Those who are not religious

Dh and i were both raised Catholic but neither or us adhere to this belief system.
We didnt get married in church and we do not plan to baptize our child.

Questions:
1. How do you react to the snide comments/facial expressions when you tell people you arent having a Christening or raising your child under any religion?

2. Will you be doing a baby blessing or anything like that?

Re: Those who are not religious

I am Catholic as well, but do not agree with the tenets of the Catholic Church. However, because it's important for me that our children grow up with some sense of God, we will be baptizing our baby in the church and sending her for religious ed.

After she makes her confirmation, she can then decide what she wants to do in terms of faith formation. I just want to give her the basis of all of it. The only reason I say this is because my sister's children were not exposed to the ideas of our faith, and all they know of God is that He took 2 of their cats away. They have such anger toward God, because they don't know anything else. I want to be sure I avoid that.

I'm sorry, I don't think I answered your question...but that is my take on it.

Re: Those who are not religious

Oh dont get me started. We are both Agnostic. WELL my very Catholic family is not thrilled, I keep getting the "god Forbid" bit. Oh well. DH family is Hindu and Muslim, they to are VERY religous and he has now come to me (just to shut them up) and said "what if we have a little something on both sides to compromise and keep them happy" My response was "I compromised on my wedding letting your LITTLE cousins come after my invites said ADULT RECEPTION and Im done compromising"

I really think it is no ones business. Im not against their religion, I just dont believe in any of it. I will let my son decide when he is old enough what he wants to do. If he wants to bang bongos at the airport so be it.

Your kid, your rules. IMO

Re: Those who are not religious

I'm catholic and DH is jewish. Neither one of us is religious and the same goes for our families. DD will not be baptized. As her parents, we plan on teaching her and exposing her to both religions. We'll teach her the true meaning of the holidays (easter, yom kippur, chanukah, christmas, etc). Its not all about getting presents or the easter bunny and santa claus.

A few months after she's born, we plan on having a party for her welcoming her into the world.

As for people's comment on her religion, I've only had one comment from a friend. She was like aren't you worried about Original Sin???? I was like no. I just don't buy into it. I have my parents full support and that's what really matters to me.

Re: Those who are not religious

I'm having the same problem you are. I am an atheist. My baby's father's family is EXTREMELY Catholic (he was freaking out just having to tell them he's having a baby with somebody that's not his wife OR his girlfriend!! My family is also Catholic and they're pressuring me to have my son baptized. I am extremely against the Catholic Church and will have NO PART of it---and I see a VERY BIG argument coming about in the near future.

My thoughts are to teach him about ALL facets of every religion and let him make his own choices as he grows up. As far as teaching about death when he starts asking about God and such, I'll simply explain to him that many religions have many different beliefs and nobody will be really certain until we reach that point ourselves.

But, I'm sure there's going to be a big argument and well....I'm sure I'll be on here a LOT and doing a LOT of venting at some point soon.

To answer you questions:

1) I could care less about the comments and snide marks---he's my son and I will raise him how I see fit.

2) I will definitely have a "welcome to the world" party, but with no religious ceremonies.

Message edited 9/30/2008 11:41:38 PM.

Re: Those who are not religious

We are not doing a traditional baptism. We may do some kind of blessing or welcome to the world thing. No one has really said anything at all-

Re: Those who are not religious

Tell them it's really not their business or concern - It's your child ..........

i'm sorry, but IMO if people are audacious enough to push something like that on you, you have EVERY right to turn around and tell them to Mind their own freakin' business - Family included -

Re: Those who are not religious

Re: Those who are not religious

Re: Those who are not religious

My friend and her dh are not religious at all.... they have 2 very Catholic familys.... their baby has had more than a few bathroom baptisims at this point!

Re: Those who are not religious

Dh and I are not religious at all. We decided not to get married in a church as well, but we did decide to baptize our DD. We figure we'll give her the same foundation that we both had. She will go to religious ed and when she gets older she can make her own decisions.

There are always going to be comments about something. Especially when you become a parent there will be numerous comments about what you're doing "wrong" so you just have to let those roll off your back and raise your child how you think best.

Re: Those who are not religious

DH and I are actually on the fence also. We both were raised very Catholic (catholic school and everything), and we were married in the Catholic Church mainly because it is what my Dad (who is deceased) would have wanted.

I just don't agree with so many of their teachings / rules that I don't know if I want to put DC through it all. I don't know how I will tell DC that they have to perform the sacrament of Reconciliation, when it's something that I don't even believe in myself.

I did always enjoy the "family" aspect of church growing up. We would attend mass each Sunday together and go to my Grandma's house afterward with my cousins for breakfast. I also loved seeing my friends at church and participating in the youth group activities. My Mom always participated in the fund raisers and Women's Groups in the parish.

Decisions decisions... thank goodness I have 21 more weeks to think about this.

Marisa - your comment about the "kid touchers" made me LOL!

Re: Those who are not religious

No one has said anything except my mom and she mostly kept her comments to herself just not her look of disappointment. When she says anything I say "You really think my innocent child is going to go to hell just because she didn't have some ceremony done on her?" Then she tries to come up with a good answer.

We had no blessing or anything. We don't practice any religion so we didn't do anything like that.

It's your baby, your choice how to raise it. Too bad what other people think.

Re: Those who are not religious

I don't worry about it too much. I just don't answer the comments or shrug them off if they are being aggressive/judgemental/preachy. DH and I didn't get married in the Church, which disappointed my Mom, she wasn't going to say anything to me, but kinda blurted it out crying one day. We had a good conversation about my beliefs and hers and came to an understanding about how the other felt without dismissing either side as wrong.

For me, when I need to speak to God, I don't often feel that Church is the place where He'll hear me, I take a walk in the woods or find a place in nature to be my church, I can talk to God anywhere but feel closest when out in nature.

I just think religion/spirituality is such a pesonal thing, it makes no sense for others to condemn or judge over how you choose to practice or not practice. You have to do what makes sense in your heart.

We will raise our child to know God, but allow him/her to make their own decision about what God means to them.

Re: Those who are not religious

DH and I were both raised Jewish and we now consider ourselves agnostic. We "compromised" for the family and were married in a temple by a rabbi. We don't plan to raise our children jewish and just plan to teach them to be caring, honest people. We are both very worried about the slack that we will get from both of our families. As much as we keep telling ourselves, "this is our child, we have the right to do what we want", we're still really anxious about it.

Re: Those who are not religious

I was raised Catholic and DH was raised Baptist. Neither of us follow our respective religions for a variety of reasons. However, I felt it was important for DS to be baptized out of respect for my Mom who was a devout Catholic and passed away several years ago.

Luckily we haven't had to deal with any comments about not planning to raise DS or Baby #2 under any specific religion, at least not to our faces.

Re: Those who are not religious

DH and I are different religions. My parents are not religious at all - they didn't do any religious ceremonies for me or my brother, and won't have any issues with us not doing them for our children.
DH's parents are more religious, they do go to church every week, he had the baptism, communion, confirmation - but he is not religious at all. He made it clear to them before we got married that we would not have any kind of religious ceremonies - or wedding was at the hall performed by an interfaith minister, and our kids will not have any of these ceremonies. We will not do a baby blessing or anything like that that either.