At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

I feel terrible even posting this. I don't know how to deal with DD anymore. Its to the point where Im beginning to dread being home with her. I used to rush home from work, to see her and spend as much time as possible, but i find myself not even wanting to, it's so sad.. I dont want to feel like this.  

 She Has always been high maintenance, never just a go with the flow type baby since birth. She's now 18 mos and a TYRANT! The last 6-8 weeks have been so bad. The screaming, shrieking, demanding, meltdowns are getting so much worse. Now she is hitting and last week she bit me so hard she nearly broke the skin and left me with a huge bruise. Every 30 sec she wants something else. Whether I oblige or not, she still has a breakdown. 

I've asked daycare about her behavior, and they said she is a dream-always pleasant and happy, eats and plays well and naps 2 hours. 
I take her to the park, to pool, we play outside, we watch her favorite show-it's not good enough, she still goes insane.. We can barely put her in her carseat. The stroller is OUT of the question. Forget about running an errand to Target or the mall, that turns into a battle too. I'm at a loss. I've been doing time outs if she hits etc. At this rate, she'd be in time out all day long. 

I'm at my wits end. We are so patient with her, I don't know why she is acting like this. I guess it's an early start to the Terrible Two's? It's not like she's frustrated because she can't express what she wants. She is scary smart, speaks in 3-4 word sentences, counts to 15, sings songs, and understands everything. I'm really reconsidering TTC next year because of this.
Please give me some advice on how to handle my little hellion!!

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

Oh BOY do I remember this stage; I could have written your post. In fact, I think I did

My first and probably most important piece of advice is to let yourself off the hook - you are not a bad person or bad mother because you simply don't enjoy this phase, kwim? It sucks. That doesn't mean you don't love her with every ounce of your being.

I feel like the behavioral stuff at this age is so challenging (plus my DS had a speech delay which made it so much worse). But it's not too soon to start introducing time outs for the REALLY egregious behavior (stuff like hitting/biting). Even if she doesn't get it, and doesn't cooperate, start putting her in a time out corner (very very briefly, 1-2 minutes), and you just TUNE HER OUT during that time. It'll take a while for her to get it so don't get frustrated. She'll make the connection that when she's acting out she'll lose mommy's attention/play time/ etc. I wish I had started them at 18 months they would've helped so much, mine was closer to 2 when I got serious about them.

The other thing that probably helped THE MOST was the suggestion that I praise the good stuff more - hard to do when there were some days I really had to work to FIND something good hahaha but my DS like many others responded so much better to that. So make the effort to find SOMETHING to praise every day, and that itself will be encouraging to her.

Just hang in there, really. It does get better, then it gets worse , then it gets better again

Oh also one last thing - you and DH - UNITED FRONT kwim? You have to both be consistent for anything to work, this is no time to start playing good cop/bad cop. Trust me on that

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

I feel your pain!

DD is now 2, but at around that age, she started acting up too and being a total tyrant. We couldn't go anywhere, but she was perfectly fine and a total dream at daycare.

From everything I've heard, it's perfectly normal. Their at an age where they are really trying to express themselves and trying to assert their independence and truly testing boundaries. It's HARD!

Currently, DD is still a hellion but a more independent one. We fight about going to sleep, taking a bath and getting dressed. She'll throw tantrums. I had instilled time-outs at around 18 months and really started talking to her about her behavior - sometimes she got it, sometimes she didn't but she knew there were reprecussions. I also pick and choose battles because sometimes it's not worth it. I also try not to take her shopping with me if I can help it because it's simply easier.

I have no real solutions for you other than this too shall pass.

Take a deep breath and take some time out for yourself as well.

At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

HI I feel your pain! I have a 18 month old DS and went thru the same thing last month- here is what I did and I have to say he totally turned around- he started hitting and pinching my DH and I. As soon as he started doing that I would give him 2 warnings- go to his level look him in the eye and say we dont HIT if you do that again you are going in your crib- of course he kept on doing it so I followed thru and put him in his crib with no toys and left- came back in one min and said we dont hit- are you sorry? Then I said make nice to mommy ( which means a hug and a kiss) which he would do and then I would tell him how much I love him and what a good boy he was. This went on for two weeks- all of a sudden he just got it. Now if he hits or acts out and I say something ( sometimes I dont even have to say it he just knows) he immediatly comes over and hugs me. Its like he is trained!! LOL we were at adventure last weekend and he was sharing a ride with a little boy and I saw him push him- I said Jack in that voice and he immediatly hugged the boy and patted his head ( so cute). Also at daycare they said they noticed a change in him- if he does something bad he corrects himself and hugs the kid or teacher he was mean too. This took two weeks of me and my DH always following thru on putting him in the crib and repeating the same thing. As the pp stated I always make a huge deal of anything he does that is postive- hugs, kisses and praise for all good behavior. I think he got it- that good behavior comes with a much better reaction. Its not easy I felt bad or maybe that he was too young to be in a time out ( my mom said he is so young he doesnt know better etc...) but I knew that he knew what he was doing so I stayed on course- and it was worth it. Give it a try. Good luck and it will get better this is just a rough stage :)

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

hi i am right there with you. I could have written this same exact post. DD is great at daycare and anyone else but me!!

NO real advice but i try to ignore the melt downs, put her in time out for hitting and when she is trying to communicate and cant i try to talk calmly to her though it doesnt alway work

to you and i pray that we both get out of this stage quickly

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

We have had some rough patches too.

The best advice I can give is be consistent and with repetition she will get it. It is alot of work in the begining but it pays off in the end.

If you give in to her tantrums once she's a smart little girl and she will learn if she acts that way she gets her way.

I agree with the pp too positive praise. We do high fives, hugs and kisses when they are playing nice, doing good listening etc. and they love it!

Hang in there...don't beat yourself up! Toddlers can be tough!

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

On the bright side, she is not giving the daycare any trouble. I would be more concerned if she were acting this way while there. Intentional ignorning is one of the best cures for tantrums. It takes a strong will and lots of patience on your part but it's very effective. Time out is good for aggressive behavior (only a few minutes for her age) and should be in a "boring" spot in the house away from all toys and entertainment. If she tantrums in public, leave wherever you are immediately. Scoop her up and GO! As for the constant demanding, don't give in to her every whim. She might tantrum but she will learn that doesn't get her what she wants and it will eventually stop.

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

Thanks so much for all the suggestions. I am going to really try all of your tips over the next few weeks and see if it helps

Re: At my wits end with 18m DD behavior. Need advice

also ... (giving DS a bath reminding me of this) lay out the rules before you do anything, make her responsible for something, so that she has a focus, give her a job. Smart toddlers need this.


When we go shopping, I either let him hold the store basket or get a little basket for him, he can help me find the items we need and help me look for them. Look for colors, shapes, letters, etc. Things at her level. Ask here which aisle she thinks things are, etc.