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lu235
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/06 749 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I would like to clarify that the person who was hit was not the person who yelled, it was MIL and SIL from across the room who were not at all involved in the situation.
I would also like to add that I was sitting right next to him and I saw it and was getting up to get him when they yelled (and they did yell).
I also want to add that I think people are getting confused with the word "no" as opposed to not disciplining at all. We don't like to use the word no because I don't think it is effective - instead we say "It's not nice to hit" or "Don't hit" or "Stop hitting." I don't want "no" to become a bad word. But we definitiley do stop the unacceptable behaviour and I don't put up with anything from him.
I also don't necessarily agree that it was a reaction when DS is the only child in the family - what other child do they have to yell no to?
Regardless, I'm more upset about MIL's reaction to me afterwards, because I was nice and calm when I said "Please don't yell at him, we will take care of it." I don't think there was anything wrong with me saying it, and I am not mad that they yelled, I just don't think it's an appropriate way to discipline and as his mother I should be able to say so.
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Posted 1/18/09 7:27 AM  |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by lu235
I would like to clarify that the person who was hit was not the person who yelled, it was MIL and SIL from across the room who were not at all involved in the situation.
I would also like to add that I was sitting right next to him and I saw it and was getting up to get him when they yelled (and they did yell).
I also want to add that I think people are getting confused with the word "no" as opposed to not disciplining at all. We don't like to use the word no because I don't think it is effective - instead we say "It's not nice to hit" or "Don't hit" or "Stop hitting." I don't want "no" to become a bad word. But we definitiley do stop the unacceptable behaviour and I don't put up with anything from him.
I also don't necessarily agree that it was a reaction when DS is the only child in the family - what other child do they have to yell no to?
Regardless, I'm more upset about MIL's reaction to me afterwards, because I was nice and calm when I said "Please don't yell at him, we will take care of it." I don't think there was anything wrong with me saying it, and I am not mad that they yelled, I just don't think it's an appropriate way to discipline and as his mother I should be able to say so.
This is exactly my point, I take no issue over using the word "No" persay (although I totally agree with limiting it's use and using redirection especially with young children )
My issue and I believe the OP was the "yelling" part. I have no problem with the right from wrong and teaching children it is not okay to hit others.
I just don't think a 16 month old should be yelled at, especially from across the room.
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| Posted 1/18/09 7:50 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
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Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by krissy888
Posted by Stacey1403
All the posters that said it was fine, you have no problem with someone "yelling" at your 16 month old?
I mean this is still a baby not an older child who knows it is wrong to hit someone. If they gave a firm no I could understand but the OP said the yelled, loudly at him.
of course I wouldn't be thrilled about it , but a 16 month old has to be told he/she should not be hitting. And like I said in my post if DC didn't know it was wrong before, he/she does now!
In your opinion, when should you (or family members) start telling them no, when they have already gotten used to certain habits? why not nip it in the bud right away? I see kids that are 2 and 3 years old hitting their parents, it's ridiculous, why let it get to that point? It really drives me nuts when a parents or adult is getting hit, and they say that's not nice Johnny , the kid looks at them like effff you and does it again. I really believe they have to be taught (firmly taught)from the very beginning, and this absolutely goes for my own DS JMHO
ITA!!! I have no problem with anyone telling my DD when she is wrong and she is 16 months as well. Trust me, 16 months old kids are very smart and they'll test you to see what they can getaway with. I have seen this with my 16 months old.
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| Posted 1/18/09 7:58 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I wouldn't mind with something like that.
I hate the hitting, so if having a roomfull of people scream NO gets the point across better that hitting is not allowed I am fine with that.
It was a reflex.
Your MIL probably just felt embarassed.
Do these people love your child? I am being serious, my MIL is a flake. I paid her way into Disney, she yelled at josh for not wanting to leave a ride, then told him he probably doesn't hear stuff like that at home.
She's never been to my home. Its disney in july, whatever. I told her no we don't talk to him like that and we won't start now after the money I paid to make this day nice.
But your feelings are your own. I don't know your backstory. If you ask are you wrong? I would say yes. It was a loving reaction to someone being hit.
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| Posted 1/18/09 8:26 AM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
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browneyes
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by babydreams
I am sorry, but I don't think that what MIL or SIL did was wrong. If it were someone that was not as close and did not love your DC, then I would be upset, but they have your DC's best interest at heart, and they were not yelling no to be mean.
i completely agree!
i agree with your MIL and SIL and i would have done the same thing to my neice, especially since saying "no" is more of a reaction. they didn't yell at him, they tried to tell him hitting wasn't nice.
as a parent i know i can't see what DS is doing all of the time. i fully believe in "it takes a village" to raise my child and i would hope my family would take the time to help teach my child the skills he needs. your family loves him and honestly, if that were me, i would apologize to MIL and SIL and tell them you know they were acting in DS's best interests. but that's me.
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| Posted 1/18/09 8:56 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by browneyedgirl
i agree with your MIL and SIL and i would have done the same thing to my neice, especially since saying "no" is more of a reaction. they didn't yell at him, they tried to tell him hitting wasn't nice.
She actually said they yelled it across the room.
ETA: I hope I am not offending anyone. I usually don't keep going back and posting on threads like this. But I guess I am just surprised at how many people think it is fine to have people yelling across a room at a baby. The OP didn't say they said no, she stressed they yelled it. The yelling part is where my issue lies.
Message edited 1/18/2009 9:09:01 AM.
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| Posted 1/18/09 9:03 AM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by browneyedgirl
i agree with your MIL and SIL and i would have done the same thing to my neice, especially since saying "no" is more of a reaction. they didn't yell at him, they tried to tell him hitting wasn't nice.
She actually said they yelled it across the room.
i know
what i mean is that they weren't yelling in the sense of being mean. they yelled it so that he would hear it. there's a big difference in yelling/screaming and yelling to be heard. sorry for the confusion.
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| Posted 1/18/09 9:09 AM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by lu235
Regardless, I'm more upset about MIL's reaction to me afterwards, because I was nice and calm when I said "Please don't yell at him, we will take care of it." I don't think there was anything wrong with me saying it, and I am not mad that they yelled, I just don't think it's an appropriate way to discipline and as his mother I should be able to say so.
I think the above is the problem with this whole thread. You *asked* if you were wrong and some people think you were, so they are telling you so. However, you've made it clear that you DON'T think you were wrong. A title with something like "Just a vent" might have given you the replies you hoped for. 
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| Posted 1/18/09 9:20 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
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Properly perfect™
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I think it was just a reaction to yell no....I would not have made a big deal out of it unless it was a recurrent thing.
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| Posted 1/18/09 9:52 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
If a child hit me, I would definately say no. I mean, it would be different if they told him he was a bad little boy or something, but would you really be mad if it were your own mother who said no in that circumstance. My children are taught that when they are at the sitter the sitter is in charge, when they are at their friends houses they must follow their friends mother's rules (as well as my own) and when they are with relatives they better believe that if one of my siblings see them do something wrong they are going to step in. It would be different if I thought that they were saying something inappropriate to a child. BUt "no" is not that bad is it?
JMHO
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| Posted 1/18/09 8:18 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by babydreams
I am sorry, but I don't think that what MIL or SIL did was wrong. If it were someone that was not as close and did not love your DC, then I would be upset, but they have your DC's best interest at heart, and they were not yelling no to be mean.
I agree 100%.
No matter what the situation is or if i'm around to witness it, if my ds does something like that... i want my MIL or SIL to teach him right from wrong. I even want my friends to do it.
I don't see anything wrong with it and i probably would have done the same thing as your MIL/SIL.
I think it's unrealistic for you to think that your family isn't going to get involved like that when they see your son do something he shouldn't be doing.
Message edited 1/18/2009 8:31:22 PM.
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| Posted 1/18/09 8:25 PM |
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IheartF&M
Finally made it to 1,000!!!!
Member since 6/08 1059 total posts
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stacy
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by EmmaNick
Posted by Stacey1403
No one should be yelling at a 16 month old.
Good for you for standing up for your DS.
I agree
Me too.
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| Posted 1/18/09 11:33 PM |
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