| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 |
LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Christine
Posted by JessInCA
I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did - it's not like you went off on her kids, it sounds like you handled it maturely and chose your words well. And I honestly wish more people would do things like that.
I agree with all of this. i don't think you did anything so terrible. Clearly this woman had no respect for the mass or anyone attending the services or else would have arrived on time or at the very least sit discreetly towards the back - never mind not allowing her children to run around like that and yelling at you from across the church.
I agree with both of these statements.
You are at church praying and children are running and yelling while you are doing so. "Parent" does nothing. I'm surprised more people (including the deacon) didn't back you up.
|
Posted 4/8/08 4:41 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
I think a little sensitivity goes a long way. While her children may have perturbed people, yourself included, it truly was not your place to say something to her.
Think about it from her perspective - it's discomforting enough as it is to join a new congregation as a stranger. Add on top of that two children who are rowdy, with no assistance from a family member to contain them, you have a woman who probably could have used a helping hand, not reprimands directed to her children.
I think if the situation ever presents itself again, the best idea is to approach her and ask her if there's anything you can do to help.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 4:41 PM |
| |
|
JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by MrsMerlot
I don't understand how anyone would think that disciplining a child is the responsibility of anyone other than that child's parent.
And I don't understand why some people get all offended when others attempt to help them with that responsibility. She was reinforcing what their mother already told them - to stop - since clearly, they weren't listening to their mother.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 4:46 PM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by JessInCA
Posted by MrsMerlot
I don't understand how anyone would think that disciplining a child is the responsibility of anyone other than that child's parent.
And I don't understand why some people get all offended when others attempt to help them with that responsibility. She was reinforcing what their mother already told them - to stop - since clearly, they weren't listening to their mother.
Bottom line to ME, is that was not her place, period
|
| Posted 4/8/08 4:47 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
totally in the right and it goes to what I've said all along - if your kids are of the age where they can't be respectful in church, they shouldn't be there until they are old enough to behave and understand
|
| Posted 4/8/08 4:51 PM |
| |
|
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
the Lord would have had to stage an intervention.
NO ONE will speak to my children like that. NO ONE.
if that mom would have snatched her children up and disciplined them in front of everyone, people would have been appalled at her aggression (and it seems like the kids know this)...she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't.
YOu have no idea what goes on in their home. what kind of disciplinary actions she takes.
You don't even know if what you did...embarrassing the mother in church, cause her to BEAT her children when they got behind closed doors.
when you become an adult you lose the ability to address children of those you don't know directly. You should have stayed on your own playing field and delt again with the mother, or better yet, have the priest/deacon offer up his help.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:23 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Ophelia
the Lord would have had to stage an intervention.
NO ONE will speak to my children like that. NO ONE.
if that mom would have snatched her children up and disciplined them in front of everyone, people would have been appalled at her aggression (and it seems like the kids know this)...she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't.
YOu have no idea what goes on in their home. what kind of disciplinary actions she takes.
You don't even know if what you did...embarrassing the mother in church, cause her to BEAT her children when they got behind closed doors.
when you become an adult you lose the ability to address children of those you don't know directly. You should have stayed on your own playing field and delt again with the mother, or better yet, have the priest/deacon offer up his help.
fair enough - so what do you propose she should have done - just let it happen?
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:25 PM |
| |
|
Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Posted by Ophelia
the Lord would have had to stage an intervention.
NO ONE will speak to my children like that. NO ONE.
if that mom would have snatched her children up and disciplined them in front of everyone, people would have been appalled at her aggression (and it seems like the kids know this)...she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't.
YOu have no idea what goes on in their home. what kind of disciplinary actions she takes.
You don't even know if what you did...embarrassing the mother in church, cause her to BEAT her children when they got behind closed doors.
when you become an adult you lose the ability to address children of those you don't know directly. You should have stayed on your own playing field and delt again with the mother, or better yet, have the priest/deacon offer up his help.
fair enough - so what do you propose she should have done - just let it happen?
she could have spoken to the mother again or the priest.
Or, being a ccd teacher, perhaps she could have entertained the children by telling them about the significance of the objects they were running through...get their attention and perhaps help them to see the church for what it is...the house of God.
I think had she gone down this road...of teacher...rather than disciplinarian, she could have gained the children's attention and the mother's thanks...rather than upsetting her and getting no where with the kids.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:28 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
Posted by Ophelia
the Lord would have had to stage an intervention.
NO ONE will speak to my children like that. NO ONE.
if that mom would have snatched her children up and disciplined them in front of everyone, people would have been appalled at her aggression (and it seems like the kids know this)...she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't.
YOu have no idea what goes on in their home. what kind of disciplinary actions she takes.
You don't even know if what you did...embarrassing the mother in church, cause her to BEAT her children when they got behind closed doors.
when you become an adult you lose the ability to address children of those you don't know directly. You should have stayed on your own playing field and delt again with the mother, or better yet, have the priest/deacon offer up his help.
fair enough - so what do you propose she should have done - just let it happen?
she could have spoken to the mother again or the priest.
Or, being a ccd teacher, perhaps she could have entertained the children by telling them about the significance of the objects they were running through...get their attention and perhaps help them to see the church for what it is...the house of God.
I think had she gone down this road...of teacher...rather than disciplinarian, she could have gained the children's attention and the mother's thanks...rather than upsetting her and getting no where with the kids.
that's a fair point
but teachers also discipline as well.
She wasn't some random person - she was in the church in an official capacity.
Maybe she should have tried another approach first, but in the end, I think she did the right thing.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:31 PM |
| |
|
stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Shelly
Here's the way I see it- as a parent of a toddler.
If a parent yells at a child or tries to discpline them in a way that others feel is excessive, they get comments, looks and someone may even call CPS. Almost any form of physical discpline in this day and age is forbidden and may even be grounds for a complaint to the state board.
And as someone who has recently started doing time out with a 2 year old, if I do it in public (which I have), she will scream bloody murder worse than when she falls and actually hurts herself. So you don't want to know the looks I get when she is having one of her tanturms and I am discplining her or ignoring her tantrum. I actually had another parent come up to my child to see if she was OK when threw a tantrum and I was ignoring it because I wouldn't let her have a pacifier in the playground. I was not 3 feet away from her.
If a parent doesn't do enough, people complain that children have no discpline and the parent needs to get more involved.
So really, since everyone's idea of what a parent SHOULD be doing is different, a parent really can't win.
And maybe its different for me because i live in Manhattan and don't have that "village" of community members. My village is my friends and families. And of course, they can say something to my daughter (who isn't even 2 yet). But I know I would be livid if some stranger without authority (like someone from the church, school, etc...) came up to my child.
ITA
While my DD is only 15 months old - other than my family I would be livid if anyone yelled at her. It is no one's business how and when I choose to discipline. Unfortunately, everyone in the world is not going to behave how you want them or expect them to and you cannot really go around yelling at everyone.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:35 PM |
| |
|
Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
that's a fair point
but teachers also discipline as well.
She wasn't some random person - she was in the church in an official capacity.
Maybe she should have tried another approach first, but in the end, I think she did the right thing.
But the OP said in her first post that the woman was new/not a member of the parish, so the mother/children wouldn't have known the OP was a teacher.
I give the OP kudo's for speaking to the mom, but after that I would have let it go and let her handle (you don't really know if maybe the mother was going to handle it AFTER they left as to not make a scene and embarras herself even more).
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:40 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
sorry all - gotta disagree
if my kids misbehave, they should be reprimanded - i'd be totally fine with it.
But I would never just sit there like a slug and let the kids run wild in a place of worship.
If that's what it took - then that's what it took.
And I repeat - kids shouldn't be in church unless they can behave.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:40 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Elbee
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
that's a fair point
but teachers also discipline as well.
She wasn't some random person - she was in the church in an official capacity.
Maybe she should have tried another approach first, but in the end, I think she did the right thing.
But the OP said in her first post that the woman was new/not a member of the parish, so the mother/children wouldn't have known the OP was a teacher.
I give the OP kudo's for speaking to the mom, but after that I would have let it go and let her handle (you don't really know if maybe the mother was going to handle it AFTER they left as to not make a scene and embarras herself even more).
agreed - but if you spend all your time worrying about what MIGHT happen, nothing gets done
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:41 PM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
I am torn. I hate it when people don't act right in church....but I have a child now who talks, sings, claps, runs, throws books...it is an awful situation to be in.
I would hate if someone put me on the spot...but at the same time, maybe by calling out those kids they will realize that they want to act right in church.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:45 PM |
| |
|
MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
i don't know - as annoying as it must have been to have them running around during mass, if the deacon didn't say anything to them, i don't think you should have. especially since it was obvious the mom TRIED to control them, but couldn't. I probably would have tried to engage them in some sort of conversation and gotten their attention somehow...maybe they were just bored.  (or just plain brats  )
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:49 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by MrsERod
i don't know - as annoying as it must have been to have them running around during mass, if the deacon didn't say anything to them, i don't think you should have. especially since it was obvious the mom TRIED to control them, but couldn't. I probably would have tried to engage them in some sort of conversation and gotten their attention somehow...maybe they were just bored. (or just plain brats )
I agree, maybe another approach might have been better
but the mother really didn't do anything
saying stop once or twice doesn't get the job done
in situations like that, she needs to take them out
church is a long time for active toddlers to sit still
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:51 PM |
| |
|
Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
And I repeat - kids shouldn't be in church unless they can behave.
In our parish the priest welcomes all kids, the happy ones to the the crying ones to the temper tantrums. He has stopped mid-homily to tell a parent to 'stay' if they get up to walk out. So from personal experience I wouldn't have said anything since I know my church's stance on children.
Message edited 4/8/2008 5:54:41 PM.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:52 PM |
| |
|
Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
i think is very easy to judge others especially when you haven't been on their shoes.
i honestly believe that if that was my kid, i would be very annoyed at the fact that you would said anything to her, because that is my place only and nobody else's.
i think the only person that should have said something imo was the deacon.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:56 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Elbee
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
And I repeat - kids shouldn't be in church unless they can behave.
In our parish the priest welcomes all kids, the happy ones to the the crying ones to the temper tantrums. He has stopped mid-homily to tell a parent to 'stay' if they get up to walk out. So from personal experience I wouldn't have said anything since I know my church's stance on children.
all parishes are different
in mine, we have one mass that is for families, where they engage the kids during the mass
when our kids get to be of age, we'll likely go to that one
but at the other masses, where there are less kids, crying and all that stuff is not encouraged
one time, some kid was carrying on - mother did nothing
Priest stopped the homily - and looked at the mother. She got the hint and took the kid out. I mean the kid was screaming bloody murder to the point that the priest could not concentrate
|
| Posted 4/8/08 5:58 PM |
| |
|
Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
These kids are school aged - they should have been able to sit for what? 20 minutes they were already late to service.
I think the mother should have tried harder to get them to be at least respectful of where they were - being a little stir crazy & fidgety in their seat or making a little too much noise is one thing. They were running around the alter and the church.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 6:03 PM |
| |
|
Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Christine
These kids are school aged - they should have been able to sit for what? 20 minutes they were already late to service.
I think the mother should have tried harder to get them to be at least respectful of where they were - being a little stir crazy & fidgety in their seat or making a little too much noise is one thing. They were running around the alter and the church.
I completely 100% agree with you there ... I am just not sure it is 'my place' to discipline them after already speaking to the mother regarding the matter.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 6:08 PM |
| |
|
poc53
LIF Infant
Member since 1/06 97 total posts
Name:
E and P
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
wasn't it the family mass anyway? Our church has a family mass every Sunday and it can get loud. If you don't like kids being a bit disruptive, don't go to family mass. On the other hand, it does sound like they were more than a bit disruptive but I still don't believe it was your place. Maybe the mother was having a rough day/week, maybe anything actually. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 6:08 PM |
| |
|
LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Shelly
Here's the way I see it- as a parent of a toddler.
And as someone who has recently started doing time out with a 2 year old, if I do it in public (which I have), she will scream bloody murder worse than when she falls and actually hurts herself.
Yes, but would you do this in church/temple? Would you allow her to carry on in church/temple or would you discipline her? This mother (imo) was doing nothing more than saying "tut-tut"
|
| Posted 4/8/08 6:12 PM |
| |
|
itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Message edited 11/18/2011 1:44:39 PM.
|
| Posted 4/8/08 6:12 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
Again I don't think what the OP did was so bad. She said to them that this is a holy place and they should not be running around. Icould see if she raised her voice or man handle them but she didn't. If it were me I'd have done the same thing. Sometimes it takes a community to raise kids. Like I said before this whole thing about no one but me disciplines my kids is a little out there. There are going to be times when another adult will have to lead a child to the proper conclusion, teachers clergy etc., and I've done it myself. Gently and with guidance.
If my DD was doing this and did not listen to me ( very doubtful ) and another adult said what the OP said I'd be fine with it.
well said
there's a difference between crying and running on the altar
|
| Posted 4/8/08 6:16 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 |
