Re: WWYD

his punishment should be to come and live with me for a week. i have a lot of housework to do... he and my two would have a ball getting it all done

in all seriousness. i agree with those who have said:

1. don't let him know how you know

2. punish him for doing the wrong thing AND THEN punish him again for lying about it

3. car, cell phone, computer... they should all go away for a given amount of time.

also, as a pp stated, you raised someone who is not a good liar... kudos to you

Re: WWYD

I agree with the others, definitely don't let him know how you know or he'll just cover his tracks better in the future. Do you pay for his cell phone or car insurance? I'd tell him he can pay it himself now. Can't afford it? Too bad.

ETA- This comes from someone who's child is an infant lol

Message edited 6/17/2011 1:54:16 PM.

Re: WWYD

I would take away his car for a week.
Let him figure out how to get to work/ school on his own.

He needs to earn your trust again. He needs to learn that lying and disobeying are not tolerated and you gotta hit him where it hurts. For most teenagers, that would be revoking their freedom.

Re: WWYD

He's 18 years old. I would talk to him like the adult he thinks he is. I would ask him why he felt he needed to take the car when he knew he was not allowed. Why he created such an alloborate lie to cover it up. I would then tell him what you are upset about, (lying, driving DD, etc) and tell him that there are consequences and what HE feels an appropriate punishment is. Unless he comes up with a really good one, I would take what he says and throw one of your own for not recognizing the severity of his actions (no party, no car, etc.).

Re: WWYD

Re: WWYD

I agree with the poster who said you should sit him down and have a conversation with him. I would explain why you are upset etc. WHy you did not want them driving...

Is he otherwise a good kid? If so, I thiink I would pick my battles. Yes, he lied etc. but in the end he took the car to take his little sister for pizza not a party or anything like that.

As punishment, I would make him pay me the money I had left for the pizza as he did not really use it as it was intended.

However, if this is just one of many things he has done then its a different story.

Re: WWYD

Re: WWYD

I'd find way that DS pays for your babysitter, since he's not being responsible with your daughter.

My dumb@ss brother took my parents car all the time when he was a teenager. Eventually he had duplicate keys made. It escalated until he was kicked out of the house. They would actually chalk the tires/driveway to see if the car had been moved.

I'm not a parent but I wouldn't give away how you know he drove the car. I would do some kind of punishment where it hurts, preferably something that serves your needs while you're at it.

Re: WWYD

Message edited 6/17/2011 2:42:52 PM.

Re: WWYD

Posted by neener1211

Posted by evrythng4areason

Idk what you can really do..he's adult so it's not like you can ground him..

I think you can ground him. As long as I lived under my mother's roof, she was the boss and could punish me. If I didn't like it, find somewhere else to live.

I'd be inclined to get a babysitter for him next time.

Re: WWYD

wow lol i didn't realize the responses my comment would get

i guess i just had a different frame of mind

although i lived (still live) at my parents house rent free, i've paid my cell phone/car payment/insurance/gas/repairs/cable/computer etc since i started working..so my parents could never take those things away from me, and couldn't exactly tell me not to leave the house

if i did something wrong i would get yelled at or spoken to, but i was an adult at 18..and treated as such

and i'm not a "mess" right now bc there were no consequences..i'm actually quite responsible

Re: WWYD

There have to be consequences.. but I'm torn on letting him know how you know.

On the one hand, I absolutely would want to protect my DD (if I were you) and not let her take the blame - I'd be afraid he'd be mad at her.

You do have enough evidence with the radio and the mirror positions, but at the same time, I'd be wary of teaching him how to cover his tracks, kwim? That will just make him a better sneak in the long run..

I think taking his car away for a week or grounding him for lying or something is in order.

And this post reminds me of when I was in highschool... a friend was having a few of us over. I got there first and helped him take his parent's bedroom door OFF THE HINGES because they locked the car keys in their bedroom closet so he wouldn't take the car. We got in the car, drove around the block and then I pointed out that he may not be able to get the same parking spot (Brooklyn) so we just went back and parked the car again.

So I guess your DS taking the car is a rite of passage, and as you can see from my story above, there is very little you can do to stop it. Maybe talk to him about trust... you can't trust him now because he's done this and he has to earn your trust back by doing.. I don't know what. I'm not looking forward to the teenage years.

Re: WWYD

Thank you all for your input, FWIW he is not a bad kid, he is now a college sophomore, gets decent grades and plays football. However, we do pay his car insurance/tuition/cell phone bill because he goes away to school. On one hand I am glad he had the good sense to use my car and not endanger his sister's safety but I was hurt that he just lied to my face about it and thinks I am that dumb. I did not tell him Jenna gave him up either

I have decided to sit him down and speak to him, not lecture and come up with consequences for his actions.

Re: WWYD

Posted by PreshusSmurf

I would NOT let him know how you know that he used the car. Keep that in your back pocket in case there is a future occurrence. Telling him about his sister ratting him out, radio station, mirrors, etc. just serves to teach him how to deceive you in the future

Re: WWYD

Considering you are supporting him while in college....I would suspend his driving privileges for a week. Let him know it's a privilege, not a right. Being deceitful and deliberately going against your wishes, lying to you about it AND trying to get your baby to cover up for him is unacceptable. It will suck for him to get around all week with no car and I'm sure he will definitely think twice before pulling something like that again. jmo

Re: WWYD

I would be upset, but considering that my friends and I all did the same thing (and I am pretty sure we actually took my friend's little bro who was 4 or 5 at the time too!) I wouldn't be too hard on him. I "stole" my brother's car for a joyride once and parked it totally crooked not thinking I would be caught. My parents didn't give me a hard time but subtly asked why his car was parked that way and did I have anything to do with it.... If I were you, I would make sure you take all the car keys with you if you don't want him to take the car.