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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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Advice for parents caught in the act?
My gfriend tells me her son walked in on her and DH in the act. His response was "c'mon really guys" and goes into his room,door closed. She has no idea how long he was there or what he saw. But now he doesn't want her to touch or kiss him.
She asked me for advice and I'm at a loss what to tell this 8 yr old. Any advice?
Message edited 12/13/2013 12:12:42 PM.
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Posted 12/13/13 12:09 PM  |
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AScottWolf
I <3 our squish!
Member since 11/10 2237 total posts
Name:
Adriana
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Unfortunately, I'm 99% sure that the 8yr old knows waaay more about sex then the parents think he does.
I can understand the kid being a little standoff-ish for awhile.
I'd put the ball in his court and say something like, "I know you saw your dad and I doing 'adult things'(i'm not 100% sure how I'd word it.) I wanted to let you know that it's ok if you have any strange feelings or questions about anything it's ok to talk to us."
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| Posted 12/13/13 1:20 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by AScottWolf
Unfortunately, I'm 99% sure that the 8yr old knows waaay more about sex then the parents think he does.
I can understand the kid being a little standoff-ish for awhile.
I'd put the ball in his court and say something like, "I know you saw your dad and I doing 'adult things'(i'm not 100% sure how I'd word it.) I wanted to let you know that it's ok if you have any strange feelings or questions about anything it's ok to talk to us."
Yup. Now is the time to start having "the talk" - age appropriately - and answer his questions.
Now is also a good time to invest in a lock for their bedroom door...
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| Posted 12/13/13 1:23 PM |
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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
We'll I forgot to say this is the step dad that he saw. I don't know if that makes it different
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| Posted 12/13/13 3:24 PM |
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Mere09
So Dam* Lucky
Member since 10/08 6368 total posts
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
YIKES!! A memory he'll probably carry with him for the rest of his life.....
Unfortunate situation for everyone, that's for sure.
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| Posted 12/13/13 3:28 PM |
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Millie3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
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| Posted 12/13/13 4:08 PM |
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WannaBeAMom11
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 7391 total posts
Name:
Name
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by Millie3
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
Really?! Irresponsible? It's sex and not everyone has a lock on their bedroom door. I wouldn't even think to lock my door. The kid is probably embarrassed but he'll get over it. I walked in on my parents and though it was horribly embarrassing for all of us it didn't scar me for life.
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| Posted 12/13/13 9:15 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15660 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by Millie3
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
I agree...how hard is it to lock the door?
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| Posted 12/13/13 9:43 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Millie3
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
I agree...how hard is it to lock the door?
sorry, I agree too! An 8 yr old is likely to walk in with a question. Lock the door.
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| Posted 12/13/13 11:29 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Millie3
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
I agree...how hard is it to lock the door?
sorry, I agree too! An 8 yr old is likely to walk in with a question. Lock the door.
Well he won't do that anymore now will he
I remember telling my daughter, one of these days you may walk in on something embarrassing to all of us. Always knock. She didn't always knock. We just got lucky. Because things can happen quickly and we don't always think to jump and lock a door. At least I didn't.
No real advice to the OP. I guess they just have to give him time to come around.
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| Posted 12/13/13 11:52 PM |
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Millie3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by WannaBeAMom11
Posted by Millie3
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
Really?! Irresponsible? It's sex and not everyone has a lock on their bedroom door. I wouldn't even think to lock my door. The kid is probably embarrassed but he'll get over it. I walked in on my parents and though it was horribly embarrassing for all of us it didn't scar me for life.
Who doesn't have a lock?! If you have kids ( and a step parent makes it even worse) you should have a lock on your door. You walked in on your parents and never thought to lock your door? 
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| Posted 12/14/13 12:49 AM |
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
We bought an old house and none of the doors, even the bathroom, have locks...and we can't just replace doorknobs bc we tried, but the doors are old and the hole in the door isnt the right size for the avg doorknob w/ a lock. We're ok w/ this for now bc DD is only 2, and I don't have to worry about her locking herself in any rooms. We will eventually get new doors w/ locks.
However, I think that as unfortunate as it is, this will be a good lesson for the kid to not barge into closed doors w/o knocking...and also a good opportunity to have "the talk." He needs to know that his parents/ mother weren't doing anything WRONG, and that he saw something that married couples do. I can understand him being grossed out, but to not want to hug or touch his mom is a bit extreme and I think warrants a discussion about this ASAP. Maybe the mom could contact a professional for advice? The pediatrician maybe?
Message edited 12/14/2013 1:21:13 AM.
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| Posted 12/14/13 1:19 AM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Advice for parents caught in the act?
I am pretty sure the OP was asking for advice on what she can tell her friend, not for her friend to be bashed and called irresponsible. What's done is done and that isn't really helping anyone.
Also, not really sure why it being a stepdad makes it oh so much worse? My stepdad was a second father to me and it really wouldn't have been any more traumatic to see him with my mom than my birth father.
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| Posted 12/14/13 7:52 AM |
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readyfor3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/10 751 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by BargainMama
Posted by Millie3
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
I agree...how hard is it to lock the door?
sorry, I agree too! An 8 yr old is likely to walk in with a question. Lock the door.
I have to agree with everyone else. It is pretty irresponsible to not take the 2 seconds to lock the door and save everyone from embarrassment.
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| Posted 12/14/13 7:53 AM |
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readyfor3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/10 751 total posts
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by hopingforbaby
Also, not really sure why it being a stepdad makes it oh so much worse? My stepdad was a second father to me and it really wouldn't have been any more traumatic to see him with my mom than my birth father.
Not knowing the details of the story it's hard to tell the relationship of the boy and his step father but generally speaking I would say many kids with step parents (myself included) would find this situation more disturbing than if it were a biological parent.
As for advice for the OP, I think the damage is done. There is probably not much she can say to her son at this point but hopefully it will blow over and with time everyone will forget the whole thing.
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| Posted 12/14/13 7:59 AM |
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by Millie3
Posted by WannaBeAMom11
Posted by Millie3
Ewww lock the door, what is wrong with people? And for some reason, it's much worse that it is a step dad involved. Very irresponsible IMO.
Really?! Irresponsible? It's sex and not everyone has a lock on their bedroom door. I wouldn't even think to lock my door. The kid is probably embarrassed but he'll get over it. I walked in on my parents and though it was horribly embarrassing for all of us it didn't scar me for life.
Who doesn't have a lock?! If you have kids ( and a step parent makes it even worse) you should have a lock on your door. You walked in on your parents and never thought to lock your door?
I don't. I don't even have a door (just a curtain) but this isn't my situation.
I think it was an accident, chill out.
Secondly, I agree with the poster that said the OP wasn't looking to have her friend bashed, so again, chill. No need to be judgmental. I am sure they weren't using whips and chains or anything.
I think that the step-parent factor isn't a big deal, I also think the 8 year old will get over it. I agree with talking to him, about sex and about not walking into rooms. Gotta learn the facts of life sometime
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| Posted 12/14/13 8:08 AM |
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
"Irresponsible" for not locking the door??? Come on guys! I cannot even have locks in my home right now as DD has locked herself in and out of rooms repeatedly.
He is probably embarrassed. I agree it's time for the talk. After some time he'll be over it.
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| Posted 12/14/13 9:15 AM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9924 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
I agree with an above poster. I would talk with the son and tell him that adults do adult things and that while it maybe embarrasing to see, there it is normal. Then jump into a birds and bees discussion.
I do not think it is any worse because it is a stepdad and for the record my bedroom door does not have a lock on it
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| Posted 12/14/13 9:44 AM |
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MandJZ
Time for Baby #2!
Member since 8/10 4194 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Geez. Maybe I'm really liberal about sex but irresponsible? Hardly. And for the record we don't have locks on any single door in the old house we recently bought. As a child, I accidentally locked myself in rooms numerous times - I don't think having locks is an absolute must have.
Is this embarrassing for the child AND the adults? Sure. Is it the end of the world, not even a little bit.
To the OP - your friend can sit down with her son and say "I'm really sorry that you saw a private act between me and step-dad and it made you uncomfortable. But this is something adults do when they are in a committed, loving relationship like he and I are. Let's talk about how we can make sure something uncomfortable doesn't happen again, and what we can all do to make sure you feel comfortable here at all times."
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| Posted 12/14/13 10:44 AM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by MandJZ
Geez. Maybe I'm really liberal about sex but irresponsible? Hardly. And for the record we don't have locks on any single door in the old house we recently bought. As a child, I accidentally locked myself in rooms numerous times - I don't think having locks is an absolute must have.
Is this embarrassing for the child AND the adults? Sure. Is it the end of the world, not even a little bit.
To the OP - your friend can sit down with her son and say "I'm really sorry that you saw a private act between me and step-dad and it made you uncomfortable. But this is something adults do when they are in a committed, loving relationship like he and I are. Let's talk about how we can make sure something uncomfortable doesn't happen again, and what we can all do to make sure you feel comfortable here at all times."
Is it an embarassing and sucky situation? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Absolutely not. ANd I'd be just as horrified/embarrassed if I walked in on my parents DTD as I would be if I walked in on my dad and SM DTD.
Message edited 12/14/2013 12:00:26 PM.
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| Posted 12/14/13 11:58 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by MandJZ
Geez. Maybe I'm really liberal about sex but irresponsible? Hardly. And for the record we don't have locks on any single door in the old house we recently bought. As a child, I accidentally locked myself in rooms numerous times - I don't think having locks is an absolute must have.
Is this embarrassing for the child AND the adults? Sure. Is it the end of the world, not even a little bit.
To the OP - your friend can sit down with her son and say "I'm really sorry that you saw a private act between me and step-dad and it made you uncomfortable. But this is something adults do when they are in a committed, loving relationship like he and I are. Let's talk about how we can make sure something uncomfortable doesn't happen again, and what we can all do to make sure you feel comfortable here at all times."
We are parents not saints, sometimes the heat of the moment strikes and we forget to lock the door, give me a break with the judgement 
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| Posted 12/14/13 12:09 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
ITA. People need to calm down with the sanctimommy stuff. I agree with the above OP. I would sit down and have a convo with the child. Bottom line is that they were not the first and sure as hell won't be the last. If locks are not an option I would also take the opportunity to explain that adults need their privacy sometimes and the rule should always be knock before entering.
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| Posted 12/14/13 12:20 PM |
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Irresponsible?
It wasn't like they were banging on the kitchen counter in the middle of the day while the kid was in the other room watching TV. 
This is my biggest fear and I have no idea what I would say. I would probably be honest, explain we were caught having sex, which is somehting grownups do. And leave it at that
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| Posted 12/14/13 12:40 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
ETS: Beautifully written MandJZ
Posted by jellybean78
I would also take the opportunity to explain that adults need their privacy sometimes and the rule should always be knock before entering.
Exactly. And there will be a time when the son will want his privacy and want his mother to knock before she enters
Message edited 12/14/2013 12:41:19 PM.
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| Posted 12/14/13 12:40 PM |
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Re: Advice for parents caught in the act?
Posted by MsSissy
ETS: Beautifully written MandJZ
Posted by jellybean78
I would also take the opportunity to explain that adults need their privacy sometimes and the rule should always be knock before entering.
Exactly. And there will be a time when the son will want his privacy and want his mother to knock before she enters
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| Posted 12/14/13 1:03 PM |
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