How did you decide when to try?

Me: wants to wait at least 1-2 more years.

DH: wants to do it in like six months, 9 months, one year tops or sooner.

Did you sit down and have a discussion? What factors went into this decision?

If you disagreed, what did you do?

My SIL is PG, my good friend is PG, and a good friend of DH's is PG -- all newly within the last few months. These developments made me excited for my friends and itching to babysit and give my friends a break... These developments made Vinny want to have babies more than ever. It's like a bug bit him or something. I'm not getting that itch -- I'm getting a "can't wait to shop for my friend" itch. lol is something wrong with me?

Message edited 11/8/2010 3:20:58 PM.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

For us we knew before we were married we wanted to try sooner rather than later. We were pregnant 3 months after our wedding.
For us the fact that our friends were all having babies was another reason we wanted to and it has been so great having our children grow up with those of our close friends.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We have a lot of children in our lives. We have 5 siblings between the two of us and only one (my little sister) doesn't have kids. We always wanted our kids to grow up and be around the same age as their cousins. We knew that as soon as we were married we would start trying. We did but here we are over a year later and still trying.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

Posted by DaniRella

Posted by monkeybride

For us we knew before we were married we wanted to try sooner rather than later. We were pregnant 3 months after our wedding.
For us the fact that our friends were all having babies was another reason we wanted to and it has been so great having our children grow up with those of our close friends.

I never thought about it that way - I guess it would be nice to have 'friends' and such. However, unlike you, we never discussed it - just knew we wanted kids but when was never a factor. We have been married for 3.5 years -- and we just bought our first home so I want to enjoy being alone before I even think of getting pregnant. Sure almost every girl I know that got married my year has either had a kid or is PG now but that doesn't really make me want to do it sooner. I want to travel too I feel like that might sound selfish.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

It doesn't make you selfish at all, and actually I think a lot of people get caught up in the whole whirlwind of getting married and having babies because that is what you do, or what everyone else is doing. You have to do what is right for you. I have such a strong desire for a child it kills me. DH's isn't as strong, and he would be content waiting longer. We agreed to try after being married for one year, that was our compromise, but it was really like 14 months.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We are in our early 30's and are both just ready. I wanted to start on the HM but DH asked that we start after the New Year. I agreed b/c it was only a few months and thought it was a fair compromise. Everyone is different. I say find a compromise in time and work towards that. GL!

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We always knew we wanted a family but weren't exactly sure when. I wanted to be a sahm and that was also something DH wanted. We knew that we'd have to move out of state if we wanted that to happen - so we did about 10 month after our wedding.

Once we bought our house we knew we needed time to get settled. We talked about time frames but it always got pushed back b/c we weren't ready yet. We wanted to do a lot of things in the house first, get settled and enjoy eachother.

We lived together since I am 20 years old - so almost 6 years - 1 year has been in our home that we own and are not renting (which buying a home and living off 1 salary was a goal we had). When we decided to try we felt that we had a good run of "just us".

We both were on the fence for awhile though - I'd say the entire year since we moved it was something we were thinking about. We waited until we were both pretty certain we'd have no regrets. We actually went on one last vacation this summer b/c we knew it would probably be our last for awhile - so glad we did that.

One thing that was good about us is that we were always on the same page and it never felt like one of us was pushing the issue - we both needed time to get there.

When the want started consuming us we knew we were really ready to try. When it's all we thought about, talked about, daydreamed about. We had things in place and were ready for awhile but we were not emotionally there - it took time for us to be mentally ready. Once we were we went for it and it happened right away. I am still in shock

Sometimes I would think that it's easier to have a surprise because the "planning" for it seems a lot harder! but I am really glad we waited until this point in our lives. I feel ready - and it's a good thing!

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We knew once we had a house we would want to try. so after we were in the house we just said to each other, are we ready? is this really what we want? we ran some numbers to make sure we could financially swing it, and then started trying. we always had a plan as to what we wanted to do before kids and its pretty much done and we both really want kids and talk about it all the time, so for us we know we are ready.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We always knew we wanted no more than 2 - 2.5 years between them so we decided to start trying in July.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

we knew we always wanted..i have a big family with lots of neices and nephews and we just spend as much time as we can with them...we wanted to wait just a bit after we got married and now wish we didnt cause we didnt think we would have this much trouble

Re: How did you decide when to try?

Wanting to travel and enjoy your life is NOT selfish.

1 year ago today, I was snuggled up with DH in a hotel room in London -- starting the best vacation ever.

I needed to do some traveling and enjoy a lot of "us" time. DH knew that once we did Europe, I would be more inclined to have a child. Everyone has their thing that they need to feel/accomplish before they have a baby.

After that trip, I still wasn't "ready" like so many others, but I figured it would take a long time if ever, for us to get pregnant. Docs told me that doing it natural would probably not work out so we didn't use protection for the next year. When it hadn't happened I thought it definitely won't be happening on our own and then POOF! I got the BFP in September.

I have never been one to really do the whole active TTC stuff. For me it had to be a surprise. It's pretty crazy how when you get those two lines or a + sign on an HPT, that you never knew it could be something you wanted so much.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

Today is our two year anniversary..we wanted to be enjoy a cple years married-and we have.

We are financially ready and emotionally ready. And we both want to have a baby.


We had 11 weddings this year and I am in 4 of them with that in mind we decided to enjoy this time childfree and have a last horrah. Once all the weddings are over go for it...

So Decemeber is when we will start TTC

We are nervous. I mean I dont think anyone is every ready for the way their life changes...

It was important that we were on the same page. If DH was ready sooner I would have been, but he has been inching towards it and now he is more siked then scared...

GOOD LUCK

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We wanted to wait two years after the wedding. We wanted to travel more, enjoy each others company and be financially and emotionally ready. We started trying in June of this year and I got pregnant in august so it worked out perfectly for us!

Re: How did you decide when to try?

i wanted to start right away... Shaun was a little less excited about it... but once we actually started he said he was definitely ready...

we never set any parameters for ttc... just that we were going to wait till after the summer was over... i didnt want to chance being due too close to my cousins wedding

Re: How did you decide when to try?

Posted by MrsPJB2007

Wanting to travel and enjoy your life is NOT selfish.

1 year ago today, I was snuggled up with DH in a hotel room in London -- starting the best vacation ever.

I needed to do some traveling and enjoy a lot of "us" time. DH knew that once we did Europe, I would be more inclined to have a child. Everyone has their thing that they need to feel/accomplish before they have a baby.

After that trip, I still wasn't "ready" like so many others, but I figured it would take a long time if ever, for us to get pregnant. Docs told me that doing it natural would probably not work out so we didn't use protection for the next year. When it hadn't happened I thought it definitely won't be happening on our own and then POOF! I got the BFP in September.

I have never been one to really do the whole active TTC stuff. For me it had to be a surprise. It's pretty crazy how when you get those two lines or a + sign on an HPT, that you never knew it could be something you wanted so much.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

My DH said he saw us waiting around 2yrs.... I would have started on the honeymoon! Ultimately, we decided not to attach a time to it and just decide when we are both ready. After we were married for a a little over a year year, my DH said he wanted to start trying soon!

We have been married for 2 1/2yrs now and been trying for a year with infertility treatments and a late pregnancy loss in the mix.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

Wanting to so other things before kids is NOT selfish! I think it is important that both have to be "ready" - not that you are ever really ready , but if you are not there is nothing wrong with that.

For me , I could have waited , DH not so much , he wanted babies right away . We compromised until we bought a home , which was important to me . With number 2, once again , DH was ready months ago, I needed more time . There was no pressure on his part, he knew I did not want 2 under 2 , that I could not handle it so he waited until I was "ready" .

I think both have to be on the same page with TTC , as it really is a life altering decision, even though it was my best decision ever.

ETA: I know someone who felt the "pressure" to have a baby because a lot of her friends were pregnant. I know she always wanted kids, but admitted to the baby fever because everyone else is having babies. JMO , not a reason enough .

Message edited 11/9/2010 11:35:02 AM.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

before we got married we bought a house and that whole process was insane and expensve. once I finally sold my co-op(owned 2 homes at once) we got engaged... it seems like the saving and spending was insane, we were on such a strict budget, never went out, cut back on vacations. We decided we wanted to really relax, destress, have fun the first year we are married without worrying about there being a baby in me, we also wanted that time to get some stuff done in the house. part of me wants to give in and try sooner, but we really want to be in a position where we feel like we can afford day care first!
ETA: we don't want to wait too long as I am 31 now, almost 32 when we start TTC and who knows how long it will take!

Message edited 11/9/2010 10:37:55 AM.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We always wanted kids.. as much as I'm planning now, I have second thoughts. IMO, you can never be ready for a child.. and like Nik211 said, its easier to accept a suprise than plan for one.

But for me, the age factor is also important. I always wanted a child before 30, I know it sounds pretty foolish, but that has been my thinking. So with a couple of years left to 30, and not knowing the road ahead of us, we figured, we will try this coming year.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

We decided that we wanted to be married for about 6months to a year before we started to try.

We had a GREAT relationship, but didnt understand why anyone would want to get PG on their honeymoon. (please note this is NO comment on what everyones choices are. What you do for YOU is the right decision).

We knew we wanted time together to bond as husband and wife and wanted to be able to pick up do things newlyweds do. But making sure we made time for eachother in the beginning was very important. There is stress enough in being newlyweds. We didnt want to add baby on top that at the beginning.

We just decided that its the right time to go ff the pill. We are a little bit older and waiting is not really a choice anymore. BUt we just knew we were ready. We are happy. We are in tune. We have talked about how we are going to raise kids. How we always MUST be on the same page in FRONT of the kid, but can disagree behind closed doors.

How we will back the other parent up even if we disagree.

But we talked about parenting and how we want to raise a child.

And we are pretty financially stable.

But it was our attitude about our MARRAIGE and how we were together that decided. AND that we both felt ready to raise a child.

Hope this helps.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

i was wondering when i would see you on this board (remember me, flowerbride from LIW, we got married the same day and ALMOST used the same coordinator )

anyway after our first anniversary we started talking about it here and there. we realized that our goals of having a house and money before were probably unrealistic for us. i said i was ready, DH not so much. then one day he met me for lunch at work and BAM, he said he was ready !

unfortunately 6 months went by and i didnt get a regular period and I found out i have PCOS. by may of 2010 we were still trying and were successful twice, both of which ended in chemical PG. we eventually had to do IVF. im now 6 weeks pregnant, but it took 18 months to get here!! still, im glad we started when we did, even if i knew how long it would take i dont think i wouldve started any sooner.

DH said he was ready back in May of '09 but I'll be honest, he didnt REALLY seem ready until we got our second BFP and it ended in m/c. he was so upset and really was ready to be pregnant and have a baby. now that we are pregnant again he is SO excited. i know hes ready and i know he'll make a great dad!!

hope your journey is shorter than mine was!!

Re: How did you decide when to try?

In pre-cana we decided that when we got married we would stop preventing.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

I suppose we didn't over analyze it at all. We just knew we wanted to start right after the wedding. The idea was thrown around and we both just agreed.

Neither of us wanted to be "older" parents.

We started trying on the HM.

Re: How did you decide when to try?

although I am not TTC just yet (im a board stalker haha)... i think DH and I are both in agreement to enjoy our alone time together first (we were just married in june) for at least a year. There are also things i want to do before trying --i am taking graduate classes and i know once i have a kid there is no way i'm gonna want to take classes after work until 10pm-- and the earliest i can get done is december 2011.... so if all goes to plan i am thinking maybe of starting september-ish 2011. but i think for everyone its different, they say theres never really a right time to have a baby so if you both want one and are in a good place emotionally then go for it. good luck!