number of children

i have a son who is 12, i just got re-married, dh doesn't have children of his own.

i'm not sure i want another one. my mom says that it would be a "crime" to have an only child.

opinions, comments, ideas, thoughts... please.

she's got me thinking, and i'd like to hear from people who aren't emotionally attached to my womb.

tia

Re: number of children

I am an only child and much as I wanted a sibling growing up I do not feel like my parents committed a "crime." They had their reasons for only wanting one child and there are many benefits to being an only child.

In your case, what does your husband say? He doesn't have any children of his own, does he want to have any?

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It is hard to say. Personally, if it was me, I think I would have another child with my current husband. Now that you have started a "family" of your own, it would be nice to have a child that came from your current marriage. I was not an only child & I would like it for my child to have a sibling to grow up with (even though your son is already 12). I don't think it is bad to have only one child, just not something I want in my life.

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I love my siblings to death, but at this point in my life, if I have any children, it is likely I will only have one.

I am a bit older and I am not sure we have the stanima to handle more than one. If I started earlier I might think differently.

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I am an only child and I have to say it really p*sses me off when people say things like "it's a crime." My mother and MIL do that to me when we talk of only having one child. It's not a crime. I don't think my life would have been at all improved by a sibling.

And this is just my opinion, but at 12 years old your son will have an only child mentality regardless if you have another child or not. I don't know if I can put it into words properly, but I know a couple of people with siblings who happen to be 12 years younger than they are. Although they do have a bond, it's as if their mom raised 2 only children instead of 2 brothers.

That's not a reason NOT to have another child, but the only child argument IMO goes out the window with an age difference like this.

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being an only child is fine, but I jut melt when I see my kids interact with each other and support each other,

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Does your DH want to have a child? I don't think it is a crime at all to have only 1...But if my DH felt strongly that he wanted one of his own I think I would. Do you feel up to it again, after having been there/done that before?

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thanks for all the honest replies

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I don't think it's a crime to have only 1 child... you do what's best for you.

I have 2 sisters and growing up I wanted to be an only child soooooo bad. Now that I'm older I'm so thankful to have them around... they're instant friends and there is always someone to biitch about our parents with!

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I'm going through this right now myself. Except my daughter is 23. So regarless, it will be like an only child again.

I never cared what anyone said about my daughter being an only child. If that's the only crime I commit in my life, I'm doing fine.

I just never felt right about being talked into having another child. But I did decide, if I was going to marry my DH than I wouldn't do it without having a child with him.

Re: number of children

Posted by emilain

being an only child is fine, but I jut melt when I see my kids interact with each other and support each other,

Re: number of children

Re: number of children

Posted by emilain

being an only child is fine, but I jut melt when I see my kids interact with each other and support each other,

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I was like you, I already had a child, dh didn't have any. I wasn't sure I wanted anymore, I didn't want to start all over again, ya know???
But we agreed, we would have one more, cuz dh really wanted one.

I was blessed with twins.

But, it all worked out!

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both dh and i are one of 3. i was not close to my sister or brother growing up. we are not bff now, but we are a lot closer now and i can't imagine my life with out them.
i do not think that having one child is wrong. its a matter of personal choice.

Message edited 3/20/2007 3:18:19 PM.

Re: number of children

I am an ONLY child also and I was lonely at times but my parents were great about having my friends over and we even took my best friend on vacation with us

your son is already 12 so its like hes an only child

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If it was me & my womb we were talking about, I would have more children. My main reason is to have my DH be a dad.

I would want him to experience fatherhood from the beginning. I also think it would give him an understanding that wouldn't be there by becoming a father to a 12 year old.

I would leave your mom's opinion out of it & work it out with DH. If he doesn't want children, then it's a moot point. If you're still on the fence, see previous post on Parenting

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I think it's a decison that has everything to do with you and DH and nothing to do wth parents and in laws. it isn't really AS big a deal for your son as it is for you. I'm 9 years younger than my sister, and it's great to have a sister, but it IS a different dynamic if you don't grow up together, and you're at completely different stages. That's not a reason not to have a child, and I think your sonwould beenfit down the line from having asibling, but this has to be all about you and DH, are you prepared to take care of another child from infancy? Would you DH really be ok with never fathering a bio child?

I could be wrong in this, but I sort of feel like you will be much more likely to regret not having a child, than to regret having one, if that makes sense, because once you see that baby, as you know, you will fall in love. Having a baby may also bring a lot more intimacy for you and DH to have created a child together.

Seriously, it's not about anyone but you and DH

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My DH is an only child. He had a wonderful childhood. But now that him and I are talking about children, he says he would like to have more than one.

Your son has been an only child for 12 years so I don't think you should worry about that. My mom remarried when I was 11 and had 2 more kids. I love my sisters dearly and couldn't imagine life without them. Although there is a large age separation and it's hard b/c they are teens and I am "old", we still have a great time together and I know we will treasure each other even more as they grow into adults.

I can see how this is a tough choice for you but go with your gut.

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Message edited 3/20/2007 3:36:38 PM.

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So hard to decide. I always wanted 2 children but had a difficult time having a second. That period in my life afforded me the opportunity to really think about what I wanted and how far I was willing to go to accomplish it. After much thought I decided I really wanted my older daughter, if possible, to have a sibling. I was very lucky to have my second and thank G*d every day.

I can really relate to a prior poster who said she was not very close with her sister growing up, but can't imagine life without her today. Those are my sentiments exactly and that is what convinced me to continue to try to conceive.

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I dont think that have one child is a crime, but I just could never imagine having just one.

I love growing up with family around. I'm the oldest of 3. My mom was 1 of 5 and my dad was 1 of 8. So I have lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. Now that my brothers and I are older we can hang out together and enjoy each other's company. The holidays are so much fun we all get together.