| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 3 4 |
Arissa444
Lovin my Little guy :)
Member since 5/06 2280 total posts
Name:
Marissa
|
Living together before married/engaged?
How many of you lived together before you got married/engaged? What were the main hurdles you faced? Just curious...thanks  
|
Posted 4/7/08 5:23 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
CunningOne
***
Member since 5/05 26975 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We dated for 3.5 years before buying a house together and living together. There was no ring on my finger and I took a BIG chance, and it was the best thing I ever did. While I do not think two people need to live together before getting married, I also don't see any harm (provided you both agree!).
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:26 PM |
| |
|
bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We did. It was the best thing we ever did. I had to see if we could live with each other (and each other's quirks), aside from knowing that we loved each other in order to know if this was IT or not.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:27 PM |
| |
|
itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Message edited 11/17/2011 8:49:11 PM.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:27 PM |
| |
|
PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
DH moved into my apartment after we were dating for nearly 2 years. We then lived together for more than 3 years before we got engaged. Got married this past November, and have now been together for over 7 years
I think that the choice we made to live together was one of the BEST decisions for us ... it gave us the opportunity to really get to know one another before making the commitment to the next step of getting engaged, and then spending the rest of our lives together.
We did not really get any grief from our parents about it ... I had already been out of my parents home for 2 years when we moved in together. And DH's parents lived together before they were married too.
Did you have more specific concerns or questions? I'd be happy to try to address them.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:30 PM |
| |
|
Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Dh and I onlymoved in with each other when the ring was on my finger. At the age I was when we got engaged, I needed more than a "maybe" to make a major change. I had more to lose if it didn't work out.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:31 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
We lived together before being engaged and I don't remember any major hurdles.
But I'm sure my wife may chime in with a different answer.
You think you know me so well!! 
*I hope you're sitting down for this*
You're right, we really didn't have any major hurdles within our relationship but there were a few "tests" thrown at us that we had to get through together and it was good for us to do so before things were "officially official".
I know for most people this is a personal decision, there's no one-size-fits-all answer, each couple has to do what's best for them.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:33 PM |
| |
|
Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We moved in together after being together for 6 months. It was great. I am glad we did it. I think everyone should make sure you can live together before you get married IMHO
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:36 PM |
| |
|
Arissa444
Lovin my Little guy :)
Member since 5/06 2280 total posts
Name:
Marissa
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
My boyfriend Michael (Gigglesbear) and I are seriously thinking of moving in together. Now we've only been together for a couple of months but there is no doubt in my mind that he is it, aka "the one" and vice versa. I don't think that time should be the basis of whether or not one should move in or make a committment such as marriage. My parents were engaged after a month and married shortly after and they are still going strong. Though, I think they will have a hard time with this transition  How did you guys (who were leaving at home prior, break the news to your parents?
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:46 PM |
| |
|
MrsSchwags
Soccer Baseball Lax Mom
Member since 10/05 11240 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
we lived together before getting engaged or married. i dont remember their being any hurdles. I don't regret any minute of it either.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:51 PM |
| |
|
Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by Arissa444
My boyfriend Michael (Gigglesbear) and I are seriously thinking of moving in together. Now we've only been together for a couple of months but there is no doubt in my mind that he is it, aka "the one" and vice versa. I don't think that time should be the basis of whether or not one should move in or make a committment such as marriage. My parents were engaged after a month and married shortly after and they are still going strong. Though, I think they will have a hard time with this transition How did you guys (who were leaving at home prior, break the news to your parents?
While I knew my DH longer before we moved in together, we were only dating exclusively for a couple of months before we moved in together. My parents had met him twice... and my parents are pretty traditional, wait-until-marriage kind of people. It was fine. Really, it was. My dad made only one comment -- he said the news would have sounded better if I said "Todd and I are really seriously talking about getting married so --" and then said we were moving in together. I just sort of came out with it and THEN said he was the man I was going to marry. For some reason, the idea that we had thought this through made a difference. And, after that, it just wasn't an issue. It was what it was. Neither of our parents agreed with it, but neither made a big deal out of it either.
One thing I'm very glad about, though, is that I had a chance to live on my own, paying my own bills, and living alone before we moved in together and before we got engaged / married. However, I did that a long time before we moved in together (then moved home to go to law school and then back out on my own after graduation)... but this is just what worked for me. It helped make me more independent. Not everyone may need that.
As for major hurdles -- we didn't have any "major hurdles." We definitely had to adjust to living together. We also joined all our finances before we were even engaged (though we were engaged within 3 months of living together). Money management, personal habits, schedules, etc. all worked themselves out fairly painlessly.
It worked for us. I don't know if it works for everyone, but it was good for us.
Use your head and follow your heart.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:52 PM |
| |
|
CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We got engaged, then moved in together.
We lived 4 hours away from each other when we got engaged, so DH moved down to LI (got a job in NYC) and we got a place together.
It just worked out that way for us. It was great living together while planning our wedding too.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:55 PM |
| |
|
Arissa444
Lovin my Little guy :)
Member since 5/06 2280 total posts
Name:
Marissa
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Thank you all so much for your responses This is how we feel...that we should live together and make sure we can handle that before making any other life long commitments.....if we can handle this, then we can handle that down the road. Renting has been the optimum choice for us, so that we can save to buy a house and so that we aren't committed to a HUGE purchase. (aka a house)
Thanks so much guys for your insight...any more is greatly appreciated
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:58 PM |
| |
|
JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
I did. We decided to "officially" live together (as opposed to him technically living there most of the time, but not paying rent or being on the lease) about 2 years into the relationship, and a year or so before we got engaged. There were no major hurdles. Everything went very smoothly!
I think the only thing I struggled with was my own concern that he wouldn't ever propose to me if we lived together - why buy the cow, you know how it goes. There were a number of reasons it made sense for us to live together anyway, which is why we did, but I remember being a little worried about that. But obviously in our case it worked out fine.
ETA: We were both living out on our own, not with our parents at the time, so we didn't have to "break the news" or anything like that.
Message edited 4/7/2008 6:03:06 PM.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 5:58 PM |
| |
|
luckysmom
Yes it is! Going as planned:)
Member since 6/07 5339 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We lived together for 3 1/2 months before we got married. I think it was the best decision we ever made. The stress from the wedding and moving in together starting fresh really made us think that if we can get through that and deal with eachothers crankiness during that stressful time, that we would be fine.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:12 PM |
| |
|
steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We were together 3 yrs when we moved in together and then engaged a year later.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:16 PM |
| |
|
MrsM-6-7-08
<3
Member since 8/06 4249 total posts
Name:
Nicole
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We lived together after dating for 10 months
We got our first apartment together, lived there for 2 years and then bought a house
Got engaged 6 months after we bought the house!
We are getting married in 8 weeks
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:20 PM |
| |
|
kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
You don't truly know someone until you live with them. I was with DH for 3 years before we moved in together and it was a big adjustment. I def recommend living together before marriage.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:21 PM |
| |
|
MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
We lived together before being engaged and I don't remember any major hurdles.
DH and I did as well- we started living together around 3.5-4 years of dating. It was the BEST thing we ever did. I would never want to marry someone before I lived w/ them... JMO
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:23 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Marissa and Michael, like I said before it's a personal decision and each couple has to do what's right for them. Here's some history you probably don't know about us, Kevin and I dated for about 4 months when we decided to move in together and signed a lease for our apartment. At that time my mom was concerned and Kevin assured her that I would have a ring on my finger by the time we moved in.
So we got engaged after dating for 4 months, we'd had frequent "sleepovers" and were officially living together 6 months after meeting each other. We're now coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary and so far, so good. I'm not saying "it's working for us so it'll work for you" but I just thought you'd appreciate hearing that it can be done.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:36 PM |
| |
|
wannabemom
look who's freshly baked!
Member since 12/07 7364 total posts
Name:
aka marriedinportjeff
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
we dated for 1 and a half years before we moved in together. we lived together for 2.5 years before we got engaged... and got married a year later.
I swear this is the truth.... we don't argue.... we automatically clicked into a mode where we think of each other as part of the same unit, and compromise to get stuff done.... so there were no 'hurdles' from within... his parents were super-skeptical of me, though. his entire family thought we would break-up within a couple months of dating (becuase I'm older than he is, and bluntly, they're shallow and think looks/age is all that matters  )
so most of our issues early on come from the in-laws. since then, they got to know me, and by the time we married, accepted me into the family. Now everything is rather peaceful....the only major hurdle that remains is  in september!
As for your situation, it's obviously your own call. I am a slow-moving person by nature, so I would advise you not rush, since there is no reason to rush, and instead enjoy the ride. It likely will make life with your families easier if you don't jump in fast.
my best advice I can give from experience is to do things methodically to gain the acceptance of the 2 families. If you feel them out and introduce advances in your relationship as you feel they can handle it, you may avoid tons of issues down the road....
We did this, and managed to get his family to accept me... if we were more free and loose with the progression of our relationship, I swear they'd be still throwing darts at my photos.....
Message edited 4/7/2008 6:47:35 PM.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:43 PM |
| |
|
johnsae
Sip.
Member since 3/06 18677 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We did - best decision ever.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:43 PM |
| |
|
MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by chmlengr
We dated for 3.5 years before buying a house together and living together. There was no ring on my finger and I took a BIG chance, and it was the best thing I ever did. While I do not think two people need to live together before getting married, I also don't see any harm (provided you both agree!).
This sounds like DH & I. We talked about getting married and knew we would. Instead of buying a ring we bought a house.
Less than 2 yrs after being in the house we were married.
Everyone situation is different. Go with what feels right to you and Gigglesbear
ETS: My daughter only knew her DH a few months before moving in together. They were married a little more than a year after they started dating.
Honestly, it's not what I would have wanted, BUT she is an adult and it's her decision. And she's HAPPY. That's all that matters to me.
Message edited 4/7/2008 6:49:32 PM.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 6:45 PM |
| |
|
conigs25
So in love with this kid!
Member since 5/06 11197 total posts
Name:
Michele
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We got engaged in April 05 and then we bought our co-op on Aug of that year. DH moved in right away, i moved in about a month later. We got married July 06
|
| Posted 4/7/08 7:06 PM |
| |
|
rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
|
Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We lived together before we were married or engaged.
We also had children and bought a house before we were married or engaged.
|
| Posted 4/7/08 7:11 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 3 4 |
