Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

My son is just about 21 months now. So, he's pretty darn young but I do like to try and treat him in a mature way, I'll admit. But I think his teacher at daycare is going a little far -- like he's six years old or something. At daycare his teacher is very Type-A, which I like as I'm similar. She wants all the kids to march perfect in line and act right and if they are playing with a watering can, they are to be mocking watering flowers. That is "appropriate play".

They have a mock kitchen set... and they have pots and pans (plastic, fake ones) and my son likes to take the lids of the pots and pans and, almost like a street performer lol, make the lids spin and I have to admit, he's pretty flipping good at it -- he makes them spin one by one, in a row and he'll get three spinning at once and he kind of looks for people to notice and he looks at them like, not half bad huh?? I am waiting for him to turn his hat upside down and request spare change for his entertainment services

I get asked outside by the teacher the other day, to be "spoken to" about how Julian is not "playing appropriately" with the kitchen set because he is spinning the lids instead of pretend cooking with the pots and pans. This is at daycare, during open play, where all the kids can go around the room, pull out toys and play. But I figured it was play however you want as long as you aren't doing anything dangerous to yourself or others...

Not, if you have a truck you MUST be pretending that you are driving it down the road never anything like turning it over to spin the wheels and see how cool that looks. KWIM??

She then followed it up with an email to myself and Julian's father that we need to work on his ability to engage in "appropriate play". She said, "he just wants to spin the lids". I thought to myself, "yes, it is kind of like cause and effect which is the number one thing at this age - they love that stuff. I put the lid down and do THIS and it spins".

Is this normal??

Do you get like, reports on your child's behavior at daycare? I mean, aside from "Julian fell today by accident but he's OK".


--- Updated with teacher's email a few posts down ---


--Another Update--

I held off on going to the director.

I let the teacher know I spoke with my pediatrician to make sure that his "lack of pretending to play with kitchen stuff" was alright and not a cause for concern. My ped is great, she has a mobile number you can call her on and chat about whatever you are thinking. She actually shared with me a story about her daughter and daycare. Her daughter was about that age and the daycare said she needs to work on her "coping skills" because when she didn't get her way from time to time she had a tantrum. HAHA. Telling a toddler that they need to cope vs. having a tantrum! So I had to laugh. She said a lot of these places are like that.

We had a long discussion about what he is doing -- how, with his toy lawnmower, he pushes it and "mows" and goes "vrooooom" and pretends to put the gas in it... And how with his blocks he stacks them all the way up and then tears the wall he built down... How he takes the cordless phone or my cell and puts it up to his ear and goes HELLOOOOO lolol... That kind of stuff. So, she was like he is appropriately playing with tons of stuff -- he just likes to spin those lids and back when he was in the other room, he used to get applause and attention for doing that from the other teacher... She would encourage his little "performance". So, I think that is why he is doing it sometimes -- to try and get people to give him a little attention.

So, I went to the teacher and discussed all of this and it was a really nice convo.

It still makes me chuckle though!

Message edited 5/27/2015 10:05:39 AM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

All I have to say to that is "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by Eireann

All I have to say to that is "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by Eireann

All I have to say to that is "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by Eireann

All I have to say to that is "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

Message edited 5/26/2015 2:34:19 PM.

Daycare and

I would speak to the director. Your child is 21 months old and is discovering how things move. He has no idea that a pot lid is for pots and can only be used to pretend play kitchen. Are you kidding me? My daughter is 4 and just started using her kitchen as a pretend kitchen. Before that all the items in her pretend kitchen were played with however she wanted.

I could understand if he was taking the lids and banging them on his head or classmates head but spinning them, really? She is a little over the top.

Appropriate play is making sure all the kids are playing nicely and not hurting each other or themselves.

Message edited 5/26/2015 2:43:06 PM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Omg! Please remove your son from this daycare. What is this woman's qualifications? She knows nothing about child development and how to foster creativity.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by ThreeforTea

Posted by Eireann

All I have to say to that is "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

I know seriously......that is ridiculous!

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Message edited 5/26/2015 3:21:18 PM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by DaniJude

Posted by SecretTTCer

Omg! Please remove your son from this daycare. What is this woman's qualifications? She knows nothing about child development and how to foster creativity.

She does have tons of qualifications and education - it's like, wow! She's just *unique*

/QUOTE]

She proves that regardless of how 'qualified' she is or how much education she has, it will never replace the FACT that she is a f-ing moron.

I would pull him out of that class ASAP and think about the place you are sending your DS. Any director who allows their educators to even question something like this is not up to par in my books.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by Eireann

All I have to say to that is "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by DaniJude

Posted by ThreeforTea

Posted by nraboni

Appropriate play is making sure all the kids are playing nicely and not hurting each other or themselves.

yep..that's what I would think means appropriate play.

Yeah and she prefaced it by being like, I wanted to take a minute and go over with you a little about Julian's "progress". I'm like, progress?? To me, progress is taking a nap, eating his food, and not shittting through his diaper. That's great progress to me! Successful day

She followed it up with this email......

Hello Danielle and (his dad's name),

This morning I had some time to chat and Danielle and I spoke about some things. After Danielle and I discussed Julian's progress this morning I just wanted to set my comments into an email so you both were involved in the discussion. I know you are both working together towards Julian's best interests. (we are divorced so this means we are co-parenting and want to be included in all daycare-related communication)

Since Julian has entered the XXXX Room he has grown so much. He came to us just walking and beginning to eat toddler foods. He now jets across the room and loves our lunchtime menu :) He is a happy silly boy and vying for the Best Dressed toddler award, I must say.

I am working with Julian on his play skills. He loves to toss the toys and watch them spin and wobble especially the pots and pan lids from the kitchen set, and the sensory walking disks. I would like to see him play with the pan lids in the kitchen area and am working with him on playing pretend cooking. The sensory disks are for walking on. They have different textures and are meant to be used as stepping stones. Sometimes we take off shoes and walk across them. The kids love it.

This morning one of the assistants was playing puzzles with Julian. Though he began by just banging the pieces on the table, he soon began to place the pieces, with guidance, into the correct spaces. It was a great interaction to watch and he seemed genuinely proud of himself.

Julian is adorable and fun to work with. We enjoy having him here at the daycare. Feel free to email me anytime.

Regards,
XXX

Message edited 5/26/2015 3:46:45 PM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

yeah it's funny because in the next breath she'll almost remind herself that he is 20 months old... granted he LOOKS like he is four but still, he's NOT.

And ironic because the reason I chose the facility is because they are all about individuality and whatnot -- so I think they just have one person among them who is more rigid and old school...

i'll speak to the director. i'm pretty sure this is not a "big" deal because it's not like she is reprimanding him but more wanting so badly for him to pretend and play that way -- and she GENUINELY feels awful if he doesn't want to do an art project. I'm like, it's OK if he doesn't fingerpaint and she feels bad all the other kids have a masterpiece to bring home and he doesn't. It's like her heart is in the right place but I'm like, just take a chill lol.

So yeah I'll prob just run by the director that she doesn't need to worry so much.

Message edited 5/26/2015 4:03:37 PM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Posted by Eireann

All I have to say to that is "Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

Message edited 5/26/2015 4:36:29 PM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

wow! That definitely surprises me! I've worked as a head teacher in 2 & 3 yr old rooms in daycares and that never crossed my mind to report back to parents about. lmao. As long as it's nothing dangerous or inappropriate then it's free play and time to be creative. Heck, my DD used to take her cars when she was that age and tuck them into little doll house beds. I never thought it was weird that she made these vehicles into her 'babies', I just figured that was how she chose to play with them. And I'd be very turned off had she gone to daycare and a teacher had the nerve to act as though that was 'wrong'. If it were me, I'd press for more details. I'd want to know WHY that kind of creative and free play is not acceptable. I mean, if he were banging on them like drums and she didn't like that he was causing damage or making too much noise, then I guess I can see that.

ETA - just read updates. That letter she had written was very professional and loving to your son. However, it's very odd to focus on that of all things. I can see going to the director on it, but honestly, I would just go straight to her. I wouldn't want that kind of negativity created between us after having gone to her boss to potentially get her reprimanded. If it were me, I'd just respond with honesty and let her know how you feel about creative play and that you'd rather he just learn these things at his own pace. The only way I'd ever go over a teacher's head to her boss would be if she were treating or disciplining my child in a way (or for reasons) I felt was unacceptable. For something like this, I don't think the director needs to get involved. It's not worth making things uncomfortable between you and her. I've seen many times in daycares teachers (probably unintentionally) straying away from children who's parents they don't get along with. I've never seen them mistreat kids, but they just tend not to give them as much one-on-one attention like they do to the kids who's parents are not causing problems. I wouldn't want to risk that negativity, especially at a school you like with a teacher who you think is well qualified. I think just being honest with her is the way to go. (and of course a talk with the director if these kind of 'corrections' continue). Just my humble opinion.

Message edited 5/26/2015 4:47:19 PM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

So this may be bad, but my attitude about ANYTHING that happens at daycare since she was 8 weeks old (short of, of course, behavior issues, hitting and biting other kids etc) is this- I am paying you guys a SHIT ton of money.
A SHIT ton.
So don't come to me with BS.
I don't even go to these BS "parent teacher conferences" She was 2 years old and they were trying to set that up. Like I have time for that. I work full time. Which is why I pay you guys a grand a month for 3 days a week to watch my kid.
Period. End of story.
If my kid wants to bang toy pot lids, for the grand a month I am paying you, she better well be allowed to bang every damn pot lid in the class .

If they don't like it- too effing bad.

I'm not paying you to evaluate my child. I'm paying you to watch them.

Ridiculous.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Im a teacher and i dont see anything wrong with that for his age. Tell her to she can take her appropriate play and shove it he is acting appropriate for his ag.

Eta i read the email i thought it was just aboutnthe lids.
I think i would only be concerned if he wasnt playing appropriately with any toys. Seems like in the email he needs more modeling of how specific toys are played with. I wouldnt be too upset just encourage him to also play with the toys how they are meant to be played with.

My 2 year old plays ninja turtles appropriately but he also has an almost 5 yr old to model off of lol

Message edited 5/27/2015 7:11:19 AM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

I'd be honest with teacher before going to director.

The email doesn't read too bad, but when I read your first post I was shocked ! Babies definitely need free play at that age.

I'm wondering if the teacher is required to give some sort of report and didn't know what to say?

Daycare and

Is this a Montessori or is she a Montessori teacher??

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

My thought on the matter is if a teacher wants to teach a child to play with materials in context, The teacher should provide that child with the correct materials to practice the preferred skill. So instead of encouraging the child to stop spinning pan lids, The teacher should provide the child with items acceptable for spinning.

Message edited 5/27/2015 6:40:07 AM.

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

Re: Daycare and "Report Cards" Question

I am confused as to why everyone is jumping down the teacher's throat. I actually didn't think her email was too bad. Is it possible that she is concerned about his play skills? Is he able to be redirected to play appropriately with the pots and pans rather than just spin them? By 21 months, there should be some appropriate play with toys. My 12 month old takes the fork and puts it in his mouth and pretends to eat. He does throw the toys now and then, but he still imitates real play with the kitchen stuff. Could that be what she is concerned about and maybe worded wrong? I personally would be concerned if at 21 months, my child was not engaging in pretend play with objects and was just spinning objects. Not that I am saying your child doesn't though! JMO but I would sit down with the teacher and clarify it better!