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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by Arissa444
This is how we feel...that we should live together and make sure we can handle that before making any other life long commitments.....if we can handle this, then we can handle that down the road.
We didn't live together before getting married, and I think if you phrased the question another way you would get responses from those who didn't live together before getting married. I think not living together was the right choice for us. We saved money, made a commitment to get married, bought our condo, and moved in together after the wedding.
You've been through tons of emotional hurdles throughout the past few years, and living together is going to make a break up if it happens that much more difficult. Why not take it slower and see if you want to make a lifetime commitment before living together?...Getting married is a leap of faith whether or not you live together beforehand, and technically statistics show that those who live together before getting married have higher divorce rates...
"divorce rates are even higher for those who cohabitate before marriage. About 40% of cohabitants break up before getting married. But of those who do get married, the divorce rate is nearly 50% higher for cohabitants than for non-cohabitants. The evidence seems to show that living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce."
and another...
"One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage)."
I would play it safe and get a ring on your finger before moving in...But a personal choice. Good luck whatever you decide.
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Posted 4/7/08 7:14 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We lived together before we got engaged, but only after I knew we were heading down that road..it ended up being the best thing for us because we were both in grad. school, and had some family stuff go on, so we got to be together and go through a lot before getting married...
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| Posted 4/7/08 7:23 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
we lived together for a year & 1 month before he proposed
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| Posted 4/7/08 7:25 PM |
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charon54
My two boys!
Member since 5/05 7279 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
DH and I lived together for 10 months prior to getting married. I credit it with making our marriage smoother. We already were past the getting used to each other stage by the time we were married. I highly recommend it to other couples.
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| Posted 4/7/08 7:26 PM |
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MeeshkaMich
LL=Yum
Member since 2/06 5616 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by nov04libride
You've been through tons of emotional hurdles throughout the past few years, and living together is going to make a break up if it happens that much more difficult. Why not take it slower and see if you want to make a lifetime commitment before living together?.
I agree with this
ETA:I think you should do what makes you happy and what you feel is right.
Message edited 4/7/2008 7:41:44 PM.
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| Posted 4/7/08 7:29 PM |
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DaisyGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1650 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
DH and I lived together and bought a house together before we were even engaged. It was something that was important to both of us and it was the best decision we ever made.
We did face some hurdles, issues like who cleans what and paying the bills came up. It was nothing terrible but it did take us a few months to figure out how things were going to work. After that, it was great.
It was so nice to get married, already knowing that we could deal with each others every day stuff. 
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| Posted 4/7/08 7:43 PM |
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
DH and I lived together after dating for a year and a half. It was just more convenient and natural progression for us.
We did not face any hurdles besides some tsk tsking of my parents (who which by the way are divorced AND I have supported myself since I was 17 years old so what can they tell me about living??)
It was honestly the best decision for us. We can give you advice but only you truly know the deal....IMO you know when someone is the one.
Good luck!
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| Posted 4/7/08 7:50 PM |
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csorisi
My 2 LOVES
Member since 11/05 1984 total posts
Name:
Corinne
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We lived together while we were engaged. It was from March to November. It worked out well because my DH had never lived anywhere else but with his parents and he wanted to get use to living away from home before we got married. I moved in in May after I graduated from Law School because I lived in my own apartment and I didn't want to have to move home for a few months and then have to move again. Plus it was a quiet place to study for the bar.
I completely recommend it!
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| Posted 4/7/08 8:20 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by johnsae
We did - best decision ever.
same here, Dh and I begam dating in july of 2002, moved down to charlotte together into an apartment in June of 2004, engaged in july of 2005, and married april 2006...it worked well for us 
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| Posted 4/7/08 8:22 PM |
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ctrain1124
Our Gang!
Member since 8/07 3190 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
DH and I moved in together in Aug. and got engaged in November. Then got married a year later. So basically our whole engagement we lived together. It was an adjustment for both of us. I was used to living alone and doing my own thing, and he never lived away from home. But I think it was a great decision for us. I truly believe you really get to know someone when you live with them. And you can decide if you can stand to live with eachothers habits, quirks etc. for the rest of your life.
Message edited 4/7/2008 8:33:38 PM.
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| Posted 4/7/08 8:32 PM |
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Wendy
Wheeee!
Member since 5/05 13736 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We started dating in 1996, moved in together in Nov 2002, got engaged in Dec 2002 and got married in May 2004.
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| Posted 4/7/08 8:37 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We did not live together before getting married.
We got married in June and my dh moved into our apt. in April of that year and I moved in the night of our wedding.
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| Posted 4/7/08 8:43 PM |
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donegal419
St. Gerard, pray for us.
Member since 7/07 7650 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We did not live together more getting engaged or married. DH moved into our apartment about 3 months before the wedding and I moved in my things before the wedding and myself after the honeymoon!
For me, that was what I wanted to do. i am traditional like that and really felt that being married would not feel as special as it did by living together before hand. it also strengthened our relationship and made us look so much more forward to our wedding and our home together. we've had no problems.
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| Posted 4/7/08 8:49 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We moved in together before getting engaged and it was the best decision ever. I am the type of person who needs to know what I'm getting into, and by the time we got married, we were living together for almost three years. I can't say we had any major hurdles, to be honest. We're both pretty easy to live with. Well, he is, I assume I am since he's never said anything else
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| Posted 4/7/08 8:53 PM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by nov04libride
technically statistics show that those who live together before getting married have higher divorce rates...
"divorce rates are even higher for those who cohabitate before marriage. About 40% of cohabitants break up before getting married. But of those who do get married, the divorce rate is nearly 50% higher for cohabitants than for non-cohabitants. The evidence seems to show that living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce."
and another...
"One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage)."
I am not disagreeing with these statistics, but I am curious what your source is ... if you wouldn't mind sharing?
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| Posted 4/7/08 9:01 PM |
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JML83
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/07 540 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We lived together after a few months of being engaged and I am so glad that we did. We spent so much time together as it was and I was ready to move out on my own...so I thought, why not.
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| Posted 4/7/08 9:13 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by PreshusSmurf
Posted by nov04libride
technically statistics show that those who live together before getting married have higher divorce rates...
"divorce rates are even higher for those who cohabitate before marriage. About 40% of cohabitants break up before getting married. But of those who do get married, the divorce rate is nearly 50% higher for cohabitants than for non-cohabitants. The evidence seems to show that living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce."
and another...
"One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage)."
I am not disagreeing with these statistics, but I am curious what your source is ... if you wouldn't mind sharing?
discovery.com (discovery channel health)
link
Message edited 4/7/2008 9:52:16 PM.
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| Posted 4/7/08 9:50 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by PreshusSmurf
Posted by nov04libride
technically statistics show that those who live together before getting married have higher divorce rates...
"divorce rates are even higher for those who cohabitate before marriage. About 40% of cohabitants break up before getting married. But of those who do get married, the divorce rate is nearly 50% higher for cohabitants than for non-cohabitants. The evidence seems to show that living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce."
and another...
"One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage)."
I am not disagreeing with these statistics, but I am curious what your source is ... if you wouldn't mind sharing?
discovery.com (discovery channel health)
link
I think it is worth emphasizing one very important part of what you posted: "One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage."
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| Posted 4/7/08 9:54 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
Totally suggest to everyone doing this!
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| Posted 4/7/08 9:55 PM |
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Cpt2007
A new love!
Member since 1/08 5946 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
we moved in together about a month after we got engaged. We had discussed it a year before our engagement, but I got cold feet (assisted by my parents who put up the usual questions). I'm glad we waited, b/c I wasn't ready at that time, but my wallet would have been a bit fatter had we made the plunge earlier.
seriously, though, its a personal decision and only you will know if you are ready. good luck!
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| Posted 4/7/08 9:59 PM |
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BRod-Cheng
I'm going to be a big brother!
Member since 6/07 1860 total posts
Name:
Betty
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We moved in together before the wedding, but after the engagement.
I did not want to move in together before the engagement.
It was a personal decision based on the fact that I had seen a lot friends change their entire lives and move in with someone in hopes of a future proposal only to break up without an engagement and then have to rearrange their entire lives again.
We had spent a lot of time together while dating and before the engagement so it really was not a big adjustment once we moved in together. We are heading towards our second wedding anniversary and we have never had any major issues since moving in together.
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| Posted 4/7/08 10:16 PM |
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ReiRei13
Life is Good!!
Member since 1/08 6460 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We were toget for over 6 years before we got married and would have sleepovers all the time (some that lasted weeks) but I never actually lived with him in the sense that I moved all my stuff there
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| Posted 4/7/08 10:21 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
since I had already lived with a boyfriend when I was 21-23 I did NOT want to live with my DH until we got engaged
everyone is different- but having lived thru a relationship and having it not work out- I learned that you should have a committment to each other before you live together
some people take living together too lightly- I think moving in together once you are engaged is enough time to work out the kinks
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| Posted 4/7/08 10:25 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
so far out of the four weddings I was a bridesmaid in- 2 of them are already onto divorce- both of the couples lived together before they got married... now, I can see in both of their cases that they should never have gotten married- but they did b/c it was the "next logical step".
this is my problem w/ living together before marriage.... it oftentimes makes a relationship last much longer than it should, or would, if the couple didn't live together.
Contrary to other opinions, I think NOT living together helps you communicate better- negotiate spending time together, etc. Or, at least that was my experience.
I did not live w/ DH prior to marriage (well, 5 days- but that doesn't really count, does it)?
I was 27 and he was 31 when we got married and we've been married for 5 years. We both had our own places, and I really didn't feel the need to give up my place for the reason just to "save money"... the money I spent in rent was worth having my own place.
Like other posters, I think it's important to have your own place before co-habitating as well. LIving on your own and managing bills is hard enough- to throw a new relationship into the mix I can see why couples fight about money.
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| Posted 4/7/08 10:29 PM |
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LiveAgain
Listen close....
Member since 8/07 3545 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living together before married/engaged?
We moved in together after dating for 2 months. People thought we were CRAZY for moving in together so soon but it was the best thing for us.
I think it's a great idea to live with someone before you marry them because when you have your first REAL fight you can't run home. You learn so much about eachother and i think it helps you to grow as a couple.
Message edited 4/7/2008 10:48:15 PM.
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| Posted 4/7/08 10:46 PM |
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