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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Lisa
In my neighborhood growing up, ANY of the adults on our block that saw us doing anything wrong, were allowed to tell us to stop and then would call our parents so that they would know about it. I guess that was bad since all of us grew up to be responsible adults and good members of society
well if they had your parents phone number, they weren't strangers to you or you to them. THAT to me is the issue.
If I child I know and know the parents is acting up, you bet your bottom dollar I say something to the kid AND tell the parents.
and as a parent, I want and expect that from friends/family/neighbors.
but no. not from some random on the street or church...the first time I ever laid eyes on you...I don't know your name or who you are.....
to me it's completely different. she is for all intents and purposes, a STRANGER to the mother and the children. she could have been anyone saying anything. and that is where my reaction comes from.
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Posted 4/9/08 1:04 PM  |
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JRG71
*****************
Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by Bxgell2
I think a little sensitivity goes a long way. While her children may have perturbed people, yourself included, it truly was not your place to say something to her.
Think about it from her perspective - it's discomforting enough as it is to join a new congregation as a stranger. Add on top of that two children who are rowdy, with no assistance from a family member to contain them, you have a woman who probably could have used a helping hand, not reprimands directed to her children.
I think if the situation ever presents itself again, the best idea is to approach her and ask her if there's anything you can do to help.
 Nicely stated!
- I agree with you Beth
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| Posted 4/9/08 1:27 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Lisa
In my neighborhood growing up, ANY of the adults on our block that saw us doing anything wrong, were allowed to tell us to stop and then would call our parents so that they would know about it. I guess that was bad since all of us grew up to be responsible adults and good members of society
well if they had your parents phone number, they weren't strangers to you or you to them. THAT to me is the issue.
If I child I know and know the parents is acting up, you bet your bottom dollar I say something to the kid AND tell the parents.
and as a parent, I want and expect that from friends/family/neighbors.
but no. not from some random on the street or church...the first time I ever laid eyes on you...I don't know your name or who you are.....
to me it's completely different. she is for all intents and purposes, a STRANGER to the mother and the children. she could have been anyone saying anything. and that is where my reaction comes from.
All right-this distinction I get. You don't want to see strangers talking to your kid because you don't know what they may be saying-that's a scary thing so I get that. I guess my thinking is I see members of my church as part of my community as opposed to strangers and I'm okay with a member of the parish pitching in. If we go to the same church I have faith (pun intended) that we have similar values. I liken these people to those "who live on my block", as stated before.
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| Posted 4/9/08 1:36 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by eroxgirl
In my family, if someone else (as in this case) has to speak to you about your behavior you are in BIG TROUBLE. NOT the person doing the talking - because at the end of the day the kids WERE misbehaving, they were disrespecting their mother by not listening to her and they were disrespecting the church by acting that way.
It would be different if I didn't think my kids were out of line. Then I'd tell the person to mind their business.
My thoughts EXACTLY!
If someone had to talk to my dd ESPECIALLY in a church bc she was misbehaving, she would be in BIG TROUBLE. My secondary thought would be why the person adressed my child. This mother first and foremost should have quieted down her children. They were obviously misbehaving which she acknowledges. By fighting with Jennifer IMO was only a defense to the fact that she already lost control.
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| Posted 4/9/08 1:39 PM |
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ILJ619
LIF Adult
Member since 6/06 1985 total posts
Name:
Irene
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
I dont know sometimes it better to butt out. You meant well. though. The other day I got into a fight with a mom because I was telling her Kid (she disappeared) he was about to hurt my daughter. That was the only time I would get involved in a situation like that is if my own child were in danger. I can tell you the woman did NOT like me discipling her child and to be honest I would not like if someone did it to my dd either but like I said my dd was 2 seconds away from slamming into this kid b/c she was already in the slide tube. Different scenario completely though.
ps my church offers childcare because relastically its hard to ask kids to sit still for an entire hour.
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| Posted 4/9/08 4:12 PM |
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MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Heres the thing you were at a FAMILY mass- it is expected to see kids running, crying, screaming, that is why they have family mass so that parishiners with families can enjoy going to church as well.
As a mother your child can have an off day and Im really happy to see many parents taking their children to church.
I go to family mass with DD and the deacon actually embraces the children in whatever their behavior.
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| Posted 4/9/08 5:04 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by MommyofG
Heres the thing you were at a FAMILY mass- it is expected to see kids running, crying, screaming, that is why they have family mass so that parishiners with families can enjoy going to church as well.
As a mother your child can have an off day and Im really happy to see many parents taking their children to church.
I go to family mass with DD and the deacon actually embraces the children in whatever their behavior.
I disagree-Just because it's a family mass doesn't mean kids shouldn't have to act appropriately. You expect crying, shireks, etc, however running around the altar and sacred areas is unacceptable at any mass, even family.
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| Posted 4/9/08 8:44 PM |
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juanvi
Get Out!
Member since 10/06 4463 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
I disagree-Just because it's a family mass doesn't mean kids shouldn't have to act appropriately. You expect crying, shireks, etc, however running around the altar and sacred areas is unacceptable at any mass, even family.
Absolutely!
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| Posted 4/9/08 8:50 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Wow! I didn't know this would start such a long thread..and I haven't read it all yet.
For the record I didn't really scold the kids, I went up to them and spoke to them nicely. Had it been one of my CCD kids, I would have scolded them. They were two little girls for the record.
I guess part of the reason I did speak with the kids was because I AM a CCD teacher, and they were actually about the same age as the kids in my class. I didn't approach them in a nasty way, or in a scolding way, I approached them in a teacher-like manner if that makes sense. It wasn't because they were personally annoying me, but because they were disrespecting a sacred space.
And the mom made NO effort to control the kids. From the first they were sitting 10 feet away from her at the other end of the pew. All she had to do was take them by the hand and make them sit next to her. She made absolutely no attempt.
If she had made an attempt and they were just out of control it would have been a different story IMO, but she marched her kids up to the FRONT ROW, and just ignored them while they distracted everyone and were disrespectful to the blessed sacrament.
I know a lot of the moms on here would be pizzed, but I also think a lot of the mom's on here have a lot more sense than this mom did.
Message edited 4/9/2008 9:55:52 PM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 9:54 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
This is also how I felt. They're not in my class, so you could make that argument, but when I'm in church a lot of my kids are there, so I feel very much in the teacher role while I am there.
I do understand why some parents would not be happy with another adult talking to their kids, so i know there are two different opinions on this one.
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| Posted 4/9/08 9:58 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by JessInCA
Posted by MrsMerlot
I don't understand how anyone would think that disciplining a child is the responsibility of anyone other than that child's parent.
And I don't understand why some people get all offended when others attempt to help them with that responsibility. She was reinforcing what their mother already told them - to stop - since clearly, they weren't listening to their mother.
Yeah I also felt like if they didn't listen to mom, they might listen to teacher-loady. Some kids will listen to anyone but a parent. Some of my kids behave a lot better when they see me in church.
I didn't scold them. I was firm, but kind. I told them in an informational kind of way, not a "you're bad" kind of way.
ETA: I read the rest of the thread, and I want to reiterate that I did not speak to the children in a derogatory way or raise my voice AT ALL. I also didn't do it in the middle of mass, although my mom said she was tempted to move to sit at the end of their row so they couldn't get out. The mom spoke with the deacon for awhile so it's possible he did say something to her, and he may have approached her about it first, I'm not sure. He and the priest actually both looked kind of appalled a mass, and during the homily the priest did involve the children, and several times he tried to involve these kids, and I think tried to hint to the mom, but she was oblivious. I wasn't unkind or not understanding. When i approached her it was in the same informational tone. I thought maybe she did not really understand. And the kids actually didn't seem wild or disobedient. They just had absolutely no discipline. The mother didn't even try to keep them near her in the pew. Obviously the mother didn't get it. Anyone who gets it will not allow children to disrespect the blessed sacrament.
Message edited 4/9/2008 10:11:57 PM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 10:01 PM |
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