Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

I am in church on Sunday and this woman walks in late (during the Gospel) with her 2 kids (around 6 years old), and sits in the front row.

The kids immediately run up the stairs (next to the altar) before a statue of Mary, which at first I thought was cute, although the timing was inappropriate. Howver, throughout the mass (even during the consecration) they were running up and down the steps and making noise. The place where they were running is the front of the church, so basically eveyrone could see it. It was a family mass, so there were many many kids, but none of them were like that. The mom (not a member of the parish, I think she's new), basically mouthed "stop it" to them a few times, but made no effort to keep them near her. She basically ignored them the entire time. Then after mass the mom is praying near the same statue and the kids are running around the altar table, running in the area in front of the tabernacle and I was like . I figured maybe she just doesn't know, so I said "Excuse me, they really shouldn't be running around the altar" she said "I know. I told them" She then turned to her kids and said "I told you to stop" and the kids continued running around. I walked away.

Then i'm on the other side of the church and the mom is still on the right side, and the kids are near me running around. I went up to them and I said "this is not a playground. it;s a holy place. you shouldn't be running around"

Mom yells across the church "They're my kids, I already told them to stop" I said "then you need to come over here and tell them again. it's highly inappropriate and they were a hugs distraction during mass" She just said "I know", and did nothing. At this point she was talking to the deacon, and I thought "good, the deacon will say something to her", but my mom was walking by and apparently she was bytching about ME to the deacon.

Um ew.

If it had been tewo of my CCD kids who are the same age, I would have taken them by the hand back to their mom and actually yelled at them, which I did not in this case..

I don't know I left church fuming because she had the nerve to complain about me after the atrocious behavior of her children!!!!

And I'm not the type to tell other people's kids what to do, but they were setting a terrible example, it was incredibly disrespectful, and I'm a CCD teacher, so I'm very aware of how children should behave in church. Several of my kids were in church and I know they would have loved to run around like that, but they were behaving themselves.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

I don't think you were wrong at all, obviously these children weren't obeying their mom when she told them. I'm surprised the deacon didn't say anything to them.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

I was in agreement with you about everything up until you spoke to the kids directly.

I'm not a mother, but if someone addressed me personally about my kids, I wouldn't have a problemw ith it. if it was to my kids directly, I'd have a problem with it.

Discipline occurs at the home - it's obvious this mother was having trouble in that department. It's not like she didn't try to speak to the kids about it...

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

I think you were right. How about a call into the Deacon?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

I totally agree with you but I don't think you should have talked to the kids AFTER talking to the mother about it.

I would have probably applauded you if I had seen it, LOL. BUT I wouldn't have done it myself.

I learned a LONG time ago not to get involved with other people's children. When I worked in a supermarket I stopped a little boy from getting crushed in an automatic door. His mother screamed that I was "ABUSING" and "TOUCHING" her child because I had to use my arm to stop him. I was mortified but I learned my lesson.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

In a perfect world, the kids shouldnt have been running around,

they should have been sitting in the pew like 2 perfect gentlemen and listening to the sermon....

And when they got bored and started acting up,
the mother SHOULD have taken them by the hand and led them outside so that they didnt disstract the other parishoners.
In a perfect world....
but she didnt.
If I were there, I personally wouldnt have said anything to her,
and certainly not directly to the children themselves.
Although I dont let my kids get out of control when we are out, every mom has a bad day w/their kids,
and I would be beyond perturbed if someone ever spoke in a derrogatory way to my children.
and...as a mother of 2 active boys, I give her a LOT of credit for even going to church!

Message edited 4/8/2008 3:32:50 PM.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

I think you were perfectly fine in what you said to the mother and to the children. I am sure other people in the church wanted to say something, but didn't.

I am not a mother yet, BUT I would have no problem at all if my kids were being a problem and someone said nicely for them to stop. This is IF I didn't take care of the situation after repeated attempts. (Sometimes asking children to stop won't work, she should have taken action).

Yes, the kids may feel embarrassed, and I may too if a stranger said something, but hopefully it would embarass the children enough to never do it again.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Also- by getting so angry at these kids and their mother arent you missing the real point of why we go to church- to learn to forgive?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Totally don't want to highjack the thread...but when my brothers and I "acted" up in church...a pinch to the ear was all my mother needed to do to keep us in our place...

Now, some totally consider that child abuse...and I know for certain there are different means of "controlling" children...but in the woman's defense, it's a Family Mass....

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Posted by oops123

Also- by getting so angry at these kids and their mother arent you missing the real point of why we go to church- to learn to forgive?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

You got balls thats all I have to say...after mentioning something to the mother I think that should have been it.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did - it's not like you went off on her kids, it sounds like you handled it maturely and chose your words well. And I honestly wish more people would do things like that.

I think part of the reason so many more kids behave badly in public as compared to years ago is because so many of us choose to "look the other way". Back in the day, the neighbors would tell on you, or yell at you themselves if you acted up. It wasn't just the parents who took responsibility for teaching children proper behavior. But now, everyone ignores it because we feel it's none of our business or are afraid that the kid's parents will get mad... I don't think it's a change for the better. JMHO.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Message edited 11/18/2011 1:41:37 PM.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Message edited 4/8/2008 4:01:59 PM.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Message edited 4/8/2008 4:36:21 PM.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?

Here's the way I see it- as a parent of a toddler.

If a parent yells at a child or tries to discpline them in a way that others feel is excessive, they get comments, looks and someone may even call CPS. Almost any form of physical discpline in this day and age is forbidden and may even be grounds for a complaint to the state board.

And as someone who has recently started doing time out with a 2 year old, if I do it in public (which I have), she will scream bloody murder worse than when she falls and actually hurts herself. So you don't want to know the looks I get when she is having one of her tanturms and I am discplining her or ignoring her tantrum. I actually had another parent come up to my child to see if she was OK when threw a tantrum and I was ignoring it because I wouldn't let her have a pacifier in the playground. I was not 3 feet away from her.

If a parent doesn't do enough, people complain that children have no discpline and the parent needs to get more involved.

So really, since everyone's idea of what a parent SHOULD be doing is different, a parent really can't win.

And maybe its different for me because i live in Manhattan and don't have that "village" of community members. My village is my friends and families. And of course, they can say something to my daughter (who isn't even 2 yet). But I know I would be livid if some stranger without authority (like someone from the church, school, etc...) came up to my child.

Message edited 4/8/2008 4:30:18 PM.

Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?