Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had an emergency c-section with Abby and when its time for our second it will be a scheduled one. I wish I would have gone with my gut and scheduled it in the first place. If I learned anything, I learned to ALWAYS go with MY instincts.

I BF'd Abby as long as I could and it is very likely I will not BF our second child. I MAY pump, but my BFing experience was LOUSY and I don't want to go through it again

I feel guilty for nothing. I make no apologies. I don't want to be schooled on the benefits of VBACs(which is impossible and a BAD decision for me) or the benefits of BFing. I know what they are.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Message edited 3/1/2010 12:29:25 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had a vaginal delivery and I was begging for a c-section when they told me I was in labor. I wanted nothing to do with it.

I tried bf'ing my ds because there was SO much pressure around me to do so. He hated it almost as much as I did. I will NOT be doing it this time around. People made me feel so bad for it last time around that I felt like a bad mommy because I didn't WANT to do it. When people say breast is best this time around I say "not for us"

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Here's my take, which is a bit different from the previous posts. And please, no flames. This is how it is for me and I absolutely do not judge another woman's decisions on what is best for her or her child.
I do not view birth as a medical process unless there is something that goes wrong...and then I'm extremely grateful for the minds and abilities of those who have studied medicine. I view birth as a right of passage for a woman. I believe that pregnancy, labor, delivery and motherhood are natural processes. I trust my body to do what it was designed to do without intervention. I wholeheartedly believe that one medical intervention leads to another. For me, I studied long and hard on how to have a drug free delivery. I learned everything I could about managing the pain naturally. I am opposed to pain medication because it is an intervention that will 1. most likely lead to another intervention and 2. I find it would have been taking the easy way out for me. I believe that it would have hurt my newborn on some level. And I know that it impacts the natural process of breastfeeding (although many women overcome this impediment ). So, for me, it was very important to me to feel all the contractions and all the pushing and to work my hardest to birth my child. I view it as something that he and I did together. I needed to be in tuned to my body and I was, because I did not have narcotics to take me away from myself. I experienced this right of passage to the best of my ability. I will tell you that my blood pressure skyrocketed through my labor and I needed magnesium to prevent a stroke or seizure. I was happy that there were trusted doctors to keep me safe. I will also tell you that magnesium is a smooth muscle relaxant and it completely stopped my natural contractions. After trying all sorts of midwifery tricks, my contractions did not return and approximate 10 hours after my water broke, I was given pitocin. Again, I was happy that the doctor intervened to keep my baby safe from infection. My midwife continued to lead the L & D team. I did not have any other intervention, despite the sincere attempts at all hospital staff to give me stadol or an epi. For me, I NEEDED to go through this as unassisted as possible. And here I am 11 weeks later feeling a sense of pride, accomplishment, gratitude and wisdom. As far as BFing goes.....I believe that a small percentage of women can't, and for them, there are lactation consultants that you can meet with after you leave the hospital. I vowed 130% effort to my son. Formula is not an option for me. So, unless I had a medical condition that prevented me from making milk or someother extreme circumstance, I was committed to BFing. I knew going in that to say "I'm going to try" was an admission of defeat already. I approached this with the concept that "I'm going to BF". I believe that there is absolutely no better nutrition than what a mother can make. If my son gets sick, my body will create the exact antibodies that he needs to fight the specific virus or bacteria attempting to overtake him. Now that's f'ing miraculous. For us, there is no other option. It is harder than a gazillion anesthesia-free deliveries, but I will not sacrifice in this area. I had an LC come to my home and help us through our struggles. I was not going to fail me or him. And that's my opinion on what is right for us. I fully embrace my mammalian nature. Though I realize that other woman don't or can't. And for them, I say....happy mama=happy baby!!! I hope this helps explain another side..or at least another person's side.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Well each person has their own personal feelings and I can't speak for how others feel. To me I ended up with an csection when my first DD when she failed to descend and I never got past 7 cm. Personally while it would have been nice to have a vaginal birth b.c the recovery I hear is easier - the ONLY thing that mattered to me as to how my baby came out - was that they came out safely. I wasn't going to risk having a specific birth only b.c I wanted to deliver a specific way. So when it came time to figure out DD#2 I opted straight for the csection bc that was what I was told was the safest for me and my DD. I am not sorry that I didn't deliver vaginally b.c I delivered in the way that was safest for me and my DDs.

As far as breastfeeding. I have asked people before if they BF or formula fed - but to me it is like asking what brand of diapers you use. It is just a question. I could care less how someone else chooses to feed their child. I BFed both my DDs. That is what works for us - but if I couldn't BF for some reason I would have no problems giving formula. I just want happy and healthy babies - the means of getting that are less important (although I DO admit I do enjoy BFing only b.c it gives me quiet and close snuggling time with my DDs that I didn't get when I offered them bottles) but that is only my personal experience and I know plenty of people who bottle feed and could snuggle with their children - my DD#1 never wanted to cuddle with a bottle - BF was for that and Bottle feeding was for seats. DD#2 will not take a bottle at all so formula was never an option for us - no matter how hard we have tried.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Everyone is different. Things that are important to some aren't important to others. If a woman had a certain vision about how their birth experience would go or how she would feed and care for DC and things didn't go as planned, I can understand why she'd be upset.

For me, the type of delivery wasn't that important. I assumed I'd give birth vaginally, but I didn't have an overwhelming desire for that. I was scared when I found out that I'd likely need a c-section, but for me, I wanted whatever type of delivery that was best for Ds and me. I do worry about how a c-section will affect future pregnancies and children, but I'm not sad that I didn't get to experience a vaginal birth.

While I didn't really have strong feelings about the birth, BFing was important to me. I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't realize exactly how hard and exhausting it would be. I was determined to BF though. I wanted to quit almost every day for the first 8 weeks, but I couldn't bring myself to actually stop. I would've felt like a failure if I quit. In the end, I'm so glad I stuck with it.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I do not care about the c-section but I was devistated that I had to stop BF ds at 4 weeks, crushed actually

I can still cry thinking about it....

I loved bf'ing my dd and really wanted to do the same with kj

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I needed to have a c-section and I was disappointed.

Part of it is because I felt like I had come so far... I labored FOREVER and got to 10 cm and pushed for over 2 hours - so it felt like I was almost there and then wasn't able to do it - KWIM?

Also, I had complications during my c-section where I couldn't breathe and they had to put me completely out. I never got to see him right when he came out.... and neither did my DH. We only got to see him when he was all cleaned up.... didn't get to cut the umbilical cord or hear that first cry or anything.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had what amounted to a scheduled c-section with DD#!. I was 5 days past my due date, my BP had spiked, I had protein in my urine so I was starting to show signs of Pre-eclampsia. I was not dilated, not effaced, and DD hadn't dropped at all. I had a long discussion with my OB and he said we could try the induction but that I would likely end up with a c-section anyway. Almost all of my family members ended up with really long labors, only to end in c-sections...so I was ok with doing the c-section.

I never had any urge to BF. My chest is VERY big and I've always been self conscious of it. I woudl never have been able to BF in public or even in front of anyone. Also my DH is very into my chest and I felt that if I BF then he would look at me and them differently.

When I got pg with #2 I had a talk with my new OB about going VBAC or scheduling a c-section. We decided that I would be ok if I went into labor, but still wanted to schedule the c-section. So my c-section is scheduled for this Fri (3/5) and my due date in (3/7). If I go into labor before then wonderful, if not I'm ok with the c-section.

I don't feel like I missed out on anything by having a c-section because I just wanted her out as healthy as possible. I think everyone just has different feelings as to what labor/childbirth/pregnancy is.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I elected to have my c section and I Exclusively pumped for DS. To me a birth of a baby, is a medical "thing" in a way. I did not want to push the baby out of my vajay out of fear of what would happen to it, and my sex life. A big baby out of that little space, YIKES! scary as hell to me. I also could never imagine my baby suckling on me LOL! now that I know what a PITA Pumping is, I probably won't BF at all this time. I love babies, and wanted one so bad, I think the easiest way to get it here is through c section, JMO but I can not even begin to imagine delivering vaginally. my Mom and many other ladies think I'm sick in the head for electing surgery

ETS I did try to BF DS twice in the hospital, he didn't latch and screamed bloody murder. trauma!!!

Message edited 3/1/2010 1:14:45 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I was not at all devastated not to have the "experience" of a v-birth. My c-section was schedule the first time, as it is this 2nd time. I don't feel I'm "missing out" on anything at all. The only thing I envy with a v-birth is the fact that you get to hold the baby right away. But even then, I held my daughter as soon as they were done stitching me up, and DH held her the whole time before that.

As for BF--I felt very strongly about at least TRYING to BF. If it hadn't worked out, I would have been a little upset, but I would have gotten over it. I am so thankful I had the chance to BF my daughter for 10 months. I DO strongly believe that "breast is best" when it comes to feeding. Not to mention that feeding my DD was free, while FF moms were spending hundreds of bucks a month. So that was a double bonus in my mind.

I WILL admit that I don't understand the mentality of not even trying to BF, or for refusing to breastfeed for aesthetic reasons. Not saying it's right or wrong, but I personally feel that I owed it to my DD to at least try.

What it all comes down to--we are all wired differently, we're going to feel differently about things like this.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I wanted the full natural experience of childbirth with no drugs and I was lucky that it worked out for me the way I wanted. I wasn't against anything but it was important to me to do it as natural as possible... for many reasons. I did a ton of research during my pregnancy to be informed about every aspect of it, good and bad. I don't know how i would feel if I didn't have the experience I wanted but I imagine i'd be disappointed.

As for breastfeeding, I really never knew i'd enjoy it this much... then again I had a very easy time from the start. DD latched a few mins after birth and I was hooked from there! I know many have such a hard time with it and nobody should feel inadequate if it's not possible for them.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I feel the same as you.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

im jealous of you. im still sad that i had to have a c-section. i really wanted a vag birth

as for BF- i always wanted to and im so glad that DS took to it. i think its an amazing bonding experience and i think its great for him

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I feel similarly to the way you do. I really, really didn't want a v-birth, but my dr. doesn't "schedule" c-sections and wouldn't consider anything but a v-birth. Well, I ended up going through labor AND getting the c-section anyway. Blah. But I totally understand your NOT understanding those who feel differently. I suppose it's like any goal that you set for your body and then when you can't accomplish that goal, you feel sad or let down.

As for BF, well I thought it was going to be easy! DH was VERY pushy about my BFing and I had to even tell him to back off. It was so hard after the c-section and DD was a ferocious latch and I was just in so much pain. Plus, I had PPD and that didn't help matters. I feel like I will be better prepared to BF DC #2.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I labored for 6 hours and pushed for 2 hours and ended up needing a c-section because DD's head was stuck.

I was and still am a little disappointed.

First, I figured God gave me these big hips for a reason and I'd never need a c-section.

Second, I spent so many months waiting to give birth to meet my little one and find out the sex. Her head was stuck so the dr pulled her out butt first so he said "it looks like a girl" I didn't get to see her cry or see who she looked like. I didn't get to hold her until 3 or 4 hours later. Of course, I'm thrilled to have a healthy baby, but it just wasn't how I pictured her birth.

That being said, even though the Dr told me that I could try a VBAC for #2. I think I'll opt for the cs.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I'm have the same feelings as you. While I don't want a csection becuase it is a surgery, I wouldn't feel disappointed or less motherly or womanly for having a c-section. It would just be what it is.

As for breastfeeding, definately not for me. I just don't feel natural or normal at all doing it. Both of my children were formula fed and are perfectly healthy and intelligent and everything.

Honestly, I don't view childbirth as this beautiful,process. For me, its the means to an end where the baby in my arms is the most important.

I kinda feel the same way about being pregnant. Some love it, would do it over and over. Not me....its the means to an end...the beautiful baby!

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Posted by Bops

Posted by Linda1003

I can only say that I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a vaginal delivery. That's all. Of course Im glad that I had a healthy baby boy.. but yes.. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a vaginal delivery.

Ok, good you are perfect to ask then !

What do you mean to "feel what it is like to have a vaginal delivery "?
I don't want to single you out but since you were the first to respond, I thought maybe you can share...

This is really more of a soul searching thing for me in essence, because I didn't have that "feeling" at all...hence me missing a female chip of some sort

Keep them coming, I truly am interested !!

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I never felt upset or dissapointed with my c-section. DD was 7 weeks early and once they realized I wasn't progressing past 4 cm's, I had a c-section. It was all about what was best for her, but I know they wanted me to go vaginally because it's less traumatic on your body.

with this one, I feel a bit ripped off. I won't even get a chance to go vaginally, as my OB does not recommned them. I don't think it's worth the fight to try for it, either.

As for BF'ing, I couldn't with DD, but I pumped for 2 weeks and gave her what I could. That made me feel better. With this one, I may try in the hospital, but I don't have my heart set on it.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I do share your feelings about birth. I actually never wanted to have a vaginal birth and I did everything in my power not to have one, and then SURPRISE! DS was breech anyway so I guess it was meant to be no matter what. BUT I do see where other people can view a vaginal birth as special because you are really working to get that child into this world (as oppose to just laying there and have the baby taken out, which to me its the easy way out...lol)
As far as BFding goes I think people have their personal reasons to do it, lke you said even selfish ones. If breastfeeding did not work out for me I would feel guilty because the breastmilk is better for the baby nutrition wise and I wanted to give my baby the very best I could. So maybe thats why other people feel guilty as well. (thats my speculation) Will they thrive on formula yes of course they will. But for health benefits I don't think anyone can refute the fact that the breastmilk is the best food for a human baby.
So I can see both sides of the coin, and honestly say people will only feel guilty about somethign (whatever it may be) if they think they are doind a disservice for their child. If you don't then your conscience should be guilt free KWIM?

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

*****as oppose to just laying there and have the baby taken out, which to me its the easy way out...lol)*****
_______________________________

The above statement makes my point perfectly. I know you had a c-section but for me...it wasn't the "easy way out" I labored for 24 hours and the recovery is HORRIBLE and much longer than a vaginal birth. 3 months later I still feel the effects of the c-section. nothing easy about it.

sorry this is a sore point with me.