Sad working mom with mommy guilt

My son is 16 weeks and I've returned to work after 12 weeks of leave. I am enjoying working and am happy to see my coworkers and clients. I treasure the time I have with my son immensely. But I am feeling like I barely see him. I am overcome with such guilt and sadness that the family members who watch him spend more time with him than I do. Other working moms: tell me, does it get better? Does it get worse? As your LOs grow do they appreciate your hard work or do you find they are upset that you're not around more? Help.

Sad working mom with mommy guilt

It absolutely depends on the mom. I know some moms who chose to become SAHM... Me personally, every week was better... And the thing that really made it better for me is my new job. I love what I do, I'm freakin excellent at it, and I'm not far from DS's daycare. I am at a point now where I feel NO guilt for having him at daycare. There is no way I can stimulate him or give him the entertainment that he gets there. He is incredibly well adjusted, shows empathy (at 16 months?!?!), is known as the mayor at school because he is so happy and social. I am proud to be a working mom and I know I am giving him the best of me when I am with him.

Sad working mom with mommy guilt

It gets better if you let it. If you keep the guilt feelings then you will have the work stay at home battle forever.

If you let it go and you enjoy working then you will be fine.

I went back to work at 8 weeks. My DS is now 4. He never once said to me I hate daycare and wish you were home with me. It's his normal so he's great with it. He was just home sick for a week and by the end he was begging to go back.

Let the guilt go and you will be happier.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

Mommy guilt is the worst...I couldn't wait to go back to work - no guilt at all. Then, when DD got a little older, not being with her started to become really hard for me. But, I know that she's well taken care of. I call her throughout the day when I can and just make up for all the lost time when I get home and on weekends.
I know it's hard...But, you really have to let go of the mommy guilt. For you. You know that you are doing what you can to give DS the best possible life.
Many hugs to you

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

I agree with "it gets better if you let it."

Enjoy your adult time. And remember, as children get older, they stay awake longer, so you'll have more evening and weekend quality time!

Sad working mom with mommy guilt

I think I cried off and on for the first year. I'm not built to be a stay at home mom unless we were rediculously wealthy.

My dd LOVED school as we call it. She has been going since 12 weeks and even asks to go see her friends on the weekend sometimes.

I still feel guilty sometimes especially when we are home for long weekends and vacations because I love having her with me but she has learned so much at school. It's amazing.

Sad working mom with mommy guilt

It got much easier for me week by week, now I just put my second into daycare last month and I am fine. They love it there and they thrive. I am a much happier person when I work. We all do so well with the structure and schedule that me working and daycare provide. There are times I wish I could be home with them because I know no one will take care of my kids like I do but my sitter does a good job. The only time I ever feel guilty is when they aren't feeling 100% but I still have to bring them. The most important thing is to make the best of the time you have with them at night. Don't worry about the house or laundry. Play with them, snuggle on the couch and talk. You will still be number one in their life even if they are with a relative.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

For me, I had no problem initially. Especially since I didn't have to think about feeding schedules, diaper duty, etc. I actually felt a sense of freedom and I loved those 8-9 working hours I had. Woo hoo!

Now that my son is older and I have to miss things at school, that's where my working mommy guilt kicks in. It doesn't help that my own mom was a SAHM and was always class mother, my CCD teacher, girl scout leader, etc. I remember how much I loved that and I don't have the time to even consider participating in those things. I have learned to ask the teachers when they anticipate activities that allow for parental involvement and I schedule those mornings off.

To help ease your guilt, make your weekends count. A lot of my errands get put on the back burner until they become emergent because I would much rather be with my boys than doing laundry.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

For me, I don't have a choice so I have to work. I stopped letting myself feel guilty. I knew I was doing what's best for my baby and family. I also came to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to be able to give 100% to my job or my home. I do the best I can and make the most of the time I have with my kids.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

The guilt consumes me. I feel like I'm basically missing my kids' whole life... I feel like on Sunday night I might as well say "see ya next weekend"... By the time I get home at night I get 2 hours with them & I'm too wiped from the day of commuting & working to really be at my best for them. For me honestly it's gotten worse as they get older & develop more of a personality & awareness & our bond is deeper than it was when they were newborns... I called out sick today & my 2.5 year old was so excited that I was home with him for a change, I feel terrible I can't or won't do that for him all the time. I literally run to the train & then run home to try to maximize my time with them, I won't stay late at work ever & I won't attend any sort of function or anything that goes on during the evenings & in fact I mostly won't go anywhere on the weekends that doesn't involve being with them, because I feel so guilty that I'm already missing out on so much time with them because of work. It's lousy.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

It depends.
It took me 2 months to adjust to going back to work with my kids.
With the last one, it was worse because of a change in work hours, babysitters & family help.
There are advantages & disadvantages both ways.
Yes, my kids have asked me to stay home.
Yes, I've spent days without seeing them (and changed their sleep schedule to later).
Yes, they love school & get a lot out of it.
It's a very personal decision.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

Message edited 3/11/2016 9:19:54 AM.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

Sad working mom with mommy guilt

I love my daughter but I love my job and being who I am.

Of course I missed her but never felt the guilt I read about here. Sorry. I always figured that my father left us for 9m a year in the Navy and mother hated me so really, at last my kid was being cared for by people who care about her. Think how many other children don't have that. It was great to come home to her.

Frankly in the first year or so she barely knew I was gone. Time doesn't work like that for them. Feed me, change me, hold me, let me sleep. Separation anxiety started later and that was annoying. I mean she was fine then all of a sudden one day it was "MAMA DON'T GO!" while equally "I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME MAMA" frustrating.

Did I miss stuff? maybe but I still saw her take her first steps and words at home. Maybe she did at school but they never told me and frankly it didn't matter. None of it's real until I saw it.

Does she appreciate the work? Yes she certainly does. She has known for years what I do and why I do it. She appreciates our vacation time together and trips we take that we couldn't do if I wasn't working. I was the breadwinner in the house (now we are closer to equal while I'm still slightly ahead).

The world as she knows it revolves around the fact that Mama works.

She is proud of what I do and why I do it. She likes when I get dressed up for client meetings and even when I have to leave for days for work or CE she appreciates it and supports me. She tells her friends "My mama fixes problems for companies and keeps them safe" I do insurance for a living for crying out loud!

I never complain about work in front of her. Instead I talk about achievements and wins. She gets excited for me. Work is a good thing and it helps our family have fun. She even comes to my office and helps move our paper into the shred box so she can 'work too'.

I am my daughter's role model. So working for me is very important.

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

Re: Sad working mom with mommy guilt

Sad working mom with mommy guilt

My mom was a working mom growing up. She worked in the city and was very successful in her career. I can say that I totally appreciate what she did for her family. Her salary on top of my dads provided us with extras and she was so smart and accomplished and loved what she did.

In no way did I ever feel growing up I was missing out. I didn't feel different from the other kids whose moms stayed home. It really was never a thought in my mind until my mom expressed her guilt.

And now as a full time working mom I get it more and working is maybe more normal to me as it is how I grew up. I sobbed when I dropped dd at daycare at 5mos old. But let me tell you it def gets easier, I like having a break and some days like today when I pick her up I am so excited to see her and she acts out and I am like OMG I want to take you back to school!