What do you consider a "good" mom?

I overheard a conversation today in the store between 2 women (I though it was her dd but maybe she was a little older 20, 21-not a young kid).
The mom said "Mary" is such a good mom. The dd said, really, she seems so flighty and doesn't discipline the kids. The mom said, oh, no, she is a really a good mom.

In this day and age of parents wanting to be their kids friends and not very much discipline (witnessed it last night when a mother told another mother---the kids are out of control. She had TWO kids of her own in the group but sent the other mother over to discipline the group), what IS a good mother anymore?

Sometimes I feel like I am a bad mom because I discipline my kids, I say no and yes, I do yell. While I love them to death, I am not afraid of them not liking me and don't need to tell everyone constantly how wonderful they are.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Uh oh, I feel like this is one of those threads that has the potential to explode very quickly.

With that said, I feel like there are way too many factors involved and every family/mom is different. There's no wrong or right except when there is abuse or risky activity involved that could harm the child.

ETA: I totally believe in discipline (not physical with the exception of a smack on the butt on OCCASION) and DH and I are BOTH yellers.
It's not something I'd consider a proud moment though.

We BOTH have immediate guilt.

Message edited 3/16/2013 2:12:04 PM.

What do you consider a

You're certainly not a bad mom for disciplining your kids. You're teaching them morals, right & wrong, and when they are older in the real world they won't have a inflated sense of entitlement.

I think being a good mom is showing our children how to love, how to be loved, be a decent human being, & life skills so they can function as adults. And discipline plays a roll in that. I'm not saying be a tyrant, but they have to respect you and their elders & not walk all over you. sometimes that requires being the bad guy. Which I think as a parent is a really shittty feeling, but the pros outweigh the cons.

Message edited 3/16/2013 2:10:48 PM.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Message edited 3/16/2013 2:34:46 PM.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Do you honestly think you're a bad mom because you discipline your children?

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Message edited 3/16/2013 3:04:57 PM.

What do you consider a

Imo, in general, if a mom is a decent human being and leads by example then her children shouldn't be effed up from her parenting.

Too many variables to judge someone that you don't live with unless it's obviously something bad like abuse.

What do you consider a

Overall, I think if you're worrying if you're a good mom, then you probably are doing a fine job.

As far as discipline........

I don't really discipline my oldest because I rarely have the need to do so. (before you , wait)

I'm NOT saying this to be braggy or anything - in fact, I'm pretty sure my second will give me a run for my money and will need to be disciplined often...he's kind of more stubborn... but the older one is pretty darn good and I'm not sure if it's luck or what. He was a little rowdy around 3, but now he's 5 and a dream. Never talks back, is helpful, is my little helper, is sweet, loving..

So, when he DOES act up or what have you, I kind of let it go. I don't really care who thinks what and I don't worry that anyone is judging me if I don't discipline him to the fullest extent of the mommy law. Why? because if I have it good 99% of the time, I consider myself lucky and allow the 1% of typical kid behavior.

Sometimes I think parents over-discipline. Kids are little people..they get tired and cranky just like us, but they just have a lower tolerance for it and have no qualms expressing it. I kind of accept that. But I don't judge how people do things.. I believe you do what works for you.

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Bottom line: if YOUR methods are yielding the results YOU want out of YOUR kid, then it's working.. for YOU and YOUR family. So... cheers!

If not, explore some new approach. it's not a one-sized fits all thing, IMO.

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Message edited 3/16/2013 3:18:00 PM.

What do you consider a

I'm my kids MOTHER first and for most. I'm not my kids "friend" maybe when they are like 20-30 yrs old and want to call me their BFF so be it but till they are on their own Im responsible to teach them how to live. Friends dont do that. My role in my childs life it to guide them, show and teach love, affection, patience, respect and confidence. Teach them the difference between right/wrong, selfishness/giving & that hard work pays off and in order to do that it requires discipline. You have ONE chance to raise your kids into good caring individuals.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

A good mom is someone who loves their children unconditionally, without hesitation, regardless of emotion.

A good mom disciplines, hugs, kisses, yells, protects, gets angry, gets mad, gets hurt, gets disappointed, is respectful, is compassionate, is empathetic, is mature, is understanding, and probably a million more things.

A good mom is present. Caring.

A good mom doesn't need to be told she's "a good mom." Her kids are her own positive reinforcement.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

What do you consider a

Message edited 3/17/2013 7:31:51 AM.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Differences in parenting style don't make you a 'good' or 'bad' mom.

Good mothers love their children unconditionally and do everything in their power to nuture, protect, care, educate their children. Good moms, and dads for that matter, are actively raising kind, decent little people with morals and values and knowledge of what is right and what is wrong.

Parenting styles are different and the result of many things, culture, the temperament of the child and the personality of the parent to name a few. I do not necessarily think bc a parent does not discipline their child it makes them a 'bad' parent, maybe it makes them someone who might have a brat on their hands but I think that you can be a laid back parent and still instill these values the same way you can be a strict parent and still be warm and loving.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

There are a million and one traits that make a woman a good mother, not a single one of us possess each and every one of those traits. We all have some of them, and put them to work the best we know how. Knowing your strengths and weakness in these traits and doing the best you can with what you have makes a woman a good mom. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Just bc you do it DIFFERENTLY does not mean you do it better.

Message edited 3/16/2013 10:51:46 PM.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

I think this is a subjective question. We all value different things when it comes to motherhood so, I doubt there is one universal answer.

For me, a "good mom" is not based on how one disciplines their child (or lack there of). To me - a good mom is a mom that is present in their child's life - as much as they can be every day. A mom that gives her child all the love they possibly can. A good mom is the mom at the park with her child and the mom that takes her child to the library, colors with her child, that is reading with her child after school, the mom that is talking to her child at dinner about school that day etc. etc. A good mom makes sacrifies to put her child's needs first at the point in their little lives when they need their mom the most.

I think the discipline flows naturally from this. A good mom in my book is there - they are involved - they love and teach their child on a daily basis through daily living - they are involved in their school, with their friends etc. They teach and discipline through example and just by being there...it's late and I'm not sure if this is making sense ha

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

I think a good mom needs to discipline her kids. There are times I always feel like I'm not good enough. But I know I do all I can for my children, I would sacrifice anything for them

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Good mom .. someone who loves her kids, is invested in them and TRIES. It doesn't matter if you make mistakes.. all of us do. What matters is how you learn from your mistakes.

A child who is loved and knows they are loved has a 'good' mom.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Discipline is a must, but everyones priorities are different. I'm very strict when it comes to certain things like grades, how they treat family members, saving money, caring for their things etc. they are really sweet kids and don't have a mean bone in them. If they are acting silly in public, fidgeting, being loud, I don't care about those things.

Someone may judge because they are loud, jumping or whatever. But fundamentally they are great kids that adore and respect the family. That is most important in our home.

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Posted by itsbabytime

I think this is a subjective question. We all value different things when it comes to motherhood so, I doubt there is one universal answer.

For me, a "good mom" is not based on how one disciplines their child (or lack there of). To me - a good mom is a mom that is present in their child's life - as much as they can be every day. A mom that gives her child all the love they possibly can. A good mom is the mom at the park with her child and the mom that takes her child to the library, colors with her child, that is reading with her child after school, the mom that is talking to her child at dinner about school that day etc. etc. A good mom makes sacrifies to put her child's needs first at the point in their little lives when they need their mom the most.

I think the discipline flows naturally from this. A good mom in my book is there - they are involved - they love and teach their child on a daily basis through daily living - they are involved in their school, with their friends etc. They teach and discipline through example and just by being there...it's late and I'm not sure if this is making sense ha

Re: What do you consider a "good" mom?

Someone who loves their kids,shows them she loves them,and tries their best every single day. She's not always the best but even after a really difficult day, she hopes with her heart tomorrow will be better.

I wouldn't judge a mom by how little she disciplines her kid or how strict she was outside of abusive situations.