jersee3380
He's here!!
Member since 5/05 1372 total posts
Name:
caroline
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Religious Humor
DONATION
Father O'Malley answers the phone.
"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"
"It is."
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can."
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"
"I do."
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is."
"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"
"He will."
CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up
two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with
each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody."
BROTHEL TRIP
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a
young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and
asks how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," he says.
"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
PEST CONTROL
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a
pest-control company.
One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her
husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover,
"into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the
bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm an inspector from Termite Busters," said the exterminator. "I'm
investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little devils".
TWO SCOTTISH NUNS
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the
other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might
as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and
they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige,
wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then,
staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously,
"What part did you get?"
THE DECEASED DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,
"Father, me dog is dead. Could ya be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of God! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"
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