Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:00:07 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

absolutely agree its completely different recovering around your mom than your In law. I dont see an issue having them come in a few days. Im sure if DH was the one giving birth he would feel much more comfortable the day after birth around his parents than yours lol.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

I had 2 c-sections and was overwhelmed after the birth/delivery/recovery, etc. My mom is my best friend. I am not close with my MIL but I let them come the day the babies were born but I did NOT allow any siblings, friends, aunts, etc the first day- only parents. This was a good rule for me because I was very overwhelmed. I tried to be fair. Also, since I am much closer with my mom, I was ok with her watching me try to figure out the whole nursing thing but my DH pretty much kicked everyone else out. Since nursing takes up A LOT of time the first few days, my mom def saw me and the baby MUCH more than his mom. I am glad I let them both see the babies the first day and share in that because i needed to set boundaries at other times-like nursing. DH agreed that it was OK to only nurse in front of him or my mom and it was OK to say I felt comfortable nursing in front of my mom and not his- but a big part of that was b/c his mom did NOT nurse any of her kids and seemed a little unsupportive of the whole nursing thing (ie- saying "bottles are easier" several times and "formula is fine")

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:04:14 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Posted by EatingMyVeggies

Posted by gina409



ita! and unless u hate them or they are total assholes why start this whole great part of life with drama when they could come see the baby for a hour then go home

idk i thought this was about family..

I think that a lot of the responses here are fueled by each poster's relationship with their inlaws, KWIM? so maybe most of those who say that they have a right to be there and can't understand why not, they may have a wonderful relationship with their inlaws.

Some here have overbearing ones - that know NO bounds! When you (and I like you - i find you rational and kind) - say "What's the big deal over an hour?" as an example.....some in-laws end up staying for hours and when asked kindly to leave, they throw a fit or cry, causing the DH to feel bad and then get annoyed at his wife for not allowing his mother her way, KWIM?

and who wants to fight with their DH or feel guilty when they just had a baby?

it would be ideal if people could respect an hour or whatever wishes - but unfortunately, some don't and cause a ruckus...and that's when I agree that they should just stay away for that day.

no one has to agree..you do what's right for you.

and for the future questions - (Not directed at you , gina) but if your DIL didn't want you there at the birth of your grandchild and wanted her own mom there - what are you gonna do? cry to your son? have him try to convince his wife? put her on the spot? guilt them? force your way into the delivery room?

that will only cause more strain on your relationship with your diL for the future.

all you can do is hope she will allow you there and that your son agrees....if not, you respect it and that's it. .. otherwise, you're looking at a lifetime of having a DIL resent you - guaranteed.

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:05:27 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

LOLOL yep my MIL would say the same. I have a GREAT relationship with my in laws they are awesome but its not the same. IF I was feeling grt the day after sure np but if I was feeling yucky or in pain the last thing id want would be people I have to dress up for and not look like a mess for being there lol thats just one part of it.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

im sure In laws would be at the hospital and would see the baby there so I think a mom needs time to recover at her own home and not have people come over if they already saw the baby. I think thats considerate to the person who gave birth. If I was an In law and already saw my grandbaby at the hospital I could understand waiting at least a day to see the baby so the mom can feel normal or close to normal.

Posted by maybebaby

Posted by EatingMyVeggies

Posted by gina409



ita! and unless u hate them or they are total assholes why start this whole great part of life with drama when they could come see the baby for a hour then go home

idk i thought this was about family..

I think that a lot of the responses here are fueled by each poster's relationship with their inlaws, KWIM? so maybe most of those who say that they have a right to be there and can't understand why not, they may have a wonderful relationship with their inlaws.

Some here have overbearing ones - that know NO bounds! When you (and I like you - i find you rational and kind) - say "What's the big deal over an hour?" as an example.....some in-laws end up staying for hours and when asked kindly to leave, they throw a fit or cry, causing the DH to feel bad and then get annoyed at his wife for not allowing his mother her way, KWIM?

and who wants to fight with their DH or feel guilty when they just had a baby?

it would be ideal if people could respect an hour or whatever wishes - but unfortunately, some don't and cause a ruckus...and that's when I agree that they should just stay away for that day.

no one has to agree..you do what's right for you.

and for the future questions - (Not directed at you , gina) but if your DIL didn't want you there at the birth of your grandchild and wanted her own mom there - what are you gonna do? cry to your son? have him try to convince his wife? put her on the spot? guilt them? force your way into the delivery room?

that will only cause more strain on your relationship with your diL for the future.

all you can do is hope she will allow you there and that your son agrees....if not, you respect it and that's it. .. otherwise, you're looking at a lifetime of having a DIL resent you - guaranteed.

I can't even believe that a DIL would have to "allow" her DHs parents to see the baby when her own parents are doing just that.

No one is talking about a scenario where in laws are asking to be in the delivery room, or hanging out the entire time.

To me this was just a question of excited grandparents who are willing to spend hours in a delivery room anticipating a birth...seeing the baby afterwards and prob going home. Like most parents do.

And I agree that everyone has diff. relationships with in laws but I am going under the assumption that they are good people who are loved.

I am so so surprised at some of the thoughts here.

And honestly, if my future DIL did not want me and DH at the hospital after the birth I would most certainly let them know at an appropriate time just how hurtful that is. I would hope and pray that my sons marry women who wouldn't act that selfishly. No one is asking to be present for the actual birth or to stay at their home for a week, we're talking about seeing the new baby and congratulating the new parents

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:08:37 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Posted by maybebaby

Posted by EatingMyVeggies

Posted by gina409



ita! and unless u hate them or they are total assholes why start this whole great part of life with drama when they could come see the baby for a hour then go home

idk i thought this was about family..

I think that a lot of the responses here are fueled by each poster's relationship with their inlaws, KWIM? so maybe most of those who say that they have a right to be there and can't understand why not, they may have a wonderful relationship with their inlaws.

Some here have overbearing ones - that know NO bounds! When you (and I like you - i find you rational and kind) - say "What's the big deal over an hour?" as an example.....some in-laws end up staying for hours and when asked kindly to leave, they throw a fit or cry, causing the DH to feel bad and then get annoyed at his wife for not allowing his mother her way, KWIM?

and who wants to fight with their DH or feel guilty when they just had a baby?

it would be ideal if people could respect an hour or whatever wishes - but unfortunately, some don't and cause a ruckus...and that's when I agree that they should just stay away for that day.

no one has to agree..you do what's right for you.

and for the future questions - (Not directed at you , gina) but if your DIL didn't want you there at the birth of your grandchild and wanted her own mom there - what are you gonna do? cry to your son? have him try to convince his wife? put her on the spot? guilt them? force your way into the delivery room?

that will only cause more strain on your relationship with your diL for the future.

all you can do is hope she will allow you there and that your son agrees....if not, you respect it and that's it. .. otherwise, you're looking at a lifetime of having a DIL resent you - guaranteed.

I can't even believe that a DIL would have to "allow" her DHs parents to see the baby when her own parents are doing just that.

No one is talking about a scenario where in laws are asking to be in the delivery room, or hanging out the entire time.

To me this was just a question of excited grandparents who are willing to spend hours in a delivery room anticipating a birth...seeing the baby afterwards and prob going home. Like most parents do.

And I agree that everyone has diff. relationships with in laws but I am going under the assumption that they are good people who are loved.

I am so so surprised at some of the thoughts here.

And honestly, if my future DIL did not want me and DH at the hospital after the birth I would most certainly let them know at an appropriate time just how hurtful that is. I would hope and pray that my sons marry women who wouldn't act that selfishly. No one is asking to be present for the actual birth or to stay at their home for a week, we're talking about seeing the new baby and congratulating the new parents

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:11:40 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

ohh maybe I misunderstood then well as long as they see the baby w.o me lol id be ok with it. lol.

Edit: i reread it. preggo brain. To the poster I take it back u cnt really say they cnt come to the hospital thats kind of rude. Theyre grandparents too. If you dont feel comfortable being around them when u may not feel that grt then DH can bring the baby to show them w.o you being there. Thats what I'd do.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Posted by EatingMyVeggies

Posted by maybebaby

Posted by EatingMyVeggies

Posted by gina409



ita! and unless u hate them or they are total assholes why start this whole great part of life with drama when they could come see the baby for a hour then go home

idk i thought this was about family..

I think that a lot of the responses here are fueled by each poster's relationship with their inlaws, KWIM? so maybe most of those who say that they have a right to be there and can't understand why not, they may have a wonderful relationship with their inlaws.

Some here have overbearing ones - that know NO bounds! When you (and I like you - i find you rational and kind) - say "What's the big deal over an hour?" as an example.....some in-laws end up staying for hours and when asked kindly to leave, they throw a fit or cry, causing the DH to feel bad and then get annoyed at his wife for not allowing his mother her way, KWIM?

and who wants to fight with their DH or feel guilty when they just had a baby?

it would be ideal if people could respect an hour or whatever wishes - but unfortunately, some don't and cause a ruckus...and that's when I agree that they should just stay away for that day.

no one has to agree..you do what's right for you.

and for the future questions - (Not directed at you , gina) but if your DIL didn't want you there at the birth of your grandchild and wanted her own mom there - what are you gonna do? cry to your son? have him try to convince his wife? put her on the spot? guilt them? force your way into the delivery room?

that will only cause more strain on your relationship with your diL for the future.

all you can do is hope she will allow you there and that your son agrees....if not, you respect it and that's it. .. otherwise, you're looking at a lifetime of having a DIL resent you - guaranteed.

I can't even believe that a DIL would have to "allow" her DHs parents to see the baby when her own parents are doing just that.

No one is talking about a scenario where in laws are asking to be in the delivery room, or hanging out the entire time.

To me this was just a question of excited grandparents who are willing to spend hours in a delivery room anticipating a birth...seeing the baby afterwards and prob going home. Like most parents do.

And I agree that everyone has diff. relationships with in laws but I am going under the assumption that they are good people who are loved.

I am so so surprised at some of the thoughts here.

And honestly, if my future DIL did not want me and DH at the hospital after the birth I would most certainly let them know at an appropriate time just how hurtful that is. I would hope and pray that my sons marry women who wouldn't act that selfishly. No one is asking to be present for the actual birth or to stay at their home for a week, we're talking about seeing the new baby and congratulating the new parents

It's not always about being selfish. It's about not wanting to deal with MIL drama at an important time.

I promise you, if you're not a pain in the ass MIL, you're DIL will want you there.

In Law visiting right after birth

I see your side, Maybebaby. It sounds like you had a nice birthing experience, which is great. You sound like a great DIL, too. :)

I just think there shouldn't be rules on if x person is there, x person must be there, too. I really think it's highly personal and would hope that the partner would agree to the mother-to-be's wishes, whatever they may be.

I had my mom there for my labor the 1st time and the second time before I went in for my c/s and it was so special. ...those moments alone with my mom at certain points -- amazing. her laughing, saying she couldn't believe I was going to be a mom, too........me thanking her for everything she's ever done for me.....priceless.

I was so happy to have my mom there and NEVER could have imagined having MIL there at all. I just wanted my dh and mom and I was so comfortable and happy.

Overall, you have to do what makes you comfortable and make a choice you can live with - the one you can look back on years later and KNOW you made the right choice.

I know I did.

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:26:09 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

you wouldnt want In laws to see baby on their own w.o you in the waiting area? Im with u on not allowing anyone but maybe my mom after im done.

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:26:29 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Trust your instincts!

Message edited 6/4/2013 6:07:19 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Message edited 6/4/2013 5:59:38 PM.

In Law visiting right after birth

Eagermom- after I had a long time of bonding just with me and dad, sure.
But not staying in my room for an hour right after birth.

I wanted my own bonding time for a long time because I had an emergency cs and was knocked out after.

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:43:51 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Oh ok. I understand your view. I think id have mine see the baby for 10-15 mins after my hubby and I have been with the baby. I wouldnt be spending an hour with anyone not even my parents lol. I just cnt imagine saying u cnt even see ur grandbaby for even 10 min esp if Im asleep. This is actually a good topic ill make sure to tell my DH later on that he can bring the baby out to them after im done lol.

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:53:06 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Oh man in laws! sorry you had a rough birth

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

I think a way you to be reasonable is this:

Tell them that you feel very overweled, and that you WANT them to be a part of the experience.

Tell that that yes, your mom is going to be there because, well, she is your mom. I dont care what anyone says on the board. Your in laws are JUST as important, but there is no denying that even as an adult, its still your mommy.

I say be open an honest. Dont tell them you think they are over bearing, obviously.

Let them know tht you love them and want them to be a part. You want them to see the baby right after. But you just need a little bit of time before they come because the whole thing is just to much.

Let them know that you will call them within 2 hours (pick a time) that they can come to give you a moment to just calm yourslef and feel together.

I think its reasonable to say you can come that day, even within a few hours, but I just need some time for me to recover and get over this first hurdle of a few hours after birth.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Message edited 6/4/2013 6:00:23 PM.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

could u let them see the baby in the nursery and not come to the room?

idk maybe i am seeing this wrong..

in laws who u r not close to,but yet have no issues with want to not come when u r in labor but come after the baby is born and of course feel ok and have had time alone

and they want to meet their grandchild for the first time

to me it is not even about doing what MIL wants but it is the respect for the dh..

maybe he wants them there

i def do not agree with bc i labored and gave birth my rules..this is our baby just as much mine as his

i am sorry i just for some reason see the other side

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

If your dh somehow found a way to defy nature and carry the baby -- and then told you that he does NOT want your family there to see the baby (which is half yours!) till the next day... how would YOU feel?

I'm sorry but I agree with those who say this is coming from a selfish place. This is a the first celebration of many for that baby. Everyone will want to be a part of that special day. Close with them or not, I would put my feelings aside out of respect for my dh.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

You are 100% being unreasonable. The baby is just as much your DHs as yours and his immediate family should be able to share the joy of seeing the baby the day it is born. I have no problem limiting people to visiting hours only, but to deny immediate family like that is being a Witch. How would you feel if you had a son and his wife did that to you for the birth of their child? Lousy, I bet. I would try not to do that to someone else.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

ye i tend to agree there

Re: In Law visiting right after birth