Is this a normal parent reaction?

Last night we told my SIL that we're expecting twins... She has an 8 year old son and was really happy for us. Afterwards she made a comment to her parents and us and said "bye bye DS" and how these new grand kids were going to get all the attention... Like her son would be old news and therefore brushed aside. (Keep in mind her son wasn't there so he didn't hear any of this).
It's taken us a LONG LONG time to get this far in a pregnancy, and I know she's really happy for us, but I was surprised her mind jumped there- to assuming her son would be brushed aside.
When I spoke to a family member of mine earlier they informed me that my DB/SIL are feeling the same way- as though once our kids get here their children won't be important to me, DH, or my parents...
I don't get it... I get wanting to protect your children, but if my pregnancy continues to go well, our children will be their kids cousins. The kids are SO excited about finally getting cousins, but I guess I was just a little taken aback by where their parents minds are wondering... So just curious if this is a normal train of thought. Hopefully I'm phrasing this right, and if not i apologize... It's been a long day.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Personally I think it was rude. Even more so knowing your road to being pregnant, it was a very backhanded thing to say. And I think her attitude is a crappy attitude to have

Is this a normal parent reaction?

That's ridiculous. My DD is 3 and is spiked beyond belief by the grandparents. My sister is 6 months pregnant now and I am SO happy that my daughter will have to share the limelight with someone!

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Posted by brownie

Personally I think it was rude. Even more so knowing your road to being pregnant, it was a very backhanded thing to say. And I think her attitude is a crappy attitude to have

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Hopefully she was kidding.

I really can't stand being around people who make life into a competition, especially when it comes to children. I hope you don't have to deal with that.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Posted by greenybeans

Hopefully she was kidding.

I really can't stand being around people who make life into a competition, especially when it comes to children. I hope you don't have to deal with that.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Posted by brownie

Personally I think it was rude. Even more so knowing your road to being pregnant, it was a very backhanded thing to say. And I think her attitude is a crappy attitude to have

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Thanks everyone.
I was wondering if it was just me. DH feels the same as I do and we just couldn't understand it. I've been trying to give them the benefit of the doubt and figure they're just looking out for their kids, but I couldn't figure out why they would feel that family would turn their back on family b/c new family comes into the picture... They're children, not shiny new toys...
I'm hoping everyone comes around. I watched for over 8 years while both SILs had kids, and we had been trying. Even if I was sad that we still didn't have our own, I was always happy for them... I threw both of their showers and most recently a sprinkle since it had been about 6 years in between 2 of one SILs kids... I guess I just thought when the day finally came that they'd be excited and genuinely happy for us... And less focused on the what if scenarios that they feel could happen in the future... Glad to know I'm not alone in my thinking that they could've kept it to themselves...

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Wow, that is a really silly thing to say. I have a 9mth old and if my sister told everyone she was expecting my first thought would be, "Yea, now DS will have a cousin" I never would think he would be brushed aside. I do honestly hope she was joking..

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

I'm sorry she said that.

I wish it wasn't a "normal reaction" but I had someone do it to me. I didn't take offense. I took it as she is ridiculously insecure & doesn't know that the heart grows not shrinks when you add more people to love.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Is this a normal parent reaction?

yeah its rude.. my sis had 2 kids, when my ds was born our relationship changed, it became a coompetition to her, and after I had 2 m/c that delayed me having kids I just was not up for crap.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

My sister said something similar to that after I gave birth to my twins. My parents come over a lot to see my babies and my sister told my mom she has other grand kids, besides the twins. When my mom told me she said this I was taken back, because we are all so close and I don't understand her jealously, because when she had my nephew my mom was there everyday to see him too, he is now 16 and she doesn't see him as much, because he is in school most of the day. Some people don't know how to react to changes I guess. I try to ignore the comments, but it hurts, because I also tried for a long time and would think people would be so excited.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Posted by wingsofsong

Posted by brownie

Personally I think it was rude. Even more so knowing your road to being pregnant, it was a very backhanded thing to say. And I think her attitude is a crappy attitude to have

ITA. It's bizarre, honestly. I can't understand why that would be their immediate thought, rather than being excited for their child to have cousins. So sorry, how rude

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

I would be over the moon happy if my sister or SILs got pregnant because I think my son is waaaaay spoiled by our families since he is the only grandchild/nephew. I can't say if the reaction you are seeing is normal, but it definitely wouldn't be my reaction!

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

I'll be honest here even at the risk of flaming....


when SIL announced she was pg, I had that feeling of jealousy for the attention she would get and her child would get from my in laws.

My dd was everything to her nana and papa, she was doted on and given tons of attention and gifts...so as her mother I was upset for this change in my family.


That being said, I would never say it out loud and now that my niece is here and another on the way, I know that grandparents hearts grow bigger for all the grandkids...theres nothing to be upset over.

Is this a normal parent reaction?

Sibling rivalry never ends. It is stupid when you are young, and even more stupid when you are older. When the babies get here I am sure they will be very happy for you.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Its is ridiculous. I would tell her you are hurt by that reaction.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

I think this is totally ridiculous!!!! WOW!!!! My DS was the first grandchild on both sides and spoiled like crazy - I was SOOOOO happy when my siblings started having babies and he had cousins to play with!!! He would gladly take play mates over more attention from grandparents etc! He gets plenty of attention at home And, I was so excited to finally be an Auntie! Loved having new babies in the family! IMO this is self-centeredness to the EXTREME! Didn't realize anyone actually thought like this! I'm sorry

Message edited 2/9/2013 10:30:36 AM.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Posted by brownie

Personally I think it was rude. Even more so knowing your road to being pregnant, it was a very backhanded thing to say. And I think her attitude is a crappy attitude to have

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

My one SIL is the same way. Once my kids came along she got really competitive with attention from the family. Plus one of her DS is really difficult and just not a nice kid, so she is even more sensitive since he's not exactly the favorite kid among the family. I also had the only girl in a family of all boys (my DH is one of 3 boys and both his brothers had boys and my 1st born is a boy), so you can imagine how jealous my SIL gets with that too. Just ignore them, it is a blessing your having twins and don't let anyone ruin it

Message edited 2/9/2013 10:43:55 AM.

Is this a normal parent reaction?

im just going to play devils advocate and say that i think people ALWAYS personalize everything. as happy as they may be for you - its human nature to jump to how it will affect them. i think that those are two completely separate emotions and doesn't necessarily mean that they arent over the moon thrilled for you at the same time. its sort of like when you are going through IF and a close friend tells you they are pregnant - you are happy for them and sad for you at the same time. but to be honest most people in that situation focus on the negative because its very easy and human nature to personalize everything. i know when it was me i was able to keep those feeling separate but a lot of people (women specifically) cannot. so although this isnt the same situation i think you need to just remember that they are going to personalize everything to themselves and not take it personally as an attack against you. and that having those feelings DOES NOT negate the fact that they are thrilled for you. honestly it is probably true to a point - twins WILL take attention away from their kids for a short time period. but eventually they will all just be part of the family and viewed equally. so let them see it their way and try to ignore it. im sorry it upset you i just really would make every attempt not to take it personally and just realize that they are just inclined to judge every situation in the way it will affect them directly. i dont know your family but id find it hard to believe that people you are close with aren't genuinely happy for you!

that being said im def not saying its the right attitude to have - just that i wouldn't hold it too hard against them

Message edited 2/9/2013 10:45:19 AM.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

My niece cried when we announced our first pregnancy but she was 11 and it was normal for her not normal from grown adults

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

Would I feel that way? No.

But her feelings are valid, but she should have kept them to herself.

Re: Is this a normal parent reaction?

My SIL said something along those lines as well when we announced our twin pregnancy (and her kids were IN THE SAME ROOM!). I didn't take it personally, im sure it goes back to her sibling rivalry with my DH (as does much of her life woes ) I wouldnt waste one more second on thinking about this. That comment was allll about her and has nothing to do with you!

CONGRATS ON YOUR TWINS !!!!!!