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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Legal Info Please
What right does a parent have if their 14 year old daughter is pregnant. Apparently they cannot make her have an abortion, but can they put the baby up for adoption?
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Posted 3/17/07 10:57 AM  |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
they, themselves, can't put the baby up for adoption- it's not their baby  Only the parent can do it. I'm not sure about 14, but most PG teens fall under the "mature minor" statue, so they have the control to make all the decisions regarding their childs care, eventhough they still need parental consent if it were for something that just pertained to them.
Maybe a social worker on here would have a better answer- i think they generally get involved in these situations.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:01 AM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
Thanks
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:05 AM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
I am a social worker, but I dont know anythign about that, I work in a different field. Just wanted to wish you luck in finding the right answer
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:06 AM |
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neenie
Member since 5/05 22351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
Its definitely a tough situation- but i think it's more of an ethical issue, than a legal one. I don't think there are any laws requiring a minor to submit to their parent's wishes when its regarding their own pregnancy- i guess that's both good and bad. And i'm sure it's a hard situation for the parent because they are used to making the rules and decisions for their child (and, rightfully so at 14) But, this is the one area where they don't have that say anymore... and its a delicate line between trying to get your child to make the right decision, and pushing them away. I can tell you from experience- my grandmother tried to get my mom to put me up for adoption (she was 19 and unwed...), even went so far as to bring a rep from the agency to meet with my mom in the hospital. My mother NEVER forgave her... even when she changed her stance and made every attempt to make the family thing work... my mom could just never get past it- never got to have that close mother/daughter relationship with her mom- and she resented my grandmother and I being close because of that. I guess i'm telling you that jsut because- i know it seems like her having a baby is going to ruin everything, BUT, the parents have to realize that them pushing their decision onto their child can have LONG lasting consequences as well, so its something to take into consideration after the initial shock wears off. Would the parent rather gain a grandchild, or lose a daughter?
Good luck- it's definitely a tough situation!  
Message edited 3/17/2007 11:25:25 AM.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:23 AM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by neenie
Its definitely a tough situation- but i think it's more of an ethical issue, than a legal one. I don't think there are any laws requiring a minor to submit to their parent's wishes when its regarding their own pregnancy- i guess that's both good and bad. And i'm sure it's a hard situation for the parent because they are used to making the rules and decisions for their child (and, rightfully so at 14) But, this is the one area where they don't have that say anymore... and its a delicate line between trying to get your child to make the right decision, and pushing them away. I can tell you from experience- my grandmother tried to get my mom to put me up for adoption (she was 19 and unwed...), even went so far as to bring a rep from the agency to meet with my mom in the hospital. My mother NEVER forgave her... even when she changed her stance and made every attempt to make the family thing work... my mom could just never get past it- never got to have that close mother/daughter relationship with her mom- and she resented my grandmother and I being close because of that. I guess i'm telling you that jsut because- i know it seems like her having a baby is going to ruin everything, BUT, the parents have to realize that them pushing their decision onto their child can have LONG lasting consequences as well, so its something to take into consideration after the initial shock wears off. Would the parent rather gain a grandchild, or lose a daughter?
Good luck- it's definitely a tough situation!
I can understand that, but I think being that she's not even old enough to work and is mentally not ready for a baby, this child is going to suffer. This is not a mature 14 year old I'm talking about. This is a girl who doesn't know who the father of the baby is, who has no regard for anyone else other than herself, and only wants the baby because she thinks it will love her unconditionally. She has no clue what the real world is like! This is a girl who begged and begged for a dog and now that she has it doesn't walk it and when it uses the living rug as a place to relieve herself, she leaves it there all day for her parents to come home and clean. She will not take care of this kid, it'll be new for a few weeks, but the middle of the night feedings are going to get old really fast.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:33 AM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
I'm just so angry about this situation. It's not fair to the baby, or to those who have to take the responsibility for it.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:35 AM |
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jana
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1134 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
Neenie- Thank God for you things worked out but I think 19 and 14 are WORLDS apart..not so much in #'s but in mentality and capability.
My son is 10 yrs old and needs guidence for everything, we live a few blocks away from a park and don't let him ride there alone on his bike..let alone father a child!
I would be devestated both for my child and for myself if he/she was to be 14 & pregnant. I have no advice nor do I have knowledge of any laws so I can't help you out Kelly but my heart goes out to anyone put in this hard situation.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:37 AM |
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jana
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1134 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by kms717
I can understand that, but I think being that she's not even old enough to work and is mentally not ready for a baby, this child is going to suffer. This is not a mature 14 year old I'm talking about. This is a girl who doesn't know who the father of the baby is, who has no regard for anyone else other than herself, and only wants the baby because she thinks it will love her unconditionally. She has no clue what the real world is like! This is a girl who begged and begged for a dog and now that she has it doesn't walk it and when it uses the living rug as a place to relieve herself, she leaves it there all day for her parents to come home and clean. She will not take care of this kid, it'll be new for a few weeks, but the middle of the night feedings are going to get old really fast.
O M G a child is not a dog or a toy! I also have a 3 month old & I'm overwhelmed at times..& I'm in my 30's!!!!
Send this 14 yr old over to my house for a week, she'll change her tune "a baby is soooooooo cute" very quickly!
Can the parents make her see that this is a permenant situation? A dog you can give away..a child is yours FOREVER.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:44 AM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
O M G a child is not a dog or a toy! I also have a 3 month old & I'm overwhelmed at times..& I'm in my 30's!!!!
Send this 14 yr old over to my house for a week, she'll change her tune "a baby is soooooooo cute" very quickly!
Can the parents make her see that this is a permenant situation? A dog you can give away..a child is yours FOREVER.
Believe me they've tried, she won't listen to them. They've tried to make her tallk to other teen mothers, but she thinks that things will be different with her, she won't have "their" problems.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:47 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by kms717
O M G a child is not a dog or a toy! I also have a 3 month old & I'm overwhelmed at times..& I'm in my 30's!!!!
Send this 14 yr old over to my house for a week, she'll change her tune "a baby is soooooooo cute" very quickly!
Can the parents make her see that this is a permenant situation? A dog you can give away..a child is yours FOREVER.
Believe me they've tried, she won't listen to them. They've tried to make her tallk to other teen mothers, but she thinks that things will be different with her, she won't have "their" problems.
Can they send her to Maury so he cna set her up with a baby for 24 hours and to talk to otehr teenage moms?
I'm sort of serious about this
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:54 AM |
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jana
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1134 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
OK, let me be blunt.. God forgive me for saying this, especially as a new BTDT mom who took 10 yrs to get baby #2..but here goes..
her life is OVER, does she get this?
Sure, we can pretend that things will work themselves out,as if its an after school special but the truth is although a child is a blessing, she herself is a child. She has no job,no $, no roof to call her own,doesn't even know who the father is! I could go on & on.. my pt is, why should her parents be forced to become "parents" to a newborn? I'm assuming they'd step into the role if they stepped into the responsibility of taking care of her dog.
I'll prob get flamed for this, but so be it...I'd find a legal way to force her to either give it up for adoption or my real true feeling..have an abortion (I'm pro choice)
Edited to say, maybe this is a situation that calls for tough love.. I'm sorry but I feel as if a 14 yr old has no right morally to become a parent although physically they can.
Message edited 3/17/2007 12:02:38 PM.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:58 AM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
They probably would if they weren't so mortified that she's pregnant. They don't want people to know about this situation in the hopes that they can convince her to give it up or terminate the pregnancy before it's too late.
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| Posted 3/17/07 11:58 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by kms717
They probably would if they weren't so mortified that she's pregnant. They don't want people to know about this situation in the hopes that they can convince her to give it up or terminate the pregnancy before it's too late.
Maybe there's an org that does this, or they cna find a teen prego to talk to, or a frined or family member with an infant.
I feel sorry for her, she must be really troubled. I always get so sad when I hear people say they want a baby because it will love them unconditionally. 
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:00 PM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by jana
OK, let me be blunt.. God forgive me for saying this, especially as a new BTDT mom who took 10 yrs to get baby #2..but here goes..
her life is OVER, does she get this?
Sure, we can pretend that things will work themselves out,as if its an after school special but the truth is although a child is a blessing, she herself is a child. She has no job,no $, no roof to call her own,doesn't even know who the father is! I could go on & on.. my pt is, why should her parents be forced to become "parents" to a newborn? I'm assuming they'd step into the role if they stepped into the responsibility of taking care of her dog.
I'll prob get flamed for this, but so be it...I'd find a legal way to force her to either give it up for adoption or my real true feeling..have an abortion (I'm pro choice) 
God forgive me, but we all want her to have an abortion. The fact of the matter is she is too young and irresponsible to be a mother. Unfortunatley they cannot make her have one. She said if they tried she would scream through the clinic "Don't kill my baby" and then "no doctor will touch me". She has an answer for everything. They only glimmer of hope is that being she's a minor they can put the baby up for adoption. Of course if that is not an option they will not let the child suffer because its mother is a child herself. It's just so unfair and frustrating. I called an adoption hotline and they are going to have someone from their legal department contact me. I'm hoping with some good news.
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:03 PM |
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jana
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1134 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by JenniferEver
I feel sorry for her, she must be really troubled. I always get so sad when I hear people say they want a baby because it will love them unconditionally.
sad because its a dillusion. A baby only takes,takes,takes in the beginning. It depends on the parent for everything! With possibility of PPD, her age, no male/father present.. this is a recipe for dissaster.
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:05 PM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by kms717
They probably would if they weren't so mortified that she's pregnant. They don't want people to know about this situation in the hopes that they can convince her to give it up or terminate the pregnancy before it's too late.
Maybe there's an org that does this, or they cna find a teen prego to talk to, or a frined or family member with an infant.
I feel sorry for her, she must be really troubled. I always get so sad when I hear people say they want a baby because it will love them unconditionally.
I don't know why she said that, this is not a neglected child. Her problem is that she is the baby and is spoiled. She gets whatever she wants and is selfish. She probably said that to make them feel guilty not because she actually feels that way.
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:06 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Legal Info Please
Is she in therapy? I think either way,m that's step 1. She obviously has a lot of problems. 
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:07 PM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
She was, but the therapist said that she couldn't help her because she was lying to her and saying what she thought the therapist wanted to hear. They tried for months and finally the therapist told them that they were just wasting time if she doesn't want to help herself.
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:11 PM |
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jana
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1134 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by JenniferEver
Is she in therapy? I think either way,m that's step 1. She obviously has a lot of problems.
I agree, although first agenda is this pregnancy, since there is a time limit to the termination (if they go that route).
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:12 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by kms717
She was, but the therapist said that she couldn't help her because she was lying to her and saying what she thought the therapist wanted to hear. They tried for months and finally the therapist told them that they were just wasting time if she doesn't want to help herself.
There are also these treatment places where they put you in for 3 days and give you all kinds of evaluations..maybe they would get to the bottom of it? SOMEONE has to get through to her or the baby will be the LEAST of hers and her parents' problems
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:13 PM |
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janet
WITH LOVE MY ANGEL MISS YOU!!!
Member since 5/05 12823 total posts
Name:
janet
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Re: Legal Info Please
you have fm
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:13 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Legal Info Please
According to what I read on NYCLU.org, the parents can't force her
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:14 PM |
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kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Legal Info Please
We know .
Anway, thanks for all of your support and advise. I've got to get back to studing.
Talk to you all soon 
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:16 PM |
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jana
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1134 total posts
Name:
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Re: Legal Info Please
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by kms717
She was, but the therapist said that she couldn't help her because she was lying to her and saying what she thought the therapist wanted to hear. They tried for months and finally the therapist told them that they were just wasting time if she doesn't want to help herself.
There are also these treatment places where they put you in for 3 days and give you all kinds of evaluations..maybe they would get to the bottom of it? SOMEONE has to get through to her or the baby will be the LEAST of hers and her parents' problems
Jen...what can be worse? That they have a troubled daughter? They already know that.. that she commits suicide? In many ways, if she goes through with this ( at age 14 mind you) she has already killed off her life in many aspects.
Enough with the treatments.
Drop her off at the worst possible womens shelter in our city and have her listen to those women.. they need to take drastic measures..NOW!
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| Posted 3/17/07 12:17 PM |
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