Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!! ED Again - HER response!!

I managed to find a teacher who really did some awful things to me emotionally when I was in the 7th grade...

YES, I should be over it by now, and for the most part, I am... But she clearly did not like me, and would say things to me in front of the class to make me feel badly, which worked, and one time she did this, and I have shared it with other teachers and in grad school classes, as well as conferences, to show an example of just bad teaching:

One day, the whole class was unruly. so she said, that's it, everyone, we are going around the room. When I point to a student, I want everyone to tell me everything they don't like about him or her!!!!



and, she pointed to SPECIFIC students, and let everyone go to town. I have to say you have never seen a pack of viscious wolves like 7th graders given carte blanche like this. She even pointed to good students so people would say how great they are. When it came to me, everyone raised their hands. My friends turned on me, saying I talk to them and distract them during class (and these are kids who did the same thing!!!!) and then after the kids said what they said, they looked at me and whispered or mouthed "sorry!!!" and really looked upset...

And then the next student was this kid named Sean. Everyone raised their hand because he was a pain in the a$$ and he was hyper. I raised my hand because he made fun of my forehead, and I wanted to say it and ask him to stop. Well, this teacher called on everyone but me!!! Then, when she said, anyone else? I said, me! And she said, "Ok - you can tell him later!" She was very young at the time - probably in her mid 20's....

anyway, I'm not mad so much as want to really show her that a teacher can impact a kid so much that she can remember it over 20 years later. I see that she is actually a teacher at Hunter college...

I want to email her. It won't be an angry email - I want t just 1st see if she remembers me, and then see if we strike up a conversation. The school was very tiny with very few students,s o she may remember me...Then, I want to share with her these memories and let her know that things that tecahers can do stick with a student.

I wanted to get your thoughts on this. I am on the fence with this. I don't want her to think I'm crazy or tracking her down, but I came across her name, and its somehting I have never forgotten. There were other things similar to this that she did, but it would require more set up for you guys and I'm not writing a novel to you guys!!!

Message edited 4/28/2008 12:55:20 PM.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I would do it. People never forget things like this. I give you credit. My letter would be nasty. Go for it! GL

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Posted by lipglossjunky73

I managed to find a teacher who really did some awful things to me emotionally when I was in the 7th grade...

YES, I should be over it by now, and for the most part, I am... But she clearly did not like me, and would say things to me in front of the class to make me feel badly, which worked, and one time she did this, and I have shared it with other teachers and in grad school classes, as well as conferences, to show an example of just bad teaching:

One day, the whole class was unruly. so she said, that's it, everyone, we are going around the room. When I point to a student, I want everyone to tell me everything they don't like about him or her!!!!



and, she pointed to SPECIFIC students, and let everyone go to town. I have to say you have never seen a pack of viscious wolves like 7th graders given carte blanche like this. She even pointed to good students so people would say how great they are. When it came to me, everyone raised their hands. My friends turned on me, saying I talk to them and distract them during class (and these are kids who did the same thing!!!!) and then after the kids said what they said, they looked at me and whispered or mouthed "sorry!!!" and really looked upset...

And then the next student was this kid named Sean. Everyone raised their hand because he was a pain in the a$$ and he was hyper. I raised my hand because he made fun of my forehead, and I wanted to say it and ask him to stop. Well, this teacher called on everyone but me!!! Then, when she said, anyone else? I said, me! And she said, "Ok - you can tell him later!" She was very young at the time - probably in her mid 20's....

anyway, I'm not mad so much as want to really show her that a teacher can impact a kid so much that she can remember it over 20 years later. I see that she is actually a teacher at Hunter college...

I want to email her. It won't be an angry email - I want t just 1st see if she remembers me, and then see if we strike up a conversation. The school was very tiny with very few students,s o she may remember me...Then, I want to share with her these memories and let her know that things that tecahers can do stick with a student.

I wanted to get your thoughts on this. I am on the fence with this. I don't want her to think I'm crazy or tracking her down, but I came across her name, and its somehting I have never forgotten. There were other things similar to this that she did, but it would require more set up for you guys and I'm not writing a novel to you guys!!!

Message edited 4/27/2008 7:22:50 AM.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I'll be honest - I have been looking for her for years.... Is that obsessive? I don't even want to be nasty, because that would almost prove her point (See - I knew that Liza was a screwed up kid that deserved my crappy treatment! ) I want to talk with her like an adult, as a professional in the educatiom field, and treat this as a lesson to her in an intelligent way that teac hers can impact kids in positve and negative ways. she is still in the field and works with teachers....

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I would do it and I would be NASTY...WTH is wrong with her!!!!!!!!

Re: Should I do this? Long....

No student deserves to be treated like that, and I think she should know that it has emotionally affected you to the point that now as an adult you still haven't forgotten it.

Give yourself some closure to it all and write her. I wouldn't be nasty - be bigger than that. If you were nasty it would just confirm what she thought of you - don't give her the satisfaction.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

At first I was going to say no... because people like that never learn lessons and she sounds heartless enough that an email won't affect her or make her think she's wrong. however, if you've been searching for her, I think the email would serve two purposes... 1-it will help you heal and 2-you may be able to prevent this from happening to any future kids she might come in contact with. This is very admirable of you.

Message edited 4/27/2008 8:19:05 AM.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I'd do it. Someone should have called her on her behavior LONG ago. I'm sure that your feelings are ones that others have struggled with (and quite possibly were not able to cope with as well as you have). That is VERY traumatizing for a young person; to have a person of power essentially bully them emotionally. Adolescence is hard enough; having someone in a position of authority do something like that is plain out disgusting. I'd give her hell baby girl!!!

Re: Should I do this? Long....

As a teacher that went to Hunter, I can honestly tell you a lot of those teachers had no experience teaching new teachers. I hope I didn't have who you thought, but I am afraid I probably did. I would ABSOLUTELY send her an email. She deserves to know how she made you feel. If that happened to me, my mother would have flipped out (She is a teacher and only used the "teacher" card one time for a similiar incident to urs).

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Liza, I had a similar experience with my 4th grade teacher. When it was finally discovered that I had a learning disability my mother scheduled a conference with her to discuss it with her, with me present. And in front of me, my teacher said to my mom, "Beth doesn't have a learning disability, she's just lazy"

Then, from that point forth, everytime I had to leave class to receive disability services, when I came back to class, she would ridicule me in front of everyone for having to leave for "special" class, and how I had fallen behind on so many of my assignments because of it

My point is this - for years and years I thought about writing her a letter. In fact, I DID write her a letter but I never sent it.

But I try to think about it this way - in the end, I can't harbor so much resentment because that's what made me into the person I am today. Because of HER, I spent the rest of my educational career doing everything in my power to prove her wrong. I took on all the honors classes I could muster in high school, I graduated magna cum laude in College and I credit my true happiness in my current job to that very drive.

Her motives were awful, but the outcome was beautiful. And I know from your posts, that the same holds true for you. You took all that hatred and harshness and turned it into some so beautiful and incredible, inside yourself, and are now using that to help others.

So, my point is, even if you DON'T write the letter, try to think of all the good that came from it.

And, P.S., I did get some satisfaction when I returned to my hometown and ran into a teacher from my elementary school. She told me that I was not the only one who had the same experience, and as it turns out my 4th grade teacher had to retire early due to illness.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Do it. I had teachers like that too (believe it or not). Even though it's easy to say be nasty about it, I think you would make more of an impact displaying how good and professional you turned out in spite of her. Some teachers don't understand that kids realyy do look up to them and what they say or do makes a difference.

I don't think you are obsessive. Jusst tell her you were looking something up and came accross her name.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Yes. I think that it helps to go back to the past and clear things up so that your future and maybe in this case another child's future can behappier. I agree not to do it with anger. That can come back and bite you in the ***. But rather, approach it the way you think and who knows, maybe she has changed. Good luck.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I would do it- as a teacher now I think about some of my old teachers and how if I said/did some of the things they did then- now- I would defo lose my job.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I'm in the minority saying don't send it. Sending it might let her see that she 'won" by having such a profound effect on you. The letter probably won't affect her all that much. It might make you look vengeful or even petty for not letting it go. I DO NOT think you are those things at all, just how she might see it.

Vent to your friends, this board, learn from her mistakes to be a better adult than she is.

I once heard carrying hatred for someone is like letting them live rent free in your mind. I would move on and not send it. I had awful teachers like that, too, it was a different generation of teachers.

Living well is the best revenge anyway

Re: Should I do this? Long....

What a horrible horrible thing for a teacher to do. I taught elementary school for 6 years and I could never imagine "damaging" a child that way for the rest of their lives.

I say you send that letter to her. I think it will make you feel better in the long run and it will let her know that you never forgot what she did.

I don't think that she will feel as if she "won" but if she truly has a heart, she'll feel like crap knowing that she had that type of impact on you.

Message edited 4/27/2008 9:40:01 AM.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

i would do it! It may give you some closure and may make her realize what a jerk she is.....

Re: Should I do this? Long....

what a POS!!! I don't know what to tell you - but I would def want some sort of "revenge".

I can't believe someone like is STILL teaching

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Im going to say to do it..you will probably find it very cathartic.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Do it! I wouldn't hesitiate.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I already FMed you but I just had to say how digusted this makes me. I had a teacher in college that totally destroyed my already barely there self esteem. In front of an entire class. AND it was an acting class!!! The one class in the world you MUST feel safe to take risks in...and he terrified me.

What pisses me off is...years later I broke down those walls and finally had confidence...and as things were really going well and I was finally breaking through I chose to leave the theater business. I really would have loved to have 'shown' him. But ya know what? I look at it this way- he was a hack himself. He was a third rate actor in a blah theater town (Boston) who did NOT know how to teach. Now I'M a teacher, and from that experience, I know what a profound effect we have on kids just by our choice of words.

Ugh some people have no business teaching. It really makes me

So sorry you went through this. Like I said, I went to Hunter too and I wonder if I had this instructor. I can only think of two female professors that I had....

Writing the email will be VERY cathartic and therapeutic for you, even if you choose not to send it. Just see how you feel when you write it!

ETA: Have you looked her up on ratemyprofessor.com? that can tell you alot about what her students think of her today!

Message edited 4/27/2008 11:02:34 AM.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I think that you should definitely do it. It makes me so mad when people go through life clueless as to how much they have hurt others. Even if she doesn't change, it will help YOU put all of this behind you.

Re: Should I do this? Long....

i find what she did a really rotten and unprofessional thing to do!
With that being said, I would write her a letter just to strike up a conversation and to show her how well you are doing. I would also check out ratemyprofessor.com, she may be on the site. maybe with some negative reviews...who knows?? But I would def. go for it!

Re: Should I do this? Long....

I would do it. People would tell you to do it if she had a positive impact on you as a student....its just as well someone should know what a negative impact they had on you.
I am not saying tell her she was a beyotch or anything really rude, but let her know that you remember all the awful things she put you through

Re: Should I do this? Long....

IMO, I would write the letter to get everything out, but instead of sending it-- I would burn it or tear it up!

or you could record yourself saying everything outloud and then stick the tape in a drawer.

By sending it to her, it shows her that she still has power over you. Why give her that satisfaction?

Re: Should I do this? Long....

Yes! I had an awful teacher in the 7th grade who allowed several boys to sexually harass me!!! I have looked him up since then, but can never find him! I think you're lucky that you found this "teacher" and are able to tell her how she impacted you--why shouldn't she know?? I also had an experience similar to Tara's--a terrible speech teacher in college really cut into me in front of a ton of students calling me a coward and other names because I wanted to drop his summer school class. I just figured he was a washed up actor trying to feel better about himself, but I will never get over the 7th grade teacher. What an azzhole.

ETA: If you don't want the teacher knowing that she had an impact on YOU specifically, you can always leave your name off the letter or just sign with your initials and the year that you had her. Besides, as teachers we should know the impact we have on each and every student that is in our classrooms. We DO have a great power! She should know how she misused hers!

Message edited 4/27/2008 12:12:11 PM.