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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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family feeding LO dilemma
This past weekend DD celebrated her 1st bday. There was the typical party food and DD was being past to family member after family member. I fed her some of the food there and i found out that my other family was also feeding her too. What I am not sure. No one asked me. So the next day we had fathers day brunch and after the Eggs etc we had dessert foods. Cookies more cake, and fruit. My aunt is eating a cookie and naturally DD wants some too and she complies. It took me a minute to realize what was happening. So i realized how do I handle this. I dont give anything to DD that is sugar, no junk I mean and I dont give her juice either. It took me a week to get DD to eat plain cherrios after my SIL gave her the apple cinnamon ones. DD kept trying to lick off the coating of the plain ones and then spit them out.
How do you handle the family?? Do you tell them dont give DC any junk food ? What if they dont listen to you?
tia
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Posted 6/21/13 10:52 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
I would talk to them and explain that your DC has yet to experience all different foods and you need to know what she is eating in case of allergies. You also do not plan to introduce her to sweets at this point in time and would appreciate it if they would refrain from giving your child sweets including apple juice. As for me, I had to swat my own mom's hand away from my son at 4 months old when she almost gave him frosting. He was EBF and had no solids at that point. I yelled at her at a party. My mom was upset with me and yelled at me, well everyone at the party started to defend me and tell her she was 100% wrong. So yeah BTDT.
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| Posted 6/21/13 11:26 PM |
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
This is why I don't want to leave my DD for a second at her birthday party. No one should be feeding your child food without your consent. That is just how I feel personally. Some people might not care but I am going to try and be strict with that. Reading your story brought me to tears because I have no idea how I'd handle it if that happened to me. I guess talk to the people who you know gave her food and emphasize that you don't want it to happen again.
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| Posted 6/21/13 11:29 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
I dealt with this a lot and I would matter-of-factly say "She doesn't eat that" and make sure they didn't give it to her. I got plenty of eye rolls and annoyed people but I didn't care. She's my child and I put my foot down.
Not quite the same but at a family bbq I had a distant middle-aged male relative of DH's trying to feed DD (who was a little over 1 at the time) the pasta salad he was eating off his own fork. I about lost it. I couldn't get us away from him fast enough. Why would a grown man (who I barely know) think I want my baby eating off the fork that he had in his own mouth!? Blech!
edit for typo
Message edited 6/22/2013 9:10:48 AM.
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| Posted 6/22/13 9:09 AM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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family feeding LO dilemma
Ugh, I am totally with you about this. These are major, major issues for me.
#1. several people in both our families have herpes. And while neither DH and I do, 1 in 3 people have it. I am trying my best to keep them herpes free. The first time you get the virus can come with a very high fever and mono like symptoms. And of course it is forever and highly contagious. Statistically most people get the virus before 10 years of age.
#2. People forget the ages that babies have certain things. It feels like everyone is in a RUSH to introduce things to them.
#3. A family friend of ours 3 year old son died in disney land when he choked on a hot dog.
#4. anyone feeding my babies food off their fork besides me and DH is just plain disgusting.
So I have huge problems with this. I started out trying to be polite about it but people forget or don't think it is a big deal.
My MIL is the absolute worse. She has said and done so much crap with me and my SIL. She drives us CRAZY. For example she was feeding my babies apple sauce way back when and the spoon had a lot of sauce on it. So she used her tongue to lick the spoon clean (all up and down the whole spoon) and then continued to feed my children. Soooo gross.
When my SIL's babies were really young she asked SIL if she could give her baby macaroni salad (who at this time just started stage 1 foods) and SIL said no. As soon as SIL's back was turned she fed it to the baby anyway. She did the same thing with cake icing.
Ever since my family friends son died I have been so affected by it that I am obsessive. I am VERY careful about what size bites my twins food is. They are 2 and one of them likes to stuff her mouth with big handfuls. The other one takes big bites. The point is I know how they eat and what to give them. Well we are at my in laws for dinner and I specifically said I would feed them myself because I am careful of what I feed them and because one of them had recently choked and it scared me senseless. Anyway so of course one of my DD's wants to sit with grandma. So she was in the middle of us. And I repeatedly had to say please stop offering her your food (pasta salad and chicken). Not only was the fork in her herpes ridden mouth and germ ridden fork, it's big choke-able chucks of chicken! MIL has been drinking and continues to ignore me. Everyone at the table is engrossed with conversation and doesn't see this quiet drama unfolding. Then she says what she always says "well I raised two boys and they're alive ain't they" To which I said "it's amazing they are. A lot has changed in the 43 years since you've raised a baby and the bottom line is they are MY children!" She doesn't even remember any of this.
Then just two weeks ago we are at my nieces b-day party. it's the end of the day and there were a bunch of people at this party. I notice she is giving my girls filled up sippy cups. I ask her where she got the water and she said from inside (tap water, bad enough especially considering there is filtered water in the fridge) then I ask her where she got the ice. She said the cooler. I said you put the dirty ice from the cooler that everyone in this party put their dirty hands that they have been eating with and the dirty cans and bottles floating in there in my babies sippy cups? That is disgusting, they can't have that. I went over took the sippys inside and changed them. She was a offended.
Meanwhile later on we are in the car and I said to DH I am sorry if I hurt your moms feelings but that was really gross. He said, yeah that is so disgusting. (DH and I are very much on the same page with the choking and germs stuff). So I said why didn't you back me up? He said because it was his mom. I said well you're father now and it's more important that you look after your children. You could be polite and tell her yet again to ASK US what they can and can't have.
During that same party BIL was making hot dogs and I said I wanted one for the twins. (I don't have junk food and sugar issues, I have choking and germ issues) My SIL gasps and says "you give them hotdogs!?!?" and I said "yes, I don't give them a WHOLE uncut hotdog (I slice it the long way twice and then cut into 1/4" pieces) I cut it up really small. And NO ONE BUT ME IS EVER EVER allowed to give it to them!" Some people rolled their eyes, some people laughed because I basically threatened the whole party. But I don't really care who takes offense. They are mine. I sold my soul to bring them into the world and I am going to do everything in my power to keep them safe for as long as I can.
Message edited 6/22/2013 10:19:08 AM.
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| Posted 6/22/13 10:15 AM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
Message edited 6/22/2013 10:26:03 PM.
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| Posted 6/22/13 10:45 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
I just say "The doctor said he can't have that yet". And then I'll supplement it with a totally made up statement like "He said that babies shouldn't be introduced to gluten/chocolate/fill in the blank until 2". LOL For some reason, I find anyway, when people hear that, they take it as authoritative and immediately stop. I call it "blame the doctor" game and then I don't look like a neurotic.
ETA: That's not limited to food either. The "doctor" has also said DS shouldn't play in a sand box until 2, go to a petting zoo, etc. My only problem is going to be when he actually turns 2. Then I'm screwed.
Message edited 6/22/2013 11:59:44 AM.
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| Posted 6/22/13 11:58 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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family feeding LO dilemma
Honestly if it is the rare occasion such as parties I just let it go.
I know you don't give your DD sweets but the fight it would cause in my family is just not worth it for the now and then.
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| Posted 6/22/13 12:32 PM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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family feeding LO dilemma
LOL we did the "blame the Dr." with MIL about our girls because they were premature and were on medical formula. But once they got older, yeah it became a free for all.
Message edited 6/22/2013 1:49:34 PM.
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| Posted 6/22/13 1:49 PM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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family feeding LO dilemma
and sorry for the crazy long rant. That's a really touchy subject with me and since I went on bedrest at 24 weeks I basically lost all my friends since none of them have young children and work FT, DH works 6 days a week and is out of the house 16 hours a day. I can't do much with my twins because they are really active and won't stay with me or in their stroller. The only "people" I talk to every day is here on LIF and facebook. I tried making friends and having play dates but all of them have fallen thru or canceled. :o(
Message edited 6/22/2013 2:00:38 PM.
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| Posted 6/22/13 1:59 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
At one I cared and tried to limit what others gave them. By 2 I realized parties are special occasions and didn't care.
The only thing I try to monitor is choking hazards. I also stick to my rule of if you don't eat your dinner not special treats.
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| Posted 6/22/13 9:31 PM |
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Strawberry2468
It's summatime
Member since 3/09 4739 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
If its something that has been allergy tested (like eggs in a cookie) then I wouldnt mind as much since it's not an all the time thing. If they were feeding off their fork than EWW! I woundnt feed my kids off my own fork and I sure as helll don't want to eat off someones elses.
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| Posted 6/22/13 10:40 PM |
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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
Herpes!! OMG I never thought of that off the fork or spoon but never saw it happen other than me and LO. thanks for the advice
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| Posted 6/22/13 11:00 PM |
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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
Herpes!! OMG I never thought of that off the fork or spoon but never saw it happen other than me and LO. thanks for the advice
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| Posted 6/22/13 11:00 PM |
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
Posted by Traysee
and sorry for the crazy long rant. That's a really touchy subject with me and since I went on bedrest at 24 weeks I basically lost all my friends since none of them have young children and work FT, DH works 6 days a week and is out of the house 16 hours a day. I can't do much with my twins because they are really active and won't stay with me or in their stroller. The only "people" I talk to every day is here on LIF and facebook. I tried making friends and having play dates but all of them have fallen thru or canceled. :o(
Stick with it. There are good people out there but it's not as easy to find common ground when you have kids, etc.
As for the herpes, are you referring to people who feed your child from their own forks and knives? I am very paranoid about it but most feeding won't spread it. Still, one thing that disgusts me is when I see someone who is not a parent blow on a kid's food to cool it off. There's saliva in that air!!!!
Last weekend I was at a street festival. I saw a young toddler there eating ice cream with a spoon. At one point the little girl was playing and she scraped her spoon against the ground. Her father was annoyed at her for that so he told her she was done and he threw the spoon and the ice cream in the garbage. The mom came over and said, "it's fine. Let her eat it. I'll lick off the spoon for her." And she fished it out of the garbage & that is what she did. There was soda and beer leaking out of the garbage can where she had scraped the spoon. I won't even think about the fact that this was on a road where cars travel and leak (a road closed for festival). Uggggh. They were right near booths that had new spoons!!!!!
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| Posted 6/23/13 12:39 AM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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family feeding LO dilemma
Ewe LOL. I read somewhere that the bacteria in our adult mouths is what introduces bacteria into our babies mouths. That putting spoons, paci's, bottles etc. in our mouths to "clean" them is what causes dental issues like cavities. That doesnt stop me from sharing food with my babies but I sure as hell don't want someone else's bacteria in their mouth.
The thing about herpes is that sometimes it's above your lip where you everyone can see it, but it can also be on the inside of the lip or inside your mouth or throat where you don't even realize it's there. It starts out as blisters which then burst and spread the virus via saliva into a break in the skin or cut in the mouth.
It's also not common knowledge that you can contract the virus in any mucus membrane (like eyes and nose). And you can get it from someone who doesn't know they are having an outbreak. Because statistically you contract it before 10 years of age (children who are not kissing eachother or sexually active) the virus has to be passing into a break in the children skin (cuts, mucus membranes, split lips etc). Some get it from their parents during birth, some people and children are just carriers and non symptomatic but not all of them are.
I don't want to sound like a germaphobic because I am not but the herpes virus can be very bad during first exposure and the initial outbreak. And again... it's forever. :o( In 10th grade my BFF in high school contracted genital herpes from a boy at school and it psychologically destroyed her. Someone spray painted she had it on a wall right outside the school. She was tortured by everyone in school. She was suicidal. I was always so paranoid about getting it from her so I did a lot of research on it.
Message edited 6/23/2013 9:30:37 AM.
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| Posted 6/23/13 9:29 AM |
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
If the kid isn't allergic, I would never care.
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| Posted 6/23/13 9:56 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
Posted by Traysee
Ewe LOL. I read somewhere that the bacteria in our adult mouths is what introduces bacteria into our babies mouths. That putting spoons, paci's, bottles etc. in our mouths to "clean" them is what causes dental issues like cavities. That doesnt stop me from sharing food with my babies but I sure as hell don't want someone else's bacteria in their mouth.
The thing about herpes is that sometimes it's above your lip where you everyone can see it, but it can also be on the inside of the lip or inside your mouth or throat where you don't even realize it's there. It starts out as blisters which then burst and spread the virus via saliva into a break in the skin or cut in the mouth.
It's also not common knowledge that you can contract the virus in any mucus membrane (like eyes and nose). And you can get it from someone who doesn't know they are having an outbreak. Because statistically you contract it before 10 years of age (children who are not kissing eachother or sexually active) the virus has to be passing into a break in the children skin (cuts, mucus membranes, split lips etc). Some get it from their parents during birth, some people and children are just carriers and non symptomatic but not all of them are.
I don't want to sound like a germaphobic because I am not but the herpes virus can be very bad during first exposure and the initial outbreak. And again... it's forever. :o( In 10th grade my BFF in high school contracted genital herpes from a boy at school and it psychologically destroyed her. Someone spray painted she had it on a wall right outside the school. She was tortured by everyone in school. She was suicidal. I was always so paranoid about getting it from her so I did a lot of research on it.
I totally get what you are saying and I am Herpes crazy too bc neither my husband nor I have it and I do NOT want my kids getting it from a relative who does have it. However, I did also read a study recently that said that babies who's moms clean their pacifiers by sticking it in their own mouths had more antibodies and were less likely to get sick! I would never ever let anyone other than myself do this but knowing that I am herpes and germ free I see no problem with that!
As for the food thing, I find it so annoying that certain people are always trying to introduce new foods to my kids. WHY? Why do they care so much? I just never understood the appeal? are they afraid that I am not feeding them a diverse enough diet? I like to let them try things at my own pace. But my funniest moment was when a relative came up to me and said "I found a GREAT snack for xxx (who was 2 at the time)... TWINKIES!" Seriously? twinkies????
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| Posted 6/23/13 10:12 AM |
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Traysee
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 652 total posts
Name:
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family feeding LO dilemma
yeah I kinda remember hearing the antibodies thing. I guess it's the choice... cavities and dental "bad" bacteria vs. antibodies. Maybe another option for formula fed babies that don't get antibodies from breast milk?
Yeah my MIL (back to her always), always shows up with some sort of food that I wouldn't give them like it's the best thing. Rock hard dollar store no name brand animal crackers, dollar store off brand synthetic sweetner filled gelatin. She is from the TV dinner, everything from a can or package generation.
Message edited 6/23/2013 10:46:43 AM.
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| Posted 6/23/13 10:45 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
Posted by Straightarrow
If the kid isn't allergic, I would never care.
Agreed. And I don't even think about herpes.
If this is something you're really concerned about, it's going to be very hard to leave the house!!
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| Posted 6/23/13 4:32 PM |
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Melmel821
Love being a mom!
Member since 5/08 2776 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: family feeding LO dilemma
At DDs baptism party I did give her some frosting off her cake and for her 1st bday I do plan to let her have a cupcake. I don't give her sweets or juice. So maybe people were thinking because it was her birthday it would be okay for that day. As for feeding her from their utensils... EW! Totally agree. People really should check with the parents. Many people are limiting what their children have to prevent allergies or childhood obesity. You are allowed to parent as you want and you obviously are looking out for DCs well being so you just need to let people know this.
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| Posted 6/23/13 5:24 PM |
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