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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
OMG I seriously can't believe some of the shallow responses coming out of you girls. Talk about disgusting! 
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Posted 10/30/07 8:59 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Alli06
Baby #3 coming this June
Member since 8/05 6721 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Kara
Posted by Alli06
I don't think this would cause a divorce, but it would cause strain in any marriage. Just remember men are visual, and think way different then women.
Let's also remember that ALL men aren't the same and ALL men aren't attracted to the same things.
That is true! Like I said, if a man in really into staying healthy and being in shape, he most likely will have a problem with his wife gaining weight and living an unhealthy lifestyle. If a man doesn't really work out, and is up and down with his own weight, he most likely won't care as much. Same might go for a female. If the wife eats healthy and works out, she might have a problem with her DH gaining 50-100lbs. Excess weight gain could lead to so many health problems, and I couldn't sit back and be comfortable seeing this happen to DH, and I know DH feels the same way. I'm talking about excess weight gain, not 10-20lbs.
Message edited 10/30/2007 9:12:20 AM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:02 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
I've gained 10lbs while dating, 10lbs married for a total of 20lbs. I know DH is not happy about it, when we were dating he said something to me.  Now he has learned not to say anything and I am more motiviated than ever to lose the weight.
If my husband gained 100lbs I wouldn't love him less or divorce him. I would be concerned about his health and how this happened.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:14 AM |
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Michi
My Love
Member since 5/05 31600 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by azoodie
OMG I seriously can't believe some of the shallow responses coming out of you girls. Talk about disgusting!
I totally agree. 
It really makes me sad that so many pple r hung up on looks. I would love to see how many of the pple making these statements look when they get older, and life has aged them in ways that are much harder to control.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:16 AM |
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dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
DH's family are all active and thin tall people. My family are all shorter and rounder and not into exercise at all.
It's taken me about 8 years to find a healthy balance because it just looks so effortless from them. Like SIL who I am close with can eat a cheeseburger, then ice cream and then a freakin cupcake and she's had 2 kids and then wear a bikini to the pool.
We were in our early 20's when we met, and I would say that at that time FH was definitely more superficial than he is now. The more we fell in love and cared for each other, the less he cared about my appearance and the more he cared about me eating fruits and vegetables, protein, healthy exercise, vitamins, etc. With that I just kind of got thinner. Then I took it overboard and got too thin and he didn't like it at all.
So to answer the original question, if I started gaining weight because I was just ignoring being healthy FH would have a really big problem with it and it would probably drive a wedge between us because we are active together.
If I started gaining weight because of g-d forbid an illness or being PG I don't think he would mind. I would probably not feel all that great about it though because I am now obsessed with maintaining the way I look.
ETA - It drives DH crazy when his sister eats the way she does because he doesn't think its healthy, even though she really looks terrific.
Message edited 10/30/2007 9:25:44 AM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:17 AM |
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Michi
My Love
Member since 5/05 31600 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
ETS: Looks come and go but what is within stays forever. I married DH for everything he is, inside and out and I love him incredibly. I definitely don't think that a change in appearance would ever alter the way I feel about DH. IMO that's what true love is.
You couldnt have said it better!!!!
ps congrats on all the healthy weight achievements u have made! it is not easy to lose weight and for all the pple who wouldnt be attracted to there SO if they gained some should really be ashamed of themselves
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:18 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
My husband IS attracted to healthy looking women. He has never gone for the emaciated look - but he is also never been attracted to fat.
When we met I was at a reasonable and healthy weight. I was able to do a lot of the activities that we loved together - biking, kayaking, tennis, etc..
I gained a lot of weight and never lost it. I actually gained even MORE weight recently.
Rob has NEVER - NOT EVER- made me feel as though I am anything less than 100% adored. He has NEVER made me feel as though he is no longer attracted to me - not by word or by deed.
Having said that - he does do things to encourage me to lose weight. But only because he knows how unhappy *I* am with my current body. His motivation in reminding me to get up early and hit the elliptical, or to choose healthy alternatives for snacks has nothing to do with a desire to have a 'hot' wife. What he wants is a 'happy' wife.
As for myself - I think my husband is hot I love his body. I love his face. But if he gained 100lbs it would not make me love him any less. I love his body - but I am attracted to his heart, his humor, the type of father he is and the type of human he is. I don't think 100lbs or even 200lbs will change that. I adore my husband's face - but if he were (God forbid) horribly disfigured by some accident - I would still love him, still stay with him and still want to be with him forever.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:26 AM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
My husband is 6'3 and weighs 315lbs. He's a big boy and I love every inch and pound of him. He knows he has to lose weight for his health, and I've been buying alot more fruits and veggies for him.....but if he doesn't lose anything, he will still be the most attractive man in the world to me.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:31 AM |
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ETAB
Mother Mary Pray for us
Member since 7/07 2052 total posts
Name:
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
I would never leave him because he gained weight and I know my DH would never leave me because I gained weight. But, some of the things I love to do with DH is go to the gym, go running doing physical activity and if he gained a lot of weight I know it would be hard to do that stuff and it would def cause tension. Secondly I am in a bad mood if my jeans are tight and I cant find anything to wear. I KNOW I would be miserable and make his life miserable if I gained a lot of weight. Even if he was attracted to me.. I know I would say things like I know you are not attracted to me, I know you think I gained a lot of weight. I just know the way I am and I know it would cause a lot of tension in our relationship.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:32 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by greenfreak
I feel one of the keys to a successful marriage is riding out changes and challenges. The more love, honesty, compromise and security you have with each other to start off with, the easier it is when you transition to different parts of your life.
Am I the only one who loves my DH's growing potbelly? And his graying hair? It reminds me of when I was a child and dreamed about growing old with someone. To me, these are the things that happen when you get older and to pretend they aren't happening or cover them up is silly.
We aren't going to let ourselves get unhealthily obese. We are both overweight by a doctor's standards - 15 and 30 pounds. But should that increase to 50 and 75 pounds, I won't love him less and he won't love me less.
This is what happens. You can't expect at 30 or 40 to be the same person you were at 20. Our bodies just don't work that way. You can't drop weigh as quickly 10 or 20 years later. You have to work harder for it and you have decide how important that is to you and your DH.
Weight has never been something I lost sleep over. I've never been considered "thin" and never will be. But part of what my husband loves about me is that I am sure of myself. I love myself as much as I love him. I can be proud without being thin. And he can be proud of me too.
And that's all that matters to us.
ITA. Excellent post, excellent posts. And even though Rob hasn't gotten a potbelly yet - I LOOOOVE the sprinkling of gray in his hair. I told him it's like silver moonlight on his black hair.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:33 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
My husband and I both gained weight after we got married. We were both harder on ourselves. He still looked amazing to me - and somehow I still looked good to him.
Now, that the baby is born I really want to try to get back to my original weight (from when we were dating) and it has nothing to do with him because I know he loves me no matter what size I am....it has much more to do with me.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:37 AM |
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Since our wedding i have gained a little weight.Like 5 pounds. My dh never says anyting i dont think he ever would, but i want to keep myself in shape. And if he wanted to divorce me because i gained weight then obviously he didnt marry me for the right reasons.
As for my dh he has gained in the 10 years we have been together probably 50-60 lbs and i love him just the same but he has a heart problem and i try to encourage him to be more heathly but nothing seems to work. i tell him i want him to be around as long as possible. if it were just the weight i wouldnt care it is his health that i am more concerned with.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:39 AM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
As for DH and I, we have always been at healthy weights. If either of us suddently gained tons of weight (not-pg related), it certainly would NOT be grounds for a divorce. There are so many other reasons why we love eachother, but I know we wouldn't ignore it... for health reasons more than anything.
Posted by azoodie
OMG I seriously can't believe some of the shallow responses coming out of you girls. Talk about disgusting!
Really? I haven't read any shallow posts... these are people's opinions and everyone is in a different situation and feels a certain way about this.
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| Posted 10/30/07 9:59 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
When I was looking for someone - looks were irrelevant to me. I know they say that you have to be physically attracted to the person before you get to know them and all that jazz. IMO, I always looked at it from the viewpoint that looks are not forever, and what physically attracts me to someone is that I can see myself sitting in a rocking chair with them and still enjoying their company when i am 80/
Boosh and I met online - we talked online and on the phone for a long time before we met, and we got to know each other's interests and things in common. And from that we actually became physically attracted BEFORE we met.
To answer the question, we were both overweight and are still overweight now. We get on each other because of health reasons and various genetic links to heart disease in the family. But other than that, physical attractiveness was never and is never going to be based on looks.
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:01 AM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Here are my two cents:
After having Marissa I gained lots of weight, but I don't consider gaining weight letting yourself go. I think you can look great no matter the size. Now not taking care of your physical apperance is different. DH has gained 45 in the last 9 years we've been together. I don't consider him any less sexy that I did when we first met. We are in a different stage in our marrige where we are secure in our marriage, we always try to look our best for each other because we think it's important! 
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:06 AM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by CaMacho
Posted by azoodie
OMG I seriously can't believe some of the shallow responses coming out of you girls. Talk about disgusting!
Really? I haven't read any shallow posts... these are people's opinions and everyone is in a different situation and feels a certain way about this.
In MY opinion, anyone that thinks DH has a RIGHT to think they are disgusting only because they have gained weight is purely and simply shallow. That is just my personal opinion based on how I feel about the topic.
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:09 AM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by azoodie
In MY opinion, anyone that thinks DH has a RIGHT to think they are disgusting only because they have gained weight is purely and simply shallow. That is just my personal opinion based on how I feel about the topic.
Ditto!
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:10 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by LadyMaravilla
Posted by azoodie
In MY opinion, anyone that thinks DH has a RIGHT to think they are disgusting only because they have gained weight is purely and simply shallow. That is just my personal opinion based on how I feel about the topic.
Ditto!
Did someone say their DH would find them disgusting?
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:21 AM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Tilde
Posted by LadyMaravilla
Posted by azoodie
In MY opinion, anyone that thinks DH has a RIGHT to think they are disgusting only because they have gained weight is purely and simply shallow. That is just my personal opinion based on how I feel about the topic.
Ditto!
Did someone say their DH would find them disgusting?
I know of a couple that her dh feels this way, so based on that I can say it's pretty darn shallow. And it's sad thst she puts up with it.
Message edited 10/30/2007 10:41:04 AM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:40 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by LadyMaravilla
Posted by Tilde
Posted by LadyMaravilla
Posted by azoodie
In MY opinion, anyone that thinks DH has a RIGHT to think they are disgusting only because they have gained weight is purely and simply shallow. That is just my personal opinion based on how I feel about the topic.
Ditto!
Did someone say their DH would find them disgusting?
I know of a couple that her dh feels this way, so based on that I can say it's pretty darn shallow. And it's sad thst she puts up with it.
Oh okay I thought you meant in this thread.
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:44 AM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Tilde
Oh okay I thought you meant in this thread.
NO! 
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:44 AM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
I know that with my STBX, he was never physically attracted to me because of my size. I was around 200 when we married, but due to my misery within my life/marriage, I ballooned to 278 (pre-surgery). I guess I'll still never understand WHY he married me if he didn't find me physically appealing...
I actually met John before surgery (we were friends for awhile) and he always says that he found me more "attractive" in my prior form. He enjoys me now, not because of my weight, but by the confidence I emanate (whereas before I used to hide myself under bulky clothes and would not be outspoken). For him, it's about how you carry yourself. Granted, he's a big boy and that might play into it (meaning he'd have a different POV if he was a smaller/healthier guy), but he always jokes that he's afraid he'll "break me". Well, too bad for him, I'm not gaining to make him happy
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:48 AM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by Tilde
Posted by LadyMaravilla
Posted by Tilde
Posted by LadyMaravilla
Posted by azoodie
In MY opinion, anyone that thinks DH has a RIGHT to think they are disgusting only because they have gained weight is purely and simply shallow. That is just my personal opinion based on how I feel about the topic.
Ditto!
Did someone say their DH would find them disgusting?
I know of a couple that her dh feels this way, so based on that I can say it's pretty darn shallow. And it's sad thst she puts up with it.
Oh okay I thought you meant in this thread.
I'm pretty sure someone had said that if they gained weight their DH had the right to find them disgusting. Maybe it was edited  Don't worry I wasn't talking about you lol.
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:54 AM |
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diva7531
My Peanut
Member since 2/07 5199 total posts
Name:
Ryan 3 boys EDD 11/6!
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
My DH and I have both gained/lost30 lbs or so thru our relationship and I still love him just as much and he loves me the same as well. In our vows wesaid forever, thru sickness and health, richer and poorer. Not if you gain, I'm out! That is just us tho.
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:57 AM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Weight gain/marriage debate
Posted by azoodie
In MY opinion, anyone that thinks DH has a RIGHT to think they are disgusting only because they have gained weight is purely and simply shallow. That is just my personal opinion based on how I feel about the topic.
I don't remember reading a post that said that, but I may have skimmed some of them and missed it.
I understand you have an opinion on this, but you called other people's opinions/feelings shallow & disgusting in your original post. I just don't think it was necessary. Sorry. 
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| Posted 10/30/07 10:59 AM |
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