Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I wouldn't sign anything until your current pregnancy delivers, just in case anything happens.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Posted by MST9106

This is such a hard decision but honestly, I think you should donate them. That is such a beautiful gift to couples that cannot conceive on their own. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

My Dh is considering a vasectomy, but one of the things holding us back is what if something were to happen to one of our children & we decide we want to have another. It's a horrible, morbid thing to think about, but I lost a sibling so it's something that is sort of always in the back of my mind.

I would wait until you were much older... 45+ even, and then revisit. It stinks to pay the storage fees, but maybe they will come down over time??

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

if you cant afford it my decision would end there donate to science for the better of science.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

When I was pregnant with my twin girls, my immediate answer would be to donate them. I have 12 frozen. Now that I have these beautiful babies, I'm also really torn with this decision. I know I do not need to make this decision for some time, but I do understand your dilemma.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I can't imagine making a decision like that. But I would rather donate them to science than destroy them. I don't know if I could donate them to another couple since they're obviously YOUR child and could be running around out there in the world without you knowing. I just couldn't do it. I think science is a nice option. OR could you have them implanted to be absorbed by your body rather than destroyed? (Taking no steps for actually getting pregnant? I would think the rate of implantation without any prep would be extremely low.)

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Message edited 12/29/2011 4:04:07 PM.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

My professional opinion. Keep paying the storage. You don't know where you are going to be in 10-15yrs. Once you no longer have them, you can never get them back. Good luck.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

If it was me, I'd get as much information as I could about each option. It always seems like the best way to figure out an answer. At some point, your heart will always tell you what to do. I can't imagine making that decision myself.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I am in a similar boat (but with 2 embies)...My younger DS was an FET himself from that same batch, and DD was the fresh embryo from that batch...I too am torn on what to do


For 'me"...donating them to another couple is not an option that "I" can consider..I wish I could but I can't...The thought of my children walking the earth without me and DH is not something I personally can handle but think very highly of those who do consider this....

I don't want to destroy them either (for obvious reasons )

Science is the only thing I can even bring myself to consider and even thats not sitting well with me....

The only other option that I didnt see you list that I have heard of is having them implanted in you at an unoptimal time in your cycle (basically where pregnancy is impossible) Very costly of-course and I am OOP so its virtually imposiible for us...

For now we are hanging on to our embies..I am 99% sure we are done (I too don't ovulate and everyone always jokes that we will get pg on our own now after my 3 DC's all were various methods of IF treatments -IUI, IVF then FET )....But I just cant bring myself to make that final decision yet and just wanted you to know you are not alone

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Posted by nrthshgrl

you sound so conflicted.

If it were me, I know what my choice would be.

I don't believe life begins at conception. I believe a potential life begins at conception. I think it is no different then a mix of cells of both my DH & me but not a baby. For me it would be donate to science (with the hope of helping IF couples with the research).

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I don't envy the decision that you need to make.

For me, I would hold off for a few years to make sure that I did not want to use them.

After I knew that we were done, then I would donate them to another couple. I can not help but think that if I needed a donation, I would hope there would be a couple willing to donate and that is why I would go that route.

If that were not an option, then I would donate them to science.

To me, destroying them seems like a waste. Some good, whether to another couple or science, should come out of it.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Ive been in your situation. JJ was conceived via IVF & then Nicholas was our miracle baby. We had 6 embryos in storage that we planned on using before Nicholas was conceived. Once he was born, I knew I was complete & if we ever did decide on a 3rd, it would only be if god granted us another miracle.

We made the difficult decision to destroy them. For me, donating to another couple was not an option bc I did not want someone else have my biological child. Our storage fees were $830 a year & no way I could justify spending that & then years down the line throw them out. Plus our re told us, the longer they are stored, the lesser the quality

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I donated my leftover embryos to a couple. I knew that I could never afford to have any more children after I had the twins so I had 5 grade A embryos leftover. Knowing that there is a possibility of a child of mine out there who is filling a void in a parents life, amazes me!

It was an easy decision for me....I would be an egg donor or a surrogate in a hot minute....I had an easy pregnancy, just a hard time getting pregnant!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

We're in a similar position, DS was from a fresh IVF cycle and DD was from an FET of those embies. So now we have 5 left on ice. I'm 99.9% sure I'm done, I didn't enjoy being pregnant and I'm still have issues from the delivery at 4 months post-partum. I hated going through the IF treatments too. For us the storage costs are covered by insurance though so I plan on keeping them until they make me start paying for them. At that point I'm pretty sure we will donate to science, DH is not on board with donating to another couple.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Having been an IVF graduate I have been in your position, so I can say I've gone thru the thought process
I have always chosen to donate them to another couple, even have investigated what agency to donate them to. I worked hard to bring them into this world, I can't imagine donating them to science. I also think of those who would want them..... We all know the pains of infertility so if I can alleviate just a small part of this horrible process....
I am 36, so I would probably hold on to them till I was older.
I however have gone all my frozen embryos so I will going thru another fresh cycle shortly

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

That is a very tough and personal decision.



I think what I would do (especially since you're young) is store them for a few more years and see how you feel then. You might want more.

Then I would probably donate to science. I don't think I would be able to donate to another couple. I know that sounds bad, but I'd always be wondering about my babies.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I think I would donate them to a couple unable to conceive. I tend to think anyone getting to that point of fertility treatment is really wanting to be a parent, also like adoption I am sure the doctors make sure they are deserving. To me what could be greater than giving someone the gift of life?

good luck with your decision.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I am not in your position but I would do either 2 or 3.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I've done IVF and considered what we would do if we had more embryos then we could use. My decision would always be to donate to another couple. It is a difficult decision but you can have a say in who gets your embryos. And just like any adoption- you can ask for information on whether it worked, and updates if you want. I personally think once they are in the care of another couple they are no longer your children- they have loving parents who will raise them.
And FYI the chance of any FET working is like 30%, so there's no guarantee they'd be born but at least you'd be giving them a chance.

In your situation- I would pay for a FET. Its not that expensive and at least you'd be giving those babies a chance with you. I especially would do this since you said you are not done having kids. My last FET we thawed 4 embryos, only 2 made it and I did not get pregnant. So you never know what's going to happen. Ask your RE what the quality of the embryos are, there may only be a few that survive the thaw. I would do one FET and then donate the rest to another couple.

Also, IMO donating them to science is the same as destroying them. You don't have a say in what they are used for and a lot of them are not used for anything good. Research it well before you choose this option.

Message edited 12/29/2011 10:30:14 PM.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

my thing with donating to science...and this is just my opinion...is that you don't know what the testing will be. they could do ANYTHING to these embryos. In my mind it's still ultimately destroying the embryo. when I had a MC...sure...test all you want, bc there is no longer the possibility of life. KWIM? I agree with all the OP's points of view for every option. Not one of them is an easy option...but I think personally, option 3 would give me the most personal satisfaction and sense of fulfillment...and is the only option that gives hope of life.especially bc you know what the IF journey is like and had success...I would want to give somebody else that possibility of success too. BUT it doesn't make you a bad person if you can't handle the emotions that come with that choice.

like alot of the other posters said...I do not envy you or the position you're in.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

My personal thought is that by donating them to science you will help save people's lives.

Embryonic research is saving lives.

I would rather see them go to science then just get destroyed. Yes, who knows what they will do. But it's not like the cells feel anything, or will go through pain.

I see it as a way to do good on earth in helping save other people.

No matter what you decide it will ep be right.