| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 3 4 |
Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
|
Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I guess this is sort of 2 posts in one  Wondering if I am missing some sort of "female" chip or something....
I have a very hard time relating when I hear others say that they are devestated about not being able to have a vaginal birth....(I had a c-section w/ both of my DC's due to size)
Also, if people say they are sad or very dissapointed that breast feeding did not work out for them....
To me ( and this is my opinion and feelings only) , it never mattered to me how my baby was born...Never even gave it a thought...The end result was going to be the same and hopefully what that meant was a healthy child...I felt like that before I ever even conceived...
I can and do understand if someone is afraid of the surgery itself and the risks associated with it, but my guess is that is not the primary reason women feel devestated when they cannot have a vaginal delivery...Maybe someone can shed some light for me, so that I can better understand....Once they are here, does it really matter in the end ?
And with BF.....
Neither of my DC's could latch well. I tried it out and probably not for the same reasons most women do in honesty...Yes, for the immunity benefits of-course, but many of the reasons were more of the "selfish ones...It's easier than toting bottles around, no warming bottles at 12am, it's free, it could make me lose weight etc...I also felt the "pressure' from the LC's and figured I'd give it a whirl...I ended up pumping for a few weeks with both DC's to get the initial
immunites and then switched to formula...Never had an ounce of guilt or felt like I was doing a disservice of any sort to my children...I bonded with them both and it had nothing to do with what they ingested....
I view feeding my child a way to nourish them and make them grow and thrive...However it may come (BM or formula) ..If someone breastfeeds, thats great, if someone bottlefeeds thats great too....
Either way, the child is going to be fed and after all, isn't that ALL it is ? Food  ?
Whether you have a vaginal birth, c-section, or feed your child breastmilk or formula, in the end what matters is that their needs are met and are met with love...No-one should feel guilty or made TO feel guilty for doing ANY of the above...
Just wondering if I am the only one feels like this, because sometimes it feels like I am
|
Posted 3/1/10 11:29 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
spa118
LIF Adult
Member since 3/09 2157 total posts
Name:
Shari
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I feel exactly the same way.
I had an emergency C-section.
I attempted BF, and supplemented with formula for the first week, and now am exclusively using formula.
I have a happy and healthy 10 week old, and am very happy! 
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:32 AM |
| |
|
MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I agree - But that is my personality and the way I think and approach most things -
I wouldn't have chosen to have major surgery right off the bat, but I really didn't care either way how the baby was born -
But I also didn't really like being PG and wasn't interested in the pain of labor, or deliering - to me, pregnancy and delivery were just a means to an end - Bringing that little person into the world -
While I appreciated the fact that I could do it - I didn't really enjoy it or obsess over it -
But for some people it's very important to have the whole experience - The pregnancy, the labor, the delivery, the breast feeding -
It wasn't important to me, but that's not to say it wouldn't be to someone else -
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:32 AM |
| |
|
chelle
It's a Good Life
Member since 8/06 15404 total posts
Name:
Isn't it obvious?
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Different strokes for different folks.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:33 AM |
| |
|
Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I can only say that I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a vaginal delivery. That's all. Of course Im glad that I had a healthy baby boy.. but yes.. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a vaginal delivery.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:34 AM |
| |
|
KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by chelle
Different strokes for different folks.
I agree
I had a v-birth, but if I had to had a c-section, that would have been fine too. I think even most women who say they are "upset" or "disappointed" that they didn't get to have a v-birth would 1100% agree that the section was fine in the long run b/c what they wanted was a healthy baby, you know?
As for BFing. I was never going to bf, never had any desire, but I do have to say that the fact that I never got milk did make me feel relieved in a way b/c it just was not an option for me...
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:36 AM |
| |
|
stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I feel exactly the same way. I have never been the "mother earth" type.
ETA: I HATED BFing. It depressed me each time I did it (or even pumped) - I cryed every time. Must have been hormonal because it happened with both kids.
I alslo Thanked the Lord when they decided on a c-section!
Message edited 3/1/2010 11:40:01 AM.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:36 AM |
| |
|
JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
nope, ITA had this convo at work yesterday.
I have/had ZERO desire to have a vaginal birth. Would have if I could, but couldn't and am SO happy about it. Next one Csec all the way.
I tried to BF, he would not latch. Pumped for 3 weeks. HATED it. Next one, similac from the start. Im way more then fine with both!
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:37 AM |
| |
|
Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by Linda1003
I can only say that I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a vaginal delivery. That's all. Of course Im glad that I had a healthy baby boy.. but yes.. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a vaginal delivery.
Ok, good you are perfect to ask then  !
What do you mean to "feel what it is like to have a vaginal delivery "?
I don't want to single you out but since you were the first to respond, I thought maybe you can share...
This is really more of a soul searching thing for me in essence, because I didn't have that "feeling" at all...hence me missing a female chip of some sort
Keep them coming, I truly am interested !!
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:41 AM |
| |
|
mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I agree with you that the end result is that the baby is happy, healthy, and fed. Doesn't matter how they got here or if they are fed formula or BM.
I had a vaginal birth with DS, and I would like to have another one with DD, but I have this weird feeling this time around I won't be able to ((no real facts, just a feeling)). This scares me because its abdominal surgery and I actually took a while to heal from a vaginal tear, so a real surgery scares me that I have no idea how long till I will feel ok.
As for the breastfeeding, I am still distraught over not being able to do it and DS is 14 months old. He wouldn't latch, I had no LC because it was a holiday when I delivered, and I was finishing up my BS so I was away from him often so my supply died off. I pumped for 6 weeks, but I wish I tried harder. I had my MIL who thought it was disgusting that I even attempted to breast feed, because then she nor DH could feed baby. Then I had my mother saying she breastfed all 3 of her children for over a year, and it was the best thing in the world.
DS has a milk sensitivity so he went through pain when we put him on formula, and I blame myself. I just blame myself for it, and to be honest I can't put my finger on why it bothers me so much. I selfishly got angry at my friend because her daughter was pro at breastfeeding and she was a SAHM from day 1, but hated her daughter because of the breastfeeding since it was all on her, and stopped quickly for her own personal reasons not because she couldn't. It angered me, and its not right that I felt that anger, but I think it made me feel less adequate or something.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:41 AM |
| |
|
SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I agree with you, Stacey - even though I feel differently than you. I had a c-section and although I am not devastated I didn't have a vaginal birth, I am disappointed about it. I also breast fed for 14 months and was very happy about that.
The bottom line is - Everyone makes choices and shouldn't be made to feel guilty about those choices as long as their children are healthy, loved and provided for.
(although I guess a c-section isn't always a choice).
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:47 AM |
| |
|
Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by chelle
Different strokes for different folks.
I agree
I had a v-birth, but if I had to had a c-section, that would have been fine too. I think even most women who say they are "upset" or "disappointed" that they didn't get to have a v-birth would 1100% agree that the section was fine in the long run b/c what they wanted was a healthy baby, you know?
As for BFing. I was never going to bf, never had any desire, but I do have to say that the fact that I never got milk did make me feel relieved in a way b/c it just was not an option for me...
ITA that we all are thrilled once the baby IS here and healthy and that in the end it didn't matter...
But occasionally you will hear of someone who is so dead set against the idea itself of having a c-section from the get go ( before they even know if they will even need one in the first place) and that I guess is more of my question....What is so horrible about bringing a baby into the world via c-section as opposed to vaginally kwim ?
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:50 AM |
| |
|
Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by Bops
Posted by Linda1003
I can only say that I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a vaginal delivery. That's all. Of course Im glad that I had a healthy baby boy.. but yes.. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a vaginal delivery.
Ok, good you are perfect to ask then !
What do you mean to "feel what it is like to have a vaginal delivery "?
I don't want to single you out but since you were the first to respond, I thought maybe you can share...
This is really more of a soul searching thing for me in essence, because I didn't have that "feeling" at all...hence me missing a female chip of some sort
Keep them coming, I truly am interested !!
Not quite sure if I can really put it in words but...it seems the "natural" way to have a child that I will NEVE experience now actually pushing him out.
And, IN MY EXPERIENCE only...I think some people feel C-sections are EASY. ANd they feel like "well you had a c-section..you just don't understand how hard it was? Yeah well i labored for 24 hours before the c-section.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:50 AM |
| |
|
KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by Linda1003
I can only say that I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a vaginal delivery. That's all. Of course Im glad that I had a healthy baby boy.. but yes.. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a vaginal delivery.
Can I tell you that the irony is that if you have an epidural you don't FEEL anything after you get it. In fact, they had to turn mine down so I could push, and all I felt was pressure
Message edited 3/1/2010 11:51:49 AM.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:51 AM |
| |
|
Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by Linda1003
Posted by Bops
Posted by Linda1003
I can only say that I really wanted to feel what it was like to have a vaginal delivery. That's all. Of course Im glad that I had a healthy baby boy.. but yes.. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a vaginal delivery.
Ok, good you are perfect to ask then !
What do you mean to "feel what it is like to have a vaginal delivery "?
I don't want to single you out but since you were the first to respond, I thought maybe you can share...
This is really more of a soul searching thing for me in essence, because I didn't have that "feeling" at all...hence me missing a female chip of some sort
Keep them coming, I truly am interested !!
Not quite sure if I can really put it in words but...it seems the "natural" way to have a child that I will NEVE experience now actually pushing him out.
And, IN MY EXPERIENCE only...I think some people feel C-sections are EASY. ANd they feel like "well you had a c-section..you just don't understand how hard it was? Yeah well i labored for 24 hours before the c-section.
Thank you for responding
Either way, there is pain involved thats for sure.....Whether it be labor before-hand w/ natural or recovery pain afterwards from a c-section, no-one is coming out unscathed (hence why babies were made to be so darn cute to distract us )
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:53 AM |
| |
|
computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I understand where you're coming from. I did not make any sort of "birth plan" with either of my kids because I honestly viewed the birth process as a medical procedure more than anything else, and I didn't want my birth plan influencing what happened.
I also felt pretty neutral about BF vs FF. I breastfed my first for 6 months, and I only formula fed my second. I had reasons for each choice and that was that, it wasn't an emotional decision either time.
I feel like I'm missing that "woman" chip too!
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:55 AM |
| |
|
4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I wanted a V-birth b/c I don't do well with surgery and was terrified of being cut open. With that said I was threatened twice during delivery with a C and I would've been ok with that too once I was in there and going through the motions. I wanted a V-birth too b/c I wanted to hold my baby for the first time, I didn't want to be loopy and knowing me I would've passed out from the surgery so FOR ME that's why I pushed real hard when I was threatened
As far as BFing.....oye. I was disappointed in myself at first that I just couldn't do it. I'm not sure why, maybe b/c I felt pressured all around me with "it's the right thing to do for your baby", "if you don't do it your baby won't have immunities" "this is what your boobs are for." etc..etc...there is a lot of pressure I feel when it comes to BFing and for me, I felt like a failure. I had terrible baby blues and to be honest with you, a lot of it had to do with BFing....he was great at latching, I had a supply come in...we were right on course for success but I just couldn't do it for some reason, it stressed me out big time, I felt like it's all I did..I would get anxious. So finally my ped. was like "why are you BFing? are you happy?" I said no and broke down in his office he just looked at me and said "just stop then...just stop, he will be fine" I did and while my baby blues hung around for a few more weeks, you have no idea the weight that was lifted off my shoulders. So in terms of BFing, I think I had guilt b/c he was doing great & I was failing as his mother. When in reality, he's almost 4 months and is thriving just as much as the BF babies around him
|
| Posted 3/1/10 11:59 AM |
| |
|
Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by computergirl
I understand where you're coming from. I did not make any sort of "birth plan" with either of my kids because I honestly viewed the birth process as a medical procedure more than anything else, and I didn't want my birth plan influencing what happened.
I also felt pretty neutral about BF vs FF. I breastfed my first for 6 months, and I only formula fed my second. I had reasons for each choice and that was that, it wasn't an emotional decision either time.
I feel like I'm missing that "woman" chip too!
You summed up what I was getting at but in a whole lot of a less winded post than I could have done (the whole medical procedure and BF not being an emotional decision) 
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:03 PM |
| |
|
Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I actually had a scheduled C-section because they kept telling me my DD was going to be over 10lbs. which she wasn't, she was only 8lbs 8oz. I wasn't really afraid of the surgery as much as it's NOT how I wanted to have my baby. I can honestly say while I agree with that in the end how your baby came to you really doesn't matter, for me, it still really bothers me 17 months later that I didn't deliver her vaginally. It's just something I was REALLY looking forward to. I wanted to labor, I wanted to push. I did NOT want a C-section in any way so it still haunts me in a way because I wish I backed out of the C-section when my water broke and at least gave labor a try on my own.
It was hard too on me because following my C-section I was SO, SO sick from all the morphine they gave me in recovery so I didn't even get to hold my DD or see her until 12 hours later. I just felt like I missed out on so much that first day..........I missed out on BF'ing right away, bonding with and holding my DD, visiting with everyone. It was not a fun experience and for that and so many other reasons, I absolutely 100% wish I could've delivered vaginally. I am hoping I can possibly have a VBAC the second time around.
I was also disappointed that BF'ing didn't work out as I had hoped. I planned for it, I was ready for it, I tried so hard, and I didn't produce enough milk so in the end we had to supplement and eventually switch over exclusively to formula. Again, for me it was a special bonding time with my DD, I loved the closeness, BF'ing was something I always wanted to do, and I was sad that my body didn't cooperate and I couldn't do it exclusively.
Everyone is different and for some people, like yourself, it doesn't matter how the baby was born or if you were able to BF but for me, and I can only speak for myself, it was a BIG deal to me and it was a HUGE disappoint to me when things didn't work out as I had hoped and planned.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:07 PM |
| |
|
BAM 2009
I am who I am!!!
Member since 5/09 6081 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I guess i am an oddball here. I did get emotional about how my delivery went. And I was a bit disappointed that I could BF...
Message edited 3/1/2010 12:40:45 PM.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:08 PM |
| |
|
alisha
LIF Adult
Member since 3/07 1199 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I had a c-section (unplanned) and I was devastated.
Of course I am happy to have a healthy child, but having my baby "ripped" out of me (the epi did not work and I felt EVERYTHING and eventually had to go under general) affected my bonding process. I did not feel that my baby was mine for a few days and it wasn't until I was home for a few weeks until I felt that gush of love that many women say they feel immediately.
Would I have felt differently with a vaginal birth? I don't know. But for baby #2 I hope to find out.
As for BF, I wanted to give my baby the best nourishment there is - which is breast milk.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:10 PM |
| |
|
Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by Hofstra26
Everyone is different and for some people, like yourself, it doesn't matter how the baby was born or if you were able to BF but for me, and I can only speak for myself, it was a BIG deal to me and it was a HUGE disappoint to me when things didn't work out as I had hoped and planned.
I guess thats just it....The reason for my post was to try to understand why I didn't have those feelings...I guess feelings are just that- feelings...You either have them in you, or you don't....And I can see that its not something that can be put into words neccessarily from the replies that the post has gotten .....It seems that I am not 'alone" at least and all my female chips are intact
I can also see, how if someone had a very negative experience with a c-section and was ill , why they might not want another
Thanks for the reply !
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:19 PM |
| |
|
Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
You're welcome!! And your female chips are in tact..........don't worry!!
Message edited 3/1/2010 12:23:27 PM.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:23 PM |
| |
|
avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
I feel the exact same way.
With DD, I had a failed induction and an emergency c -section. With DS it was a planned c-section.
I formula feed them both.
No complaints at all.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:24 PM |
| |
|
browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
|
Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...
Posted by alisha
Of course I am happy to have a healthy child, but having my baby "ripped" out of me (the epi did not work and I felt EVERYTHING and eventually had to go under general) affected my bonding process. I did not feel that my baby was mine for a few days and it wasn't until I was home for a few weeks until I felt that gush of love that many women say they feel immediately.
you are not alone in feeling that way. DS's birth was so surreal to me. although i loved him more than anything, i didn't feel that "gush" that other women describe until later. and i had a vag delivery. i think different women feel differently once their kids are born.
to the OP--i agree with you. i personally never understood the whole birth plan and natural birth thing. i just wanted my babies out safe and sound and didn't care what they had to do to me or what medications they had to give me to get that result. i didn't have a plan because i knew the only plan was the baby's plan, and i couldn't control it. did i want a csection--no, but only because i know the recovery is hard. but i would have done it in a heartbeat.
when it comes to BFing--i am not a supporter of the whole breast is best theory. what's best for the baby is what makes mommy happy and healthy. the nutrition my kids get from formula is just as good as the breast milk that made me miserable. BFing and pumping were dark days and weeks for me. formula was better for me and my kids and i have zero guilt or regret. zero.
different strokes for different mothers.
|
| Posted 3/1/10 12:25 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 3 4 |
