| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 |
Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
I don't think it's fair for people to tell her she should have waited to get married or whatever; I think their situation works for them, and they disagree like everyone else at times. My situation probably wouldn't be right for her, etc. We're all in different boats.
|
Posted 7/2/07 3:02 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
mrsv
.
Member since 7/06 2969 total posts
Name:
lol
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Depends what we are doing, but I do not usually stay out past like 2 am... but if I planned on staying out any later, I would let Dh know in advance, or call him during the night to let hime know. and he would never have a problem with it as long as he has an idea of when I'll be home.. same goes for him, but he's never out too late.
It's just a matter of respect, if dh is going to be home later than he told me, he calls me and I offer the same respect to him.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:03 PM |
| |
|
sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
I haven't been out in awhile because I'm pregnant now, but I used to come home around 4am if I went out with my friends, which was only once in a while. Dh does the same when he's out (we call or text at least once during the night to check in though)
It was never a problem for us but if you are having the same argument over & over, it should be adressed. It basically sounds like a control issue, on both sides.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:04 PM |
| |
|
mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Lanabean
I don't think it's fair for people to tell her she should have waited to get married or whatever; I think their situation works for them, and they disagree like everyone else at times. My situation probably wouldn't be right for her, etc. We're all in different boats.
i agree!
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:04 PM |
| |
|
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
steph.... dont worry, i know youre not attacking me.
i DO agree, and that is why i've tried to make some compromises. i really have.
last week, i should have been home earlier. definatly. but i wont lie, i had NO idea what time it was until i was like "oh my god, he is doing last call". i guess time flies when you are having fun.
i love him and i know he loves me.
it is just the whole way he goes about it. he may just be worried and want me home safe, which i understand and respect, but he projects that worry in an entirely different light. like a controlling father figure. and thats what drives me insane. i fel as if he is being completely disrepectful to me in the way that he talks to me.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:04 PM |
| |
|
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jennie0898
Prefacing this with, I don't know you or your DH personally so I can only base my response based on what you say on these boards, I would suggest one of two things...
1. You both go to couples counseling since what you said above sounds VERY unhealthy.
2. Get divorced. Again from the above quoted post, the two of you don't get along. He's nasty to you, you avoid going home b/c of it. That's not a marriage. That's a torture. Why bother. Get out now while you're both young and can get on with your lives.
why would you tell me to get divorced???
couples have problems, this is ours. i am very surprised by this comment!
not offended, it takes alot more to offend me, just.... shocked.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:06 PM |
| |
|
BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
all of my friends feel bad for me when it comes to his controlling shiz wheni go out. they dont understand it.
Are any of these friend that feel bad for you married? If they are all single, you can't really go by them...
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:06 PM |
| |
|
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by mka06
it seems like you are ticked that your dh anticipates that you will do something wrong and gives you a hard time about it - before you have the chance to actually make a choice on what you are going to do. i think you need to talk to him about that. if you are going to get yelled at before you drink a lot and/or stay out late - it's almost like you might as well do it - bc you are already being treated like you are guilty of it. am i on the right track?
good luck!
that is 100% EXACTLY how i feel!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its like he doesnt even give me the chance ... and then we're already fighting, so why would i want to go home then... just to fight more?!
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:09 PM |
| |
|
J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by mka06
Posted by Lanabean
I don't think it's fair for people to tell her she should have waited to get married or whatever; I think their situation works for them, and they disagree like everyone else at times. My situation probably wouldn't be right for her, etc. We're all in different boats.
i agree!
I agree...
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:10 PM |
| |
|
dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
It seems like he is anticipating a certain type of behavior from you. Like when you wrote that he said “don’t get drunk but you probably already are”. Have you tried to have a conversation with him about this? Not from a hurt place but from a place of just trying to point out to him that he is thinking the worst of you as a given?
DH and I went through something similar about a much smaller issue. For a while (years ago) it felt like he was avoiding hanging out with his family and I couldn’t understand why. It was causing tension all around. (In the summertime we could easily spend every single weekend with his family since there are so many of them) I asked him what was happening and he said, when they ask me to do something I say no because I know that you won’t want to anyway. That hurt me so much because he was actually living a situation in his head and assuming my behavior and then acting on that without even including me. For a while I was mad, and DH totally did not get it at all. I was the one that had to change his perception of me. Was it wrong of him to assume that I would just want to say no to all of the events? Totally. I love his family to pieces but I missed our alone time. But yelling and rebelling about it wasn’t going to change anything.
I would suggest that you try to talk to DH and tell him that you don’t appreciate that he assumes behavior from you and then acts as if it already happened. It doesn’t seem that he has a problem with the act of staying out late since you do together anyway. It’s more that he probably needs to still feel like he is special. You mentioned that you have invited him to hang out. Are the other people welcoming of him when he comes out or does he wind up feeling like the odd man out? That could be part of his frustration too. I don’t know you at all so I could be way off base…but most of my problems with DH only get resolved when we address the actual issue and put the hurt aside.
HTH!
ETA: mka06 said what I meant but in a much more concise better way. LOL!
Message edited 7/2/2007 3:12:43 PM.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:11 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Before being PG of course... I would say around 3am
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:11 PM |
| |
|
pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
steph.... dont worry, i know youre not attacking me.
i DO agree, and that is why i've tried to make some compromises. i really have.
last week, i should have been home earlier. definatly. but i wont lie, i had NO idea what time it was until i was like "oh my god, he is doing last call". i guess time flies when you are having fun.
i love him and i know he loves me.
it is just the whole way he goes about it. he may just be worried and want me home safe, which i understand and respect, but he projects that worry in an entirely different light. like a controlling father figure. and thats what drives me insane. i fel as if he is being completely disrepectful to me in the way that he talks to me.
Maybe that's the only way he knows how to express himself.
I agree with what a previous poster has said. Maybe talk before you go out tonight and say "I will most likely be home around 3" (or whatever time). This way he knows when to expect you and he has a number in his head instead of it just being, "well, I don't know, i'll be home when i'm home." I remember that DH used to get pizzed when I did that! Or if it was close to the time I said I would be home and called and said I'd be later, he'd be like "yeah, whatever." But, if you set a time and tell him and you are home at that time, I think it would be much easier on the both of you!
Good luck tonight and have fun 
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:12 PM |
| |
|
Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by MrsF519
Posted by mka06
Posted by Lanabean
I don't think it's fair for people to tell her she should have waited to get married or whatever; I think their situation works for them, and they disagree like everyone else at times. My situation probably wouldn't be right for her, etc. We're all in different boats.
i agree!
I agree...
ditto.
only jess and her husband know what their marriage is really like.
no one should judge her or even tell her to get divorced, is not right.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:12 PM |
| |
|
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by BabyAvocado
Posted by Jesaroo
all of my friends feel bad for me when it comes to his controlling shiz wheni go out. they dont understand it.
Are any of these friend that feel bad for you married? If they are all single, you can't really go by them...
the main one, wont ever get re-married. but she has been living with her boyfriend for 5 years. its a serious relationship. they are pretty much married without the paperwork. (she's 39, so she not some young party animal.)
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:12 PM |
| |
|
HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
Posted by Jennie0898
Prefacing this with, I don't know you or your DH personally so I can only base my response based on what you say on these boards, I would suggest one of two things...
1. You both go to couples counseling since what you said above sounds VERY unhealthy.
2. Get divorced. Again from the above quoted post, the two of you don't get along. He's nasty to you, you avoid going home b/c of it. That's not a marriage. That's a torture. Why bother. Get out now while you're both young and can get on with your lives.
why would you tell me to get divorced???
couples have problems, this is ours. i am very surprised by this comment!
not offended, it takes alot more to offend me, just.... shocked.
Well like I said in the beginning of my post, I based my answer off of what you posted and to be honest, IMO, it doesn't seem to me that you are in a healthy relationship. This problem seems to be bigger than a small/everyday problem. So having said that I gave you my opinion.
One was get help/seek counseling so you two can work out your differences with this going out/getting drunk and not wanting to come home b/c he's nasty to you.
My second option was to get out.
I thought my response was fair and well thoughtout. I wasn't trying to shock you.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:13 PM |
| |
|
~Colleen~
my loves...
Member since 5/05 9129 total posts
Name:
guess
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Blaming coming home late, on not knowing what time it was, is irresponsible. That excuse would not fly in my home - from either one of us.
I think there are more issues than just staying out late...but that's jmo based on your posts.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:14 PM |
| |
|
HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Tany
Posted by MrsF519
Posted by mka06
Posted by Lanabean
I don't think it's fair for people to tell her she should have waited to get married or whatever; I think their situation works for them, and they disagree like everyone else at times. My situation probably wouldn't be right for her, etc. We're all in different boats.
i agree!
I agree...
ditto.
only jess and her husband know what their marriage is really like.
no one should judge her or even tell her to get divorced, is not right.
That's just my opinion. She asked for it and so I responded. I also suggested getting couseling. Apparently, everyone read only half my post.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:16 PM |
| |
|
yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
I think if I knew my husband didn't like me staying out late, and asked me not to do it. I would respect him and be home on time.
And I would expect him to do the same.
C'est Ca!
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:16 PM |
| |
|
HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by ~Colleen~
Blaming coming home late, on not knowing what time it was, is irresponsible. That excuse would not fly in my home - from either one of us.
I think there are more issues than just staying out late...but that's jmo based on your posts.
Thank you, ITA. That's what I was getting at by suggesting they seek counseling or getting a divorce. It would seem like there are MUCH bigger issues with this relationship other than staying out late or drinking too much.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:19 PM |
| |
|
Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
colleen, oh dont worry im not blaming not knowing the time. im just saying i didnt know how late it actually was. but that wasnt why i got home so late. i'm not using that as an excuse, i came home late beaxue i was haivng fun and he was being a jerk.
also, when i go out wihtout him i am constantly texting him and/or calling him to check in, so he knows my every move.
but whatever.
dgirl... thats a good idea, i will have to talk ot him on another day aout his whole way of talking to me when i am out. because its not acceptable. if he didnt preface his calls with "youre probably drunk" then i would WANT to be home alot earlier to be with him.
but no one is excited to go home to a jerkead!
so, we will have to tlak about it.
he thinks when i go out i drink alot, but i hoenstly dont. i drink soooo slowly. and drink waters. and i just enjoy ahning out with my friends, its not a plan to get trashed or anything.... but i htink he thinks my goal is to get wasted. although its not.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:19 PM |
| |
|
Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Tany
ha, what girlfriends? 
Ditto! 
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:21 PM |
| |
|
photoshopbabe
wow....
Member since 5/07 2197 total posts
Name:
linda
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
me, personally, my husband doesnt care waht time i get home...but I feel bad myself goin out and stayin out late....
ive only went out w/o him a couple of times, to be honest...bars are not my thing anywya...
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:23 PM |
| |
|
Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jennie0898
Posted by Tany
Posted by MrsF519
Posted by mka06
Posted by Lanabean
I don't think it's fair for people to tell her she should have waited to get married or whatever; I think their situation works for them, and they disagree like everyone else at times. My situation probably wouldn't be right for her, etc. We're all in different boats.
i agree!
I agree...
ditto.
only jess and her husband know what their marriage is really like.
no one should judge her or even tell her to get divorced, is not right.
That's just my opinion. She asked for it and so I responded. I also suggested getting couseling. Apparently, everyone read only half my post.
I wasn't even talking about your post...lol...someone before you said they should have waited or not gotten married...something to that effect.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:32 PM |
| |
|
rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
I would not stay out later than 12. And if I were going to be later than that for any reason, I would call and let him know.
I go by that Golden Rule. I treat him the way that I would like him to treat me.
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:33 PM |
| |
|
TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Going out with your girlfriends.....
Posted by Jesaroo
i stayed out late. big whoop. i didnt exactly drive while intoxicated, but whatever with that, youre perfect i guess. and what iun the world does my PARKING tickets have to do with this? as a matter of fact DH has the same amount, so i guess we're both a couple fo losers now arent we.
Your HUSBAND seems to think it's a 'big whoop' that you stayed out late, and you're here posting a question about it, so I guess it is a big whoop to you in some ways.
We all only know what you post, and you've posted some pretty damning things about yourself, like that you drove drunk.
The parking tickets show a maturity about taking care of your responsibilities, since you and your DH both have them, you're both acting irresponsible. Your comment that your DH
Posted by Jesaroo
i just think sometimes he wont come out on purpose just so he can be mad at me.
that shows a lot of immaturity. If it's true on his part, he's immature. BUT maybe he is just WORRIED about you because he knows you're out drinking and you're a woman, and bad things can happen to women in parking lots or just walking to their door... So if he really does it JUST to get mad at you, then he's the immature one, but if it's him being worried about you but you just think it’s him being controlling then you're being immature about it. Marriage is a lot of compromise and both people need to be committed to it – even if it means not being able to go out with your friends all night because he stayed home. I really think you both should go to couples counseling, if he’s really that nasty and controlling (your words!). It could help you learn how to respond and deal with his behavior and maybe teach him to communicate better – maybe he’s not trying to be controlling but just worried about you and needs to learn how to communicate better!
|
| Posted 7/2/07 3:35 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 |
