Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

If you feel a certain way about his family- does your DH know how you feel?

If you MIL was being a PITA or difficult, would he side with MIL or you?

How protective of his family is your DH?

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

DH always takes my side

he stopped talking to his Grandma b/c of things she said about me- that were so out there and nuts-

we joke about his parents and my family together
but at the end of the day I am the one that tells him to call his Mom and play nice

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

While, there is not automatic alliance with me or his family, he really likes to rationally think the situation through. I do the same thing, if someone in his family was being a PITA about something, and I called them on it, he would back me up.

Message edited 11/8/2006 12:08:45 PM.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

we have the same feelings about people on both sides of our families... But, wedon't verbalize it Too much (unless the relative does something even more annoying than usual- then we both vent about it). we both "get" that there are less than perfect attributes of our family memebers, but i think its natural to defend those (even when you know they're wrong).. so we keep it to ourselves, for the most part.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

We both know our own families' "quirks".

We're fortunate that we've never come upon a situation where either one of us had to side with our families. If there's an issue or concern, we discuss it and try to come up with a compromise.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

DH's brother and I do not get along.

DH knows, and though he hangs out with his brother he will never force me to have him in our home.

I would never ask him to choose between us--I don't care if he sees BIL when I am not around.

Message edited 11/8/2006 12:10:51 PM.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Posted by Chatham-Chick

We both know our own families' "quirks".

We're fortunate that we've never come upon a situation where either one of us had to side with our families. If there's an issue or concern, we discuss it and try to come up with a compromise.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

oh boy - this topic is very hot for us!

I complain about his mother quite often (WELL deserved I might add!) and he sometimes takes her side by saying "she's an old lady with lots of ailments". that makes me CRAZY! first of all, she is NOT that old. yes, she has ailments, but she's also an intrusive, overbearing nosy-body!

I can't STAND it when he takes her side. he's getting better though - seeing it for my perspective I mean.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

We try not to complain about our families too much....but when push comes to shove we always side with each other

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

DH knows this his grandmother gets on my nerves and so does his stepmother. But that's ok, because both of them get on HIS nerves too.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

His family is very passive/agressive and I am very striaghtforward. - So, they get to put their digs in more often than not w/o a reaction from me b/c then I end up looking like the bad person b/c they spin they're story to seem like I'm being defensive and they 'didn't mean it that way' ........DH knows they're all like this b/c they do it to him as well - I don't really put him in a position to take sides b/c I usually don't confront anyone outright - I just vent to him about it later on, he always agrees.
Once in awhile he'll try to explain it away or make an excuse - but he always ends up taking my side-

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

We've talked about our family dynamics before and I am definitely more vocal than DH is - he's a "don't rock the boat" kind of guy.

Thankfully we haven't had a situation where we'd have to "choose sides"...I'd like to think we could talk through any issues we'd have and come to some sort of compromise.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Our families all have their quirks but otherwise we always stand together on our feelings. DH & I both don't like to cause waves in our families but if it is something we feel strongly about, we voice our concerns/opinions. I stand by DH & he always stands by me!!!

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Posted by Chatham-Chick

We both know our own families' "quirks".

We're fortunate that we've never come upon a situation where either one of us had to side with our families. If there's an issue or concern, we discuss it and try to come up with a compromise.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Message edited 3/9/2007 10:35:58 PM.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

We had some issues a few months back with his bro & mom about his parents house. It caused some tension major tension between his brother and us. But DH completey sided with US. He didn't speak to his brother for a little while, but I'm the one who prodded him to make nice.

He knows I think his mom is a supernag, but he feels the same. I don't complain about it to him. 99.9% of the time he sides with me. The other .01%, he'll stick up for her. At the end of the day it's his mom and we don't choose our parents. I know complaining to him would make him feel bad, so I save the venting for my friends/family.

I'm usually the one suggesting the nice things we do for her. But that's because I know he needs the push.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Just to sum it up...
I married Raymond from "Everyone loves Raymond".....

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

i love DH's family and vice versa. the only complaint i have about DH's family is:

1. i get force fed whenever we eat at his mom's house! if i only eat 1 plate of food, she thinks i dont like it and says "eat more!". i always feel like i'm gonna vomit when we leave cause i'm sooooo full!!!

2. DH's little brother is only 15 and he bugs me. i guess cause of the age difference we dont have much in common but i feel like he doesnt like me cause i took his big brother away. i told DH that i feel like he doesnt want to talk to me and he said that his brother is just shy and not to take it personally.

no matter what, we know its just us now and if a problem did arise, i think DH would rationalize and try to make sense of everything. but we're more "grin and bear it" people who dont really let things get to us. especially where family is involved.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

DH knows whenever I have an issue, and he has been very supportive. We did have a disagreement once when he thought I was being too hard on MIL. Overall tho, I try my best to be sensitive to the fact that he loves his fam like I love mine and to try to state things w/o being harsh... does not always work but I try.

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family

Well we have MAJOR issues with certain family membes on BOTH sides so its hard for me to answer that ???
But we are both totaly honist with each other about all faimlu memebers and what we think and how we feel and how we shouls or shouldnt handel a situation

Re: Spinoff to LIW : Question about Dh/FH/SO and thier family