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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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In Law visiting right after birth
I think your DH's parents have every right to come and see the baby when he/she is born. In fact- I don't think you can tell them they CAN'T come. Isn't anyone allowed to look in the nursery window? IMO- you can say YOU personally don't want visitors afterwards- but they aren't there to see you anyway.
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Posted 6/4/13 1:07 PM  |
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jellybean78
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Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by DiamondGirl
IMO if you plan on having YOUR parents (and siblings) there the day of then you need to plan on having your in laws.
IMO yes it is totally bitchy to have YOUR family and not DH's. Sorry.
ITA. I do not get along with my MIL at all..not relationship anymore between us but I would never ever stop her from seeing one of her grand kids that was just born. EVER.
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| Posted 6/4/13 1:17 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by gina409
could u let them see the baby in the nursery and not come to the room?
idk maybe i am seeing this wrong..
in laws who u r not close to,but yet have no issues with want to not come when u r in labor but come after the baby is born and of course feel ok and have had time alone
and they want to meet their grandchild for the first time
to me it is not even about doing what MIL wants but it is the respect for the dh..
maybe he wants them there
i def do not agree with bc i labored and gave birth my rules..this is our baby just as much mine as his
i am sorry i just for some reason see the other side
ITA - I kinda think its a slap in the face to the DH. Like I did all the work its my baby so I make the rules.
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| Posted 6/4/13 1:41 PM |
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asecretmommytobe09
My little pumpkin is here!!!!
Member since 10/08 3369 total posts
Name:
Katie
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by MrsO
I think you are being unreasonable especially to your dh. Why shouldn't his parents get to see their grandchild the same as your parents.
You are a family now and you can establish boundaries but you can't say your parents are more important than dh's when it seems they are just excited about the baby.
ITA, its just as much their grand baby as it is your moms. I totally get inlaws being overbearing, i felt the same way when i was having DS, but i had to be fair to my DH.
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| Posted 6/4/13 2:27 PM |
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Eagermom3
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/13 448 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
omg my MIL would be deleting those pics asap. Thats why I wouldnt want anyone in my recovery room except my mom thats it. If his fam and siblings want to see baby they can afte me and DH are done with bonding with our child and not with me there bec im sure ill be tired in pain and want to sleep. Thats just me. I dont want 10 people in my recovery room. Posted by mommy2B3
I think this is a hard scenario. I sucked it up for my first and didnt make "rules" I just wanted everyone to celebrate together! Well I didnt get to hold my DS till after everyone else did!! Mil also told DH he owed her pay for a day since we told her at noon i was in labor and didnt deliver till 8 pm. Then my MIL took pics of me swollen as shit, in so much pain and posted them all over facebook. You better believe I learned my lesson, second baby she came days later, we no longer have a erelationship now, so no worries for #3 :). DHs grandmother told me how selfish I was to not include her daughter for #2, too bad. My point is, this is a day for you and DH, you need ti compromise somehow, maybe ur mom should come later too. But do not regret ur first birthing experience bc ur trying to pls everyone.
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| Posted 6/4/13 2:50 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Eagermom3
omg my MIL would be deleting those pics asap. Thats why I wouldnt want anyone in my recovery room except my mom thats it. If his fam and siblings want to see baby they can afte me and DH are done with bonding with our child and not with me there bec im sure ill be tired in pain and want to sleep. Thats just me. I dont want 10 people in my recovery room. Posted by mommy2B3
I think this is a hard scenario. I sucked it up for my first and didnt make "rules" I just wanted everyone to celebrate together! Well I didnt get to hold my DS till after everyone else did!! Mil also told DH he owed her pay for a day since we told her at noon i was in labor and didnt deliver till 8 pm. Then my MIL took pics of me swollen as shit, in so much pain and posted them all over facebook. You better believe I learned my lesson, second baby she came days later, we no longer have a erelationship now, so no worries for #3 :). DHs grandmother told me how selfish I was to not include her daughter for #2, too bad. My point is, this is a day for you and DH, you need ti compromise somehow, maybe ur mom should come later too. But do not regret ur first birthing experience bc ur trying to pls everyone.
Eagernom- that was exactly my point. This whole thread is so subjective. We don't know the MIL. We don't know the original poster. Based on subjectivity I believe it is the mom's right to choose who is in the recovery room with her. The mom should be allowed to have a few hours for herself.
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| Posted 6/4/13 4:31 PM |
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AScottWolf
I <3 our squish!
Member since 11/10 2237 total posts
Name:
Adriana
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Just a thought... Can we not say giving birth is the most dangerous time in a women's life please on a pregnancy board? lol   I don't care if it's true or not. Can we just avoid saying things like that?
Anyway, for the OP I have 3 simple words for you..
Decide that day.
Don't worry about it now. Many people are explaining their personal situations and that might never even apply to you. The only thing you need to worry about right now is making a heatlhy happy baby and getting through labor/delivery.
For me, imo, I can't tell my MIL and SIL not to come and neither DH or I are reallly that close to them. For me, it's not a "mom day", it's a family day. This will be my mom and my MIL's first and only grandchild for a good couple of years.
My only request would be for everyone (including my mom) to leave while I try to breastfeed. I'm a private person though and even though my mom has her moments, I'm sure she'll understand that.
Depending on how I feel, the whole world can come and see the baby...just don't expect me to be a bundle of joy if I'm not feeling great.
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| Posted 6/4/13 5:05 PM |
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StarsStripes
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 1192 total posts
Name:
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In Law visiting right after birth
Sorry, but it isn't really fair to your DH....
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| Posted 6/4/13 5:05 PM |
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MRsFaTThead
NY GIRL IN TEXAS
Member since 6/10 5483 total posts
Name:
WHO GIVES A POO WHO GIVES A FUDGE !!
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by Eagermom3
omg my MIL would be deleting those pics asap. Thats why I wouldnt want anyone in my recovery room except my mom thats it. If his fam and siblings want to see baby they can afte me and DH are done with bonding with our child and not with me there bec im sure ill be tired in pain and want to sleep. Thats just me. I dont want 10 people in my recovery room. Posted by mommy2B3
I think this is a hard scenario. I sucked it up for my first and didnt make "rules" I just wanted everyone to celebrate together! Well I didnt get to hold my DS till after everyone else did!! Mil also told DH he owed her pay for a day since we told her at noon i was in labor and didnt deliver till 8 pm. Then my MIL took pics of me swollen as shit, in so much pain and posted them all over facebook. You better believe I learned my lesson, second baby she came days later, we no longer have a erelationship now, so no worries for #3 :). DHs grandmother told me how selfish I was to not include her daughter for #2, too bad. My point is, this is a day for you and DH, you need ti compromise somehow, maybe ur mom should come later too. But do not regret ur first birthing experience bc ur trying to pls everyone.
Eagernom- that was exactly my point. This whole thread is so subjective. We don't know the MIL. We don't know the original poster. Based on subjectivity I believe it is the mom's right to choose who is in the recovery room with her. The mom should be allowed to have a few hours for herself.
But its not just her baby!! Its her dhs baby too. It would be nice to know if the op mil is super crazy because if she isn't her dh deserves to have the support of his mom too
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| Posted 6/4/13 5:07 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by AScottWolf
Just a thought... Can we not say giving birth is the most dangerous time in a women's life please on a pregnancy board? lol I don't care if it's true or not. Can we just avoid saying things like that?
It's not even true, it's only based on that poster's experience. So another from me, I totally agree that was not an appropriate or even correct thing to say.
Also, it bugs the HELL out of me when people on here post and run. Man up and respond when people give you advice, whether you like it or not 
I agree with those who say the OP is being selfish. And a big to everyone who thinks "my baby my rules." So stupid. Without the sperm your DH so kindly provided, you wouldn't have a baby in the first place.
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| Posted 6/4/13 5:34 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
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| Posted 6/4/13 5:55 PM |
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MrsKS
Thank You St. Gerard.....
Member since 12/09 8306 total posts
Name:
Kerri
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
lol is this a real post??
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| Posted 6/4/13 6:11 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Saphire01
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
Sad that people can't give opinions without the LIF police stepping in.
If she didn't want honest opinions she shouldn't have posted. Boo hoo for you that most people disagree with you.
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| Posted 6/4/13 6:42 PM |
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Eagermom3
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/13 448 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
ye i agree but my previous point was that the MIL can see the baby at the nursery that way it doesnt bother the recovering mom. The in laws dont have to go to the recovery room necessarily. Posted by Saphire01
Posted by Eagermom3
omg my MIL would be deleting those pics asap. Thats why I wouldnt want anyone in my recovery room except my mom thats it. If his fam and siblings want to see baby they can afte me and DH are done with bonding with our child and not with me there bec im sure ill be tired in pain and want to sleep. Thats just me. I dont want 10 people in my recovery room. Posted by mommy2B3
I think this is a hard scenario. I sucked it up for my first and didnt make "rules" I just wanted everyone to celebrate together! Well I didnt get to hold my DS till after everyone else did!! Mil also told DH he owed her pay for a day since we told her at noon i was in labor and didnt deliver till 8 pm. Then my MIL took pics of me swollen as shit, in so much pain and posted them all over facebook. You better believe I learned my lesson, second baby she came days later, we no longer have a erelationship now, so no worries for #3 :). DHs grandmother told me how selfish I was to not include her daughter for #2, too bad. My point is, this is a day for you and DH, you need ti compromise somehow, maybe ur mom should come later too. But do not regret ur first birthing experience bc ur trying to pls everyone.
Eagernom- that was exactly my point. This whole thread is so subjective. We don't know the MIL. We don't know the original poster. Based on subjectivity I believe it is the mom's right to choose who is in the recovery room with her. The mom should be allowed to have a few hours for herself.
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| Posted 6/4/13 6:56 PM |
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Eagermom3
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/13 448 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
really uncalled for. There are ways to state an opinion w/o attacking someone for their differences. Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Saphire01
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
Sad that people can't give opinions without the LIF police stepping in.
If she didn't want honest opinions she shouldn't have posted. Boo hoo for you that most people disagree with you.
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| Posted 6/4/13 6:57 PM |
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Eagermom3
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/13 448 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
so in your opinion the man and woman pretty much do equal things? cmn lolol. Im not saying i agree with not allowing MIL to see baby at all even if its not in your room but if a mother doesnt want people in her recovery room thats her business. Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by AScottWolf
Just a thought... Can we not say giving birth is the most dangerous time in a women's life please on a pregnancy board? lol I don't care if it's true or not. Can we just avoid saying things like that?
It's not even true, it's only based on that poster's experience. So another from me, I totally agree that was not an appropriate or even correct thing to say.
Also, it bugs the HELL out of me when people on here post and run. Man up and respond when people give you advice, whether you like it or not
I agree with those who say the OP is being selfish. And a big to everyone who thinks "my baby my rules." So stupid. Without the sperm your DH so kindly provided, you wouldn't have a baby in the first place.
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| Posted 6/4/13 6:59 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Eagermom3
really uncalled for. There are ways to state an opinion w/o attacking someone for their differences. Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Saphire01
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
Sad that people can't give opinions without the LIF police stepping in.
If she didn't want honest opinions she shouldn't have posted. Boo hoo for you that most people disagree with you.
Thank you, Officer.
Also, when you quote, your response should be on the bottom, makes for easier reading.
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| Posted 6/4/13 7:17 PM |
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AScottWolf
I <3 our squish!
Member since 11/10 2237 total posts
Name:
Adriana
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Eagermom3
so in your opinion the man and woman pretty much do equal things? cmn lolol. Im not saying i agree with not allowing MIL to see baby at all even if its not in your room but if a mother doesnt want people in her recovery room thats her business. Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by AScottWolf
Just a thought... Can we not say giving birth is the most dangerous time in a women's life please on a pregnancy board? lol I don't care if it's true or not. Can we just avoid saying things like that?
It's not even true, it's only based on that poster's experience. So another from me, I totally agree that was not an appropriate or even correct thing to say.
Also, it bugs the HELL out of me when people on here post and run. Man up and respond when people give you advice, whether you like it or not
I agree with those who say the OP is being selfish. And a big to everyone who thinks "my baby my rules." So stupid. Without the sperm your DH so kindly provided, you wouldn't have a baby in the first place.
OP didn't specifically say recovery room. She said that day which most of us assumed meant at all, recovery, nursery, waiting room etc.
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| Posted 6/4/13 7:18 PM |
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Eagermom3
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/13 448 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
unless shes confused or her DH is pushing his parents to see the baby with her there i dont see why she wouldnt want them to see baby in nursery unless they are really that pushy and wld just go in her room. Posted by AScottWolf
Posted by Eagermom3
so in your opinion the man and woman pretty much do equal things? cmn lolol. Im not saying i agree with not allowing MIL to see baby at all even if its not in your room but if a mother doesnt want people in her recovery room thats her business. Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by AScottWolf
Just a thought... Can we not say giving birth is the most dangerous time in a women's life please on a pregnancy board? lol I don't care if it's true or not. Can we just avoid saying things like that?
It's not even true, it's only based on that poster's experience. So another from me, I totally agree that was not an appropriate or even correct thing to say.
Also, it bugs the HELL out of me when people on here post and run. Man up and respond when people give you advice, whether you like it or not
I agree with those who say the OP is being selfish. And a big to everyone who thinks "my baby my rules." So stupid. Without the sperm your DH so kindly provided, you wouldn't have a baby in the first place.
OP didn't specifically say recovery room. She said that day which most of us assumed meant at all, recovery, nursery, waiting room etc.
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| Posted 6/4/13 7:26 PM |
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Eagermom3
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/13 448 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Thanks for your observation. Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Eagermom3
really uncalled for. There are ways to state an opinion w/o attacking someone for their differences. Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Saphire01
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
Sad that people can't give opinions without the LIF police stepping in.
If she didn't want honest opinions she shouldn't have posted. Boo hoo for you that most people disagree with you.
Thank you, Officer.
Also, when you quote, your response should be on the bottom, makes for easier reading.
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| Posted 6/4/13 7:27 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Saphire01
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
I don't think it's that bad. People are posting from their own experiences and my position is do whatever you and your dh agree on.
It is what it is. No reason getting all touchy about what other people do, especially when it doesn't impact you, you know?
But I do see the other side and can respect it. It's just not my experience.
I agree it's def ideal and nice to have inlaws if it will be comfortable for the mom.
Message edited 6/4/2013 8:19:30 PM.
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| Posted 6/4/13 7:35 PM |
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In Law visiting right after birth
WOW!! I can't believe this post got to where it is.
First, the OP is due this Thursday so she very well could not be responding because she just gave birth or is in labor.
Second, I agree that trying to scare people with "giving birth is the most dangerous thing in a woman's life" is completely uncalled for. You are dealing with hormonal women who are scared to go through the experience and don't need someone scaring people even more.
Third, I do not have a relationship with my MIL. She is pushy and overwhelming and does not have boundaries AT ALL!!! I once told her that my DH and my sister will be my coaches and she tried to tell me that she would be a better coach because she gave birth twice. I had to remind her that would mean my mom is better because she did it three times and I still didn't want her in the room. My MIL gets under my skin and half the time talking to her gives me a headache and I can't look at her because of things she says to me BUT at the same thing I would NEVER deprive her of seeing her grandson after he was born IF I was allowing my parents in the room. DH would be heartbroken if I told him "only the people important to me can come meet DS, you're people will have to wait a day or two". Yes it is my body and my recovery so we decided that only parents and siblings can come the day of. We will take out sweet time holding our son and recovering before letting people in the room. But both parents and all siblings will be able to come and meet our DS at the same time.
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| Posted 6/4/13 8:29 PM |
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alexb
LIF Adult
Member since 5/13 960 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by tomcat
i dont think you are being unreasonable.
i dont see anything wrong with keeping it private until you're ready & feeling comfortable. i asked for NO visitors until the day after, which i regret, should have been day 3 after a c-section. the pain meds, and my in law after in law stuffing formula down my newborns throat after knowing i was breastfeeding. video & photos of me high on pain meds. it was like a freakin' circus. this time around, it will be no one for a few days. at least until i am feeling strong & able.
and again, do what you feel most comfortable with & make sure your dh knows how you feel.
I was thinking along more of these lines as well... just to clarify, since this seems like a 'hot discussion', my mom is going to be there for the birthing process, along with my husband. Then she is leaving, not hanging around to take pics or whatever. I need her there as more of a support person than anything else. Also, i was never against having my in-laws at the hospital. On the contrary, I think they should be involved. I just didn't want them coming in to visit me right away because I would rather have the alone time with my baby and husband.
On a whole another note, I spoke to my husband about it and he understood completely. We decided collectively, that we will play it be ear according to how we feel after the actual birth.
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| Posted 6/4/13 9:22 PM |
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alexb
LIF Adult
Member since 5/13 960 total posts
Name:
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In Law visiting right after birth
ahh, just went through all of these posts and people are getting crazy on here !!!
I haven't responded until now BECAUSE I AM STILL WORKING FULL TIME! sometimes, some people have demanding careers and can't take off weeks before!
So yes, this is a real post to whoever is questioning the validity of it.
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| Posted 6/4/13 9:34 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Saphire01
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
Sad that people can't give opinions without the LIF police stepping in.
If she didn't want honest opinions she shouldn't have posted. Boo hoo for you that most people disagree with you.
Boo hoo? You sound like a lovely person.
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| Posted 6/4/13 10:02 PM |
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