). I usually say I have plans later and suggest meeting another day. Then they completely stop texting.
I haven't been bummed out by the cancelled dates so I'm not worried about it. I'm just wondering why that's a "thing".
Unfortunately it is a thing lately with guys. I don't get it. Why are you on these sites/apps if you have no intention of meeting anyone!  
So f'n annoying and frustrating.
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| Posted 12/7/17 9:18 AM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Dating questions
Some people just like the attention and have no intention of meeting up
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| Posted 12/7/17 9:25 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11489 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by JME78
Some people just like the attention and have no intention of meeting up
This. You just have to arrange a date in a few days of the first text. That’s what I’ve heard. However, in my current situation we texted for 2 weeks before meeting, but I think that’s not the norm.
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| Posted 12/7/17 9:35 AM |
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by JME78
Some people just like the attention and have no intention of meeting up
This. You just have to arrange a date in a few days of the first text. That’s what I’ve heard. However, in my current situation we texted for 2 weeks before meeting, but I think that’s not the norm.
Yes, and I wouldn't schedule dates for 4pm honestly, who can make a 4pm date?
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| Posted 12/7/17 9:39 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by JME78
Some people just like the attention and have no intention of meeting up
If that's the case, they why even set up a time to meet? One case was bizarre - I told him a month ago that I couldn't meet until the beginning of December (my SIL came to visit, then Thanksgiving, then I had my son). The texts stopped, but then last Monday he texts to say - the time has come and you're finally available - how about Sunday afternoon? Then Sunday at 12 he says he has to work late and asks to push it to later that evening.
If he wasn't interested in meeting, why bother getting back in touch after a month?
It was fine by me b/c I already made loose plans since I didn't think it was going to happen. 
I've since gotten off Match and stopped looking for new matches on Bumble/Tinder. I think I'll have better luck meeting guys in person (meetup events, dancing, volunteering, etc).
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| Posted 12/7/17 9:43 AM |
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by JME78
Some people just like the attention and have no intention of meeting up
If that's the case, they why even set up a time to meet? One case was bizarre - I told him a month ago that I couldn't meet until the beginning of December (my SIL came to visit, then Thanksgiving, then I had my son). The texts stopped, but then last Monday he texts to say - the time has come and you're finally available - how about Sunday afternoon? Then Sunday at 12 he says he has to work late and asks to push it to later that evening.
If he wasn't interested in meeting, why bother getting back in touch after a month?
It was fine by me b/c I already made loose plans since I didn't think it was going to happen.
I've since gotten off Match and stopped looking for new matches on Bumble/Tinder. I think I'll have better luck meeting guys in person (meetup events, dancing, volunteering, etc).
So when I was online dating, I used to call this "back burnering". Meaning that they liked you enough for a date/whatever/see what happens, but there was also someone else who held their interest as well, and they were talking to them primarily.
I felt like that is the major thing with online dating, since most people (myself included when I was doing it) talk to quite a few people at a time, you sometimes move someone who still piques your interest but isn't your top pick so to speak to the "back burner" until you see what happens with the first one.
I will say that I did this to my BF, and he did it to me, lol. But we eventually got our ish together and made each other priorities and that was 3.5 years ago.
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| Posted 12/7/17 11:12 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Straightarrow
So when I was online dating, I used to call this "back burnering". Meaning that they liked you enough for a date/whatever/see what happens, but there was also someone else who held their interest as well, and they were talking to them primarily.
I felt like that is the major thing with online dating, since most people (myself included when I was doing it) talk to quite a few people at a time, you sometimes move someone who still piques your interest but isn't your top pick so to speak to the "back burner" until you see what happens with the first one.
I will say that I did this to my BF, and he did it to me, lol. But we eventually got our ish together and made each other priorities and that was 3.5 years ago.
Hmmm... that makes sense. However, I usually "um-match" when the person stops texting after the non-date so I guess I'm not even on their back burner any more since the system removes them from my list.
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| Posted 12/7/17 11:27 AM |
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by Straightarrow
So when I was online dating, I used to call this "back burnering". Meaning that they liked you enough for a date/whatever/see what happens, but there was also someone else who held their interest as well, and they were talking to them primarily.
I felt like that is the major thing with online dating, since most people (myself included when I was doing it) talk to quite a few people at a time, you sometimes move someone who still piques your interest but isn't your top pick so to speak to the "back burner" until you see what happens with the first one.
I will say that I did this to my BF, and he did it to me, lol. But we eventually got our ish together and made each other priorities and that was 3.5 years ago.
Hmmm... that makes sense. However, I usually "um-match" when the person stops texting after the non-date so I guess I'm not even on their back burner any more since the system removes them from my list.
Good for you!
Online dating is such a bizarre experience sometimes because although everyone SAYS they want a relationship, there is so much saturation that people get FOMO (I think anyway!)
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| Posted 12/7/17 11:29 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Dating questions
Another question - this time about online dating.
I know I'm more reserved than some women, but I'm really uncomfortable flirting in text with someone that I've never met. I separated from STBX b/c there was no chemistry - great husband, but zero interest sexually. So now, I'm not interested in getting personal with someone I've never met b/c I want to know the guy first and see if there's chemistry.
However, it seems like guys expect it right off the bat. One guy's conversation:
Me: Hi!
Him: Hi - how's your day?
Me: Ok - I've been sick so I'm taking it easy this weekend.
Him: How about I come over for cuddles and a movie?
Me: I don't think that would be good since I'm still getting over being sick. Maybe in a couple of weeks because I have my son this next week, but I can meet you after.
Him: What about after he goes to sleep?
Um.... ewww. Dude clearly can't take a hint since I said I'm sick, then he thinks I want a stranger in my house while my son is asleep?
Another guy started out interesting, then 3 texts in he sends me a photo of himself and asks "Do I look yummy?" He kept wanting to flirt via text even though I told him multiple times I'd rather wait to meet to see if we have chemistry, then he sent a photo of his bicep, whined that I didn't find him attractive, then unmatched b/c I didn't respond to a text he sent while I was sleeping.
Online dating is the pits if that's how men act! Am I being too reserved? Would you respond to guys that write that stuff when you've never met?
I need other ideas of how to meet guys in person. I've been going to meetup.com events (mostly dinners that are 80% women), and out dancing, but I need other ideas besides "do things you enjoy doing and you'll find them there."
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| Posted 2/11/18 9:48 PM |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Funkybutt
Another question - this time about online dating.
I know I'm more reserved than some women, but I'm really uncomfortable flirting in text with someone that I've never met. I separated from STBX b/c there was no chemistry - great husband, but zero interest sexually. So now, I'm not interested in getting personal with someone I've never met b/c I want to know the guy first and see if there's chemistry.
However, it seems like guys expect it right off the bat. One guy's conversation:
Me: Hi!
Him: Hi - how's your day?
Me: Ok - I've been sick so I'm taking it easy this weekend.
Him: How about I come over for cuddles and a movie?
Me: I don't think that would be good since I'm still getting over being sick. Maybe in a couple of weeks because I have my son this next week, but I can meet you after.
Him: What about after he goes to sleep?
Um.... ewww. Dude clearly can't take a hint since I said I'm sick, then he thinks I want a stranger in my house while my son is asleep?
Another guy started out interesting, then 3 texts in he sends me a photo of himself and asks "Do I look yummy?" He kept wanting to flirt via text even though I told him multiple times I'd rather wait to meet to see if we have chemistry, then he sent a photo of his bicep, whined that I didn't find him attractive, then unmatched b/c I didn't respond to a text he sent while I was sleeping.
Online dating is the pits if that's how men act! Am I being too reserved? Would you respond to guys that write that stuff when you've never met?
I need other ideas of how to meet guys in person. I've been going to meetup.com events (mostly dinners that are 80% women), and out dancing, but I need other ideas besides "do things you enjoy doing and you'll find them there."
OMG. What creeps! I don't think you're being too reserved at all! Personally, I probably wouldn't even respond after the come cuddle comment but I'm easily creeped out. As a newly soon to be divorced women, online dating scares the life out of me. I'm totally not there yet, but this is exactly what I envision and dread one day!!
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| Posted 2/11/18 11:13 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Funkybutt
Another guy started out interesting, then 3 texts in he sends me a photo of himself and asks "Do I look yummy?" He kept wanting to flirt via text even though I told him multiple times I'd rather wait to meet to see if we have chemistry, then he sent a photo of his bicep, whined that I didn't find him attractive, then unmatched b/c I didn't respond to a text he sent while I was sleeping.
Please tell us how you answered "do I look yummy?"
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| Posted 2/11/18 11:22 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Please tell us how you answered "do I look yummy?"
I said - oh, sorry, I don’t think really have a response because I’ve never met you. I have to meet a person to know if there’s a connection first.
His response was that he had been sick and was just looking for validation to make himself feel better so I told him I thought he was cute (he kinda looked like the actor that plays Frank on Outlander).
Even after that, he kept writing flirty stuff. When I asked if he wanted to get coffee, his response was that he didn’t drink coffee. [eye roll]
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| Posted 2/12/18 5:30 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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Re: Dating questions
Posted by Funkybutt
Another question - this time about online dating.
I know I'm more reserved than some women, but I'm really uncomfortable flirting in text with someone that I've never met. I separated from STBX b/c there was no chemistry - great husband, but zero interest sexually. So now, I'm not interested in getting personal with someone I've never met b/c I want to know the guy first and see if there's chemistry.
However, it seems like guys expect it right off the bat. One guy's conversation:
Me: Hi!
Him: Hi - how's your day?
Me: Ok - I've been sick so I'm taking it easy this weekend.
Him: How about I come over for cuddles and a movie?
Me: I don't think that would be good since I'm still getting over being sick. Maybe in a couple of weeks because I have my son this next week, but I can meet you after.
Him: What about after he goes to sleep?
Um.... ewww. Dude clearly can't take a hint since I said I'm sick, then he thinks I want a stranger in my house while my son is asleep?
Another guy started out interesting, then 3 texts in he sends me a photo of himself and asks "Do I look yummy?" He kept wanting to flirt via text even though I told him multiple times I'd rather wait to meet to see if we have chemistry, then he sent a photo of his bicep, whined that I didn't find him attractive, then unmatched b/c I didn't respond to a text he sent while I was sleeping.
Online dating is the pits if that's how men act! Am I being too reserved? Would you respond to guys that write that stuff when you've never met?
I need other ideas of how to meet guys in person. I've been going to meetup.com events (mostly dinners that are 80% women), and out dancing, but I need other ideas besides "do things you enjoy doing and you'll find them there."
What a creep!! And are you really giving these weirdos your phone number to text with them? I wouldn't do that
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| Posted 2/12/18 8:20 AM |
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