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Eagermom3
LIF Toddler
Member since 4/13 448 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Just do what is best for you and your hubby. I respect both views on this and im sure (i think) u wouldnt deprive the in laws of seeing your baby even at the nursery which they very well can do they dont have to be in your room. Good luck!!! Posted by alexb
ahh, just went through all of these posts and people are getting crazy on here !!!
I haven't responded until now BECAUSE I AM STILL WORKING FULL TIME! sometimes, some people have demanding careers and can't take off weeks before!
So yes, this is a real post to whoever is questioning the validity of it.
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Posted 6/4/13 10:15 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
TyReseGreen
Lil Prince is here
Member since 8/11 6338 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by MrsO
I think you are being unreasonable especially to your dh. Why shouldn't his parents get to see their grandchild the same as your parents.
You are a family now and you can establish boundaries but you can't say your parents are more important than dh's when it seems they are just excited about the baby.
Totally agree with this poster
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| Posted 6/4/13 11:46 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by BetterVersion
Posted by Saphire01
This thread is really nasty. Sad that people can't give opinions without being called stupid, selfish, etc. Pretty disgusting to attack someone's character.
Sad that people can't give opinions without the LIF police stepping in.
If she didn't want honest opinions she shouldn't have posted. Boo hoo for you that most people disagree with you.
Boo hoo? You sound like a lovely person.
I'm sorry for the poor choice of words, but it irks me to no end when people on here complain that posters are being nasty because their opinions are not the same. It's like when someone screams "bully" for calling another poster out on their habitual nonsense. If you cannot take honest opinions - and yes that means sometimes people will call YOUR (general "your") opinion selfish - then you shouldn't post. It goes both ways.
Message edited 6/5/2013 8:53:46 AM.
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| Posted 6/5/13 8:53 AM |
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faerychel
LIF Infant
Member since 7/11 182 total posts
Name:
Chelly
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
I just dropping in. I just have to say I can't even imagine trying to tell my ILs that they can't even wait in the wainting room to see how everything works out and the baby when it's brought OUT of your room.
How does that go, "Yeah...we'll call you to let you know the baby's out. Then, I'll call you when I feel like letting your see it..."
How would that make you feel when your grandchildren are being born?
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| Posted 6/5/13 9:29 AM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by faerychel
I just dropping in. I just have to say I can't even imagine trying to tell my ILs that they can't even wait in the wainting room to see how everything works out and the baby when it's brought OUT of your room.
How does that go, "Yeah...we'll call you to let you know the baby's out. Then, I'll call you when I feel like letting your see it..."
How would that make you feel when your grandchildren are being born?
Seriously.
How could someone even think it's OK to ban the grandparents from the waiting room???????
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| Posted 6/5/13 9:34 AM |
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PrettyPeonies
GAW my baby boy <3
Member since 8/10 3874 total posts
Name:
Pino
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Kitten1929
Posted by faerychel
I just dropping in. I just have to say I can't even imagine trying to tell my ILs that they can't even wait in the wainting room to see how everything works out and the baby when it's brought OUT of your room.
How does that go, "Yeah...we'll call you to let you know the baby's out. Then, I'll call you when I feel like letting your see it..."
How would that make you feel when your grandchildren are being born?
Seriously.
How could someone even think it's OK to ban the grandparents from the waiting room???????
When I had my tour at Good Sam, the nurse suggested we tell family to wait at home for our phone call. My IL's came at 1am and caused a ton of problems.
Just a suggestion to the 2 posters I quoted, and I swear I'm not trying to be snarky. You have no idea what her IL's are like, she just gave a very brief description. Maybe she is aware that they will, in some way, make the birth about them or ruin it in some way. I'm not even sure what her fears are. I just dont think ANY of us should be judgmental.
FYI to the OP, as I mentioned my overbearing ILs showed up at 1am after I was in labor for 18 hrs, took my DH away from me so they could bond w/their son and grandson through a nursery window. I was left all by myself hysterically crying in my room.
Do what makes YOU comfortable. I highly doubt you are going to let hrs and hrs go by b/f they can see the baby.
Good Luck!
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| Posted 6/5/13 9:50 AM |
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alexb
LIF Adult
Member since 5/13 960 total posts
Name:
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In Law visiting right after birth
reposting -
Just to clarify, since this seems like a 'hot discussion', my mom is going to be there for the birthing process, along with my husband. Then she is leaving, not hanging around to take pics or whatever. I need her there as more of a support person than anything else. Also, i was never against having my in-laws at the hospital. On the contrary, I think they should be involved. Who would ban their in-laws from the hospital? I just didn't want them coming in to visit me right away because I would rather have the alone time with my baby and husband and If I'm exhausted after labor (which I am guessing I will be), I didn't want to offend anyone.
On a whole another note, I spoke to my husband about it and he understood completely. We decided collectively, that we will play it be ear according to how we feel after the actual birth.
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| Posted 6/5/13 10:57 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by alexb
reposting -
Just to clarify, since this seems like a 'hot discussion', my mom is going to be there for the birthing process, along with my husband. Then she is leaving, not hanging around to take pics or whatever. I need her there as more of a support person than anything else. Also, i was never against having my in-laws at the hospital. On the contrary, I think they should be involved. Who would ban their in-laws from the hospital? I just didn't want them coming in to visit me right away because I would rather have the alone time with my baby and husband and If I'm exhausted after labor (which I am guessing I will be), I didn't want to offend anyone.
On a whole another note, I spoke to my husband about it and he understood completely. We decided collectively, that we will play it be ear according to how we feel after the actual birth.
You're posts are confusing me...you're original post was how you don't want them in the waiting area and want them to see the baby the day after, yet your mom will be there the day of...
Unless I'm missing something. You can understand how people would think one thing..
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| Posted 6/5/13 12:25 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Kitten1929
Posted by faerychel
I just dropping in. I just have to say I can't even imagine trying to tell my ILs that they can't even wait in the wainting room to see how everything works out and the baby when it's brought OUT of your room.
How does that go, "Yeah...we'll call you to let you know the baby's out. Then, I'll call you when I feel like letting your see it..."
How would that make you feel when your grandchildren are being born?
Seriously.
How could someone even think it's OK to ban the grandparents from the waiting room???????
I actually did ban everyone, across the board. I didnt want anyone waiting at the hospital. My MIL came anyway and when the nurses told me, I almost had an anxiety attack. . .I didnt want the pressure of knowing someone was waiting for me to give birth. . .and I pushed for three hours so it was justified. My MIL ended up leaving b/c it was taking so long and then having to come back once the baby was born. I didn't care if they were in the car waiting to come, I just couldnt have ANYONE there, but what I did for his family, I did for mine as well!
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| Posted 6/5/13 12:43 PM |
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ModDot
PUMPKIN ALL THE THINGS
Member since 8/11 2196 total posts
Name:
Trissy
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In Law visiting right after birth
dh and I agreed that we didn't want people waiting in the waiting room and we would call when the baby arrived. Apparently that went out the window when I went into labor (I didn't find out until later) but everyone basically came after he was there and we had time together
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| Posted 6/5/13 12:46 PM |
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yankeebaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/12 850 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by MrsO
I think you are being unreasonable especially to your dh. Why shouldn't his parents get to see their grandchild the same as your parents.
You are a family now and you can establish boundaries but you can't say your parents are more important than dh's when it seems they are just excited about the baby.
I agree.... I understand no one but family or no one at all. I don't think its far to say no to his mom and yes to yours. Why dont you say no one for the first ____ hours. When DD was born we said no one for the first 2 hours so we can be alone with her. Granted that went out the window when ppl started coming and we love dd so much we wanted to share her with everyone. Normally the first hr you need to have ppl out anyway.
Message edited 6/5/2013 12:54:50 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/13 12:53 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
I had 10+ people in the waiting room. In laws, my parents, cousins, dhs aunt dhs grandpa, my bother and sister, and my son
This was for both my c/s
It was so exciting having everyone there and frankly I was happy when people came to see me at the hospital bc i hated it there and it was boring 
I understand not wanting them in the delivery room or coming in to see you immediately after delivery but they should be allowed to be waiting for the birth of their grandchild. As over baring as they may be, they are excited. Don't ruin that for them by excluding them
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| Posted 6/5/13 1:12 PM |
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Kitten1929
LIF Adult
Member since 1/13 6040 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by jgl
I had 10+ people in the waiting room. In laws, my parents, cousins, dhs aunt dhs grandpa, my bother and sister, and my son
This was for both my c/s
It was so exciting having everyone there and frankly I was happy when people came to see me at the hospital bc i hated it there and it was boring
I understand not wanting them in the delivery room or coming in to see you immediately after delivery but they should be allowed to be waiting for the birth of their grandchild. As over baring as they may be, they are excited. Don't ruin that for them by excluding them
I am so looking forward to sharing the experience with anyone who wants to be there!
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| Posted 6/5/13 1:16 PM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Kitten1929
Posted by jgl
I had 10+ people in the waiting room. In laws, my parents, cousins, dhs aunt dhs grandpa, my bother and sister, and my son
This was for both my c/s
It was so exciting having everyone there and frankly I was happy when people came to see me at the hospital bc i hated it there and it was boring
I understand not wanting them in the delivery room or coming in to see you immediately after delivery but they should be allowed to be waiting for the birth of their grandchild. As over baring as they may be, they are excited. Don't ruin that for them by excluding them
I am so looking forward to sharing the experience with anyone who wants to be there!
OOh I can get a front row seat to the birth of Nubbins?! Sweeeet!
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| Posted 6/5/13 2:06 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by PrettyPeonies
Posted by Kitten1929
Posted by faerychel
I just dropping in. I just have to say I can't even imagine trying to tell my ILs that they can't even wait in the wainting room to see how everything works out and the baby when it's brought OUT of your room.
How does that go, "Yeah...we'll call you to let you know the baby's out. Then, I'll call you when I feel like letting your see it..."
How would that make you feel when your grandchildren are being born?
Seriously.
How could someone even think it's OK to ban the grandparents from the waiting room???????
When I had my tour at Good Sam, the nurse suggested we tell family to wait at home for our phone call. My IL's came at 1am and caused a ton of problems.
Just a suggestion to the 2 posters I quoted, and I swear I'm not trying to be snarky. You have no idea what her IL's are like, she just gave a very brief description. Maybe she is aware that they will, in some way, make the birth about them or ruin it in some way. I'm not even sure what her fears are. I just dont think ANY of us should be judgmental.
FYI to the OP, as I mentioned my overbearing ILs showed up at 1am after I was in labor for 18 hrs, took my DH away from me so they could bond w/their son and grandson through a nursery window. I was left all by myself hysterically crying in my room.
Do what makes YOU comfortable. I highly doubt you are going to let hrs and hrs go by b/f they can see the baby.
Good Luck!
Can't like this enough.
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| Posted 6/5/13 2:09 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by GioiaMia
Posted by Kitten1929
Posted by faerychel
I just dropping in. I just have to say I can't even imagine trying to tell my ILs that they can't even wait in the wainting room to see how everything works out and the baby when it's brought OUT of your room.
How does that go, "Yeah...we'll call you to let you know the baby's out. Then, I'll call you when I feel like letting your see it..."
How would that make you feel when your grandchildren are being born?
Seriously.
How could someone even think it's OK to ban the grandparents from the waiting room???????
I actually did ban everyone, across the board. I didnt want anyone waiting at the hospital. My MIL came anyway and when the nurses told me, I almost had an anxiety attack. . .I didnt want the pressure of knowing someone was waiting for me to give birth. . .and I pushed for three hours so it was justified. My MIL ended up leaving b/c it was taking so long and then having to come back once the baby was born. I didn't care if they were in the car waiting to come, I just couldnt have ANYONE there, but what I did for his family, I did for mine as well!
It's funny because I can relate to not wanting people in waiting room because you'd feel more pressure during labor. People told me I wouldn't care in the moment, but I know myself and I definitely would have. I'm glad I'm not alone! 
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| Posted 6/5/13 2:14 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4289 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by maybebaby
Posted by alexb
reposting -
Just to clarify, since this seems like a 'hot discussion', my mom is going to be there for the birthing process, along with my husband. Then she is leaving, not hanging around to take pics or whatever. I need her there as more of a support person than anything else. Also, i was never against having my in-laws at the hospital. On the contrary, I think they should be involved. Who would ban their in-laws from the hospital? I just didn't want them coming in to visit me right away because I would rather have the alone time with my baby and husband and If I'm exhausted after labor (which I am guessing I will be), I didn't want to offend anyone.
On a whole another note, I spoke to my husband about it and he understood completely. We decided collectively, that we will play it be ear according to how we feel after the actual birth.
You're posts are confusing me...you're original post was how you don't want them in the waiting area and want them to see the baby the day after, yet your mom will be there the day of...
Unless I'm missing something. You can understand how people would think one thing..
I actually thought she was very clear. She did say she wanted her In Laws to wait because she didnt think she could deal with it, but she DID want her mom there to help her through.
She is still saying that.
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| Posted 6/5/13 4:55 PM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
This entire thread has gone CA-RAZY.
OP, do what works for you and your family. Obviously this is a topic about which people have very strong opinions and feelings. The only people who have to agree with how you decide to handle it are you and your DH. Good luck.
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| Posted 6/5/13 5:20 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
My mom was in the room with me before I went in for c section, I didn't want MIL near me while i was in labor! Mil was the first to come into my recovery room ( horrible recovery). I was so pi$$ed when I saw her  it's fine for them to come see the baby, but I wanted her away from me. I wanted only my mommy
My MIL is beyond pushy and knows no boundaries.
Message edited 6/5/2013 10:05:10 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/13 9:36 PM |
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Gdesq
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 1314 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Katareen
Posted by KGools
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by KGools
If your DH wants his parents to be there, they should be there whether you like it or not. It's his baby and his experience just as much as it is yours.
If you feel uncomfortable, maybe have a conversation with your DH about how long each set of parents stays... maybe he can start to kick everyone out after an hour. That would be a fair compromise.
Totally disagree that it is equally the dh's experience. The day a woman gives birth is the most dangerous time of her life. Her baby, her rules.
Wouldn't be there in "the most dangerous time of her life" (which I think is a stretch) without her DH. It's as special to him as it is to her... maybe in a different way, but I would NEVER diminish my DH's experience of that day despite what I physically have to do.
I completely agree!!
I also don't understand people who don't want family in the waiting room. You don't even know they're there...so who cares?? If they want to sit on an uncomfortable chair for 16 hours, let them! It isn't like you have to make them dinner.
just an insight on not wanting family in the waiting room, since I was in this situation. I didn't want anyone in the waiting room when I was induced with DS. My in laws have a record for starting out in the waiting room and pressuring their way in the delivery room just to make sure the birthing mom is OK. This happened with my brother in laws wife and my in laws insisted on coming into the delivery room. Because of this, I didn't want my side or DH side in the waiting room until after baby was born.
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| Posted 6/5/13 9:43 PM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
I told everyone not to sit in the waiting room and to instead wait for a phone call to come to the hospital. Thank goodness I did because I had a terrible ordeal ending in an emergency c-section, etc. I did not want anyone in the recovery room with me, but the baby, DH and nurse. Believe me when I say that no one was offended. Everyone was just as joyous the next day. I ended up hospitalized for five days. I got plenty of visitors.
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| Posted 6/5/13 10:01 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by Gdesq
Posted by Katareen
Posted by KGools
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by KGools
If your DH wants his parents to be there, they should be there whether you like it or not. It's his baby and his experience just as much as it is yours.
If you feel uncomfortable, maybe have a conversation with your DH about how long each set of parents stays... maybe he can start to kick everyone out after an hour. That would be a fair compromise.
Totally disagree that it is equally the dh's experience. The day a woman gives birth is the most dangerous time of her life. Her baby, her rules.
Wouldn't be there in "the most dangerous time of her life" (which I think is a stretch) without her DH. It's as special to him as it is to her... maybe in a different way, but I would NEVER diminish my DH's experience of that day despite what I physically have to do.
I completely agree!!
I also don't understand people who don't want family in the waiting room. You don't even know they're there...so who cares?? If they want to sit on an uncomfortable chair for 16 hours, let them! It isn't like you have to make them dinner.
just an insight on not wanting family in the waiting room, since I was in this situation. I didn't want anyone in the waiting room when I was induced with DS. My in laws have a record for starting out in the waiting room and pressuring their way in the delivery room just to make sure the birthing mom is OK. This happened with my brother in laws wife and my in laws insisted on coming into the delivery room. Because of this, I didn't want my side or DH side in the waiting room until after baby was born.
This seems a little crazy. Im not saying it didnt happen but I cant see it happening often. What hospital would just let people come in while laboring without permission of the couple? How would they get passed the waiting room?? Arent only 2 people allowed in with the you? Maybe im clueless it just doesnt make sense to me.
Message edited 6/5/2013 10:09:45 PM.
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| Posted 6/5/13 10:09 PM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
Posted by jgl
Posted by Gdesq
Posted by Katareen
Posted by KGools
Posted by Saphire01
Posted by KGools
If your DH wants his parents to be there, they should be there whether you like it or not. It's his baby and his experience just as much as it is yours.
If you feel uncomfortable, maybe have a conversation with your DH about how long each set of parents stays... maybe he can start to kick everyone out after an hour. That would be a fair compromise.
Totally disagree that it is equally the dh's experience. The day a woman gives birth is the most dangerous time of her life. Her baby, her rules.
Wouldn't be there in "the most dangerous time of her life" (which I think is a stretch) without her DH. It's as special to him as it is to her... maybe in a different way, but I would NEVER diminish my DH's experience of that day despite what I physically have to do.
I completely agree!!
I also don't understand people who don't want family in the waiting room. You don't even know they're there...so who cares?? If they want to sit on an uncomfortable chair for 16 hours, let them! It isn't like you have to make them dinner.
just an insight on not wanting family in the waiting room, since I was in this situation. I didn't want anyone in the waiting room when I was induced with DS. My in laws have a record for starting out in the waiting room and pressuring their way in the delivery room just to make sure the birthing mom is OK. This happened with my brother in laws wife and my in laws insisted on coming into the delivery room. Because of this, I didn't want my side or DH side in the waiting room until after baby was born.
This seems a little crazy. Im not saying it didnt happen but I cant see it happening often. What hospital would just let people come in while laboring without permission of the couple? How would they get passed the waiting room?? Arent only 2 people allowed in with the you? Maybe im clueless it just doesnt make sense to me.
LIJ is SUPER flexible with how many people allowed and who comes to visit and when. It's a beautiful hospital and I LOVE my own private room but I find this to be a downfall. My SIL labored and delivered there and we all sat in the waiting room and people would go in and out of the delivery room the whole time she labored (she called me back there twice and that was to keep the parents from coming back there again). After 48 hours she was sent in for a c-section. She took time with her baby and DH until she called us into the room but they really don't stop people. You have to be buzzed in but even on the tour the nurse said you have to be your own advocate.
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| Posted 6/6/13 9:24 AM |
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Re: In Law visiting right after birth
When I had dd my dad, sister and BIL were in and out of the delivery room while I was in labor. My inlaws came to the hospital and waited in the waiting room while I was pushing. After dd was born both our families came into the delivery room to see her. My inlaws piss me off at times but I would never deny them seeing their grandchild. So yes I think you are being unreasonable if you allow your family in to see your baby after its born and not your inlaws.
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| Posted 6/6/13 9:31 AM |
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