Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I don't understand still harboring anger over something that happened so many years ago. I think it only hurts the person who is angry. I also don't get rooting for someone's misfortunes (getting fat, going bald, not a good job, etc).

Maybe it's because I didn't really have any enemies or maybe it's because I've been out of high school for longer than most of you. If I heard someone was still harping on about something that happened in high school a decade later, I would think they have some serious issues they need to work out.

I know high school bullies & I know kids that were teased. I know that it wasn't about the person being teased, but about the person doing the teasing. Kids are mean because of how they feel about themselves or because of what is going in their lives. I realize they made some kids' lives hell.

I'm not discounting what they did. I guess what I'm saying is I hope those that were teased realize that it wasn't about being fat, thin, or anything else. It was about that guy/girl needing to feel better about themselves because inside they were cr@p.

I see my friend who was teased put so much stock in her appearance & bash other people all because of how she was treated in high school. Such a sad situation to make someone feel bad about themselves & to have that cycle continue.

Long intro to the actual question...

If you are holding a high school grudge, when would you let it go?

Do you put stock in an area of your life if you were teased about lacking in another area?

Message edited 3/7/2008 11:00:53 AM.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

The only thing I can think of is.... and this has nothing to do with high school...

My parents divorced when I was 4 .. Mother left , father raised me... I think in alot of ways I try and overcompensate in the parenting field... I try and do anything and everything with my kids.. Do everything that my parents didn't do for me....

Is that sort of what you mean??...

As for high school... I didn't have a horrible time in school .. I wasn't the most popular BUT I also wasn't made fun of or a "loser" as another poster put it.. I was content... But if someone 10 -15 years later still holds a grudge I think they need to take a serious look at themselves and get some help JMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I agree with you to a point. Harboring anger and grudges keeps you in a dark place. If you were seriously abused by someone, then I would say that it's normal for you to still hate the person. But, if it was just your typically high school friend fighting/boyfriend stealing, then I say let it go. That's what HS is all about. I typically do not hold grudges about that stuff at all. I barely remember why I fought with friends or why the friendship stopped. Funny enough, looking back all I remember are the fun times with my friends. Although, if I see the person again and I get reminded really quickly as to why I used to hate them, then yes, my grudge will come back.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

Actually that's exactly what I meant..overcompensating. Thank you. I couldn't think of the word.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I'm with you.

I don't hold grudges.

Though I have to say that I was pretty damn popular in HS and really didn't have ANY enemies.



But even if I did, I graduated high school 17 years ago.



If I DID have enemies, I wouldn't even REMEMBER WHY I was mad at them in the first place.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I was never really popular in high school, and I had my own group of friends.

I don't hold any grudges, but there are a few people I can think of that I wouldn't bother walking across a room to say hello to.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

Message edited 3/7/2008 11:34:57 AM.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I've been pleasanly plump the better part of my life. I got teased more over my weight when I was younger. By the time I got to HS it wasn't an even an issue (and I was heavier in HS than I was when I was younger).

And, I think it's because with age, brought confidence, and I knew that anyone who had the nerve to teast me in HS was someone who was lacking confidence in the themself.

I thank my parents for the confidence. Without it, I may have always been looked at as the chubby girl, but I feel great about who I am and I think I let that shine, and it makes up for whatever "Faults" may be on the outside.

People respond to that.

I believe in the old cliche...You have to love yourself before you can let anyone love you.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

i try not to hold a grudge, but i cannot help being slightly satisfied if, for example, i see a girl who made fun of how i dressed in high school, and she has put on some weight... i am only human, after all.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I was teased often because of my height. BUT I was fortunate in that I had a strong family support system and although a number of my peers picked on me, I received plenty of compliments from teachers and people who were older and that I admired. By the time I was in college, I realized what I was teased for was my biggest asset.

I haven't forgotten some of the incidents, but I don't hold grudges. I don't necessarily wish bad things on those people, but there is some satisfaction knowing I'm living & aging better than most of them.

Message edited 3/7/2008 11:59:25 AM.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

i only hold a grudge towards one person-n that person isnt even from HS. never got made fun of in HS, only from 4th-6th grade! so mine stems wayyyyyyyy back

hes my moms best friends son-n its not even holding a grudge-its more like i cant be bothered w/him, i dont say hello or talk to h im if i see him, etc.

dunno why, i cant let it go w/him..maybe bc i never told him off

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I went to school with a class full of nasty individuals. I don't know what it was about my graduating class, but they were AWFUL.

I was not popular but I was not teased either. I tried to be friendly with everyone. BUT I witnessed first hand people being bullied and teased until they cried. It was sickening.

I think if a person lives every day of their 4 years of HS being picked on it definitely leaves an impact, and I would completley understand them holding grudges.

And call me sick, but when I hear that someone who was a huge bully got very fat, or still lives home with mom I smile. I think its KARMA.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

Message edited 3/7/2008 12:20:07 PM.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

This may be a little different from what you mean, but I sort of have a high school grudge. But it's not over someone who teased me or anything like that... it's more a friendship that went horribly wrong, and I allowed myself to be badly emotionally abused for a couple years.

Although I obviously ended the friendship, put it all behind me, became a stronger person, went on to live a better life (etc.), it still bugs me sometimes if I think about it even now. I can't stand the fact that I let it go on for as long as it did. I regret it, and I wish I had the strength then that I have now, and knew better than to put up with someone treating me that way.

Now, I don't think about it very often at all, but sometimes things come up that remind me, or I talk to someone from back home and the name comes up, or I look at a photo the ex-friend is in... it's hard to eliminate the remembrance of someone completely, and I guess I haven't entirely come to terms with accepting it all, since it still bothers me.

And it's sad to say, but I would feel satisfied if I heard that this person had bad things happen to them in their adult life. I would feel like it's karma, and that they deserved something bad to happen to them after the hurt they put me through. Maybe if I knew the tables had turned, I would feel like the universe has righted itself and I could let it go...?

I don't really overcompensate for it now, but I've learned a lot from the experience and put it into action. I've become very aware of people who try to take advantage or treat me badly, and I distance myself from them.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I agree with you Barb.

being mean to those that were mean to you, is still being mean.

it's different. it's spite. spite is ugly, especially served cold and moldy.

eta: if you are comfortable with that though...then rock on. no one is perfect

Message edited 3/7/2008 12:23:46 PM.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I definintly dont hold a grudge. I honestly dont remember who my enemies were and its so not worth it at this point to be angry

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

i agree. i could honestly care less about high school now, it feels like a million and half years ago!

i went to a very small high school and i wasnt the prom queen or anything, but i didnt have any "enemies". actually, i was looking in my Church bulletin recently and a few girls from HS were in there with their banns of marriage announcements and i was actually very happy for them. i may not have really liked them in high school, lol, but its nice to see that people are happy and celebrating such joyous occasions.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I'd like to say I don't hold grudges but reading this is making me pissy and dredging up some memories that I'd rather forget. It's hard to not hold a grudge against people who bullied you.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I don't hold grudges either, but I will be honest and say that it makes me happy when I see someone who used to tease me about my weight go from a size 2 jeans to a size 18....thats the only way they'll know how it feels

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I didn't really have enemies in HS, but there were definitely people I didn't like. I don't hold any grudges, but when I went to my 20 year reunion a few years ago, there were definitely people I didn't bother saying hello to. I am not angry, I just wasn't interested in talking to those people. I wanted to spend my time catching up with the people I actually enjoyed being around.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I don't think I hold a grudge because I don't often think about it. However, when I see someone that I didn't respect in high school, for whatever reason, I do get a bit of a chuckle if they turned out to be something that they would have loathed back then.

I do often see someone who was picked on in my high school. Years later he was diagnosed with Aspbergers syndrome and he certainly meets the definition. He has very fond memories of high school and it is like he does not realize he was picked on so much. He loves running into old classmates. No grudges there. Everyone is a lot nicer to him now.

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

Re: Grudges - Spinoff: High School enemies

I don't hold grudges.

But I do hold PERCEPTIONS.

If I get a whiff of an idea that you are unfair, unjust, mean or whatnot - I will associate that with you for a LOOOOONG time. This works for good too - if I perceive you to be nice, fair, sexy, funny or whatever - I will associate that with you forever. Or until you do something to change my perception.

Message edited 8/5/2011 10:31:58 PM.