In Law visiting right after birth

Hi ladies,

My sister-in-law and mother-in-law are a little too overbearing for my particular taste- especially when it has comes to our unborn baby.

Ideally, after I give birth (due date is this week) i want to wait till the day after to see anyone. My in-laws are insisting they be in the waiting room to see the baby right after.

I had a talk with my husband about me not wanting this and his response was 'well, you're mom is going to be there.' Even though this is true, i am waaayyy more closer to my mom than to his family. Plus i just feel more comfortable having my mom around. I have nothing in common with his family and although, they are really nice, after 5 years, I have just never really clicked with them.

I guess my question is, am i being a 'b*tch' for not wanting to see my in-laws right away?

How did you guys navigate this if you've previously given birth or how do you plan to deal with this?

thx!

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

I think you are being unreasonable especially to your dh. Why shouldn't his parents get to see their grandchild the same as your parents.

You are a family now and you can establish boundaries but you can't say your parents are more important than dh's when it seems they are just excited about the baby.

In Law visiting right after birth

I think its your choice. I felt the same with my first dd. While in labor my mil showed up and I actually told the nurse I didn't want her in the room so she didn't let her. My dh actually told her to leave. And my mom was in the delivery room the whole time. I however did let everyone come in later that day once I was settled. Its you and your dhs special time don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision

Eta I don't get along with my mil

Message edited 6/3/2013 10:28:25 AM.

In Law visiting right after birth

I don't think you're being a b-word, but I do think that it's the right and fair thing to do to allow them to be there, especially if you are having your mother there. It sucks to say and hard to do, but I think that for the matter of keeping the peace (with DH as well, it would seem) you're better just allowing them to be there. You can always tell them - after they see LO - that you are all tired and need privacy, and kick them out quickly.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

This. I am not very close to DH's family, but for my DH's sake, I would feel bad to tell them no you can't see you grandchild. Even if you don't want to see them, it's only right to let them see their grandchild.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

In Law visiting right after birth

I think sometimes people forget it is about the mom, too. You are also a patient, recovering from birth or surgery. You are exposedn nursingn and going through your own healing process. I think it's natural to feel more comfortable around your own mom at that time. Try to get your dh to understand that. If it was just about seeing the babyn then I agree both sets of parents should be treated equally. But it's also about you. I think iif you feel you need it, you should have time to take a shower, get any pain under control, etc, before being expected to have visitors in your room other than dh and your parents.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

In Law visiting right after birth

I agree that I wouldnt want them in the room during delivery. But afterwards to see the baby sure. Just let DH know in advance that you want all the stays to be short.
I agree with PP that you cant allow your parents to see baby and then not DH's. :(

In Law visiting right after birth

Think about your husband. He is close to his parents and its his baby too. IMO They have every right to her there if your mom is. If your mom wasn't going to be there than u would have a leg to stand on.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

If your mom will be there- then he has the right to have his mom there.

ETA: When I had #1, my parents and sister were in the waiting room (I had a section). No one in DHs family bothered coming (his mom had been there way earlier when I was laboring) and he was really hurt by it. He still mentions it from time to time. They were also absent when #2 was born (my Mom came up to the hospital when it was time for me to push and came into the room after I delivered DD2).

The men may not do any of the "heavy lifting" but it's still a big moment for them to share with those they love.

Message edited 6/3/2013 11:05:34 AM.

In Law visiting right after birth

When DS was born, MIL was in the waiting room. She was the first to see him once DS and I were cleaned up and DH and I got some time together for pictures and bonding. My parents got there about two hours later (we are OOS). Of course I wanted my parents to be the first to see DS but it really didn't bother me too much. MIL drives me nuts but this is her grandchild too. The grandparents were respectful with giving private time with DS so really it wasn't so bad. Maybe because I was feeling good and wanted some family with us immediately.

In Law visiting right after birth

During delivery I already told DH that while I won't deny his mom to come into the room a couple times to say hello and whatever I might just want my mom there more then his mom. Before LO is born I feel as though there is no real reason for him mom to be in the room while I'm uncomfortable and only in a gown. I don't really have that kinda relationship with her (I think because she pushes too hard and doesn't have boundries).

However, AFTER LO is born and I got into my room then his mother will be able to come into the room and see her grandchild. At that point, no one is there to see me or DH but only our son. His mother irritates me just by the way she is breathing but I could NEVER tell DH that his mom can't come see her grandchild until the next day but my mom can see him whenever she wants.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

If you don't want your MIL in the delivery room that's totally your call.

But after you give birth it's really about them seeing their grandchild, so no, I don't think you have a right to say you don't want to see them, IF you're letting your parents in. Planning to keep only your IL's out seems a tiny bit cruel.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

It a tough situation because your in laws are rightfully super excited. I was in this situation. My in laws wanted to be in the waiting room the entire time and I was being induced so the reality was that they would be there a LONG time. I didn't really have a problem with them coming to see me once I got put into a room after the baby was born (even if it was the same day) but I didn't need them to sit there in the waiting room the entire time. DH and I told them we would keep them informed of my progression and would call them once the baby was born. They were definitely pissed about that. Well I needed a C-section and DH called them when we made the decision to have the C-section. I'm sure they raced over, because by the time I got to recovery the nursed informed me that someone must have called because there is A LOT of people in the waiting room. She asked if I wanted anyone in recover and I said no. i was not feeling well at all. My temp dropped to 95 degrees and I was really out of it.

My inlaws got to see the baby when it was taken to the nursery. Of course I was in recovery for a long time. I didn't want anyone in the recover room other than mom but of course my MIL and FIL insisted on coming in to the recovery room. Thankfully they just said hi and left, probably bec I was nursing my LO. (I think they are nursing-phobic)

I just made it known what my wishes were. Considering how overbearing my inlaws are, they ended up being ok. The reality is you cant stop anyone from coming to the hospital. You can thankfully restrict who comes to the delivery room and recovery. I hope they respect your wishes and give you some space.

In Law visiting right after birth

If you are letting your family be there then yes I think you are being unreasonable telling DH his family can't be there.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

In Law visiting right after birth

I think you are being unreasonable. DH's family has every right as much as your family has to be there to celebrate and welcome your DC into the world.

I would never tell my DH that he can't have his family there. I would flip a gasket if he told me my family couldn't be there.

Whenever I hear these stories about spouses excluding the others parents or siblings, I always think how about if the tables were reversed?

When I gave birth to DS it was the middle of the night, so we didn't even call anyone until early morning. It was just DH & I. My MIL was one of the first people to meet DS...

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

Posted by Kitten1929

Posted by MrsO

I think you are being unreasonable especially to your dh. Why shouldn't his parents get to see their grandchild the same as your parents.

You are a family now and you can establish boundaries but you can't say your parents are more important than dh's when it seems they are just excited about the baby.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth

OK..

This is advice coming from someone who is about to have #3 and I think things just become less of a big deal as time goes on..I say this because I know I had nerves and upset over things with my first that I don't even think about now (example, not wanting anyone staying overnight for the first few days..now I can't WAIT to have people over to help!).

With that being said...

As the mother of soon to be 3 boys I can tell you I would be devestated if one day my future daughter in law didn't want me to be there after the baby is born. I think you are coming from a selfish place there...its your husbands family. They are important to him just like yours is important to you. They may be overbearing, but they are still family. They are excited about their grandbaby too.

Dont let these petty things get in the way of the experience. It doesn't matter who is there or who wants to wait for hours to see the baby..NONE OF THIS MATTERS. believe me. Just deliver your baby and enjoy the time with everyone.

Re: In Law visiting right after birth