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lu235
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/06 749 total posts
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Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Today we were at SIL's house for her birthday and DS (who is 16 months) hit my brother while he was holding him. Both my MIL and SIL (not the SIL whose house it was - this was a different one) yelled "No!" pretty loudly at him when he did this. I don't think it's appropriate for anyone to discipline my child, especially since I think that I am a pretty attentive parent and I am pretty on top of him with things like that. I said nicely (at least I thought it was nicely!) "Please don't yell at him we (meaning DH and I) will take care of it." I then went over to DS and told him it was not nice to hit and took him outside.
Well after I did this the room got silent. About 15 minutes later we decided to leave because DS was so tired and when I went to say goodbye to my MIL she completely walked right by me and said "Bye" over her shoulder. I can't believe she is mad at me! I mean, I appreciate someone telling my child no if he is doing something to endanger himself or someone else (running into the street, putting his finger in a socket, touching something hot, etc.) but I don't think it's appropriate for someone else to discipline my child for hitting, especially when I know he only took a half hour nap today and it's only half an hour to his bedtime and he is exhausted and that is why he is lashing out.
Am I wrong???
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Posted 1/17/09 7:21 PM  |
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KateDevine
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I agree with you that it isn't their place to discipline your child, but IMO, yelling "no" was just a reflex. I'd probably do the same thing, just out of habit, you know?
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| Posted 1/17/09 7:26 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
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Christine
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Not wrong- you are the mom and are entitled to discipline as you see fit. However, I tend to discipline my niece and my SIL can feel free to discipline my DD if they are doing something wrong since we watch each other's kids so often. Maybe your MIL felt that she had that kind of relationship too. 
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| Posted 1/17/09 7:33 PM |
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sweetie101
you make me smile :o)
Member since 5/08 4419 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
ive told my nephew no or sorta yell but not loud to tell him to stop hitting me or whatever but my brother or his wife never got mad at me
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| Posted 1/17/09 7:54 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
No one should be yelling at a 16 month old.
Good for you for standing up for your DS.
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| Posted 1/17/09 7:59 PM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
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Mrs Dee
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Sorry, but if a child hit me I would also say no or something similar. It was probably a reflex. If someone opther than family or a close friend did it, I would have an issue, but otherwise, I would agree.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:02 PM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
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Mrs Dee
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Question: would you have been as upset if they had just said no instead of yelling it?
ETA- Saying and "yelling" are 2 different things
Message edited 1/17/2009 8:04:08 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:03 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by 1stimemom
Question: would you have been as upset if they had just said no instead of yelling it?
That was my point. I don't think them saying no is the issue it is yelling it. At least it would be to me. 16 months is still a baby. They should of just redirected his behavior, not yelled.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:05 PM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
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Mrs Dee
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by 1stimemom
Question: would you have been as upset if they had just said no instead of yelling it?
That was my point. I don't think them saying no is the issue it is yelling it. At least it would be to me. 16 months is still a baby. They should of just redirected his behavior, not yelled.
ITA!!! If they really yelled at DC I am suprised he didn't cry. I think it would be acceptable to SAY no, but yelling is a bit much
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:07 PM |
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stephaniea
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1280 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by KateDevine
I agree with you that it isn't their place to discipline your child, but IMO, yelling "no" was just a reflex. I'd probably do the same thing, just out of habit, you know?
I agree with this. It was probably a reflex.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:12 PM |
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sweetie101
you make me smile :o)
Member since 5/08 4419 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
like in my case when i had to tell my nephew to stop hitting me is when he pitching me so hard when i was taking him off the table, its was hurting so bad but i didnt mean to yell it was just a reaction to get him off me
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:14 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by Stacey1403
No one should be yelling at a 16 month old.
Good for you for standing up for your DS.
I agree
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:17 PM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
This is my thinking on this topic, I see a lot of these kind of posts (family members saying something) and I feel like if My DS hit someone , he should be reprimanded. It doesn't matter, tired or not. Most of the time the "no" is reflexive. why not let them say it, he probably won't do it again JMO but this is how I feel about my DS
as far as MIL goes, she will get over it
Message edited 1/17/2009 8:20:00 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:19 PM |
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babydreams
YUMMM
Member since 5/06 1687 total posts
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Me
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I am sorry, but I don't think that what MIL or SIL did was wrong. If it were someone that was not as close and did not love your DC, then I would be upset, but they have your DC's best interest at heart, and they were not yelling no to be mean.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:31 PM |
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eroxgirl
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Rebecca
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
For the most part I agree that no one else should dscipline your child, but I won't let myself be hit by a child - yours, mine or someone elses. I wouldn't yell, but if my friend's kid hit me I would most certainly tell her no.
I don't see that as dsciplining the child, I see that more as letting the child know where MY boundaries are, kwim?
The person who actually got hit by your DC I think was within their rights, but the other person who just witnessed it and yelled anyway was out of line I think.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:33 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
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Dawn
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by 1stimemom
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by 1stimemom
Question: would you have been as upset if they had just said no instead of yelling it?
That was my point. I don't think them saying no is the issue it is yelling it. At least it would be to me. 16 months is still a baby. They should of just redirected his behavior, not yelled.
ITA!!! If they really yelled at DC I am suprised he didn't cry. I think it would be acceptable to SAY no, but yelling is a bit much
I agree...
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:37 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I don't think I would be upset personally. I think - and I can not KNOW because it hasn't happened to me yet - that I want my child to respect adults. It was not as though he was doing something that was questionable. Hitting is wrong and they were disciplining him. They didn't hit him. Yelling "NO" at a child for hitting is appropriate in my opinion. It's not like they got in his face and started screaming at him or hit him. They just yelled "no" to reinforce to him that he needed to stop. I kind of believe it takes a village to raise a child...
Now, as for you MIL's reaction - I think she needs to grow up a bit. To give you the cold shoulder because you were reacting to a situation is wrong. If you believe that you should be the only one to discipline your child then I would try to make that clear before a situation arises. There is nothing wrong with that IMO, but if they aren't aware of your preference I don't think it's wrong for them to think that they can tell him NO for doing something that is clearly wrong.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:48 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
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I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I don't think you are wrong at all.
And I want to add I'm a little embarrassed for your MIL. Isn't that a little immaute of her to just yell "bye" over her shoulder.
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| Posted 1/17/09 8:51 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by eroxgirl
For the most part I agree that no one else should dscipline your child, but I won't let myself be hit by a child - yours, mine or someone elses. I wouldn't yell, but if my friend's kid hit me I would most certainly tell her no.
I don't see that as dsciplining the child, I see that more as letting the child know where MY boundaries are, kwim?
Very well said.
I also agree with the previous poster who said that it may have been an instinct.
i am of the theory that it takes a village. While I wouldn't allow anyone to really discipline my child- put them in a naughty corner, etc... But my family saying "no" to inapporpriate behavior, I don't think that's a big deal.
Message edited 1/17/2009 9:46:48 PM.
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| Posted 1/17/09 9:46 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
All the posters that said it was fine, you have no problem with someone "yelling" at your 16 month old?
I mean this is still a baby not an older child who knows it is wrong to hit someone. If they gave a firm no I could understand but the OP said the yelled, loudly at him.
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| Posted 1/17/09 9:57 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by Stacey1403
All the posters that said it was fine, you have no problem with someone "yelling" at your 16 month old?
I mean this is still a baby not an older child who knows it is wrong to hit someone. If they gave a firm no I could understand but the OP said the yelled, loudly at him.
I am only *ok* with the yelling b/c it seemed like it was just the word "NO" and that's it, like a reflex.
I wasn't there, and honestly, if someone was truly disciplining my kid, I would be upset, but I wasn't there, so IMO, if it was just the word no after something like that, then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
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| Posted 1/17/09 9:59 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
i kinda agree with most of the posters, and i dont really think "NO" no matter how loudly said, is disciplining..discipline IMO is "go sit in your chair" or "go to time out" or smacking the childs hand (which i would lose it if my MIL did that)
saying no, for something inappropriate, or yelling no for that matter to me is something that should be said..by whomever..
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| Posted 1/17/09 10:34 PM |
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by 1stimemom
Sorry, but if a child hit me I would also say no or something similar. It was probably a reflex. If someone opther than family or a close friend did it, I would have an issue, but otherwise, I would agree.
I have to agree.
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| Posted 1/17/09 11:35 PM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
I agree to above posters . It was most likely a reflex.
On the other hand , I can see myself doing exactly what you did. 
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| Posted 1/18/09 1:13 AM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am I wrong? (MIL related - kinda long)
Posted by Stacey1403
All the posters that said it was fine, you have no problem with someone "yelling" at your 16 month old?
I mean this is still a baby not an older child who knows it is wrong to hit someone. If they gave a firm no I could understand but the OP said the yelled, loudly at him.
of course I wouldn't be thrilled about it , but a 16 month old has to be told he/she should not be hitting. And like I said in my post if DC didn't know it was wrong before, he/she does now!
In your opinion, when should you (or family members) start telling them no, when they have already gotten used to certain habits? why not nip it in the bud right away? I see kids that are 2 and 3 years old hitting their parents, it's ridiculous, why let it get to that point? It really drives me nuts when a parents or adult is getting hit, and they say that's not nice Johnny , the kid looks at them like effff you and does it again. I really believe they have to be taught (firmly taught)from the very beginning, and this absolutely goes for my own DS JMHO
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| Posted 1/18/09 6:20 AM |
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