Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

When you're close to 40?

DH is adamant that he doesn't want to have a winter baby (our first was) so he wants to hold off on trying for a few months. 5 months ago, we tried and got lucky after nearly half a year of trying, but that resulted in a miscarriage....

Given that I'll be close to 40 when we have our 2nd, I want to maximize our chances and try as often as possible, sooner than later.

Anyone been in this situation? How do I persuade DH not to wait?

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

What's that saying? Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

Facts. Bring him to ur ob and have the doc show him statistics on pregnancy rates per month after 35. I think most people are nuts trying to plan perfectly at any age much less late 30s. Its taken me yrs now to stay pg and I am 34 w pg noe at 36. Gl

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

These words are from the mouth of my RE. There is big difference between ttc before 35 and after. I don't know if a matter months really matters but I'd say waitin years might matter. Many women have no problem getting pg in there 40s while some struggle. I think it's really a personal choice. You know your body best if you think waiting won't be a problem than you should wait.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

Since you have no idea how long it'll take you to get pregnant, you really can't plan when a baby will be born. Just start trying and see what happens.

You'd obviously love that baby just as much regardless of when he/she is born!

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I would emphasize your age and past history with him. Why does it matter if it is a winter baby or not, as long as it is a healthy baby? There are lots of health risks as women age, and you should emphasize to him that if he wants another child and a healthy one at that, you should be trying now regardless of when it will happen.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I am under 35 and i tried to time my pregnancy. So the month worked out but NOT the year.
Ya just never know.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

Personally, I wouldn't wait. I was just shy of my 26th birthday when DH and I started TTC the 2nd time. I'm finally pregnant and I'm 30 now and will turn 31 shortly after this baby is born.

I can tell you I won't be waiting very long to TTC again, just incase history repeats itself.

But then again, that is based on my previous experience. You have to do what you feel comfortable with.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

My feeling towards this, and please don't take offense, is that so many people struggle to have a healthy baby, so if you are able to get pregnant and have a healthy child at ANY TIME, you shouldn't be picky as to months (obviously, this is more towards your hubby, not you!).

You know the emotional pain of a mc already...I am sure for you having a healthy baby any day of the year is the most important thing. As other posters said, statistics show that the older you are, the harder it is. And, it may take you a bit to get pg again...tell him all of that.

And tell him that even if your baby is born on the snowiest day of the year, and their birthday every year brings snowstorm after snowstorm, he'll love that baby and everything that comes with it as much as a July baby.

Message edited 3/21/2012 3:26:20 PM.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

It took me 2 year to get PG with my DS and I was 36 when we started and 38 when I had him. As soon as we are ready for #2 there is no planning.

I know plenty of people who try to plan....generally it doesn't work out that way.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

Thanks ladies, I've talked to my DH alot about this and he seems to think it's not a big deal to wait another 3/4 months to try again.

We actually waited 3/4 months to try last time which resulted in a miscarriage. He seems to have forgotten that - forgot that we lost nearly 1 year to him waiting and several attempts which resulted in a miscarriage.

He's just very much against having a winter baby and doesn't want to try again until he's sure he can have a baby in March or after.

I'm so upset at him, I dont know what to do.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

Why doesn't he want a winter baby? (Just curious.) DD was born in early January and it was perfect because you're not really supposed to go out anywhere with them for at least 6 weeks so by the time she was ok to be around people, the weather was getting nicer! Being cooped up in the winter when the nights are longer is a lot easier too. And OMG being pregnant in the winter means you can go outside and stand in the COLD when you're burning up!!! (Something I'm already missing lol.)

There are great things about winter babies! Even if you started trying today, you're looking at a late December baby... so if it takes more than a month to conceive, you're already into January. Waiting 3/4 months seems a little unnecessary. But that's just me talking, and I *totally* don't matter when it comes to what you choose to plan. What's important is for you and your DH to be on the same page about things and agree.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

DH, my first child and I are all born in the winter.

When DH was young, he would have bday parties and very few ppl would show up 'cus it's a winter party. DH doesn't want our child to have to go through that.

It's such a stupid reason but that's his rationale.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I am totally planning my next! I want a Summer baby, so I plan on getting preggers this fall.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

i wanted to plan the timing of the baby, but as someone else said- god laughed.. i also didnt want tobe pregnant in the summer- again haha.. i am due July 24. i am just so happy to be finally haaving a baby, praying it is healthy- could care less when he/she is born..

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

We tried sort of planning for a time of year to have a baby but it didn't really work out that way, but the due date couldn't bother me in the least...I would say wing it until you're really TTC and see what happens

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I was 35 when we conceived our first and it happend on the first try.
So it really can go either way...

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I hope that you get pregnant fast. It took me 5 years to get pregnant and multiple IVF's. I am now 39 and if I was you I would not wait. My birthday is December 23rd and I always loved my birthday as a kid because I was the only one who had Santa at her party. Good luck!

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

Ok 40 here and when my OB found out i was engaged she said dont wait I was 36. we tried and tried and DH thought we had plenty of time what was the rush.
4 years later i didnt care if I had a winter summer spring or fall baby. It happens when it happens. Dont wait hopefully you will be one of the lucky ones that it happens right away. DH needed to hear it from the RE that 35+ its definetly harder to get pregnant.

Message edited 3/21/2012 6:25:23 PM.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I'm a firm believer...no matter what the age is...that this is something that you can't time. You just never know. DH and I are young and healthy and it took us nearly 2 years to get pregnant after having to go thru IVF. You just never know. I would just try to explain to your DH that winter, spring, summer, fall....it doens't matter. What matters is having another baby (if that's what you both want)

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I did try to time my pregnancy around work - and it was a bad idea. I had first dc at 32 and it took two months to get pg. I m having my second on my 36th birthday and it took FOREVER to get pg. it was much harder on my body the second time around. and I was 35 - I wouldn't wait

ETA - I think men can never relate to what its like to want a baby, or be pregnant. You can't go by what they think - its not their body

Message edited 3/21/2012 7:23:34 PM.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I am cutting and pasting this from babycenter:

Once you pass 40, time is pitiless. You have about a 5 percent chance of getting pregnant in any single ovulation cycle, according to leading fertility specialist Sherman Silber, director of the Infertility Center of St. Louis at St. Luke's Hospital in Missouri and author of four best-selling fertility books, including How to Get Pregnant. At 40 your chance of conceiving within a year of beginning to try is about 40 to 50 percent, compared to a woman in her mid-30s, who has a 75 percent chance. By age 43, a woman's chance of pregnancy plummets to 1 or 2 percent.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-40s_1494699.bc

I would not try to time the baby for a specific month. It is like trying to time the stock market.Graph showing effect of age on fertility

Message edited 3/21/2012 7:52:38 PM.

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I am a winter baby too (January 26th) and when we try for our 2nd (god willing!), I actually want to TRY and have a winter baby, but that's b/c I want to clone myself and have another aquarius in the house (what can I say I think aquarians are the smarties of the zodiac, tooting my own horn here

Good luck I hope you are successful quickly!!! If you want to wait one month I don't think it's a big deal but I wouldn't put it off much longer than that, like someone else said you'd already be at January I think if you were to get pregnant now.....and think about it, with global warming our winters of the future probably won't be anything like the winters we grew up with!!

Re: Is it crazy to time a pregnancy? Need advice.

I think it's really misguided to think that we can actually plan when we are going to get pg/when or babies will be born. I hope your DH reconsiders. That would really bother me too.