Does your husband...

Help with overnights when you were on maternity leave? DH will help with midnigh but then just tells me he prefers to sleep when I woke him up for the 3:30.... gee a-hole so do I but someone's gotta care for them! and 2 babies to feed and change twins takes over an hour and then the cycle starts all over again. Where's my break?! As soon as he walks in that door tonight he can deal with both. When I go back to work I'll have to get up too!!! Sorry for the vent I'm just so resentful and bitter he gets to leave and I'm stuck with them all day and then I'm on my own for the middle of the night. I feel like just leaving and being like not my problem

Does your husband...

I pretty much was the only one to get up with my DS for TWO years. He was EBF and would not calm down for my DH - that's how I got stuck with doing the night wakings. My DH helped when it was a particularly rough night. For the first 6 months of my DS' life I averaged 3 hours of disjointed sleep a night. I was literally a zombie once I went back to work.

Re: Does your husband...

When I was off, I did the overnights during the week, and he did the overnights on the weekends. When I went back it was both...But, I only had one kid...2 kids and we would have had to take turns...My 3 best friends all have twins and thats what they do or did.

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No, I was EBFing so I was the one doing the overnights. However, he'd take over during the witching hour and until he went to sleep so I could get my longest stretch of sleep before dealing with the overnight feedings.

Re: Does your husband...

Does your husband...

My DH never helped with overnight feedings- my dd was EBF and would not calm down for DH so I ended up doing all overnight feedings. On a few occasions when dd had terrible reflux DH got up to help me clean up after she threw up all over both of us.
My DH has his own business and did not take one day off when dd was born. I was alone most days and overnights- DH would take dd when he got home from work and he often would cook dinner once it was time for her feeding. On the weekend days my DH was home I would sleep in as much as possible. I also tried to sleep every chance I could- my standards for a clean house took a huge hit the first few months after my dd was born but my choice was sleep or clean so I slept.
Do yoI have a friend or family member that can help you? My mom started company by to help me one day a week when my dd was a month old- it helped so much- it also gave me the option to get out of the house a little bit once a week.
Hang in there it gets better.

Does your husband...

No I was the only one up in the middle of the night, but if I had twins I would absolutely have DH help me out, or I would get a night nurse.
Also- is there anyone you can have to help with the twins for like an hour just so you can get a break? Like to go do your nails or even just to go to the store alone? I think that would work wonders for you. Please don't get offended, it just sounds like you're under a lot of stress and can use a break. Sending you a virtual hug.

Does your husband...

I didn't have twins, but my husband used to do the feedings up to midnight and I would go to bed early. Then I would do the rest of the overnight feedings while he slept. You have to get into a new schedule with him. He has to help. It was hard with just one and I felt like a zombie the first few weeks. I can't imagine with twins.

Message edited 2/3/2017 7:43:48 AM.

Does your husband...

On maternity leave I did 98% of the night feedings unless it was an awful day and I needed my DH to step in. This was only with one baby. With twins I can't imagine how hard it is. Time to have a convo with DH about his new reality. You can't do everything on your own day AND night. I also agree with a previous poster, and I mean no offense too that you sound like you need a break. (And I dont blame you!! it is exhausting work) but please take some time for yourself.

ETA: I have 2 kids now, and they both often wake up at night (I have the worlds shittiest sleepers) and I still do the majority of the night stuff.

One morning my DH had the audacity to yawn a few times when he came out of the bedroom (after a full nights sleep mind you) and I told him if he yawned again I would cut out his tongue..

Ask for help, or even demand it. Men can be so clueless.

Message edited 2/3/2017 8:13:18 AM.

Re: Does your husband...

DH worked nights- so I was alone most of the time (unless my mom slept over)

On his days/nights off though we would sleep in shifts- I would take 10 pm to around 2 am- he would stay in the living room with DD

Then I'd wake up and go in the livingroom with her and he'd go to the bedroom and sleep from 2 am to 6 am

If I was lucky DD would sleep a bit during my shift and I'd doze on the couch. But to be honest she was up like every hour or 2 screaming.

It was bad.

Sleeping in shifts like that was the only way either of us would get a few hours of sleep.

Re: Does your husband...

Re: Does your husband...

I hear ya! I felt like I was being punished when I was on maternity leave. Lol. DH would usually do the last night feeding-like 11ish and I would try to sleep. But after that I was on my own. I specifically remember one bad night, they were both screaming at 3:30 and I was begging him to help me and he said he couldn't physically, he was afraid he would drop one he was sooo tired. I think I called him every curse word out there. He must've been tired because he slept through all of it. Lights on, screaming and all.


When I went back to work, I told him it was both of us on duty. It was a little better because they slept a little longer (not much), but he did pitch in then.

Re: Does your husband...

During matenity leave the deal was I would do it since he had to get up but lots of the time if he was up (he goes to bed late sometimes) he would do it.
Once I went back to work we siwtched every other night.

I only had one not sure how I would feel if I had two if I would expect more.

Once he got home though he took over caring for them.

Does your husband...

On the weekends and occasionally during the week. I'm a sahm now and we take turns doing overnights because our 17 month old doesn't sttn and is in our bed, which sucks.

Does your husband...

Yes. He took weekends and the one day per week he worked from home. So 3 nights for him, 4 for me. When I went back to work we alternated nights.

Once she started sleeping through the night we each got up with her one day on weekends so the other could sleep in. We still do it on weekends we don't have anything to do in the mornings. It's nice to have an extra hour to lounge in bed on a Saturday morning!

Does your husband...

nope, all me.

Re: Does your husband...

When I was on maternity leave I did the overnights. Once I went back to work we alternated nights getting up.

Re: Does your husband...

Re: Does your husband...

Not really. DH was working and so I felt he should sleep so he would be well rested for work. But if I had twins? Then yes, you can bet his butt would have been out of bed helping me!

Does your husband...

Once in awhile but that was my choice as dh works with dangerous equipment and if he's tired her can get hurt. I did have to help a couple of nights when I was loosing my mind.

Does your husband...

With the twins, yes my husband got up with me even while I was on maternity leave. We each fed and changed a baby. So neither of us really got a break but feedings went quicker. Are you waking them to eat or letting them wake you when they are hungry? Because my twins were preemies and came home at just under 5lbs our ped wanted them fed every hour. I said eff that noise and fed them every 2 hours until they hit about 6 lbs and then I let them tell me when they were hungry. They would go 3-4 hours at a time and by the time they hit 8 lbs they were sleeping about 5 or 6 hrs a night before the next feeding. With my singleton we took turns for the middle of the night feedings and changes.

Does your husband...

No, because we bed shared and I nursed so there was no getting up and obviously he couldn't nurse her. I think this is more relevant for formula fed babies or moms who pump.

Does your husband...

Thanks for all the responses. DH has no problem getting up for the midnight feedings. My one twin also has a tendency to stay up 12-3 which he sometimes takes on. Last night they were both good so when they woke up again at 3:30 ish, I asked him to get up and he wanted to sleep. I got so angry he wound up having to get up anyway when one twin puked and the other I was still feeding. My mom has been off with me since I had them and comes for a few hours a day but she's heading back to work next week.

Re: Does your husband...

Does your husband...

I EBF so it was rare that DH would assist with night feedings, but if it was a particularly bad night he would get up and help. He also went back to work the day I got home from the hospital, so I was by myself from day one. He did, however, usually wake up early and take DD after her 5:00 am feeding, so I could go back to sleep until he went to work.