How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

So, I am just curious how I should have handled this situation. I went to the pizza place with a group of moms and 3 year old girls today. My daughter is 3.5 and is going thru a bit of a rough patch where she is having a lot of meltdowns. She was not in a great mood when we got there and she was crying on and off. This is a very crowded pizza place some days, but we never have a problem getting tables next to each other. We usually let the kids sit at one table, adults at the other. Today was particularly odd because the back part of the pizza place, which is waiter service, was closed for renovations. So two older (70+ I would say if I had to guess) women were sitting in the front, more casual part of the pizza place. They were sitting in the middle of the only other two open tables. Normal women would have seen the mothers struggling with the kids and would have offered to move - they hadn't even been given their food yet, so it would just be them moving one table over with their wine glasses. But they ended up staying put so we were forced to separate from the kids. With the exception of my daughter, all of the kids are pretty independent, but I figured she would be okay since I was only about 5 feet away.

So I walked away from her and went to sit down and about 30 seconds later I hear her start to cry. I IMMEDIATELY got up and went over to see what the problem was and I see one of the woman pointing in her face and yelling at her "I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT!!! You made my coat all dirty!!!! You shouldn't have done that!!!" My daughter then started crying even harder and the woman turns to me and says "She kept rubbing her chair against mine and it left a mark on my jacket!!!" The chairs in this place are REALLY tight. If two adults are sitting back to back it's almost impossible for the chairs to not touch. My daughter clearly had no idea, being that she is THREE that pushing her chair back would cause the chair to rub against this woman's jacket and leave a mark.

Anyway, all I said to her was "She's 3." I was with women that I don't know very well so I didn't want to tell this woman how I really felt, which was to go F*CK herself. My daughter was having an off day and was cranky so maybe her presence was annoying this cranky old lady to begin with. But I am just wondering how others would handle this situation. I am never good when put on the spot, but I go to this pizza place a lot and I have a feeling I will run into this woman again and I do feel like I would like to say something to her. I know as a mature adult I should let it go, but I just feel like she tried to shame my daughter and shame me and I would like to tell her what an ass hole she is.

So, after my longest post ever, can you tell me how you would have handled this situation at the time? And if you would consider saying something if you ran into the woman again?

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

first I think I would have politely asked the ladies if it was possible for them to move one table over when we first walked in, if they couldn't no big deal my kids are 5 and don't like to be that far away from me

when she complained and said something about my dd I would have told her she is only 3 yrs old if she is doing something I am sorry but you should have said it to me not her you are a stranger and she is not going to listen to you

sorry your daughter didn't have a good pizza day

eta if I saw her again I wouldn't say anything about it unless she brought it up or if another incident happened and I would say she is 3 you are a stranger if there is a problem speak to me

Message edited 11/4/2015 9:20:31 PM.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I would have been beyond livid. I probably would have just added that if she had an issue, she should have told the adults with the group and not taken it upon herself to speak to your child.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I'm going to be totally honest. I wouldn't have left my 3.5 year old alone to eat to begin with, especially not if she was having a bad day. I also wouldn't expect other patrons to move for me when they were already seated. I think sitting with your daughter might have prevented this from happening. However, if someone yelled at my kid, I would have responded nastily no matter what the situation. No one yells at my kid! Sorry it was a bad day.

How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

She should not have yelled at your child, but you also shouldn't have had her sitting unsupervised at a separate table not next to yours since she is 3.

I would not tell her off if you see her, that really serves no purpose, especially if you go to this place a lot.

How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I'm a believer in "it takes a village" but it sounds like she went bit too far.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

From the details of this post and you describing your daughter as having an off day, I would have sat with my 3 year old. I don't think a 3 year old is old enough to sit at their own table especially with another party between them who were there first.
I don't think the older ladies should have moved because they saw you looking for a seat. Would it have been nice -sure, but not something that should be expected.

Edited to add- this all could have been avoided if an adult was at their table.

Message edited 11/4/2015 9:35:40 PM.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I agree with the others you should have never let you 3.5 year old sit by herself. i was really surprised when i got to that part i would have figured you guys would have just split up and with adults and kids at the same table.

while she shouldn't have yelled at your daughter i would have been pretty annoyed that as a parent you weren't there supervising her and preventing her from doing whatever she was doing to interrupt my meal. she probably should have gotten up and said something to you about your daughter annoying her and not addressing your 3.5 year old.

so my response probably would have been sorry i wasn't here supervising her and sorry she bothered you but you should have came to me rather than yelling at her yourself. now if i would have said that calmly i don't know

How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

Yeah maybe she was annoyed because she was at lunch and relaxing and then some little kids are all up on her and no adult at the table? And then she sees the moms at their own table? Some people don't have patience with kids, you know?

I probably wouldn't have gone off on her even if I wanted too. But I get why you'd be upset.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I have three year old triplets and could not imagine letting them sit alone at a table while I sat with adults farther away. They are my problem, I try not to make them anyone else's problem, lol. If I was the women in your situation I would be very irritated as I can't see any reason why the adults couldn't have sat with their respective children. However i would never ever yell at a young child for behaving like, well, a young child. The women were wrong, and quite frankly, mean. I would however have gone up to the parents and said something. But never the child.

How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I would have been totally embarrassed that my kid was not behaving properly and I wasn't close enough to her to be aware of it. I'd apologize to the woman, probably be a little miffed that she wasn't so sweet to my kid, but not do anything about. As for if you see her in the future, there is ZERO reason to say something to this woman in the future.

How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I'm in the minority, and am usually such a passive person, but I would've told this woman where to stick the finger she was pointing at my child.
Sorry she made your DD cry.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I would've said what you said. She's three. And walked away.
If I happen to run into her again and if she has that look like she remembers the situation, I'd say Listen sorry about the other day but she's three years old and she was having a rough day- wouldn't say anything else

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I think you were wrong. I would not have had my three year old with other three year olds so far away on a good day or a bad one. I would not have expected other people who were seated already to move. I would have apologized to the woman for ruining her coat. I have two kids and been in your situation. The moms split into two groups and as soon as a free table next to one opened then we moved.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I read your whole post, but didn't rad any responses. But something similar happened to me.

I was at an open play space with dd1 who at the time was 16/17 months! Another little girl was there, maybe 3/4 with her grandma. My dd kept going over to the other little girl and taking what she was playing with. Not out of her hands or anything but what was around her. I kept telling dd to share and take turns, again she's 16/17 months at this point. Well finally her grandma said to my dd. Jane, stop doing that (she used dds real name which really pisssed me off) and yelled at my dd.

I got really pissed and said she's not your child to discipline. She snapped back well if you did it I wouldn't have to. I said I had been and she's a baby. Well it got even more heated.

Edited to add I was with my dd the whole time, literally sitting next to her.

I would be mad that someone scolded my dd, but I also wouldn't have sat at another table...especially if she was having a fussy day.

Message edited 11/4/2015 10:48:29 PM.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I don't think it was appropriate of her to yell at your DC. But I will be honest since you are asking opinions. You said she's three to the woman. Then the woman's appropriate response back to you should be, But you are not 3 and you therefore should not leave her unattended in a crowded restaurant.

You make the statement that she is 3 but the reality is that since she is 3, she really shouldn't have been that far from you, leaving a random stranger to tell her to not do xyz, etc. And I don't think most people would move to make it more convenient for others.

Not trying to be rude just giving my opinion.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

Message edited 11/4/2015 10:54:22 PM.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I never know what to say in the moment, so no idea what I would have done.
I think what you said, that she is 3, should have made a normal person reevaluate their reaction.
I wouldn't say anything if I saw her again.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I think, "Shes three!", sums it up perfectly!

I am a laid back person/mom so I definitely don't think YOU need to beat yourself up about the facts and circumstances.

If I saw her again, I wouldn't say anything, I would just hold my head up really high as I walked past her (and pray my kid was on their best behavior)!!

My kids are almost 2, 3, and 4 y/o....this stuff happens!

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I honestly dont know what I would have done. I hate confrontation so i probably would have apologized and just left..im a WUSS. But I will tell you my dh probably would have gone nuts. He has a way of yelling without raising his voice and its scary LOL. This woman would have gotten that.

Re: How would you handle this? Stranger yelling at DC

I would be pissed. It wasn't like your daughter was drawing on her coat. Her chair was rubbing on the woman's coat... then you know what?? She is a little kid, move your coat. Its not like you're asking an adult to stop that, you know? I'd like to say that I would've put the woman in her place but I probably would've been so taken back and reacted the same way you did. If you ever bump into her again I probably wouldn't say anything. Its just not worth it She sounds like a miserable woman and I doubt anything you say will change that so let her be.