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Ophelia
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
, IMO.
exactly.
you would have handled it differently. and that is all good.
just know that some parents wouldn't take kindly to it. and that should be all good too.
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Posted 4/9/08 10:49 AM  |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she didn't yell at the kids - she told them that this was a place of worship and that it was inappropriate
Nothing wrong with that - if she said, "will you brats get off the freaking altar" - that would be different.
And for all the people that are saying "no one better talk to my kids in a derogatory way" look at it like this.
Your kids are not perfect. They are going to go to school and eventually work, where they will be reprimanded by teachers and bosses - a lot worse than the tone took here. Will you be annoyed when your kid comes home and says the teacher yelled at me for running in the hall?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
I don't think any of us said our child was perfect. And most of the moms here are in agreement that this particular mom could have done more in the situation. However to have a perfect stranger address my child to me is innappropriate. A boss and a teacher is a whole different scenario. I would expect them to. I think sometimes it is best to just not get involved.
Message edited 4/9/2008 10:51:51 AM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 10:49 AM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
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M
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she didn't yell at the kids - she told them that this was a place of worship and that it was inappropriate
Nothing wrong with that - if she said, "will you brats get off the freaking altar" - that would be different.
And for all the people that are saying "no one better talk to my kids in a derogatory way" look at it like this.
Your kids are not perfect. They are going to go to school and eventually work, where they will be reprimanded by teachers and bosses - a lot worse than the tone took here. Will you be annoyed when your kid comes home and says the teacher yelled at me for running in the hall?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
I don't think any of us said our child was perfect. And most of the moms here are in agreement that this particular mom could have done more in the situation. However to have a perfect stranger address my child to me is innappropriate. A boss and a teacher is a whole different scenario. I would expect them to. I think sometimes it is best to just not get involved.
I agree. And to me a boss/teacher is entirely different. A teacher is supposed to act as an authority figure in my absence when my child is in their care. A boss is also an authority figure whom my child has to listen to and if they don't, there are repercussions for it. I do not agree with how this mother handled the situation, but it was not the OP's position to supersede the mother's authority and address her children directly.
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| Posted 4/9/08 10:58 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
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And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
, IMO.
exactly.
you would have handled it differently. and that is all good.
just know that some parents wouldn't take kindly to it. and that should be all good too.
that's fine - no one said they had to. And if they stepped in my face over it - I'd tell them the same thing I am saying here. Control your kids, and I won't have to say anything.
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| Posted 4/9/08 10:59 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
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And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:01 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
Yes but she is not the teacher to the children she spoke to. Therefore giving her no official capacity over them.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:11 AM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
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M
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
Yes but she is not the teacher to the children she spoke to. Therefore giving her no official capacity over them.
I agree. She wasn't there on a school trip. They were all there as parishoners.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:13 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
Yes but she is not the teacher to the children she spoke to. Therefore giving her no official capacity over them.
I agree...I am surprised that there is so much back and forth over this......
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:15 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Bxgell2
I think a little sensitivity goes a long way. While her children may have perturbed people, yourself included, it truly was not your place to say something to her.
Think about it from her perspective - it's discomforting enough as it is to join a new congregation as a stranger. Add on top of that two children who are rowdy, with no assistance from a family member to contain them, you have a woman who probably could have used a helping hand, not reprimands directed to her children.
I think if the situation ever presents itself again, the best idea is to approach her and ask her if there's anything you can do to help.
 Nicely stated!
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:16 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
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Mama Cranky
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Ophelia
BUT just b/c something upsets YOU does not mean it upsets ALL
But the same can be said about the reverse-just because it didn't upset the mother or the Deacon or all other worshippers, doesn't mean it didn't upset SOME of them and should that play in here somewhere?
IMO-we are living in a society and we have an obligation to one and other. It's not "I get to raise my kids in the manner I see fit and no one else can interfere". These children are going to have to learn how to fit into society and in order for them to be able to do that, disrespectful behavior needs to be checked along the way. It seems clear that the mother wasn't teaching her children to have respect for a church. Maybe the OP helped.
Now, if she yelled at the kids, that would be excessive but to simply tell the kids that they are out of line, that's fine with me. Also-it's not like this is a Walmart or the mall. They are at the same church-there is an even bigger sense of community in a church, and as such even more of an obligation to be respectful.
My mom was a single mom (not that this woman is, who knows?), but I know she needed all the help she could get corralling my brothers and I and keep us in line and had we been monkeying around like this and not listening to her, she would have been thankful to have someone else check us.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:40 AM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by stephanief
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
Yes but she is not the teacher to the children she spoke to. Therefore giving her no official capacity over them.
I agree...I am surprised that there is so much back and forth over this......
Yeah seriously...the people that have so much to say are not parents yet...I really don't think you would be ok with ANYBODY reprimanding your children AFTER they have already spoken to you about it...
ETA: A teacher reprimanding children in a classroom or school setting is totally different from being in a church as a parishoner/worshipper etc.
Message edited 4/9/2008 11:45:14 AM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:43 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
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Mama Cranky
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by MST9106
Posted by stephanief
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
Yes but she is not the teacher to the children she spoke to. Therefore giving her no official capacity over them.
I agree...I am surprised that there is so much back and forth over this......
Yeah seriously...the people that have so much to say are not parents yet...I really don't think you would be ok with ANYBODY reprimand your children AFTER they have already spoken to you about it...
I am a parent and I would be okay with it-as long as they weren't yelling at my kid. As I said (or rather nrthshrgrl said and I quoted), I would be mortified if my kids were acting that way and I didn't do anything about it. It would be completely different if it was apparent that this woman was actually trying to do something about it but a half hearted "stop it" doesn't cut it.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:47 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
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Rebecca
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
In my family, if someone else (as in this case) has to speak to you about your behavior you are in BIG TROUBLE. NOT the person doing the talking - because at the end of the day the kids WERE misbehaving, they were disrespecting their mother by not listening to her and they were disrespecting the church by acting that way.
It would be different if I didn't think my kids were out of line. Then I'd tell the person to mind their business.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:47 AM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by MST9106
Posted by stephanief
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
Yes but she is not the teacher to the children she spoke to. Therefore giving her no official capacity over them.
I agree...I am surprised that there is so much back and forth over this......
Yeah seriously...the people that have so much to say are not parents yet...I really don't think you would be ok with ANYBODY reprimand your children AFTER they have already spoken to you about it...
As I said (or rather nrthshrgrl said and I quoted), I would be mortified if my kids were acting that way and I didn't do anything about it. It would be completely different if it was apparent that this woman was actually trying to do something about it but a half hearted "stop it" doesn't cut it.
I would be mortified as well and 1) I wouldn't allow it to happen with my child (I would walk out of the church, etc.) and 2) if for some reason my child was misbehaving and I didn't notice, etc. and the person came up to me and said something then that is fine, I would appreciate it, really...bottom line is say it to me and I will take care of it...not you.
Message edited 4/9/2008 11:53:02 AM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:51 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Ophelia
the whole point of EVERYTHING that I said is that EVERYONE is different.
I get that it would have been ok with some. but the OP asked about how each individual felt. I am saying how I feel, what I think, and why.
I never said do nothing. I said handle it differently.
there are ways to "check' unruly children without embarrassing their mother.
bottom line: when Jen said something, to those kids, she was not only saying something about THEIR behavior, she was saying something about the mother. In public. based on ONE HOUR of being in her world.
I...me....Ophelia....would not have felt comfortable taking on the assumption that this woman didn't know how to do her job as mother based on this instance and and doing that job for her. period.
Like I said before, I...me...Ophelia...perhaps would have used my knowlege of the church as a teacher of CCD to engage then in whatever object they were currently running around. I've NEVER met a child that didn't like to know a cool secret about something....so that would have been my approach.
No one knows what Jen's tone was...or how it came off to the mother...yet everyone is speaking like they were there...she only said this...she only said that. but no one knows what that mother heard. she was probably embarrassed enough. I couldnt' add insult to injury in such a public way.
Message edited 4/9/2008 11:57:09 AM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:51 AM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
Name:
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by Ophelia
BUT just b/c something upsets YOU does not mean it upsets ALL
But the same can be said about the reverse-just because it didn't upset the mother or the Deacon or all other worshippers, doesn't mean it didn't upset SOME of them and should that play in here somewhere?
IMO-we are living in a society and we have an obligation to one and other. It's not "I get to raise my kids in the manner I see fit and no one else can interfere". These children are going to have to learn how to fit into society and in order for them to be able to do that, disrespectful behavior needs to be checked along the way. It seems clear that the mother wasn't teaching her children to have respect for a church. Maybe the OP helped.
Now, if she yelled at the kids, that would be excessive but to simply tell the kids that they are out of line, that's fine with me. Also-it's not like this is a Walmart or the mall. They are at the same church-there is an even bigger sense of community in a church, and as such even more of an obligation to be respectful.
My mom was a single mom (not that this woman is, who knows?), but I know she needed all the help she could get corralling my brothers and I and keep us in line and had we been monkeying around like this and not listening to her, she would have been thankful to have someone else check us.
the whole point of EVERYTHING that I said is that EVERYONE is different.
I get that it would have been ok with some. but the OP asked about how each individual felt. I am saying how I feel, what I think, and why.
I never said do nothing. I said handle it differently.
there are ways to "check' unruly children without embarrassing their mother.
bottom line: when Jen said something, to those kids, she was not only saying something about THEIR behavior, she was saying something about the mother. In public. based on ONE HOUR of being in her world.
I...me....Ophelia....would not have felt comfortable taking on the assumption that this woman didn't know how to do her job as mother based on this instance and and doing that job for her. period.
Like I said before, I...me...Ophelia...perhaps would have used my knowlege of the church as a teacher of CCD to engage then in whatever object they were currently running around. I've NEVER met a child that didn't like to know a cool secret about something....so that would have been my approach.
No one knows what Jen's tone was...or how it came off to the mother...yet everyone is speaking like they were there...she only said this...she only said that. but no one knows what that mother heard. she was probably embarrassed enough. I couldnt' add insult to injury in such a public way.
Holy Jesus woman...you have A LOT to say!
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:54 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
I'm in the Ophelia camp - I said it before, but look at the details of the situation. This is a CHURCH setting - the very place where you would expect some compassion and understanding from the congregation. She's at a church sermon, with her children, so obviously her heart is in the right place and she's trying to set a good example for her children.
Add on top of that, she is a NEW member, and probably already feels uncomfortable to begin with. The last thing I would want to do is make a new member feel even more uncomfortable, isolated or rejected.
Yes, it sounds like her children were unruly, and perhaps Jen's approach would have been appropriate, in MY opinion, if this happened at the supermarket. But given the situation, if it were me, I would feel bad for the mother, and instead of reprimanding the children, I would approach her, in the spirit of compassion, and offer her assistance.
Message edited 4/9/2008 11:56:39 AM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:55 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by MST9106
Holy Jesus woman...you have A LOT to say!
be quiet or I'll send you billions of wordy emails 
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:57 AM |
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MST9106
My life:)
Member since 6/06 9589 total posts
Name:
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by MST9106
Holy Jesus woman...you have A LOT to say!
be quiet or I'll send you billions of wordy emails
 my OO
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| Posted 4/9/08 11:59 AM |
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juanvi
Get Out!
Member since 10/06 4463 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
I think you were right to talk to the kids. If she was trying to stop them a little more then I would say no, but I wouldn't think it's appropriate if they were running crazy in a church and you said something to them. Moms are sometimes so defensive of their children. Church is sacred to those that attend, and the kids were being disrespectful
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| Posted 4/9/08 12:00 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by MST9106
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by MST9106
Posted by stephanief
Posted by BlessedMommy
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
she is a teacher, so technically, she's there in an official capacity vs. just being another parishoner
Yes but she is not the teacher to the children she spoke to. Therefore giving her no official capacity over them.
I agree...I am surprised that there is so much back and forth over this......
Yeah seriously...the people that have so much to say are not parents yet...I really don't think you would be ok with ANYBODY reprimand your children AFTER they have already spoken to you about it...
As I said (or rather nrthshrgrl said and I quoted), I would be mortified if my kids were acting that way and I didn't do anything about it. It would be completely different if it was apparent that this woman was actually trying to do something about it but a half hearted "stop it" doesn't cut it.
I would be mortified as well and 1) I wouldn't allow it to happen with my child (I would walk out of the church, etc.) and 2) if for some reason my child was misbehaving and I didn't notice, etc. and the person came up to me and said something then that is fine, I would appreciate it, really...bottom line is say it to me and I will take care of it...not you.
That's fine-as long as you take care of. But we all know parents who don't (for whatever reason) and I think it is perfectly okay to say something to the kid.
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| Posted 4/9/08 12:18 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Message edited 11/18/2011 1:50:40 PM.
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| Posted 4/9/08 12:27 PM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
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L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
I'll get out the fire extiguisher now, but I think one main point was overlooked here. OP said the kids were about 6 or 7. They're not toddlers. They're old enough to understand that they are in a place where they can't run around and scream.
I'm not saying that what the OP did was right or wrong. I probably wouldn't have said anything to the kids. But I don't think she was wrong for doing it, either. I think she was bothered by something, someone was being completely disrespectful at a place where she was trying to worship and she felt the need to say something. Although it was a family mass, it was still A MASS. Just because its for families doesn't make it a free-for-all. Kids crying or clapping or singing in their seats is one thing. Kids running up on the altar and completely disturbing the entire mass is completely different.
And of course we don't know what brought this woman to mass or what she's going through, which is why I probably wouldn't have said anything to her or her kids, but again...don't think OP was wrong.
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| Posted 4/9/08 12:29 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
What's at the core of this issue, for me, is that I feel children need to understand that if their parent isn't going to handle a situation then some other reasonable adult will.
Children need to know that their actions will be corrected if they misbehave.
Maybe if more people felt that children are part of societies "family" then we wouldn't have kids showing up on people's lawns threatening to kill another kid & winding up dead in the process or beating the snot out of each other on video to post on you tube.
Just a crazy idea of mine but maybe, just maybe if they knew that other adults besides their parents would care about their actions things would be a little different.
Believe me I get where you all are coming from. I have an 11 year old daughter and it scares the crap out of me that she will be in junior high soon and what she will have to deal with. I just hope that what she's been taught about right and wrong sticks with her.
my hero
and the one that said i'm not a parent, so i don't know - i will be one soon enough, and this is all good enough for me
we can agree to disagree here.
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| Posted 4/9/08 12:43 PM |
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Lisa
I'm a PANK!!!
Member since 5/05 22334 total posts
Name:
Professional Aunts No Kids
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Re: Situation: Was I right or wrong..what would you have done?
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
What's at the core of this issue, for me, is that I feel children need to understand that if their parent isn't going to handle a situation then some other reasonable adult will.
Children need to know that their actions will be corrected if they misbehave.
Maybe if more people felt that children are part of societies "family" then we wouldn't have kids showing up on people's lawns threatening to kill another kid & winding up dead in the process or beating the snot out of each other on video to post on you tube.
Just a crazy idea of mine but maybe, just maybe if they knew that other adults besides their parents would care about their actions things would be a little different.
Believe me I get where you all are coming from. I have an 11 year old daughter and it scares the crap out of me that she will be in junior high soon and what she will have to deal with. I just hope that what she's been taught about right and wrong sticks with her.
it seems now a days that children do not have to be responsible for thier actions....How are we to teach them to be responsible adults if they dont get a good foundation growing up??
In my neighborhood growing up, ANY of the adults on our block that saw us doing anything wrong, were allowed to tell us to stop and then would call our parents so that they would know about it. I guess that was bad since all of us grew up to be responsible adults and good members of society
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| Posted 4/9/08 12:58 PM |
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