Feeling very down.....

I dont know where to start. DH and I have been fighting so much, and my boys are sick, and waking up every 3 hours now
The thing is I always have Thanksgiving, and it will be the first one without my mom
My dad has been very upset with her mom (grandma) because she hardly visit my mom when she was sick, and told people at the wake she had no idea that she was sick Total lie...she knew...my dad thinks she is feeling guily for not visiting. I always invited them and my aunt and uncle...(my mom's brother).
Now my dad was very hurt and upset with grandma and wsihes not to see her, and said he will come later on to dinner at my house, and I already invited them, and feel bad if I uninvite them.
here is the thing, DH says my dad needs to suck it up and grow up and could care less of he sees my family or my brother again(where we will have issues picking godparents.
DH has also not been helping out with the boys and gets frustrated when I ask him to help me feeding them. I have been all alone for a week and it is rough and cant stop crying
We have talked about separating from each other and he yells at me and says he will raise the boys...I dont know what to do....sorry it is so long.
I just want to cancel Thanksgiving, but all Jay says is what a great first thanksgiving we will give the boys

On top of everything the construction that we are doing upstairs hasnt made a dent. I want my boys to sleep in their rooms. Their rooms are all done and has been, but the bathroom and the master is NOT so I cant walk up and down the stairs at night every 3-4 hours.
This should have been done aover the summer

Message edited 11/19/2006 10:15:52 AM.

Re: Feeling very down.....

I'm so sorry Diane. I wish I had some advice. I really feel badly for your dad too- it's got to be so hard for him having lost your mom so recently. People who are grieving the way you and your dad are really need patience and understanding, especially at this time of year.

Re: Feeling very down.....

Hang in there sweetie. You have a lot of stuff going on in your life right now, it is enough to make anyone crazy. You sound very strong and will get through it. I agree with you about Thanksgiving, I don't think you can uninvite them. It sounds like you really need your DH to help out more, especially at this difficult time in your life. If you explain that to him, will it do any good?

Re: Feeling very down.....

Diane- I have to say things between me and DH were very rough the 1st year.... Its all the stress of having a new baby, plus the holidays, and now you are adding all this family stuff on top of that...

Try to relax - talk with DH about how you feel... maybe go out and get a massage- or just go to the mall and buy yourself a "feel good" outfit...

Just know you are not alone and this is all completly normal It will get easier- I promise...

As far as your family- I dont think you should uninvite anyone- but rather explain to your dad- how stressed you are- and it would really mean alot to you if he just sucked it up, and didnt make things harder on you than it already is...Make sure you tell him you understand why he feels this way- but holidays are meant for family- how would this all make your mom feel?

Re: Feeling very down.....

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time lately, and that your DH isn't being supportive or helpful. You've got a lot going on, its OK to feel overwhelmed, sad and down sometimes.

Try not to worry about everyone else. Just focus on you and the boys. Hang in there.

Re: Feeling very down.....

I would say it's perfectly normal to be feeling down about this year's Thanksgiving and every other first holiday without your mom. I don't think cancelling because of a family rift will make you feel any better - in fact I think you would feel more alone than ever. It sounds like most of your dad & grandmother's grief is causing the rift rather than actual anger. Your grandmother needs to be angry, your dad needs to be angry - they lost a person they loved. So they're taking it out on each other. I'm sure it's the last thing your mother would want for them to be arguing. I would try talking to my dad. Explain that I'm not disinviting anyone - that your mom wouldn't want it that way (if that's the case).

For you & DH - the first year is an extraordinary adjustment to make with one baby. I can only imagine how it is with having two. Many couples struggle through the first year. I think you need to talk to him & have some ground rules...one being not to discuss separating unless it's something he seriously wants. Many times people throw out separating or divorce to up the ante. You know he wasn't serious - he blew it by suggesting that he raise the boys -as if he had a shot at it. If you can get through the struggle of infertility, you can make it through a Thanksgiving....or you can tell him to stop being a dumb azz & cut you some slack because you're grieving too.

Re: Feeling very down.....

I couldn't have said it any better than Barbara. Lots of hugs Diane

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I just wanted to give you some
It's normal to be feeling down, you have been through alot. I wish I had some advice for you.

Re: Feeling very down.....

Hi Diane,

I am sorry you feel like this. My best friend has 9 month old twins and it was rough for her in the beginning. It is so hard if you don't have help. Do you have a friend that could come over and watch them for a while. Also I urge you to find a babysitter you trust and take time out for your relationship. I remember that you and your DH went through so much to get to this point. GL!

Re: Feeling very down.....

I am so sorry your going through this.

Is there anyway DH could me made aware of his lack of helping. HE NEEDS TO HELP. Thats gonna grow and fester into a huge amount of resentment on your part I believe. Maybe another father your close to could talk to him? A BIL or Brother?

Im sorry on top of all this you have family problems due to your moms passing. Its a damn shame, and I wish somehow you can get some peace this Thanksgiving.

Keeping you in my prayers sweetie!

Message edited 11/19/2006 1:09:28 PM.

Re: Feeling very down.....

Hang in there Diane, it has to get easier eventually. I know though, when it rains, it pours.

Re: Feeling very down.....

Diane, Im so sorry youre feeling so down and going through so much

THere are so many things going on, new babies, loss of your mom and then all the family issues. It's totally normal to be overwhelmed with just having a new baby, so I can just imagine everything else that's added to the mix.

Sending you lots of hugs and hoping it all passes very soon.



FM

Message edited 11/19/2006 1:32:47 PM.

Re: Feeling very down.....

I feel like everyone's given you such great advice........I just wanted to add some

this too, shall pass.

Just remember, your mom is always with you and smiling down on you and your beautiful boys!!!

Re: Feeling very down.....

Diane I am so sorry you are going through this. And being sleep deprived doesn't help. The beginning stage of every new parent is hard. But, your husband has to own up to his part of being Daddy. It almost seems like he is trying to pick a fight.
As for Thanksgiving. I think all parties have to act like grown ups. There is no right or wrong & truth be told you can't change the past. I think you should talk to both your Dad & your Grandmother quite frankly. And just say hears the situation. I need a relaxed drama free Thanksgiving. If you feel you can't do that then maybe you should stay home. It sounds cruel but, the boys feed off your feelings & if Momma's not happy babies aren't either. And all this added stress is just not good for you.
Lots of hugs your way!

Re: Feeling very down.....

I'm so sorry Diane.

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Re: Feeling very down.....

I know its hard to deal with ANYTHING with two screaming babies plus outside stress and grievement on top of it - I can only imagine. Can you and DH get away for a night to talk things out - it sounds like you need some alone time and some time to discuss things that you've been feeling.

I hope you feel better soon. I'm sorry Thanksgiving is going to be tough for you!!!!

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I'm so sorry, Diane!!

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I'm so so sorry Diane

Re: Feeling very down.....

Diane- I am so sorry. You have so much on your plate right now, its just not fair. Take one day at a time. The first few montsh with 1 baby are so hard, I cant even imagine two. Do you have someone who can watch the boys for a night and you and DH can go out for some quiet time, its sounds like you really need each other right now.

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Try to stay strong for your boys and have a talk with DH, things will get better, you are still adjusting to so many changes in your life

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Just wanted to send you some