Re: Should I do this? Long....

Posted by lipglossjunky73

I'll be honest - I have been looking for her for years.... Is that obsessive? I don't even want to be nasty, because that would almost prove her point (See - I knew that Liza was a screwed up kid that deserved my crappy treatment! ) I want to talk with her like an adult, as a professional in the educatiom field, and treat this as a lesson to her in an intelligent way that teac hers can impact kids in positve and negative ways. she is still in the field and works with teachers....

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I would do it.
Its something that has stuck with you all these years and bothers you-she needs to know it wasnt right and she is the cause for it

Re: Should I do this? Long....

first off, thats sooooo fcuked up

second, i would usually say let it go but in this case i can tell you feel very strongly about it and since youve been looking for her i think you should def send it.

at the very least it will bring some closure


im sorry she did that to you

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I'm torn about what you should do. Part of me says, "Hell yeah- you need closure, to show that sow that DESPITE her crappy leadership, you still turned out pretty darm awesome." But part of me would be worried that what you are looking for is some sort of approval from her. You don't NEED her approval Liza. What if her reaction wasn't a good one? How would that affect you emotionally.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Posted by Gatsbygirl

I'm in the minority saying don't send it. Sending it might let her see that she 'won" by having such a profound effect on you. The letter probably won't affect her all that much. It might make you look vengeful or even petty for not letting it go. I DO NOT think you are those things at all, just how she might see it.

Vent to your friends, this board, learn from her mistakes to be a better adult than she is.

I once heard carrying hatred for someone is like letting them live rent free in your mind. I would move on and not send it. I had awful teachers like that, too, it was a different generation of teachers.

Living well is the best revenge anyway

Re: Should I do this? Long....

heck yeah, send it.

it will feel therapeutic and give you closure.
tell her about the AMAZING adult, mom and teacher you are today,and looking back and reflecting on how some teachers can impact students in such negative ways. and thank GOd that you DID have such powerful role models later in life.

Tell her you use it as an example of "what NOT to do" or "BAD TEACHERS"
well im going off the deep end, but you get the idea. I would def write it.

Let us know how it goes

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Write it and keep it for yourself for a week.

Think it through very carefully and consider what the repercussions could be. What's to stop her from sending a letter to your principal and describing you as a stalker with a 20-year-old grudge?

Why do you want to invite this person into your life again?

I'm very sorry to hear that you had such an awful experience and had no advocate to confront the teacher on your behalf back in 7th grade.
ETA: The best thing you can do is to raise your son to know that he can always come to you if he's unhappy with something that's happening in class and that you will listen to him and help resolve the situation, either by coaching him or by involving yourself.

Message edited 4/27/2008 10:29:09 PM.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I wouldn't send it. She could be just as awful as an adult and make your life miserable. What if she sends you a reply letter and it is just as hateful. You already are the better person!

Re: Should I do this? Long....

She will remember you. Teachers remember EVERY student that leaves a mark on them - positive or negative.

I recently emailed my second grade teacher. Turns out an LIFer works in my elementary school and knows her. She was and always is my favorite teacher. When I emailed her, she DID remember me and it was very nice.

Shame on your teacher for doing what she did. Those same actions nowadays would get a teacher canned FAST!

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I say write her, tell her how wonderfully your life has turned out, because it sounds to me like you want her to know that you turned out pretty darn well. If you are still really hurt by what happened that day, tell her you remember that day, and how remembering that day helps you be kind to others everyday, or something like that. I would stay away from being mean, or nasty, because in the end that wouldnt be any better than what she did, and you are so much better than that.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Oh my God ladies - I did it I did it I did it!!!!!

First email: I'm cutting and pasting, so forgive those > thingies....



Hi__________
>
> My name is Liza. My maiden name was ________. If
> you taught at Lenox, I was a student in your 7th
> grade. I was friends with ________
>
> I am not sure if you remember me, but you might
> since I was the rather rambunctious one. I came
> across your name doing a search on the Hunter
> college website...
>
> If you remember me, would love to hear from you,
> because there is something I would love to talk
> with you about... It's amazing how teachers can
> stick with you!!! I'll update you on where I am,
> what I'm doing, etc - I at one time even lived not
> too far from your alma mater in Vermont -
> Vergennes.... I read you went to middlebury
> college - I loved hanging out in that area...
>
> - Liza
>
> : )

Her response (which I think is the reason I decided to get the courage to write my letter - she still seems like a beyotch!!!)

Dear Liza,

It was great to hear from you, and yes I remember
you!

I'm currently in a very busy stage of the school year,
wrapping up the end-of-the-year issues, helping all the
seniors with their post-graduate plans, and preparing all
of the incoming Freshmen for registration. It's pretty
intense.

Sol I don't really have much extra time, but if you have
a quick question, please feel free to email me back.

Best wishes,
Charlotte

(Seriously, a student from over 20 years ago write you, and you tell them your busy??? Something is screaming guilty conscience???)

So, ladies, here goeesss......

Wow! You remember me! I remember when you were pregnant with your first baby!

: )

I'm up early because now I have a baby - and I work full time, so I'm pretty busy as well! Forgive me ahead of time for any punctutation, pselling, or grammatical errors...

I'm what is called a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA). I'm actually a consultant for teachers who have children with behavior issues in their classes - usually they are mainstreamed.

But, I thought it funny I ran into your name doing some research, because I have to say a memory sticks pretty clearly in my mind, and I use it all the time as an example when I work with teachers, present to grad school classes, or conferences. Please do not take it the wrong way, because I think in many ways, you helped shape me to become the person that I am, and to go into a field where I help teachers understand the function of their students' behaviors.

There was this one time where our class was just off the wall. You were young, and frustrated, probably overwhelmed with having to juggle a group of overprivileged, spoiled middle schoolers....

You decided to handle our misbehavior by going around the room, and having everyone say everything that bothers them about each specific student. I remember it so well, I even remember where I was sitting... The funny thing is, some of the people I am still friends with remember it too...

What always amazed me was how everyone in the class turned like a pack of wolves. I remember you letting EVERYONE say what bothered them about me - and it was things like I distracted them by talking to them (and meantime they were talking to me as well!) I even remember a few students mouthing "Sorry" to me after they said it.

I remember not even participating until you pointed to a student who made fun of me. You didn't even call on me, and told me I could "tell him later." That's when I realized the whole activity may have been aimed towards me.

I never forgot this... but I always wondered what would have happened if the same activity was done, and everyone went around the room saying what was good about that person. It would have still redirected the rowdy behavior, and made everyone think, and perhaps even help boost up the students who were struggling.

I'm glad I found you, because it was something I always wanted to discuss with you. It actually came back into my mind during grad school, when we were discussing classroom management. Everyone I shared this story with at first didn't even believe me! They were so shocked by it....

I know I was troubled because I had a mentally ill mother. I know she was the brunt of jokes with the staff at Lenox, and she did things that really didn't help me look better in their eyes. Now, with mandated reporting really being stressed, things like what I went through would never happen.

Lenox was such a small, intensive school, that it really did worm its way into my memory. I remember Mr. Walters and how he liked to intimidate students by staring at them. I remember our Latin teacher who would have raging fits, and throw chalk and blackboard erasers around the room.

I remember Steve _____, and how truly amazing and wonderful a teacher he was. He also shaped me as well. I wish I could come across his name one of these days... Hopefully I will!

Anyway, I think I also wanted to let you know this since you are teaching teachers. I am sure 22 years later you have more experience, more understanding, and more knowledge. I know that the experiences in your class happened for a reason (there were a few more, but that was the major one...) and I grew up to be a successful educator and behavior consultant as a result.

Good luck with your end of the year!

On a side note - I went to Hunter for my undergraduate work!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good for you! I have a feeling your 2nd e-mail may have taken her by surprise - you'd never know by the tone of your first why you were contacting her. I hope you made her think long and hard about her methods back then (hopefully not her current methods!).

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

OMG...that email was amazing.

As a former elementary school teacher myself, your story really made me choke up.

How this woman could have humiliated children is just sick.

GOOD FOR YOU for calling her out, even years later.

I can't WAIT to hear her response!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Posted by joenick

OMG...that email was amazing.

As a former elementary school teacher myself, your story really made me choke up.

How this woman could have humiliated children is just sick.

GOOD FOR YOU for calling her out, even years later.

I can't WAIT to hear her response!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Liza!!!! I'm glad you sent it (but still sorry you had to go through that). I hope you post her response!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good for you for getting this out, and hopefully opening this womans eyes to the damage you can do to a child.

Curious to see if she's "too busy" to reply

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good for you Liza! I hope she does reply to you. Can't wait to see what she has to say. So glad you called her out on it!
For a teacher to treat students like that, it's just sad!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

i am just reading this now... liza i am glad you decided to contact her. your second email to her was worded perfectly! i am so curious to know how she responds - if at all.

my gut feeling is that no one likes being called out on something bad that they did, no matter how long ago it was, and she might brush it off - but i really hope she doesn't.

i would love to know how her current students feel about her

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

very well written Liza !! and it came across VERY well, not too overpowering, but getting the point across nonetheless !! WOWW ~!!!!

I hope you "shape" the rest of her teaching career !

She does sound like a little nasty brat with her first response to you !

I cant wait to hear IF she even writes back.

and PS, you should have (as a joke)
written
CC: (her supervisor's name)

you go girl !

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Wow I wonder if she will respond. She should be ashamed of herself!!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Liza, and Im at how you said you use it as an example at conferences and grad school presentations

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

You wrote such an awesome e-mail!!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good for you! I am sure it must have been difficult to write that second e-mail but it was well written and obviously well thought out. I can't wait to hear her response!