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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Weight gain/marriage debate
Do you think there is a point in a relationship, if someone dramatically changes physically, that it is unacceptable???
Obviously, we are not all going to look like the hotties that we all are now forever.  We will all age and change eventually.
But do you think it's fair to let yourself go??? Or would you mind if DH dramatically let himself go??? Would you say something to him?
I can't help but wonder. I have tried to keep myself in shape and looking as decent as I did when DH and I first met. I've gained a few lbs. But how many is too many??
ETA I'm not talking about the end result of divorce. I'm just asking, do you think it's fair for you or DH to let your appearance dramatically change like that???
Message edited 10/29/2007 8:11:44 PM.
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Posted 10/29/07 7:56 PM  |
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Lucky09
2017!
Member since 1/06 7539 total posts
Name:
DW
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
You pose a very interesting question, and I have to respond that I think men and women would answer very differently.
DH has a friend who recently divorced his wife because she never lost weight after having 2 children. DH and friend seemed to think this was a perfectly justifiable reason for leaving someone.
I was outraged to say the least... I could never divorce DH just because he put on a few. 
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| Posted 10/29/07 7:59 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by MrsNYPDsGirl
You pose a very interesting question, and I have to respond that I think men and women would answer very differently.
DH has a friend who recently divorced his wife because she never lost weight after having 2 children. DH and friend seemed to think this was a perfectly justifiable reason for leaving someone.
I was outraged to say the least... I could never divorce DH just because he put on a few.
But would you tell him it concerns you??
I would never divorce DH for that reason either.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:01 PM |
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Lucky09
2017!
Member since 1/06 7539 total posts
Name:
DW
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
Posted by MrsNYPDsGirl
You pose a very interesting question, and I have to respond that I think men and women would answer very differently.
DH has a friend who recently divorced his wife because she never lost weight after having 2 children. DH and friend seemed to think this was a perfectly justifiable reason for leaving someone.
I was outraged to say the least... I could never divorce DH just because he put on a few.
But would you tell him it concerns you??
I would never divorce DH for that reason either.
I would tell him it concerned me ONLY for health reasons... I would want him to be around a LONG time!
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:04 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
<-------- too many.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:07 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
Message edited 10/29/2007 8:10:06 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:09 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by june262004
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
But let's just say for arguements sake that when you married him, you were around 130 lbs and then you gain say 30 lbs in a year, for no reason. Is that fair to him??
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:14 PM |
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Whamtastic
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 997 total posts
Name:
Big Fat Baby with a Blackberry
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Just to play devil's advocate, if my SO put on a lot of weight (not 10, but 100lbs), it might be hard to see him as attractive. And not being attracted to your spouse would probably su(k. I'm not saying I'd leave him over that, but it might cause issues in our relationship.
I would, however, have serious issue if he gained enough weight for it to become a health issue and didn't do anything (diet and/or exercise) to change it.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:14 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
Posted by june262004
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
But let's just say for arguements sake that when you married him, you were around 130 lbs and then you gain say 30 lbs in a year, for no reason. Is that fair to him??
Is it fair for him? Im sorry did he marry me cause I wore a size 6 or did he marry me cause he loves me 
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:15 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
Posted by june262004
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
But let's just say for arguements sake that when you married him, you were around 130 lbs and then you gain say 30 lbs in a year, for no reason. Is that fair to him??
Yes because the 30 I gained is most likely from the child I produced 
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:18 PM |
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by june262004
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:18 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
At the point when we both gained over 10 lbs. since the wedding, we both said hey, it's time to cut back on what we are eating before it gets out of control. I would mention something in a kind manner because the more you gain, the harder it is to lose. Luckily we both did the newlywed 9, and then lost it together, but if it had become the newlywed 30 or 40, it would have been a much more difficult road to lose.
I didn't marry him because of how he looks (that's an added bonus  ), but I wouldn't want him to become unhealthy or have to worry about blood pressure, etc., at a young(ish) age, and those things often go hand in hand with weight.
I don't lose weight for him...I know I feel better about myself when I look better, so that does make me a better wife because I am more confident and less self-conscious.
Message edited 10/29/2007 8:20:07 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:18 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by june262004
Posted by babybug631
Posted by june262004
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
But let's just say for arguements sake that when you married him, you were around 130 lbs and then you gain say 30 lbs in a year, for no reason. Is that fair to him??
Is it fair for him? Im sorry did he marry me cause I wore a size 6 or did he marry me cause he loves me
I'm not saying he doesn't love you. I'm 100% positive that if I gained 30 lbs DH would still love me. But I think I would feel bad that I didn't look close to what I looked like when I married him. If that makes sense.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:18 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
Posted by june262004
Posted by babybug631
Posted by june262004
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
But let's just say for arguements sake that when you married him, you were around 130 lbs and then you gain say 30 lbs in a year, for no reason. Is that fair to him??
Is it fair for him? Im sorry did he marry me cause I wore a size 6 or did he marry me cause he loves me
I'm not saying he doesn't love you. I'm 100% positive that if I gained 30 lbs DH would still love me. But I think I would feel bad that I didn't look close to what I looked like when I married him. If that makes sense.
Maybe you just aren't explaining it correctly.
What happens when you are 70 and have wrinkles and your boobs drag on the floor... I hope he would still love you then.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:20 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
I'm not saying he doesn't love you. I'm 100% positive that if I gained 30 lbs DH would still love me. But I think I would feel bad that I didn't look close to what I looked like when I married him. If that makes sense.
There is a big part of me that loves that other women check DH out...He really works to keep himself in shape, and he looks great. It would certainly be different if he gained a significant amount of weight. I would love him equally, but I agree, it would be different. And to some extent I might not be so attracted physically.
I don't think of it as unfair to him...But right now, at my age, I wouldn't want to get that unhealthy.
Message edited 10/29/2007 8:25:24 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:22 PM |
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luckysmom
Yes it is! Going as planned:)
Member since 6/07 5339 total posts
Name:
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Whamtastic
Just to play devil's advocate, if my SO put on a lot of weight (not 10, but 100lbs), it might be hard to see him as attractive. And not being attracted to your spouse would probably su(k. I'm not saying I'd leave him over that, but it might cause issues in our relationship.
I would, however, have serious issue if he gained enough weight for it to become a health issue and didn't do anything (diet and/or exercise) to change it.
ITA! I would NEVEr divorce DH for gaining weight. BUt if there was a point where you are not attracted to your SO thats unhealthy. why make both your lives miserable? I would be concerned for his health. I would tell him that he is gaining and needs to do something about it before it becomes unhealthy. If i put on 20 pounds DH would be thrilled, but if i gain weight as to where it really starts to show then i would hope that DH would tell me, i know he wouldn't but i hope he would. I am more conerened with my own apperance than DH's. To me always looks good 
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:24 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by june262004
What happens when you are 70 and have wrinkles and your boobs drag on the floor... I hope he would still love you then.
OMG Juney!!!!
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:25 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by june262004
Posted by babybug631
Posted by june262004
Posted by babybug631
Posted by june262004
If my DH divorced me cause he didn't like the way I looked i'd be thrilled. I don't need him. I hope he married me cause he loved me.
But let's just say for arguements sake that when you married him, you were around 130 lbs and then you gain say 30 lbs in a year, for no reason. Is that fair to him??
Is it fair for him? Im sorry did he marry me cause I wore a size 6 or did he marry me cause he loves me
I'm not saying he doesn't love you. I'm 100% positive that if I gained 30 lbs DH would still love me. But I think I would feel bad that I didn't look close to what I looked like when I married him. If that makes sense.
Maybe you just aren't explaining it correctly.
What happens when you are 70 and have wrinkles and your boobs drag on the floor... I hope he would still love you then.
I think that's different. Aging over time happens to us all and we can't stop it. But letting yourself get to an unhealthy weight over a short period of time isn't neccessarily a good thing.
I expect my boobs will definately be on the floor, especially after this baby.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:26 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Well it's true...
AND I wish I was 130 pounds 
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:26 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
To me it just sounded very vain. but that's JMO. I guess I just didn't marry my husband for his weight even if he weighs less then me
Message edited 10/29/2007 8:28:50 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:28 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by june262004
To me it just sounded very vain. but that's JMO. I guess I just didn't marry my husband for his weight even if he weighs less then me
I think of it as this--if I married someone who prides himself in his appearance (not the reason WHY I love him, but an aspect of him), as I do, and all of a sudden he let himself go to sh!t and stopped caring all together about his health or body or appearance, that's changing an essential part of who he is. Now, this would be different if I married someone very, very heavy, because nothing will have changed. But if for the first 24 years of my life I was fit and healthy, and then all of a sudden I gained weight with no regard for my health or appearance (due to eating, not an illness or PG, etc.), well that to me is a problem. I wouldn't leave the person, but I would try to encourage them to help themselves to be more healthy.
Message edited 10/29/2007 8:34:22 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:33 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by june262004
To me it just sounded very vain. but that's JMO. I guess I just didn't marry my husband for his weight even if he weighs less then me
I think of it as this--if I married someone who prides himself in his appearance (not the reason WHY I love him, but an aspect of him), as I do, and all of a sudden he let himself go to sh!t and stopped caring all together about his health or body or appearance, that's changing an essential part of who he is. Now, this would be different if I married someone very, very heavy, because nothing will have changed. But if for the first 24 years of my life I was fit and healthy, and then all of a sudden I gained weight with no regard for my health or appearance (due to eating, not an illness or PG, etc.), well that to me is a problem. I wouldn't leave the person, but I would try to encourage them to help themselves to be more healthy.
I totally see your points.
I just would be so hurt if my DH told me I gained weight. I have gotten on the scale or tried to fit in to that pair of jeans I KNOW I GAINED thats all...
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:35 PM |
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Geraldine
Lovin Life........
Member since 5/07 2388 total posts
Name:
Geraldine
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
DH and I have both gained a few pounds since the wedding.....I love to cook,and we love to eat......luckily, we are both very active and share the same ideas about keeping fit......I honestly couldn't picture not loving him...or him not loving me....I think I'm also comfortable in the fact that we both respect our bodies to much to gain a tremendous amount of weight ...but anything can happen......I'd like to think our love can get us through anything though......
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:38 PM |
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Whamtastic
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 997 total posts
Name:
Big Fat Baby with a Blackberry
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by babybug631
But do you think it's fair to let yourself go??? Or would you mind if DH dramatically let himself go??? Would you say something to him?
To answer this question directly, I would feel pretty bad if I really let myself go. I know it happens to a lot of people, especially after they've been married a while, but I really want to try to keep myself in the same shape as much a I can. I would feel bad and be worried that DH would be less attracted to me, regardless of what he said. I know he would never stop loving me, but I want him to find me attractive as well.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:41 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
I asked DH and his response was, "You can't just divorce someone just b/c they got fat. That is just an excuse b/c he didnt want to be with her. You can't just leave someone that you really love b/c they gained weight."
I happen to agree with him!!! I have put on plenty of weight b/c right after we got married last year I got pregnant. I lost some of it but am still 30 lbs. heavier than when we got married and DS is going to be 7 months next week. If he would divorce me b/c I got chunky having his (our) baby....I'd kick his a$$.
Message edited 10/29/2007 11:46:52 PM.
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| Posted 10/29/07 8:46 PM |
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