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itkocak
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Message edited 11/14/2011 9:00:42 PM.
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Posted 10/31/07 3:07 PM  |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
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And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Men are simple animals???
I have to say that of all the men generalizations I have read on this forum this is by far the most insulting.
I don't give a rats *** if my wife gains weight. What I do care about is the quality of her character. If she all of a sudden became this vain, shallow woman that cared more about impressing everyone with her beauty than the substance of her actions then that's when my attraction to her would change.
And let's not forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You could be the most beautiful person on the planet, but if your personality is abrasive or you're ignorant then you're ugly.
JMHO after all I'm just a simple animal.
*grunt grunt* 
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:10 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Whamtastic
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Whamtastic
Posted by oops123
Men can love their wives, but they are very simple animals
We must hang out in VERY different crowds. I know plenty of men who are far from simple, wanting or in relationships with complex women who challenge them, make them laugh, share their joy and sorrow and make them better people.
but the still oogle the VS women and Angie Jolie and any other "hot" woman.
I don't believe that all men are like that. I know for a fact the one I married isn't.
That being said, I also wouldn't be happy or expect him to be happy with my body if I put on a lot of weight.
Wait...so you're saying that your DH doesn't look at other women like actresses and such and doesn't appreciate them???
I would be mad if DH blatantly checked out a girl in front of me. But I won't kid myself to think that he doesn't when I'm not around. Just like if I see a really hot guy, I would never say or do anything, but I would think it to myself.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:10 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
Posted by Whamtastic
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Whamtastic
Posted by oops123
Men can love their wives, but they are very simple animals
We must hang out in VERY different crowds. I know plenty of men who are far from simple, wanting or in relationships with complex women who challenge them, make them laugh, share their joy and sorrow and make them better people.
but the still oogle the VS women and Angie Jolie and any other "hot" woman.
I don't believe that all men are like that. I know for a fact the one I married isn't.
That being said, I also wouldn't be happy or expect him to be happy with my body if I put on a lot of weight.
Wait...so you're saying that your DH doesn't look at other women like actresses and such and doesn't appreciate them???
I would be mad if DH blatantly checked out a girl in front of me. But I won't kid myself to think that he doesn't when I'm not around. Just like if I see a really hot guy, I would never say or do anything, but I would think it to myself.
Steph is drop dead gorgeous. Her husband doesn't NEED to look at actresses. He's already got the top of the crop.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:12 PM |
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Whamtastic
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 997 total posts
Name:
Big Fat Baby with a Blackberry
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
Posted by Whamtastic
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Whamtastic
Posted by oops123
Men can love their wives, but they are very simple animals
We must hang out in VERY different crowds. I know plenty of men who are far from simple, wanting or in relationships with complex women who challenge them, make them laugh, share their joy and sorrow and make them better people.
but the still oogle the VS women and Angie Jolie and any other "hot" woman.
I don't believe that all men are like that. I know for a fact the one I married isn't.
That being said, I also wouldn't be happy or expect him to be happy with my body if I put on a lot of weight.
Wait...so you're saying that your DH doesn't look at other women like actresses and such and doesn't appreciate them???
I would be mad if DH blatantly checked out a girl in front of me. But I won't kid myself to think that he doesn't when I'm not around. Just like if I see a really hot guy, I would never say or do anything, but I would think it to myself.
I'm not saying that he never thinks other women are good looking, but if he does it's noticing she's pretty and that's it. Ophelia used the word oggle, which I would venture to say my husband hasn't done in the entire time I've known him. He's not a simple animal who can't control himself and I honestly don't think he fantasizes about other women or becomes a horn dog when I'm not around.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:14 PM |
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Whamtastic
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 997 total posts
Name:
Big Fat Baby with a Blackberry
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Men are simple animals???
I have to say that of all the men generalizations I have read on this forum this is by far the most insulting.
I don't give a rats *** if my wife gains weight. What I do care about is the quality of her character. If she all of a sudden became this vain, shallow woman that cared more about impressing everyone with her beauty than the substance of her actions then that's when my attraction to her would change.
And let's not forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You could be the most beautiful person on the planet, but if your personality is abrasive or you're ignorant then you're ugly.
JMHO after all I'm just a simple animal.
*grunt grunt*
You animals have very advanced typing and language skills. Kudos to your wives for training you so well.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:15 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
me likem type on computer
what say you kevin?
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:18 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
me likem type on computer
what say you kevin?
I had noticed the men seemed remarkably quiet on this whole thread!
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:21 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
another thread that has bit the dust, jumped the shark and entered the Bermuda triangle as a result of people latching on to words/phrases/ideas that are not part and parcel to the issue at hand.
we are all simple animals at heart. yes, we are evolved in most instances, but we have thousands of years of instinct.
my husband likes attractive women. I don't think it's a character flaw. I don't think that my wanting to be attractive FOR him is a character flaw.
many girls have written (ad naseum) that it's not ONLY the physical change that could damage the relationship.
but I guess I am an azzhole then, since I am not as evolved as some.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:21 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by KittyTheStray
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
me likem type on computer
what say you kevin?
I had noticed the men seemed remarkably quiet on this whole thread!
it's like watching a good tennis match
like i always say, you never talk about age or weight with women
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:23 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
This reminds me when my DH told his friend that the correct answer to "Is she prettier than me?" is not "No.", it's "Who?"
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:27 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by nrthshgrl
This reminds me when my DH told his friend that the correct answer to "Is she prettier than me?" is not "No.", it's "Who?"
precisely
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:28 PM |
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MrsFlatbread
Skinny jeans are in my future
Member since 6/06 10258 total posts
Name:
Baby Momma
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
I like to make myself pretty for me and for my hubby. I would expect him to want to do the same for me now and in the future. I would imagine his thoughts on it are the same. Divorce would not be in order if neither of us stuck to it, but I know that we would try our darndest to motivate each other.
Message edited 10/31/2007 3:30:36 PM.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:29 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
When DH and I started dating, I was a lot thinner than I am now. DH says I look the same, however I am pretty vain about MY body, and I know I look good, and the way I looked before was impossible to acheive now. This is all pre-pg....
DH had a nice 6-pack when we started dating too, which has been replaced by a teeny tiny keg....
We poke fun at one another about our little gains, but would never divorce over it, we have many other things to worry about!
That said, I personally would NEVER let myself get to a point where I found myself to be unattractive, that's why there's good ol' plastic surgery, and I am not afraid to use it!!!!
I want my DH to be proud of me, and more importantly, I want to be proud of myself and proud to be with him. It's nice to be the trophy wife.....
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:40 PM |
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johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Something that my Grandmother and Mother both do is put on fresh makeup EVERYDAY before their husbands get home. I can't do that, although I think I should sometimes. Marriage takes a lot of work, and I think both sexes can do their part to at least attempt to stay attractive. Don't you all want to look the best you can for your significant other? It's not ALL about looks, but looks do play a part.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:43 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
I find this whole post pretty funny. Obviously everyone has their own feelings about it. But if anyone remembers the post from heartbroken wife regarding the husband who told his wife he wanted a divorce because she gained 20 lbs-everyone jumped all over him(deservedly and inlcuding me)
I would be considered "overweight" by society's standards. I was heavier when I first met my husband then lost about 40 lbs and have now gained back most of it. He tells me every day how "hot" he thinks I am. We have a strong emotional connection and weight has never really been an issue.
I have also had to get emergency surgery when we were married about 2 yrs. The care he took of me was unbelievable-I could not shower alone for a few days. he waited on me constantly. It was not always pretty. I never doubt my hsubands love for me. I truly think that in MY marriage I do want to be attractive to my husband and you know what I AM! I personally am not happy with my weight so I am working on it but it's not for my husband.
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:48 PM |
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MrsFlatbread
Skinny jeans are in my future
Member since 6/06 10258 total posts
Name:
Baby Momma
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by johnsae
Marriage takes a lot of work, and I think both sexes can do their part to at least attempt to stay attractive. Don't you all want to look the best you can for your significant other? It's not ALL about looks, but looks do play a part.
ITA!!!!
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:49 PM |
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Jessica
I'm a mommy :)
Member since 1/06 7322 total posts
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~Jess~
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by johnsae
Something that my Grandmother and Mother both do is put on fresh makeup EVERYDAY before their husbands get home. I can't do that, although I think I should sometimes. Marriage takes a lot of work, and I think both sexes can do their part to at least attempt to stay attractive. Don't you all want to look the best you can for your significant other? It's not ALL about looks, but looks do play a part.
this is how i was raised as well
YES, we love our dh's and are completely comfortable with them. He's seen me with a face full of proactiv and crest whitening strips on my teeth.....
but theres a difference between being comfortable (and sometimes doing this) and becoming lazy(always looking like a mess)
no matter what. we are human
i wouldnt want to see Anthony every night picking his nose as he wouldnt want to see me every night picking my zits
so my mom and grandma always say, keep your SO happy and keep the marriage spicy and sexy. and of course this is a 2 way street
now about the original question
if i or him gained 20-30 pounds, yes we'd tell each other, as we have done so already. bc we know the person whos gained it isnt happy and needs encouragment to loose it
gaining a few by not noticing, aging, getting wrinkles,or gaining because of a medical condition is all inevitable. We sign up for it.
but if one of us gained lets say 100+ lbs for no reason at all (have a weight issur is another problem and not included in this) then no i would not be physically attracted to him. And attraction is a big thing in mariage, as is sex. and the main thing is, if he doesnt want to help himself and be healthy for our fututre kids, how am i expected to continue loving someone who doesnt love themselves first to try and be healthy?
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| Posted 10/31/07 3:54 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by melijane
I was heavier when I first met my husband then lost about 40 lbs and have now gained back most of it. He tells me every day how "hot" he thinks I am. We have a strong emotional connection and weight has never really been an issue.
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if he asked you out at 160 pounds (I just made that up) then he LIKES you at that weight. he is ATTRACTED to you at that weight. so WHO CARES what society says.
but if you went up to 260 and did nothing about it...of course he would love you...but would YOU love you? would you feel sexy and attractive? would you put on cute outfits and be comfortable getting naked around him? and if NOT, don't you think that would affect your relationship?
that is the point.
it's a DRASTIC change that ALTERS the way you looked when he married you...if you look the same as you did the day he asked you out, why WOULDN"T he think you are hot...YOU ARE!
it doesn't seem like that has happened (and God willing it won't)
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| Posted 10/31/07 4:03 PM |
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Gertyrae
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Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
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Gerty ®
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
I think the problem here arises in that the OP asked if there is a point in a relationship where physical appearance is unacceptable.
And if the relationship is a real relationship and not just based on looks - the answer should be a resounding NO.
In the long run, you never know what's going to happen. The OP quoted me and said that I wasn't making time for going to the gym. True...where I had time when I was single to spend at the gym, I now have a husband, house and pets....all things that MUST be attended to before the gym can happen. And I have had other issues that affected my weight...but that's just me.
I don't personally think there should ever be a point when someone's physical appearance is a deal-breaker...whatever the reason.
Marriage is for better or worse, sickness and health - that's the vow we should be honoring.
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| Posted 10/31/07 4:04 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Gertyrae
I don't personally think there should ever be a point when someone's physical appearance is a deal-breaker...whatever the reason.
Marriage is for better or worse, sickness and health - that's the vow we should be honoring.
I agree and I for one, CANNOT see the other side to that coin, period. 
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| Posted 10/31/07 4:13 PM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Two things: Jess, I am going off topic--dont hate me:)
One, I would never apply makeup when DH got home. I think thats a bit much and I think thats a bit 1966.
Two: If any one of us gained 100lbs right this instant we would be unrecognizable to most people. It would DEFINITELY change your relationship with your significant other.
Bottom line
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| Posted 10/31/07 4:17 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by stephanief
Posted by Gertyrae
I don't personally think there should ever be a point when someone's physical appearance is a deal-breaker...whatever the reason.
Marriage is for better or worse, sickness and health - that's the vow we should be honoring.
I agree and I for one, CANNOT see the other side to that coin, period.
please read the OP.
it explicitly states that this is not a "deal-breaker" thing but a "would you say something" "how would you feel about it" thing.
no one said anything about not honoring the vows.
I honestly don't get it.
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| Posted 10/31/07 4:19 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Jessica
but if one of us gained lets say 100+ lbs for no reason at all (have a weight issur is another problem and not included in this) then no i would not be physically attracted to him. And attraction is a big thing in mariage, as is sex. and the main thing is, if he doesnt want to help himself and be healthy for our fututre kids, how am i expected to continue loving someone who doesnt love themselves first to try and be healthy?
This isn't directed just at you, but your post and others on this thread made me curious. Would the reason for the weight gain really matter in terms of physical attraction?
Several people stated they wouldn't be physically attracted to their spouse if they "let themselves go" and gained a lot of weight. If this physical attraction is based on looks why would the reason for the weight gain affect whether you were physically attracted to your spouse? In theory, if you base your physical attraction to someone on looks/body type and if the person no longer looks the same, you wouldn't be attracted to him/her regardless of the reason for the change.
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| Posted 10/31/07 4:20 PM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
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Emily
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
DH and i have been together for 11 years now and married for 1 and half of them. and of course we've put on weight since we first met. but my love for him hasnt changed at all nor his for me. in fact, over time its gotten stronger and stronger and honestly, we dont even realize the change in weight until we look at old pics.
even if DH put on 20 more lbs i would still love him! it would just be more of him to love. of course i want us to be healthy so we can live a long life together, but if his body were to change it wouldnt change my mind about my marriage and commitment to him. i should hope he feels the same way.
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| Posted 10/31/07 4:30 PM |
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