Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I wholey look back on my entire labor experience with deep regret and sadness because it was not how I intended it to be. I should have trusted my body more and instead I let myself (a normally very strong-willed, stubborn, hard-asss) be swayed by my OB. I was induced at 40 weeks because his "estimated" weight was over 10 lbs (he ended up being 8.11). My OB didn't want me to go past 40 because she knew I wanted to deliver vaginally and she said that if I went too long the baby would be even bigger and c-section would be almost certain. So against my better judgement I was induced, labored an entire day, pushed for over 2 hours at which point DS got stuck and they had to do a c-section. I was inconsolable, angry and disappointed in myself, I felt like I quit on my baby, that I gave up on my body and let him down. Way more medical intervention than I ever every wanted. I was sooooo prepared, physically, emotionally, intellectually for not only a vaginal birth but a natural, drug-free one and it couldn't have been more opposite than what I wanted. I didn't get to hold DS for over 2 hours and when I did....I honestly felt nothing. I swear to you (and you can ask anyone close to me), I was seriously questioning whether or not he was really my son, whether there was a mix up in the nursery because i felt absolutely no connection to him. There was no...spark, no light, no instant love and I truly believe it's because he was delivered via C and because I had no physical contact with him for over 2 hours. Yes, some may think that's ridiculous but that's how I feel. I am determined to do a VBAC for #2 whenever the time comes, or at the very least, go into labor on my own and let my DC tell me when he/she is ready to come into this world and not have the baby be evicted by induction.

As far as BFing, I was BFing, and that was that. I was very well aware and educated by my best friend who told me that BFing was bar none the most difficult, hardest, toughest thing that she ever did (in the beginning) so to be ready. I don't quit, I don't give up, it's just not who I am (which is why I hate myself for allowing my OB to get the best of me re: the delivery) so no matter how hard BFing was in the beginning, I was getting through it and this baby was going to be BFed, it was that important to me. I had mastitis twice, chills, fevers, clogged ducts, in the first couple of weeks it felt like DS was shooting needles into my nipples, but I sucked it up, cried alot, and got through it. The whole time my MIL, SIL and even my mom were telling me just to stop that it wasn't worth it, but to me it was so ignored them the best I could and my best friend was my savior through that time. I would literally call her in tears with DS attached to my boob when it was almost unbearably painful and she talked me through it, her support was priceless. And once I got through those first few weeks, it got less and less painful which I knew it would eventually and then it became enjoyable and now at a little over a year I'm still BFing DS and plan to let him self-wean.

Message edited 3/1/2010 8:08:03 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I wished I had labored and vaginally delivered to have a better story to share I wished I had BF longer...actually tonight I was feeling guilty about it, but I did the best that I could at the time. I might try to stick it out longer when I have #2

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Having a vaginal delivery was very important to me. I have always wanted to feel the pain of labor and be able to push my baby out on my own. Of course, I would have let the doctor do whatever was best for a safe delivery but I would have been very upset about having a CS. I wanted a very natural delivery with as little medical intervention as possible and wound up delivering in hospital that was not very supportive of a natural birth. I wound up having one intervention that led to others and even though it was vaginal it was not what I had imagined. In the end, I have a beautiful, healthy baby which is all that matters.

Initially I was going to try BF because I wanted DS to get the benefits of it. I figured I would try it and see what happened. Once I started, I loved it and have done everything possible to get over the obstacles that have come up. I almost had to give it up due to to a severe dairy/soy allergy and was so upset over this. Luckily, DS is doing fine now and we can continue BF.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Personally, I was dead set against having a C-Section unless absolutely necessary. My reasons are more for me and fear of surgical complications/scar healing etc. However, I DO NOT understand people who elect to have c-sections without even trying to give birth naturally for the sheer convenience of picking a day or otherwise, etc.

On the other hand, now a mother of 2 boys (#2 was born 4 days ago) I do have very personal feelings on breastfeeding. I can say that I have done both now, DS#1 was born in 2004, when I was 24 and IMO much more impatient, immature, and looking for whatever was the path of least resistance. Naturally, I wanted what was best for him so I "attempted" to breastfeed for the first 24hours in the hospital. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation, following a 23 hour labor and his unconsolable screaming that evening influenced me to give in rather quickly and resort to the bottle for the simple convenience of not having to deal with complications.

Now however, I am 30, married, my husband is very supportive, and I have done a lot of research which indicates the enormous benefits of the antibody producing colostrum and that the DHA in breastmilk comes from a different source that cant be duplicated, while the DHA in formula is synthetic.

Additionally, the breastfeeding experience offers bonding between mom and baby that cannot be replicated. I have done it both ways and I can say with 100% honesty that nursing this baby makes me feel so close to him, like nothing else ever has. It's a beautifully intimate time for us that DS cant share with anyone else but me and I feel so empowered as a mother, something i never felt with bottlefeeding.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

ITA!

I had no expectations going into everything. I was not even nervous about labor/delivery. It just didn't matter to me and i had no control over what was going to happen, so to me, there was no point in any expectations. I just wanted to meet my baby.

BF or not. I tried it. I lasted 10 days. No regrets. No guilt about it.

Again no expectations.

It honestly didn't matter to me one way or the other how it all played out. So i hear you!

Message edited 3/1/2010 9:00:56 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

For baby #1 I was TOLD I would likely have a C-Section and I was totally fine with that. DS arrived naturally and I had a drug free birth. For me, I found that to be an amazing and empowering experience. So when #2 was expected I truly wanted to experience it again which I was able to. I really didn't care the 1st time around.

As for BF, I didn't want to and that was what worked for me. I respect those who do and wish everyone could respect those who don't. I will say I have a very nice bond with my kids even though we didn't BF.

These are such personal issues and everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I understand what you are saying. I have also never had the desire to give birth vaginally or breast feed. I had to have a c-section for medical reasons and was on meds so I didn't even have the choice to BF but I'm sure I would not have done it anyway. It just was something that never appealed to me for whatever reasons although I can understand why some people feel very strongly about it.

All I care about is that my son is healthy as can be, amazes me with how bright he is on a daily basis and is doing beautifully. We have an amazing bond and I wouldn't change anything!

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

There are 78 replies ahead of me and I haven't read any so I have no idea if there's any drama going down here but my feelings are this: With the vbirth vs c/s, I did have one vbirth and then 2 c/s. I was glad I got to have the vbirth experience but my vbirth was a very good experience. I have heard enough birth stories to know that hasnt been everyone's experience with a vbirth. Some had horrible experiences and wish they had the c/s instead. Some people labor and for various reasons might end up with a c/s and they wonder if they missed out on something. I think you have to believe that things happened a certain way for a reason. Period.

As far as b/f - I sort of tried to bf my oldest but my heart wasn't in it and he was resistant, like many newborns I'm sure, so I was pretty quick to go to formula and I felt guilty for a very long time, like it meant I loved him less or I didn't try hard enough or care enough. I said I was going to try with my second but I started to accept that it wasn't for me. With my 3rd, I went straight to formula and never looked back. I don't have an issue like milk not coming in, needing to go back to work, baby not latching, etc. If I really wanted to, I would have devoted more research and time to it. So it wasn't for me. Maybe bc my youngest is almost 4 I am further away from it than a lot of people but....so what!? Really... there will always be people who choose to do things differently than others and there will also always be Mommy guilt. I don't need to inflict more on myself. I'm dealing with an issue bigger than if my kids were BF or how they came out of my body. It doesn't mean you are missing some gene, it just means different things to different people, like everything. Despite various opinions in real life and on the web, it really is a personal issue and there is more than one way to do everything and there isn't one way that is best for everyone.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I sort of knew that I wasn't going to have a c section, all the women in my family including my mom and grandmother who I take after very much so had extremely and luckily very very easy births...which is what I experienced. Having said that, I also reasearched a ton of Drs and did NOT want one that had a high C section ratio...I think Drs are VERY quick today to perform c sections to make their lives easier and quick...to me that just leaves a really bad taste in my mouth...I don't see the need for many of the c sections that are done. That is NOT to say that sometimes c sections are needed...so do I think I'd be upset if I ended up with a C, I think I would have been yes...

On the other hand I tried BFing, my heart was not in it the entire pregnancy, it's just not something I'd enjoy and I knew it going in...maybe it was my preconceived notion of it, and that impaired me, but I just hated the way I felt the entire time, and DD was CONSTANTLY hungry and on me...I felt like I was chained to my glider, once she was done eating, she wanted to start eating again!!! I'm not crushed that I couldn't do it for longer, and to be honest I don't think I will BF with my second

Message edited 3/1/2010 9:22:10 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I really wanted a vaginal birth. Started out as just a fear of the surgery. But then after doing some research, I really just didn't like the idea of a c-section. In fact I wanted to try a totally natural birth - though I wasn't sure I could handle it.

When I realized DS was breech,and when my water broke I knew I would not be having a vaginal birth and I was really scared, and sad. Then, when the anethesiologist told me he was going to put me completely out, I was devastated. It was the complete opposite of what I had envisioned. DH couldn't even be there which meant DS first moments of his life were completely without his parents. I know that may sound silly, but I was/still am upset by this. Like a previous poster, when I finally got to hold him hours later, I looked at him and (though he was amazing and beautiful) I kept having the oddest worry that he wasn't mine. I didn't think he looked like either of us and I was just so sad about it.

I did feel some contractions, so, I don't even know that I'd have been able to do it w/o drugs (because damn, they hurt!!!!!) but I wanted to try and do feel cheated that I couldn't do it.

As for BF, I really wanted to - because I know it is good for them (and truthfully, because it's so much cheaper) though I was willing to go with whatever happened. It was soooo hard - DS never really got the hang of it and in the hospital it was torture. I still wonder if the CS and not being able to hold him soon after he was born was partly to blame for the difficulties in BF. I tried and pumped for about 3 months - finally giving in to all formula. Yes, I know there is nothing wrong with it, but A) I HATE the smell of formula and B) I just would have liked to be able to provide all the good stuff for DS for a little longer.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I was ok with whatever kind of delivery I had. I wanted to go vaginally, and was able to, but I would have been ok with a c-section. As long as I had a baby at the end of it, it was fine with me.

As far as breastfeeding went....I had no milk. But I tried for 3 weeks to breastfeed. I fed her every 2-3 hours....usually for about an hour at a time....I pumped in between...I consulted with lactation consultants...I did everything I could think of....but still had no milk. So I had to give up. And it hurt....really really bad. I can't even say that 2.5 years later the hurt is all gone. I don't know why. It wasn't my fault....I had no milk, and forcing it would have been detrimental to my child's health. But I felt like a failure. And I'm not sure I'll ever really be over it.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Posted by Grill

Here's my take, which is a bit different from the previous posts. And please, no flames. This is how it is for me and I absolutely do not judge another woman's decisions on what is best for her or her child.
I do not view birth as a medical process unless there is something that goes wrong...and then I'm extremely grateful for the minds and abilities of those who have studied medicine. I view birth as a right of passage for a woman. I believe that pregnancy, labor, delivery and motherhood are natural processes. I trust my body to do what it was designed to do without intervention. I wholeheartedly believe that one medical intervention leads to another. For me, I studied long and hard on how to have a drug free delivery. I learned everything I could about managing the pain naturally. I am opposed to pain medication because it is an intervention that will 1. most likely lead to another intervention and 2. I find it would have been taking the easy way out for me. I believe that it would have hurt my newborn on some level. And I know that it impacts the natural process of breastfeeding (although many women overcome this impediment ). So, for me, it was very important to me to feel all the contractions and all the pushing and to work my hardest to birth my child. I view it as something that he and I did together. I needed to be in tuned to my body and I was, because I did not have narcotics to take me away from myself. I experienced this right of passage to the best of my ability. I will tell you that my blood pressure skyrocketed through my labor and I needed magnesium to prevent a stroke or seizure. I was happy that there were trusted doctors to keep me safe. I will also tell you that magnesium is a smooth muscle relaxant and it completely stopped my natural contractions. After trying all sorts of midwifery tricks, my contractions did not return and approximate 10 hours after my water broke, I was given pitocin. Again, I was happy that the doctor intervened to keep my baby safe from infection. My midwife continued to lead the L & D team. I did not have any other intervention, despite the sincere attempts at all hospital staff to give me stadol or an epi. For me, I NEEDED to go through this as unassisted as possible. And here I am 11 weeks later feeling a sense of pride, accomplishment, gratitude and wisdom. As far as BFing goes.....I believe that a small percentage of women can't, and for them, there are lactation consultants that you can meet with after you leave the hospital. I vowed 130% effort to my son. Formula is not an option for me. So, unless I had a medical condition that prevented me from making milk or someother extreme circumstance, I was committed to BFing. I knew going in that to say "I'm going to try" was an admission of defeat already. I approached this with the concept that "I'm going to BF". I believe that there is absolutely no better nutrition than what a mother can make. If my son gets sick, my body will create the exact antibodies that he needs to fight the specific virus or bacteria attempting to overtake him. Now that's f'ing miraculous. For us, there is no other option. It is harder than a gazillion anesthesia-free deliveries, but I will not sacrifice in this area. I had an LC come to my home and help us through our struggles. I was not going to fail me or him. And that's my opinion on what is right for us. I fully embrace my mammalian nature. Though I realize that other woman don't or can't. And for them, I say....happy mama=happy baby!!! I hope this helps explain another side..or at least another person's side.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I wanted a vaginal birth simply because there are less possible complications than having a c section, for mom and baby.

As far as BFing, I believe it was the best choice for DD and myself. She was NEVER gassy. I lost weight rather quickly, and we both enjoyed it, once I got thru the beginning. I would have felt like I was giving up if I didn't push thru the difficulty in the beginning. I had great support from my mother, so that helped.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

Posted by Bops

Posted by Elizabeth

There are 78 replies ahead of me and I haven't read any so I have no idea if there's any drama going down

I would like to happily report that this has been a drama free thread !!!

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I assumed I was going to have a cs with DD # 1 b/c I of a previous operation on my back but I was told I was ok to go vag. If I wasn't able to go vag I would have been fine with a cs.

I ended up going natural no meds and after giving birth I felt great so I went natural nomeds 3 more times again.

However, with my 4th I was told she was sunny side up and that discouraged me. I thought I'd be pushing forever so I asked for a c/s. I got denied though. Although I thought sunny side up was going to be a problem for me, it wasn't. I'm happy the dr. didn't listen to my request!

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I wanted a v-birth so bad and ended up having an emergency c-section. I cried at first and was very dissappointed but in the end all that really mattered was my healthy baby boy. Now that I have already had a c-section I will have another. Having a v-birth is not important to me anymore.

I am breastfeeding and absolutley love it. There are so many reasons why I love it and I'm so thankful that my body/baby allows me to do it. I would be very dissappointed if I was not able to breastfeed bc it has always been a dream of mine. Although, like not being able to have a v-birth I'm sure if I was not able to breastfeed I would be okay with it, but now that I do bf I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I had two c-sections and no BFers. I pumped what I could and I could've done better in that area. My boobs were {evidently} not made for latching and my body was apparently not made for delivering babies vaginally. I'm one of those women who would have died during childbirth back in the day... baby #1 was stuck in my pelvis in a way that he would not have come out that way...and after a 40-some-odd hour failed induction, it was not happening and it was certainly not taking the easy way out to have a c/s at that point. I was spiking a fever and baby was distressing with each contraction.

When it came time for baby #2, doc said I was not a good candidate for a VBAC and I simply listened to the man who, although surely has insurance concerns in mind, had way more experience in this area than me. C-section it was... and I have to say my 2nd c/s was pretty fabulous... well, as fabulous as child births come.

Doing what I do I've met women who have all kinds of stories... those that popped them out vaginally in 2 hours with no drugs...those that labored for countless hours, and those that scheduled c-sections, and on and on... every mom has a story and every single story is pretty amazing...

I can feel for those who've had a difficult time with their deliveries and I have a tons of respect and admiration for women who deliver vaginally, who try to, push to,
and do VBACs... and heck, even those with elective C-sections...because I am a woman too. I think all of us women who carry and deliver babies are pretty awesome regardless of how those babies got here.

x

Message edited 7/15/2010 8:50:07 PM.

Re: Does anyone else share my feelings ? BF, vag.deliveries etc...

I feel exactly the same as you do. It didn't matter to me how DD got here as long as she was healthy, having a C Section did not make me feel like I was missing out on a V birth.

DD did not latch well and she was a big baby and needed to eat. I pumped for a month but wound up using formula. As long as the baby's needs are met and she was being fed and loved, it's all that mattered to me. The bond between us is undeniable, even though I didn't breastfeed. I believe you bond with your baby either way you feed them.

In the end, we all have beautiful, healthy children who we all adore. That is the end result and all that matters!!!