Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

OMG - your e-mail was so perfectly written! Good for you!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Wow, Liza, that was incredible, restrained and just perfectly stated - good for you. I think you're going to be my inspiration for sending that letter that I drafted years ago

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Posted by Gatsbygirl

I'm in the minority saying don't send it. Sending it might let her see that she 'won" by having such a profound effect on you. The letter probably won't affect her all that much. It might make you look vengeful or even petty for not letting it go. I DO NOT think you are those things at all, just how she might see it.

Vent to your friends, this board, learn from her mistakes to be a better adult than she is.

I once heard carrying hatred for someone is like letting them live rent free in your mind. I would move on and not send it. I had awful teachers like that, too, it was a different generation of teachers.

Living well is the best revenge anyway

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Posted by Blu-ize

Posted by Gatsbygirl

I'm in the minority saying don't send it. Sending it might let her see that she 'won" by having such a profound effect on you. The letter probably won't affect her all that much. It might make you look vengeful or even petty for not letting it go. I DO NOT think you are those things at all, just how she might see it.

Vent to your friends, this board, learn from her mistakes to be a better adult than she is.

I once heard carrying hatred for someone is like letting them live rent free in your mind. I would move on and not send it. I had awful teachers like that, too, it was a different generation of teachers.

Living well is the best revenge anyway

I agree. I still don't think it will give you closure. I see no purpose..no end result that will be helpful.

Work out those issues on your own. You may need to work on getting this out of your head.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Wow, that was a great letter! What she did was rotten and I am so glad you were finally able to get it off your chest!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Posted by joenick

OMG...that email was amazing.

As a former elementary school teacher myself, your story really made me choke up.

How this woman could have humiliated children is just sick.

GOOD FOR YOU for calling her out, even years later.

I can't WAIT to hear her response!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

I am glad you did it. I did not see this thread until now.

It happened to me in 1st grade. Yes, FIRST grade. Way to start after kindergarden, right?

She was such an horrible teacher. I would think she was in her 30's or 40's. I know she hated me. Geez... I was not even 6 when I started 1st grade. I remember to this day what she did and said. I remember her name and face. Yes, she traumatized me for life. I had such a struggle for years about teachers with attitude (even to this day!!). Imagine when EJ will start school.

She targeted me all the time but "luckily" I was not the only one. We found out I needed glasses within the 1st semester. My mom took me to the eye dr. Hey, she is my mom, she knew what she was doing. The next day the teacher asked me for a note. A note? What was that? Anyway, she asked me to write 100 TIMES (I was in 1st grade and was learning how to write!!!) that I needed a note from my parents if I was going to be absent. That evening my mom asked me how was school. I bursted in tears and screamed at her that she did not give me a note. My mom was young and I was the oldest. She did not know she had to write a note. She told my dad. My dad wrote the assignment and signed "the father" told me to give it to her the next day. He told me she would asked the minute we would enter the classroom (he was right! He had figured out the b*ch. I was not even sitting down that she called my name). My dad told me to give the assignment, say nothing and go seat. She took the note and said nothing.

Now... fast forward to the Holidays. She took all of us in circle and decided to tell us our parents "had lied to us all along". Santa Claus did not exist, neither the Easter bunny.... Oh yeah, she told us all. My mom tried to do some damage control when I bursted in tears (again) and told her she had lied to me.

I did nothing in her class. The principal thought about retaining me in 1st grade. But they did not. I went to 2nd grade and it came clear it was the teacher stopping me.

Teacher do have a profound impact on your mind.

This is also why I am so all over our daycare all the time.

Message edited 4/28/2008 9:32:59 AM.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Well done

I wouldn't bank much on an apology response. I think people like that tend to excuse their behavior rather than apologize.

She was horrible to you. You deserved compassion & care, not to be targeted. All I can say is she must had some major personal issues to be so cruel to a 12 year old.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good Job!!!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

AMAZING!!! well done!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good for you Liza! I think your letter was well-written - very fair as to your recollection and really really mature!!!

I would love to hear her response!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

That was fantastic!! I hope you will share her reply if there is one!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good for you, that was a great letter. I wonder what her reply will be?!?!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

As someone who still harbors a lot of resentment for the way my second grade teacher humiliated me in front of the class waaaay back in 1982, I just want to say GOOD FOR YOU for sending that letter. No matter how she feels about you, it has to really sting to know she's used as an example of bad teaching.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Posted by stephanief

Posted by Blu-ize

Posted by Gatsbygirl

I'm in the minority saying don't send it. Sending it might let her see that she 'won" by having such a profound effect on you. The letter probably won't affect her all that much. It might make you look vengeful or even petty for not letting it go. I DO NOT think you are those things at all, just how she might see it.

Vent to your friends, this board, learn from her mistakes to be a better adult than she is.

I once heard carrying hatred for someone is like letting them live rent free in your mind. I would move on and not send it. I had awful teachers like that, too, it was a different generation of teachers.

Living well is the best revenge anyway

I agree. I still don't think it will give you closure. I see no purpose..no end result that will be helpful.

Work out those issues on your own. You may need to work on getting this out of your head.

I disagree...I think this WILL give her closure, even if that witch does not respond. Great job, Liz

Message edited 4/28/2008 11:51:55 AM.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Great letter - good for you!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Great letter! I cannot even believe that you had to go through that. As a teacher myself, I am appalled that any educator would do something so cruel. I can't wait to see if she responds!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

That email was amazing!

I hope you'll post her reply, I'm curious to see how she handles that!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Liza...it happened to me too, but in a different way. I applaud you for sending that email, ESPECIALLY after her response to your first email!! What a complete b*tch!!! Like we all aren't busy....

Can't wait to read her response if there is one!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Good for you, Liza! As a former teacher, I'm appalled that she would conduct a class activity like that. I hope your email made her think hard about the impact she had - and continues to have - on the people she's responsible for educating.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

Wow

I wish there were a standing ovation icon. That letter was perfect. I especially love how you presented that same activity in a productive manner. I think that having the students say what they like about each other is such a nice idea.

Good for you, let us know if she replies.

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!!

She responded - and it seems that I really did get through to her!

Dear Liza,

Your email definitely upset me. I'm glad you wrote to me, because I'm sure that this was important for you to tell me, but I 'm definitely pretty upset by it.

I have absolutely no memory of this incident. It occurred almost 30 years ago, as you know. (I'm currently 52, not 25.)

This sounds like a terrible thing to do to a student, and it's hard for me to believe it was me! But I do believe you, of course, and I truly apologize, from the bottom of my heart.

I am currently not teaching teachers. I have retired from teaching, and I am a social worker. I work one-to-one with college students who come to me for any number of issues or difficulties that they may be confronting. It's been a great job, and I love working at Hunter.


Best wishes,

Here is my response back!

Oh, PLEASE don't be upset...

Yes, it was important for me to tell you. Unfortunately, I have a photographic memory. Actually, its a good thing, because I also have some really wonderful memories, but the difficult ones stick with me as well.

I vowed - even as a kid, that I would someday discuss this with you. Isn't that weird?

Look, you were young, I'm sure I was no walk in the park, as many other students were not either, so I'm sure we pushed many tecahers there to the limits. But when I found your name, I knew it was meant to be.

Everything happens for a reason. I turned out really, really well from all of my experiences. I am a whole person because of them. Who knows, maybe I have my own email coming to me in another 20 years or so? I'm sure I made many mistakes on the way to where I am now that affected people without me even knowing about it....

: )

I taught the "bad class" in the school years ago. Or at least that's what they were called. That's what I was told by their previous teacher. "Good luck, because this is the worst class in the school."

First day of class, the students said to me, "Hi. We are the bad kids, so your going to hate us." Fifth graders already jaded by their education.

I told them, VERY bluntly, that that's not gonna fly with me. Not their crap, and not their thinking. Sure enough, these kids were the best kids I ever had. I remember each one of them. Fifth grade was their most successful year. My "worst" kid turned out to be a leader who was never given any opportunities to lead productively.

If I wasn't that "bad kid" once upon a time, I might have been scared, hated them, and given up. I learned from my experiences, and from all the tecahers I had.

I know your busy, but I am so glad you wrote me back, and didn't want to upset you in any way. I'm not angry or upset. This was a vow to myself. You have done many more wonderful things for people, I am sure, to balance everything out in the universe!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!! ED Again - HER response!!

LIZA great emails!

Re: Should I do this? EDITED - I DID IT!!!!!! ED Again - HER response!!

wow