Really Depressed

I think my depression is starting to get out of hand. I can't even sleep because there is so much on my mind and I just can't put my finger on it.

I am crying as I write this and I need help.

Besides our TTC journey and my RA troubles, we have so much going on. My SIL announced she wants us out by the end of February. DH is putting in resumes left and right in Florida and gave our resumes to recruiters down there. I am so scared, because with his business failing, I am the only one with employment. And now they brought in a lawyer from our Riverhead Court-I am so scared I am going to lose my job as well. I need my benefits and I am probably being silly, but I don't know anymore. I submitted three resumes yesterday and already got an email from Palm Beach Public Defenders telling me that no positions are available.

So what does this mean? If DH doesn't get employment in FL by Feb 28 (or me for that matter), he is going to have to move down to our house with the cats. And me-who knows. I will probably wind up having to live with my parents again, alone, until I can get down there. I am so broken up about this. We are not stopping our TTC plans, but the idea of being up here without him is making me sick.

I don't know what to do anymore or where to turn. I feel like my life is falling apart. I thought this would be a good year-so far, not so much. We can't even afford an apartment and my parents won't let me have my cats.

I am on anti-depressants, but I don't think they are working. I just want to lay in bed all day. I have no desire to even get myself pretty in the morning-I used to be a fashion plate-now I look schlepy. I don't put my contacts in, I throw my hair up in a ponytail every day. Everything is becoming a chore. I am getting panic attacks and my hands don't stop shaking.

Help. Please say a prayer for us. A BFP would be so great next month because I will have a piece of DH with me if we have to be apart.

I hate my life right now. My birthday is on Saturday, and I don't even want to celebrate-I feel like I am losing everything I love.

I am sick of crying myself to sleep every night.

Re: Really Depressed

You have FM!

Re: Really Depressed

I don't post much and I don't know you but I just have to give you this

You're obviously going through a lot right now and I feel for you. It just sounds to me that you are getting way way ahead of yourself. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big planner and it's a good thing to anticipate things...life etc. but your thoughts seem to be going a billion miles a second right now. It's no wonder you feel so bad. I think you should call your doctor in the am and make the first appointment you can to talk about how overwhelmed you are feeling and maybe consider a medication adjustment. (I hope you are seeing a psychiatrist so you can get some two-in-one meds and therapy).

When you feel too many thoughts/fears/worries popping into your head at once, make a deliberate effort to only think about one at a time. You will feel less overwhelmed this way.

2009 may not be starting off how you had hoped but that's ok. Remind yourself that life has so many ups and downs and that although this is a bump in the road now (a big bump), you have a DH who you love and who I'm sure loves you with all his heart, you have a career (you will find work in FL, I have no doubt), you have hopes and dreams and that's more than most people have.

More importantly, your birthday is coming up and what a great reminder to celebrate life (being thankful for the good as well as the bad b/c when life tests us, that's when we grow the most)!
Our birthdays are a time to celebrate our life and the mark we've already made and still hope to make on the world. Go out and celebrate your life and the love you give and receive from others.

I don't mean to sound like this is easy. I just think that if you take small bites instead of gulps, you can get a better handle on things.

Hope you feel better soon.

Re: Really Depressed

I am here if you need to talk

Re: Really Depressed

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. You need some hugs I will pray for positive things to come your way

Re: Really Depressed

Just know that all of this is temporary and will pass. I know it's hard to imagine it right now, but you will both get jobs, you will get pregnant, you will be together. It will just take some time getting to all of these things.

In the mean time, I would call your doctor to talk about your medication.

Re: Really Depressed

for good things to come your way

Re: Really Depressed

I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough patch right now - hopefully good things are on the way

Re: Really Depressed

sorry you're feeling overwhelmed

Re: Really Depressed

you have FM

Re: Really Depressed

With everything you just described, how could you not be depressed? But like a pp said, as overwheliming as this all is, try not to overthink or jump too far ahead. Set out small tasks for yourself and "try" to roll with the punches. Some of the scenarios you mentioned are less then ideal, but you WILL manage. And we'll be here to support you along the way.

Re: Really Depressed

U have FM.

Re: Really Depressed

Maybe you should slow things down for a month and concntrate on only 1-2 tasks.

Sounds like you re trying to carry too large a load, no need to be crushed by it all.

Nothing wrong with slowing down and narrowing your focus now and then.

Re: Really Depressed

I am so sorry you are feeling so sad. You do have so much going on but you have to take things one day at a time. Try and remember that there are things in life that we can't control and you can't make yourself crazy over it. I am a total control freak, so that is a hrad concept for me to follow, but DH says it to me all the time and I do find a little comfort in the thought that he is right. Try and focus on the things you can control but be happy about all you do have, escpecially the love of family and friends. You will get through this- it won't always be this hard. Please have a happy birthday. That is the best time to celebrate life and you!

Re: Really Depressed

Michelle... sending you FM love!

Re: Really Depressed

Re: Really Depressed

I know you probably don't want to hear this- but maybe you should put off TTC for a couple of months.

Being stressed out will not be beneficial in getting your BFP. Perhaps you should have your job and living situations figured out before you continue TTC.

Of course it's a personal decision- you just seem ready to fall apart and that isn't healthy for you OR a potential baby.

Re: Really Depressed

sending you FM..
my love

Re: Really Depressed

Thank you for the support and love-i feel better today. I will be answering all FMs-i think I will seek out therapy to get through this. Due to my medical issues, we are going to keep TTC. Love u all!

Re: Really Depressed

Re: Really Depressed

Im glad you are feeling better Michelle!!! And just think.. your hubby is coming home today!!!

You can BD just for fun!!!!

Re: Really Depressed

Glad to hear you are feeling better

Re: Really Depressed

Posted by SJ-GIRL

Glad to hear you are feeling better

Re: Really Depressed

Michelle, I am so sorry. I hope everything turns around and works in your favor.

Re: Really Depressed

Posted by JennyPenny

I know you probably don't want to hear this- but maybe you should put off TTC for a couple of months.

Being stressed out will not be beneficial in getting your BFP. Perhaps you should have your job and living situations figured out before you continue TTC.

Of course it's a personal decision- you just seem ready to fall apart and that isn't healthy for you OR a potential baby.