Some sad news (long)

I know I have been sort of missing on this board for a few weeks. I had hoped I was going to be able to share some wonderful news with you, but instead it has to be the other way around.
I did get pregnant from our first IUI on 2/1. Betas were doubling, things seemed to be going well. We had our first sono last week, and saw the sac. I was concerned there was no yolk sac, and I had been spotting a little, but the doctor said everything looked good so I tried to put it out of my mind, but it kept bothering me. I started to spot again on Sunday and I knew something was wrong. By monday morning I saw red flecks when I wiped I knew it was over. We went into the RE that morning and the sac had gotten smaller and there was bleeding in my uterus. When they drew my beta levels, they were only 105. I stopped the progesterone and started miscarrying that night.
I debated back and forth whether or not I wanted to post this, but although I am getting great support from DH and my mom, they just don't understand. So I wanted to share my story with you because I know you girls can understand better than others. I don't even know how to explain what I am going through except that it all seems so unfair. It took so long to even get pregnant, to only lose it at 6w3d. I feel was dealt a really lousy deck.
I have questioned if someone is trying to tell me something, that maybe I'm not supposed to have a baby. But I know deep down thats not true.
I tried not to get attached because if something was to happen I didn't want to be devastated. And although I tried to prepare myself for the worst, when I knew it was over I was overcome with grief and sadness.

The silver lining to all this, I guess, is that we know now that IUI works for us and that I can get pregnant. Of course though, my fear is that it won't happen again, or if it does that something is wrong with me and it will happen over and over again.

I have to wait for my beta levels to go down to 0 before we can discuss starting a new cycle. I am ready to start again but it will probably be at least another month. So the dreams of a 2008 baby are over.

Sorry this was so long, but thanks for listening..

Re: Some sad news (long)

Lauren, I'm so sorry. I'm actually crying reading this, because you're one of the few people on here that I've gotten the pleasure of meeting, and you're truly a beautiful and good hearted person, who someday is going to make such a great mom!
I can relate to you with the maybe someone is trying to tell me something re: becoming a mom. Though I've never gotten pregnant (that we know of- once I really thought I was miscarrying early but never took a pg test), I have this same debate in my head ALL the time. When I found out I had PCOS I thought that the world was telling me I shouldn't be a mom- and then shoving it in my face b/c everywhere I turned there were babies.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine, but I can be here for you to lean on if you need someone to talk to. Please know that I'm here for you, as well as all of the other wonderful ladies on our board.

Re: Some sad news (long)

Re: Some sad news (long)

i am so, so sorry. i had a feeling you were PG. you are right, though... the good news is that you CAN get pregnant through IUI. you WILL have your baby - of that i am sure.

lots of to you, and for your next cycle.

Message edited 3/5/2008 11:04:44 AM.

Re: Some sad news (long)

I'm so sorry, Lauren. Yes, many of us have been there and completely understand. I've had this happen to me more times than I care to remember. Please, always feel free to talk to us about this.

But you are right, you know that you can get pregnant with IUIs, so just keep going!

ETA: I just wanted to tell you that I've had 2 chemicals since the last time I posted about my cycles that I didn't even post about. I totally understand where you are. I also had a miscarriage at 9w3d and it was heartbreaking.

Please FM if you need to talk

Message edited 3/5/2008 11:07:04 AM.

Re: Some sad news (long)

I know you've probably heard this a million times but you're an incredibly strong woman. I can completely understand your sadnesses and I pray that you get your BFP soon. God bless you and stay strong. I know that it WILL happen for you

Re: Some sad news (long)

I'm so sorry, sweetie. I know it's hard, but hang in there.

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am so truly sorry, Lauren. I am sending you lots of love and hugs.

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am so so sorry to hear about your loss..
You are absolutely not alone..don't lose hope!!


sending you some hugs

Re: Some sad news (long)

I'm sorry

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am so sorry Lauren I had a feeling too that you were indeed PG but you should find comfort in the fact tht you are able to get pg using IUI. I know it is difficult to have a positive outlook right now but remember that you WILL be a mom & WILL have a pregnancy to tell us all about very soon

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am sorry you are going through this but try to stay positive in knowing that you can get pg through IUI. The chances of you having a successful pregnancy are good.

Re: Some sad news (long)

So sorry Like you said at least you know the IUI DID work and can work again and be successful!!

Re: Some sad news (long)

I'm so sorry

Re: Some sad news (long)

Lauren,

I am so sorry! Having been there myself, I know there is nothing I can say to make it better for you, except that my prayers are with you and your husband!

Patty

Re: Some sad news (long)

Oh, Lauren, I am so sorry....I don't know what else to say except that I totally feel your pain....It's so devastating, what we are going through. We are all here for you.....

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am so sorry you have to go through this

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am also very sorry Lauren - unfortunately like many posted before there are too many who can share your experience. I know first hand that it is not easy!!

Keep your chin up, you will be successful!

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am so sorry you are going through this- The fact that you did conceive is huge- it will happen again for you

Re: Some sad news (long)

Re: Some sad news (long)

I am so deeply sorry. I truly understand how hard this is.

Re: Some sad news (long)

i'm so sorry

Re: Some sad news (long)

Lauren, I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. You have described something I have been through. To go through so much to conceive only to have it end this way is tragic. Take the time you need to heal and know that you will get pregnant again. Please feel free to FM or call upon me any time you need someone.

Re: Some sad news (long)

I'm so sorry, Lauren. But please, HANG ON to that silver lining--it's a big one!!! Lots of to you and DH during this awful time.

Re: Some sad news (long)

So Sorry