Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Posted by Grill

Here's my take, which is a bit different from the previous posts. And please, no flames. This is how it is for me and I absolutely do not judge another woman's decisions on what is best for her or her child.
I do not view birth as a medical process unless there is something that goes wrong...and then I'm extremely grateful for the minds and abilities of those who have studied medicine. I view birth as a right of passage for a woman. I believe that pregnancy, labor, delivery and motherhood are natural processes. I trust my body to do what it was designed to do without intervention. I wholeheartedly believe that one medical intervention leads to another. For me, I studied long and hard on how to have a drug free delivery. I learned everything I could about managing the pain naturally. I am opposed to pain medication because it is an intervention that will 1. most likely lead to another intervention and 2. I find it would have been taking the easy way out for me. I believe that it would have hurt my newborn on some level. And I know that it impacts the natural process of breastfeeding (although many women overcome this impediment ). So, for me, it was very important to me to feel all the contractions and all the pushing and to work my hardest to birth my child. I view it as something that he and I did together. I needed to be in tuned to my body and I was, because I did not have narcotics to take me away from myself. I experienced this right of passage to the best of my ability. I will tell you that my blood pressure skyrocketed through my labor and I needed magnesium to prevent a stroke or seizure. I was happy that there were trusted doctors to keep me safe. I will also tell you that magnesium is a smooth muscle relaxant and it completely stopped my natural contractions. After trying all sorts of midwifery tricks, my contractions did not return and approximate 10 hours after my water broke, I was given pitocin. Again, I was happy that the doctor intervened to keep my baby safe from infection. My midwife continued to lead the L & D team. I did not have any other intervention, despite the sincere attempts at all hospital staff to give me stadol or an epi. For me, I NEEDED to go through this as unassisted as possible. And here I am 11 weeks later feeling a sense of pride, accomplishment, gratitude and wisdom. As far as BFing goes.....I believe that a small percentage of women can't, and for them, there are lactation consultants that you can meet with after you leave the hospital. I vowed 130% effort to my son. Formula is not an option for me. So, unless I had a medical condition that prevented me from making milk or someother extreme circumstance, I was committed to BFing. I knew going in that to say "I'm going to try" was an admission of defeat already. I approached this with the concept that "I'm going to BF". I believe that there is absolutely no better nutrition than what a mother can make. If my son gets sick, my body will create the exact antibodies that he needs to fight the specific virus or bacteria attempting to overtake him. Now that's f'ing miraculous. For us, there is no other option. It is harder than a gazillion anesthesia-free deliveries, but I will not sacrifice in this area. I had an LC come to my home and help us through our struggles. I was not going to fail me or him. And that's my opinion on what is right for us. I fully embrace my mammalian nature. Though I realize that other woman don't or can't. And for them, I say....happy mama=happy baby!!! I hope this helps explain another side..or at least another person's side.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I agree with you 100%

although i had a vaginal delivery, i was against a c-section unless for medical reasons. Really b/c i've never had surgery before and was deathly afraid of what it would entail, recovery time, scars etc. But if i would have delivered that way, it was obviously for a reason and i would have been ok with it. and in the end, all i wanted was my baby to come out safely. and i pushed for 2 hours and had to get the vacuum on DS to get him out I dont feel any stronger of a woman or mother b/c i did it vaginally. Csections arent easy either. what matters is that we gave birth and a baby came out of us. who cares which end it came out of??

and regards to BF'ing...i tried to get DS to latch for days..wanted nothing to do with my boobs. I went into it saying "oh im going to try it, if it works, great, if not..oh well." but DS first week home was a disaster, i was a mental case with the formula making DS nuts, trying to breast feed, back and forth to dr's that i thought i was going to lose my mind. there is so much pressure about breastfeeding. I spoke with a few lactation consultants and found them to be very judgemental and pushy. I had this loon that i see at the train station every morning ask me if i was going to breastfeed. Umm...hello..i barely know you..none ofyour business. and she gave me the lecture about how good it is, blah blah. i almost told her to stick it up her arse.

I didnt have any milk that came in either which is probably a whole other issue i should have looked into, but at that point i didnt care. Ds was being fed and once we got him on the right stuff, he did great.

I feel like people on here are so judgemental of one another. we all have to do whats best for us and our families.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

The one thing that frustrates me is that having a c-section is major surgery and should not be taken lightly. Unfortunately I think the birthing culture in the US does take C-sections more lightly than other countries do.

When I went in for my section earlier this month and it didn't go ahead, so many people said to me, you shouldn't have left without that baby, you should have made them give you a section etc, and my answer was Why? Because I had childcare sorted out? Any surgeon who would have cut me open because I had a babysitter organised is not ethical in my opion. However for me, I know a v-birth is better for me and better for my baby, so I would prefer that any day.

We have a TV show on in the UK at the moment called "One Born Every Minute" and it follows life in an NHS Maternity Ward and this weeks episode showed a woman who was so disappointed that she didn't have a vag birth with her first, that she was flat out determined not to have a section with her second, long story short, when the baby was born, that baby was grey and looked dead. They offered her a section and out of pride she said "no" so imo she risked the life of her baby for her own pride...that has really bugged me all week.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Linda1003

I can only say that I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a vaginal delivery. That's all. Of course Im glad that I had a healthy baby boy.. but yes.. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a vaginal delivery.

Can I tell you that the irony is that if you have an epidural you don't FEEL anything after you get it. In fact, they had to turn mine down so I could push, and all I felt was pressure

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had a c-section. I don't feel like less of a woman or less of a mother because of it.

But I do get moments where I feel sad that I never got to experience having my husband hold my hand and pushing my sons out of my own body without surgical intervention. I'll never know what that feels like and even though I got the best end result, I still have my moments of "I wish I could have.."

I did breastfeed. But Robbie didn't latch properly for 2 weeks and I was pretty convinced that I was going to have to bottle feed. It never crossed my mind that bottle feeding would make me a failure or that I would be cheating my kid in anyway.. but it did make me sad that there was this experience that so many mothers loved and gushed about and I didn't think I'd get the chance to even know if I liked it.

I never got to be valedictorian of my class. I worked really hard and got fantastic grades.. but I never got to be #1. I don't feel like I was a bad student or that I should rip up any of my degrees.. but I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to deliver a valedictory speech.

There are a lot of things that I wish I could have done in my life. I do get sentimental about some of these things.. but I don't let it take away from what I have.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Here is my story...First it took us almost 8 years to have this baby. SO for me it was very emotional. I had a few complications during the pregnancy. I ended up being induced 4 days before my due date. I was in labor for over 24 hours. Pushed for over 2 hours. and ended up with an emergency c-section. DS turned while I was pushing and I was in excruciating pain. They turned my epi down during the whole time I was pushing. I felt everything....I was so out of it, that my OB rushed me right into the OR. I saw DS for about 10 seconds in the OR before I passed out from exhaustion. I tried to breastfeed but because I am not a big chested person and I was very swollen after the delivery, DS couldn't latch on properly. I pumped for about 2 weeks and then my milk production slowed down. It stopped on its own shortly after that. So for me I had a hard time with things. Aidan is going to be our only child and even though I had a healthy son and everything went great, I am a little disappointed that I didn't get to experience a vaginal delivery. The breastfeeding doesn't bother me anymore. DS has severe allergies anyway so he is ion a special formula...
Aidan is the best thing in my life and IF I could do it again, I would...I am a great Mommy...

Message edited 3/1/2010 2:35:16 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had a c-section - in some ways I sort of missed being able to feel what labor was like...because it's the natural way to do things. But my DS needed to come out via C so whatever way got him out the safest was ok with me..

As far as BFing, I tried when he was born, he would not latch properly, he was screaming, I was in tears, so I pumped for 6 weeks then went to formula. I was a little sad to stop giving him my milk but glad I did it at least for those 6 weeks. But I am not devastated that it did not work out. And when I have #2 ( ) I have even thought of going straight to formula but then I feel like my DS got the benefit of my milk for 6 weeks then #2 should too.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I didn't care about either. My first (and only) child was via c-section. I was fine when I found out that I didn't have to deliver vaginally. I planned ahead and was somewhat prepared for the birth. I never went into labor at all so I don't know what I missed, but I don't care, really! As for BFing - I never attempted it. I didn't want to (for no particular reason). I wasn't breast fed, nor were any of my sister's babies or any friends that I knew. There never seemed to be a need for it nor any desire to do it. No regrets, would do the same thing if I were going to have more children.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

i had a vaginal birth with dd. I had such a great experience ( upon reflecting) that i would be bummed if i had to have a csection with baby #2. of course in the big picture, as long as the baby is healthy and happy , thats all that matters but i do NOT want to have a c section.

although I was sore and tender down there, i felt GREAT after the delivery! i had energy, and bounced back to myself real fast!
having gone through everything i went through with my dd, i want the same experience for all subsequent births.

and for bfing, samething! To me breastfeeding was my top priority. there was no " we'll see how it goes, i am going to try it out..." it was always " i am going to breastfeed"
i enjoy our time together during bfing sessions and i plan to bf our future baby.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I am not devastated about my non-vaginal birth, but I dont know that I would choose a csec again even after my horrific delivery.

I was OUT OF IT and dont remember her birth or most the the 6 hours prior to it. Last thing I really remember is watching Grey's Anatomy and then its all flashes. THAT is the part that I am upset about. Csec or Vaginal.. I would have liked to have been aware of it.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Message edited 3/1/2010 4:49:52 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Posted by Bops

Posted by Jen2999

I am not devastated about my non-vaginal birth, but I dont know that I would choose a csec again even after my horrific delivery.

I was OUT OF IT and dont remember her birth or most the the 6 hours prior to it. Last thing I really remember is watching Grey's Anatomy and then its all flashes. THAT is the part that I am upset about. Csec or Vaginal.. I would have liked to have been aware of it.

I wonder if it's because you labored first ?

For me, both DC's were scheduled and I was very much aware, awake and just myself through-out ...I remember every second of the whole experience !

ETA- I did end up in labor for a few hours w/ DD in the hours before my scheduled C ( and that was ummm...interesting )

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I am with you. I had a csection and it was wonderful. Never had the desire to have a vaginal delivery, so nothing lost IMO. Same with BF. Never had the desire, never tried so nothing lost IMO for me.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Both my deliveries were vaginal with an epidural. My labor and delivery with my DS was great, quick, easy and relatively painless. The recovery was very rough due to a lot of stitches and an episiotomy. My labor with my DD was tougher, I was sick before I delivered...nausious, throwing up, etc. but my recovery has been much easier b/c I had less stitches. Honestly, I really didnt want a C-section, I hate knowing that you are awake but numb while they work on you. It's funny b/c my freind really wanted a c-section, she was scared of a vaginal birth, and was so happy when they had to do one. She had a good recovery and was so happy she didnt have to go vaginal, so to each their own.

As far as BFing, I tried with my DS for 2 weeks, developed mastitis, had to be put on antiobiotics (I'm allergic to penicillin which you normally can continue to BFed on), which I coudn't continue to BF on for 10 days, so i went to formula. it was hard, emotional, etc but I didnt really have a choice. With my DD, I BFed the first 2 days, she didnt llatch good, tore up my nipples, so we put her on formula the night before I came home. I was crying all night b/c I really wanted to BFed. However, putting her on formula was the BEST decision I ever made. my DS has been having MAJOR stomache issues the past 2 weeks since we are home and their is no way I would be able to BFed her and take care of him.

I really believe you do whats good for you, BFed vs FF, vag birth versus C-sect-it doesnt matter as long as you have a healthy baby.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had a C-section and never felt like I missed a thing or "took the easy way out." Part of me thinks that it is downright insulting to have anyone, especially anyone who has no idea why I had a C-section, tell me that I took the easy way out. Another part of me says, "so what. So someone thinks I had it easy. Whatever."

My view on breastfeeding is a lot different because I wish I had been able to do it for longer than I did. Still, I have nothing negative to say about people whose views on that are entirely different from mine.

Personally, I feel that the parenting decisions that will affect who your child becomes are the more subtle everyday decisions.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I am one of those women who really wanted the vaginal birth. Now, of course, if c-section were the only way to safely get my babies to me, I may be disappointed, but I'd be the first one to say "cut me!", but it's still an experience I always wanted to have.

I had my daughter by "emergency" c-section. Basically, I was young & the jack*ss on call doctor felt he could easily push me around. He didn't feel like waiting & they pushed me into a c-section. What's more than that, he would let DH (boyfriend back then) in the room because we hadn't gone to the hospital's lamaze which my OB/GYN said wasn't really necessary. I asked her again afterwards & she was appaled that he wasn't allowed in the room. The doctor said if I wanted anyone in the room, it would have to me my mother. The birth of my first child was destroyed for me. Yes, I am grateful that I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby, but instead of birthing my baby with her father by my side, I was vomitting on a table with my mom sitting next to me & my DH outside in tears because he had to miss his daughter's birth. I wasn't able to hold her because I was so numb. I was only able to touch her face as my mom held her. Then there was a problem with my spinal & I was feeling everything while the doctor was sewing me up. I was in tears & so much pain I couldn't even focus on my new baby. I didn't get to see her again for almost 12 hours as I was in recovery. I feel like I didn't even get to experience her first minutes or even hours of life. I think the overall experience made me more determined to have a perfect vaginal birth one day. Not to mention, the recovery wasn't something I ever wanted to experience again.

With DS, I was determined to have a VBAC. I succeeded. It was such an amazing experience & I am so, so happy that I stuck to my guns & fought for my VBAC. I peacefully delivered my son with my husband & my mother by my side. I was he first person to hold him as soon as he was born. I was able to nurse him immediately because I wasn't sick or unable to move from surgery. For me, it was wonderful to experience a vaginal delivery & to live that experience I always dreamed of. Plus, recovery was a thousand times easier & I loved that I was able to take care of my son on my own & enjoy him without so much pain in the early days.

As far as BFing, I think I would've been very upset if I couldn't have done that too. It's hard to say though because I have succesfully breastfed both children (DD 26 months & DS nearly 11 months & counting).

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

First I wanted a c-section b/c I wanted him out. Then I was selfishly happy I didn't have a scar since I had a v birth.

I never wanted to BF, never tried, never had a LC approach me since DS was in the NICU, and I never once regretted my decision or wished I had tried. He still cries when I leave the room and only wants me EVER, so i think he bonded pretty well, bottles and all.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I have had both kinds of deliveries, and I can honestly say that I did not bond with my DD who arrived via csection the same way I did with my other two kids. There was no over-the-top, hormone infused, "Oh my God, my BABY!!!" moment with Juliana. It took me a long time to bond with her, and it happened instantly with the other 2 kids who I had vaginally.

As far as breastfeeding, I really can't compare because none of my 3 ever had a bottle whatsoever. I EBF until they self weaned. But yes, I think I would have had a big problem if they, for whatever reason, wouldn't/couldn't nurse. I would feel like I wasn't doing what my body was made to do.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

First, the response that Hofstra26 gave above I could have written myself.... to her! (didn't want to quote and make this post super long)

I had DD via C-section after 42 hours of labor. I was induced, starting on my delivery date b/c we thought the baby was very large and I really wanted a V-Birth. So, I went in for Cervadil (2 rounds)- nothing. Then Pitocin- nothing. Then, Epi. Still nothing. At this point, it was best for the baby to do the C. I was devastated! From the beginning I really wanted a V-birth. Why? Just because I DID want that feeling and to hold her right after. I didn't want to be all drugged up and not know my reaction to certain feelings. The entire delivery was HORRIBLE and the recovery was not pleasant either. If I could turn back the tables I NEVER would have been induced that early. DD also was in the NICU for a few days after birth. She was full term (2 days past) but actually had a few premie qualities. Again, I think she wasn't ready to come out.
With all of this stress, my milk did not come in. I was EBF her in the hospital until she went into the NICU and they had to put a feeding tube in her b/c I was not producing milk for her. I kept up the pumping and gave her every drop for 3 months. Again, it really really hurt me that I could not EBF.
It's good that you have an open mind and are flexible about your type of delivery. Also, that you are open minded to not breastfeeding. For me, I still tear up (like when I'm writing this) that things did not go as planned. For our next, I really don't think I will be a VBAC candidate b/c DD did not descend at all. It will be tough as well, but at least I will be prepared. I will try to EBF again, but again will be more prepared to deal with supplementing should it not work out.
I am *SOOOO* thankful for my beautiful DD and for any future children we may be blessed with. However, I do feel like I am/ have missed something by not being able to deliver vaginally & have a C. It took me 6 weeks to be able to even really talk to people in public without breaking down. As another PP said, "different strokes, different folks".

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had 2 c-sections one an emergency one planned (the second planned one I had to be knocked out because my spinal wasn't working)

I'll be honest the first time I pooped after I had Damien I was very thankful that I had a c-section


I also BF both my kids as soon as they let me and they took to it right away. I BF them both for 2years (Jaidy 2yrs +)

I know 100% I would have been devastated had I not been able to.

Message edited 3/1/2010 7:10:35 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I didn't care either way which way the baby came out. I know people had birth plans and all these things they wanted, I just wanted a healthy baby.

I ended up having up vaginal birth, now I can say I'm glad I got to experience that.

I wouldn't say C-sections are the easy way out. most of the stories I read on here about c-sections seem to be long drawn out labor, emergencies, down right scary.

I only had a 4 hour labor total, so I probably had the easy way out.