spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Do you think women can work...be career driven while having a family?



ETA: and how do you balance it out?

and the phrase "have it all" is as per Oprah

Message edited 1/23/2007 4:51:02 PM.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

absolutely!

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I think "have it all" is incorrect, but I think you can have a career and be a good mom. Like anything else, it tkaes sacrifice

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

of course!

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Message edited 1/23/2007 4:31:11 PM.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I used to think emphatically YES... but I"ve changed my mind a little - it really all depends on the career you choose. For example, for me, as an attorney, a litigator, no, I don't think I can literally "have it all" - I can't be an amazing mommy, and at the same time bill 2200 hours a year and become partner and handle high profile courtroom cases. Something has to give, and I think when you have a child and a career, you learn that as a woman, you have no choice but to make certain compromises. Each woman makes her own compromise - for me, I'm starting to realize I don't care anymore about making partner - what's more important is that I spend time with my daughter. But that doesn't mean that I'm not a success in my career - the time that I DO put into my job is spent well and intelligently, and no one can ever say that I'm lacking in that department. BUT, in terms of hours, well, no, of course I cannot compete with other associates who don't have a family, or in many cases, with the male associates who may have kids, but do not make them as much of a priority as their female cohorts do... it's unfortunately the price we pay living in this country. I think if I had a different career - maybe a teacher or a professor, where you aren't expected or demanded to work as many hours, I could have it all, per se, but not as an attorney.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I work with some very senior and smart women that make it work. Their jobs are super demanding and they have help during the work day.

They made choices and they are happy with them.

I'm sure they would like to be home more but they find a piece of themselves that likes to work.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Now that I'm a working mom, I can say that "having it all" is relative. There are so many factors/decisions that affect what you consider having it all.
I think each individual will prioritize what's important in each situation. I enjoy working, but if I had to choose between work and my family - family will always win.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I think the key here is that yes, to some relative degree, women can have it all, but in getting there, they have to make a series of choices and compromises that, unfortunately, most men don't ever have to face in their life. Most men don't have to sit for even a millisecond and think, "hmmm, maybe being an attorney isn't the best career choice for having a family, and perhaps I should sacrifice partner so I can spend more time at home?" THAT is what I find most unfortunate about this country - that there is virtually no support or mechanism to help women who WANT it all have it all in this country and that still, in this day and age, we have to make difficult decisions that men don't have to make when considering our family and our careers.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Elizabeth Vargas was just on a little while ago and she said that the US is only 1 out of 4 countries in the world that does not have paid Maternity or family leave....I found this to be disgusting

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

yes and more!

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

hmm... i think that women can have a little bit of everything, but i think there are some sacrifices or compromises they have to make... when you work and have a family, something is suffer a LITTLE bit- you might not work as many hours as you would like to, your house might not be as clean as you want it to be, you might not get to see your kids as much as you want to... so, something will suffer a little bit.
ths whole thing really has me torn- in one way, i definitely like working and contributing financially and having a career... BUT, i see people like MIL, who has never worked, and i really see that it did make their lives less stressful, becasue she had extra time to take care of errands, house stuff,etc during the day, so the time with the family was really more quality and less "stressed". and she is still as fulfilled and happy as i am....

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I don't believe so but I don't think men can either. I believe that something always has to give. I think alot depends also on what you consider as "having it all"

For our family we consider that we have it all but I know others wouldn't. Dh is doing his dream job as am I, the pay kind of sucks though but we adore it, we have a great house and land and doing awesome with bills and investments. I have my degree but don't need to use it and while my son is a baby and toddler I am able to stay home and devote my full attention to him and our household and everything fits into a nice happy nitch which allows all three of us great happiness, free time and still afford us vacations... etc..

But on the other side. My husband is away 6 months out of year total and his life is on the line when he is at work.

For us right now for us to have it all. I can't work and luckily the bills are paid and we are both fine with it. So for us for us to have it all and IMO "having it all" means having free time to be a couple and a family so we have it all but I think its very relative.

I truely hate Oprah but what did she define as "having it all"... and haha I guess I don't "have it all " in her eyes because I didn't watch her! lol

Message edited 1/23/2007 5:39:22 PM.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

it depends on what "all" is to them.

generally, though, no, i don't think they can.

I think they can make their situation work, whatever it may be.. because we're good at balancing acts... but, like others have said, something's got to give.

I couldn't have my dream career while still being a good mother and wife. I know that i couldn't. So, i compromise to something that will still feel very fulfilling to me and also allow me to have a family... and work at making that work.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I *know* that it can be done, but I honestly don't know how! GOD BLESS all these working Mom's!

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Absolutely. And if that's what a woman wants, why SHOULDN'T she have it? We are all humans with needs, wants, desires, etc. I need to work. I want to work. I am a mother, but I am also a person, and I feel that satisfying myself personally will make me a better mother. It just so happens that working is satisfying to me. If staying home was satisfying to me, I'd find a way to do that.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

Can I just add that I don't think anyone can really "have it all" in the sense of having all of everything you want. To me, "having it all" does mean compromising, but it means compromising and feeling satisfied with that compromise. As long as I'm happy, I have it ALL, and who's to say otherwise?

Message edited 1/23/2007 7:27:44 PM.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I hate that there isn't even a question like..."Dads can they have it all?"

That being said I think with whatever choice a woman makes sacrifices are made...and it depends on how you view those sacrifices..easy, hard...only you can determine if you "have it all"

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

I think everyone's situation and reasons for their choice are different and if they want to stay home or have a career bad enough they will make the necessary sacrifies to make it work.

I think it's almost impossible to do without a lot of support from people around them.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

No.

Re: spinoff to Oprah post: Can women have it all?

For me, I feel close enough to having it all to make me happy, but that is because DH has and is willing to make sacrifices for me. My career is my love and if it takes me halfway around the world, I have to work OT or on some weekends...I know he is there being an amazing parent because his job allows him to pick up the slack. If he couldn't, I am not sure I could do what I do.

I do feel the guilt sometimes when I only see Bella for a limited amount of time, but I see my SAHM SIL miserable as can be and her kids are starting to not only suffer from it, but resent and not listen to her. Is it worth the same that she spends all day with them but little quality time?

Bella runs to me when I walk in the door. Mommy is the first thing out of her mouth in the morning...and I am a clear favorite (much to my DH's dislike ) I feel like our time is quality...and I am a better person and mommy for working.

Having a blackberry, a laptop, and access to a cell and internet keep me connected and I find myself taking care of work things well before my single, childless colleagues do...I was like this before Bella and will always be.

I just earned myself a new job, on top of a consulting gig all after Bella's first birthday. In an industry where family is NEVER mentioned and many people are single well into the 30's, I am an anomaly. But this business also affords the luxury of not working conventional hours...so for every all nighter, late night, or weekend...there's weeks I can hop on a 4 pm train and be home before DH and pick up my daughter.

I missed Oprah today (damn conference call) but I am interested to see what people thought about this. It's so polarizing for women to want to have it all...and I don't know why.