I am having a really hard time with this decision.

DD was conceived via IVF. We put two embryos back and one of them, her, stuck. I had her in 2009. DH and I were going to do a frozen embryo transfer next year, but, by the grace of God, we got pregnant on our own, without trying. It is seriously a miracle. I do not get AF or ovulate. I can't believe it happened. I am due in March.

Anyway- We are on the fence about having more kids, but since I am only 26, we have plenty of time to decide. I would like to be done by 30, so we will likely wait 2 years and then try on our own. If it doesn't work, we will call it a day and be satisfied with our 2 beautiful, healthy children. Considering the cost of IVF, it is extremely doubtful we will go that route again. We are already so blessed.

Here's my dilemma. We have SEVEN leftover embryos. Seven.

Our options are as follows:

1- Have them destroyed.

2- Donate them to science.

3- Donate them to another couple.

4- Keep paying to preserve them until the end of time.

I simply cannot fahom any of these options. Right now our paperwork is signed to donate to another couple.

1- They are my babies. They are tiny little starts of children just like DD. How could I just wave a hand and tell someone to destroy them? I imagine it like a doctor ripping them to shreds. I imagine they have feelings. I know it's not true, but I can't help feeling like I am destroying a part of me, DH and even DD. Our family.

2- God only knows what they will do to the embryos scientifically. This actually freaks me out.

3- If we donate to another couple, we have to be prepared to have any biological children look for us in the future. And do I really want someone else raising MY children? Even if they are wonderful, deserving people? What if they aren't good parents? How could I live not knowing that? How could I live WITH knowing my children are out there somewhere?? Not being raised by me?

4- I already owe over a thousand dollars in storage fees. Imagine 30 years from now?

I guess this is sort of a WWYD/vent type of post. I just feel like we need to make a decision because we're paying up the wazoo to keep them there. I wish we didn't have so many left. I would have to do at least 3-4 more FET cycles to use them all. Not possible financially. I know it's hard to say what you'd do unless in this position, but i'm just looking for opinions.

TIA.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I have 9 frozen stored right now myself. I did ivf and had my beautiful DD in august, I also put 2 embryos back and one stuck.
I am older than you (35) but I plan on keeping them frozen until mid 40s just to be safe. I have unexplained IF and would love nothing more than to get pregnant naturally.
I personally haven't thought about what I would do with my embryos when that time comes but I dont think i could donate them to another couple without always wondering where my babies were...I give you all the credit in the world for been considering it.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

This is such a hard decision but honestly, I think you should donate them. That is such a beautiful gift to couples that cannot conceive on their own. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Im not in your situation but in my head:

donating them to science would be my decision.. I could never have someone else take them.. they are my children..It would drive me nuts thinking they were out there.

but with science...at least its going for some greater good.

good luck with this really difficult decision!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I'm not i'm your position but my first reaction was science. IMO that's another way to help others in your position. Is that what they do with them though? Like infertility treatment research?

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

if those are the options, then i would donate to a couple who cannot conceive. good luck on this decision!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I cant even offer any words of advice because I don't know what I would do in this situation

pray if you pray, talk to family/friends and your dh and I hope you make a decision that works for you and your family

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

This is jmo. But I would donate to another couple. IF i had to go thru ivf to conceive I would love the fact that I may have the chance to help another couple out there who is struggling to have a baby. Just think how lucky you are, you are going to have two babies. I would feel so good being able to give a couple that chance just to have even one baby. Again this is jmo


I can only imagine how tough this is for you and dh.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I am in a similar situation... but with 2 embryos.

Had DS via IVF less than 2 years ago and DD is due in a few weeks via miracle.

I'm older... and plan on waiting to see if I want a third.

The way I see it: I may again not be able to get pregnant & have two embryos conceived at a younger age waiting for me. My sister may not be able to get pregnant & may want to use them.

Using the frozen embryos will not cost as much as a fresh IVF cycle (but yes... the storage fees are high).

If I am satisfied at a future point (yes thousands of dollars in storage fees gone), I am considering implanting them under sub-optimal conditions & seeing what will be.

You are ONLY 26. That's really young. You may end up wanting these kids. Pay the storage fees for now. You may decide you want another kid at 35 or 40... and these are going to be more healthy than what you may be able to conceive then.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

My gut says option #1 or 2 if you are really done, otherwise #4 if you can swing it.

#3 is very unsettling to me. Since these are fertilized embryos, they are 100% yours, versus donating just an egg or a sperm. I would wonder until the end of the time about what happened to them. Were they successful, were they happy, etc? What if they found you down the road - how would you explain that to your other children?

Message edited 12/29/2011 12:57:43 PM.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

my choice would be to donate. Chances are...a couple going through the hard process of embryo implantation (pardon me if thats not the right term) is serious about becoming parents and is taking an active approach...which to me is a good sign. While same concept its a little different that adoption bc you aren't carrying the fetus so the children are more likely to look at the couple as their TRUE parents. in the future sure it is possible they may be interested to find where they came from...but it might not be the case.

in my opinion...donating is the option that has the best chance of positive outcome.

ETA a quote of inspiration:

"The Hardest Things In Life Are The Ones Most Worth Doing"

I know it will be hard to know they are somewhere else & u have no clue what they are doing or how they are doing...but at least you will know you gave them a chance at life.

Message edited 12/29/2011 1:04:45 PM.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I'm totally not in your situation AT ALL and I don't envy your decision. That said, I would probably donate them to science. Think of all the wonderful things your embryos can do for the world! Maybe one of them can cure a horrific disease by enabling researchers to use it.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Posted by Linda1003

Im not in your situation but in my head:

donating them to science would be my decision.. I could never have someone else take them.. they are my children..It would drive me nuts thinking they were out there.

but with science...at least its going for some greater good.

good luck with this really difficult decision!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I think you are still young, at 26, your life will be different than at let's say 36. You never know what life will hand you. So I think you should obviously think about it, but not make any decisions right now.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

We have one left over. DD was IVF fresh cycle and DS a FET. I will be 41 in April, DH is 46. We (or rather, I am) done having kids.

I have no issue donating for research. I figure, maybe, just maybe, because my embryo was donated, it can help someone else get pregnant. I am not comfortable donating it to another couple, as like you said, it's your child. If it were just an egg, I might feel differently, but because it's already a combo of DH and myself, I could not do it.

As of right now, it sits in storage because DH are in disagreement about what to do ( he thinks I'll change my mind and go for a third )

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

you sound so conflicted.

If it were me, I know what my choice would be.

I don't believe life begins at conception. I believe a potential life begins at conception. I think it is no different then a mix of cells of both my DH & me but not a baby. For me it would be donate to science (with the hope of helping IF couples with the research).

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

You are so young! I would hold onto them for a bit.

Is not, science. There are so many childhood diseases that I wish had a cure

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

At first I said, O, do that - then i read your reason for not doing each of them and I"m confused what I would do.

Does anyone in your family have IF issues that could use them? So they "stay in the family".

I assume if you donate to another couple, its anonymous?

If you did donate, there is no way to know if it even worked, so no one might actually raise your child.

But still, what a wonderful gift to give someone.

GL

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Posted by Linda1003

Im not in your situation but in my head:

donating them to science would be my decision.. I could never have someone else take them.. they are my children..It would drive me nuts thinking they were out there.

but with science...at least its going for some greater good.

good luck with this really difficult decision!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Our decision was to donate them to science after we decided we were done. Due to egg quality never had any to freeze, but that was what we were comfortable with.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

This is just my opinion but I couldn't donate them to a couple, I just couldn't imagine the idea of a child running around somewhere that is mine and DH's but not with me. I know some people may think that's selfish of me but I just couldn't, I really couldn't do it.

I guess given the options I would more than likely have them destroyed before anything else. If you're sure you don't want more children then I would probably go that route, even before donating to science.

Again, this is just how I feel about it but you need to do what is right for you and what feels best for you and your family.

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

Posted by Linda1003

Im not in your situation but in my head:

donating them to science would be my decision.. I could never have someone else take them.. they are my children..It would drive me nuts thinking they were out there.

but with science...at least its going for some greater good.

good luck with this really difficult decision!

Re: I am having a really hard time with this decision.

I would save them for another 5 years and then donate them at the time (if that's possible).