You must first be logged in to post a new topic.
If you are not registered, please click "Create Account".
| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 |
mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
I think this is a hard scenario. I sucked it up for my first and didnt make "rules" I just wanted everyone to celebrate together! Well I didnt get to hold my DS till after everyone else did!! Mil also told DH he owed her pay for a day since we told her at noon i was in labor and didnt deliver till 8 pm. Then my MIL took pics of me swollen as shit, in so much pain and posted them all over facebook. You better believe I learned my lesson, second baby she came days later, we no longer have a erelationship now, so no worries for #3 :). DHs grandmother told me how selfish I was to not include her daughter for #2, too bad. My point is, this is a day for you and DH, you need ti compromise somehow, maybe ur mom should come later too. But do not regret ur first birthing experience bc ur trying to pls everyone.
|
Posted 6/4/13 8:17 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by PennyCat
If your dh somehow found a way to defy nature and carry the baby -- and then told you that he does NOT want your family there to see the baby (which is half yours!) till the next day... how would YOU feel?
I'm sorry but I agree with those who say this is coming from a selfish place. This is a the first celebration of many for that baby. Everyone will want to be a part of that special day. Close with them or not, I would put my feelings aside out of respect for my dh.
 !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand his whole "it's ALL about me" attitude when it comes to having a baby. There would be NO baby if it weren't for you AND your DH. Although it's the woman who goes through the labor and delivery the "experience", joy, and happiness of that moment is equally as amazing for your DH as it is for you. It's not just about how you feel and what you want, that moment is all about your DH as well.
To insist that your DH can't share his excitement and joy with his family too is unreal to me. I can't imagine telling my DH that his parents couldn't be in the waiting room to see their new grandchild for a few minutes. He would be so hurt. 
And FTR, I had 2 HORRIBLE C-section experiences. I had a god awful reaction to the spinal and was throwing up and passing out all day. BUT, both of our families were in the waiting room and both of our families came too see us right after the birth. I looked like HELL, I felt even worse. But I couldn't see having 10,00 rules about FAMILY visiting. I think to deny your DH his family at such a special and joyous time in HIS life too is cruel and selfish. Sorry to be harsh, I just can't imagine telling my DH his family wasn't welcome when mine was.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 8:45 AM |
| |
|
hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Hofstra26
I don't understand his whole "it's ALL about me" attitude when it comes to having a baby. There would be NO baby if it weren't for you AND your DH. Although it's the woman who goes through the labor and delivery the "experience", joy, and happiness of that moment is equally as amazing for your DH as it is for you. It's not just about how you feel and what you want, that moment is all about your DH as well.
ITA!
Our DS was the first grandchild on both sides. Since my mom is significantly younger than my MIL, my MIL has been super anxious to be a grand mother for a long time. Introducing her to her grandson and watching her burst into happy tears brought me such joy. Even despite the fact I just had 26 hours of labor, followed by over 3 hours of pushing, followed by a c-section. For me personally, the day I gave birth was about DS, not ME. Welcoming him to his WHOLE immediate family outweighed any discomfort I may have felt in the moment.
Ultimately, I stand strong that it's all or nothing when it comes to grandparents. Either you invite them all, or everyone waits until the next day. Otherwise it's unfair, no matter how you rationalize it.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 9:10 AM |
| |
|
BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by KGools
If your DH wants his parents to be there, they should be there whether you like it or not. It's his baby and his experience just as much as it is yours.
If you feel uncomfortable, maybe have a conversation with your DH about how long each set of parents stays... maybe he can start to kick everyone out after an hour. That would be a fair compromise.
Totally disagree that it is equally the dh's experience. The day a woman gives birth is the most dangerous time of her life. Her baby, her rules.
Seriously?
My DH says the day DS was born was the most amazing day of his life and he will never forget one second of it.
I think downplaying the father's experience to seeing their child born is wrong. If he wants his parents there, no rules should come into play. It's his child too.
Like a PP stated, unless the circumstances with your IL's are downright crazy, everyone needs to put their feelings aside and celebrate the miracle of life.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 9:22 AM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
IMO if you plan on having YOUR parents (and siblings) there the day of then you need to plan on having your in laws.
IMO yes it is totally bitchy to have YOUR family and not DH's. Sorry.
Message edited 6/4/2013 9:27:08 AM.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 9:25 AM |
| |
|
MRsFaTThead
NY GIRL IN TEXAS
Member since 6/10 5483 total posts
Name:
WHO GIVES A POO WHO GIVES A FUDGE !!
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
"her baby her rules" has got to be the dumbest shit I've read on this thread.
my dh would flip his shit if i told him his family couldn't be in the waiting room and you know what he has every right to. it's his baby too!!!!!!!
dh reaction to seeing his first born coming out of me was AMAZING!! I've never seen him so happy before in my life.
oh and if i had a son and if my dil pulled some shit like this i would so want to smack her
|
| Posted 6/4/13 9:32 AM |
| |
|
|
|
In Law visiting right after birth
People can have different opinions - that's expected. Everyone did what was right for her.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 9:34 AM |
| |
|
JSDB
<3
Member since 1/13 1329 total posts
Name:
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by maybebaby
OK..
This is advice coming from someone who is about to have #3 and I think things just become less of a big deal as time goes on..I say this because I know I had nerves and upset over things with my first that I don't even think about now (example, not wanting anyone staying overnight for the first few days..now I can't WAIT to have people over to help!).
With that being said...
As the mother of soon to be 3 boys I can tell you I would be devestated if one day my future daughter in law didn't want me to be there after the baby is born. I think you are coming from a selfish place there...its your husbands family. They are important to him just like yours is important to you. They may be overbearing, but they are still family. They are excited about their grandbaby too.
Dont let these petty things get in the way of the experience. It doesn't matter who is there or who wants to wait for hours to see the baby..NONE OF THIS MATTERS. believe me. Just deliver your baby and enjoy the time with everyone.
I agree. I think its completely your right to have whoever you want in the delivery room, and to have some private time with just you and DH and baby after the birth. But I think its wrong to keep your ILs from seeing the baby once it has been born
|
| Posted 6/4/13 9:50 AM |
| |
|
MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
I can't comment on this type of situation because my parents don't live here and likely won't be here when baby comes, but ILs do. We are very close and I have not even thought about them being around when he arrives.
However, my brother and SIL went through this. As someone on the dad's side in that situation I can offer my input. My bro and SIL didn't tell anyone that she went into labor. They called us all AFTER the baby was born (about 2 hours later). I was the first call because I live far and needed to book a flight home. Then my bro called his MIL because she lives about an hour drives away, whereas the rest of my family lives about 15 min from the hospital. My mom was the first one there to see her grandson (her son's son). My bro and SIL have had a few family-related struggles over the years, my SIL and my mom don't get along so well, but it 100% would not have been okay if she had tried to keep any of our family out of that room after the baby came, especially since her family was welcome. I really do think if you are allowing one side to visit, you have to allow the other side as well.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 10:02 AM |
| |
|
KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by KGools
If your DH wants his parents to be there, they should be there whether you like it or not. It's his baby and his experience just as much as it is yours.
If you feel uncomfortable, maybe have a conversation with your DH about how long each set of parents stays... maybe he can start to kick everyone out after an hour. That would be a fair compromise.
Totally disagree that it is equally the dh's experience. The day a woman gives birth is the most dangerous time of her life. Her baby, her rules.
Wouldn't be there in "the most dangerous time of her life" (which I think is a stretch) without her DH. It's as special to him as it is to her... maybe in a different way, but I would NEVER diminish my DH's experience of that day despite what I physically have to do.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 10:26 AM |
| |
|
|
|
In Law visiting right after birth
For all those on the opposing side.. Wwyd if your dil didnt want you there during the delivery but wanted her own mom and your son agreed with her? (Assuming you could see baby after delivery for a bit)?
Or is the issue mainly about not seeing baby that day?
I guess I don't expect to be there. I would assume future dil will want her own mom.
NO snark at all - genuinely curious. I can genuinely respect other opinions.
My mil told everyone (for my first) that she would be there for delivery inside my room and expected to be there. I found that odd.
Message edited 6/4/2013 10:43:10 AM.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 10:41 AM |
| |
|
KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
For all those on the opposing side.. Wwyd if your dil didnt want you there during the delivery but wanted her own mom and your son agreed with her? (Assuming you could see baby after delivery for a bit)?
Or is the issue mainly about not seeing baby that day?
I guess I don't expect to be there. I would assume future dil will want her own mom.
NO snark at all - genuinely curious. I can genuinely respect other opinions.
My mil told everyone (for my first) that she would be there for delivery inside my room and expected to be there. I found that odd.
I think the conversation is more about parents/in-laws being at the hospital while you are delivering... not neccessarily being in the room while you have the baby.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 10:43 AM |
| |
|
BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
For all those on the opposing side.. Wwyd if your dil didnt want you there during the delivery but wanted her own mom and your son agreed with her? (Assuming you could see baby after delivery for a bit)?
Or is the issue mainly about not seeing baby that day?
I guess I don't expect to be there. I would assume future dil will want her own mom.
NO snark at all - genuinely curious. I can genuinely respect other opinions.
My mil told everyone (for my first) that she would be there for delivery inside my room and expected to be there. I found that odd.
That isn't what the OP was asking....she said AFTER the birth.
To answer your question, I would respect my DIL's wishes to have whomever she wanted in the birthing room.
I only wanted DH and I am very very close with my mom.
In fact, we didn't call anyone to let them know I was in labor until the next morning (I went in in the middle of the night). My MIL was the first to arrive and meet DS.
Message edited 6/4/2013 10:46:59 AM.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 10:44 AM |
| |
|
Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
For all those on the opposing side.. Wwyd if your dil didnt want you there during the delivery but wanted her own mom and your son agreed with her? (Assuming you could see baby after delivery for a bit)?
Or is the issue mainly about not seeing baby that day?
I guess I don't expect to be there. I would assume future dil will want her own mom.
NO snark at all - genuinely curious. I can genuinely respect other opinions.
My mil told everyone (for my first) that she would be there for delivery inside my room and expected to be there. I found that odd.
I read the OP as not wanting them in the waiting room. I totally get not wanting people in the delivery room with you during the birth (I only wanted DH, nobody else) but to not allow family to be in the waiting room seems awfully harsh. It is no imposition to allow them to wait so once the baby is born then can have a quick peek at their new family member.
As the mommy of a DS, I would never expect to be asked into the delivery room but I would be very, very hurt and saddened to be asked to not even come to the hospital on the day my grandchild is being born.
Message edited 6/4/2013 10:51:18 AM.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 10:50 AM |
| |
|
hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
For all those on the opposing side.. Wwyd if your dil didnt want you there during the delivery but wanted her own mom and your son agreed with her? (Assuming you could see baby after delivery for a bit)?
I understood the OP to say that the in laws couldn't see the baby until a day later, while her mom will not only be in the room, but will see the baby that day. I do not expect to be in the room while my DIL gives birth. I didn't even have my own mom in there (for me PERSONALLY, it was all or nothing. It was either my mom and MIL, or neither. Again, just my views).
If I could see the baby after, I would be fine with that. But if I was told I had to wait 24 hours while her parents saw the baby that day, I would be BEYOND hurt. There isn't much I could do about it, but I would be heartbroken nonetheless.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 10:55 AM |
| |
|
|
|
In Law visiting right after birth
I know that wasnt the OP question originally - but I was curious nonetheless based on my own experience.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:07 AM |
| |
|
Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by KGools
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by KGools
If your DH wants his parents to be there, they should be there whether you like it or not. It's his baby and his experience just as much as it is yours.
If you feel uncomfortable, maybe have a conversation with your DH about how long each set of parents stays... maybe he can start to kick everyone out after an hour. That would be a fair compromise.
Totally disagree that it is equally the dh's experience. The day a woman gives birth is the most dangerous time of her life. Her baby, her rules.
Wouldn't be there in "the most dangerous time of her life" (which I think is a stretch) without her DH. It's as special to him as it is to her... maybe in a different way, but I would NEVER diminish my DH's experience of that day despite what I physically have to do.
I completely agree!!
I also don't understand people who don't want family in the waiting room. You don't even know they're there...so who cares?? If they want to sit on an uncomfortable chair for 16 hours, let them! It isn't like you have to make them dinner.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:09 AM |
| |
|
maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
For all those on the opposing side.. Wwyd if your dil didnt want you there during the delivery but wanted her own mom and your son agreed with her? (Assuming you could see baby after delivery for a bit)?
Or is the issue mainly about not seeing baby that day?
I guess I don't expect to be there. I would assume future dil will want her own mom.
NO snark at all - genuinely curious. I can genuinely respect other opinions.
My mil told everyone (for my first) that she would be there for delivery inside my room and expected to be there. I found that odd.
I would NEVER expect my future DIL to ask that I be in the delivery room as she had the baby...I would expect that it would be either just her and my son in there, or her own mom included..I TOTALLY get that! Completely diff. scenario.
But I will never understand the whole " don't want them to see the baby after the birth" thing. That to me is ridiculous. Why do they need to wait until the next day? There is no reason for that, they should be allowed same as the DW's parents.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:19 AM |
| |
|
MRsFaTThead
NY GIRL IN TEXAS
Member since 6/10 5483 total posts
Name:
WHO GIVES A POO WHO GIVES A FUDGE !!
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
if my dil didn't want me in the delivery room i would have no problem with that.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:21 AM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
In Law visiting right after birth
dble
Message edited 6/4/2013 11:47:49 AM.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:47 AM |
| |
|
DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
|
In Law visiting right after birth
WAIT....
Delivery and waiting room are totally different.
No one but DH was in my delivery room by my choice but all parents and siblings were in waiting room and saw the baby as soon as he was born.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:47 AM |
| |
|
AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Pomegranate5
If you don't want your MIL in the delivery room that's totally your call.
But after you give birth it's really about them seeing their grandchild, so no, I don't think you have a right to say you don't want to see them, IF you're letting your parents in. Planning to keep only your IL's out seems a tiny bit cruel.
I agree!
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:49 AM |
| |
|
Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
I probably have a different relationship with my ILs than you do, but I cannot for even a second imagine asking for them not to be in the waiting room when the baby is born. They are grandparents, just the same as your parents. I understand your relationship with your mother is obviously much closer, as is mine, but I would never think of depriving my ILs the opportunity to meet their grandchild on the day he/she is born.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 11:56 AM |
| |
|
ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Jax430
I probably have a different relationship with my ILs than you do, but I cannot for even a second imagine asking for them not to be in the waiting room when the baby is born. They are grandparents, just the same as your parents. I understand your relationship with your mother is obviously much closer, as is mine, but I would never think of depriving my ILs the opportunity to meet their grandchild on the day he/she is born.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 12:21 PM |
| |
|
baby22012
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 870 total posts
Name:
|
Re: In Law visiting right after birth
I've never had to worry about this as MIL is a 10 hour plane flight away. She has always stated that she feels that it is not her place to invade until the baby is at least a month old. She claims it is all about my mom in the beginning. Now the situation is much different b/c when she comes she stays at our home for weeks at a time. If she lived local, there is no way I would tell her she couldn't see the baby after delivery. She's a grandparent too. I have made it clear to all other family members that I do not want a lot of visitors in the hospital. I'm fine with immediate family and very close friends visiting but not right after delivery. My SIL is local but I think she would be fine with me asking her to wait until the second day. I think this will all depend on when my babies are born and if I have a c-section.
|
| Posted 6/4/13 12:40 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 |
